by Zoe Matthews
“Shall we say grace first?” she suggested.
He quickly pulled his hand back to his lap and nodded. He admitted to himself that it had been a long time since he wanted to thank God about anything. He did feel grateful. As much as Lizzie irritated him, he was grateful she had been willing to stay with Jess while he was gone. He was grateful for the food she had taught Jess how to prepare. He was grateful that she had been able to clean up the house that he had spent so many hours building.
He bowed his head and felt Jess’s hand slide into his own. He looked up again and noticed that Jess was also holding Lizzie’s hand. Her other hand was resting on the table near him and he put his other hand into hers, almost without thinking. The contact of their hands brought on a small tingle that surprised him. His eyes shot to Lizzie and he saw her eyes widen as if she had felt the same. He quickly bowed his head again.
“Our Father in Heaven, we thank thee for the food we are about to eat. Thank you for providing your protection to Jess and Miss Carter while I was gone. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”
“Amen,” Lizzie echoed as she quickly removed her hand from his. She met his gaze again then looked away and reached for the bowl of carrots. “Jessica has told me what your favorite foods are and I did my best to teach her how to prepare what you like to eat.”
“I see you went to the general store for meat,” he commented as he took a bite of the beef. It had been cooked to perfection and was so tender it almost melted in his mouth.
Lizzie had an alarmed look on her face.” Jessica said that was where you bought your meat, but maybe I shouldn’t have…”
Austin shook his head and interrupted her. “Jess is right. I have made arrangements with Mrs. Clements. Jess can buy any supplies she needs and I always settle the account at the end of the month. “
“That’s good, because Jessica really wanted to make a good meal for you to welcome you home,” Lizzie confessed.
Austin grinned at Jess. “Are you getting tired of my cooking?”
“Pa, you just open up cans,” Jess giggled.
For some reason Austin felt embarrassed. “You have never complained.”
Jess continued to giggle. “That’s because I’m usually hungry.”
“The carrots look good. Did you purchase those at the store, too?” he asked.
“We found them and the potatoes in the garden,” Jess explained as she ate a forkful of carrots.
He looked up in surprise. “I totally forgot about the garden. Remember Jess? We planted it last spring, but I got so busy with the rest of the farm, I forgot to take care of the vegetables.”
Lizzie nodded. “There are actually more carrots and potatoes than you might think. There might be enough for a few more meals.”
Austin filed his plate twice before he finally pushed it away with satisfaction. “That was a mighty fine meal,” he looked at Jess and then at Lizzie. “Thank you for preparing it. It was a nice surprise.”
Jess smiled at his praise. “Miss Carter taught me how to make some other meals.”
“Jessica is old enough to prepare some simple meals. I am sure what she can fix will be better than canned goods. I would be happy to continue to teach her if you would like,” Lizzie offered.
Austin started to shake his head automatically. He was so used to handling everything himself, it was second nature for him to refuse any type of help. Sometimes it was better to just handle things on his own. But in the few hours since he had returned, he had to admit he liked having a clean house and a good meal to come home to after a hard day’s work in the fields. Maybe Jess was old enough to start handling some of the house cleaning and cooking.
“He turned to his daughter. “Would you like to keep learning how to cook, Jess?”
“Oh, yes, Pa,” Jess said as she clapped her hands in excitement.
Austin knew that Jess not only wanted to learn new skills, but she also wanted to keep spending time with Miss Carter. Part of him really wanted to tell Lizzie thanks, but no thanks. But he knew that if he said that, Jess would be very disappointed. He looked at Lizzie. “It looks like Jess wants to keep learning.”
Chapter 6
Austin agreed that Lizzie would walk home with Jess after school two times a week. Lizzie would have been happy to come to their home every day, but Austin was insistent that they not take advantage of her time. He didn’t want her to neglect her teaching job and the other children.
He only made one request. “I only agree to this plan if you promise to not interfere in my teaching Jess to be tough.”
Lizzie quietly agreed, but she also had a plan to show him that a girl, or a woman for that matter, can handle living in this mountain land but still be what God made her to be. She wanted Austin to accept Jessica as a girl that God had created, while helping the child learn how to take care of a home.
She told herself their arrangement had nothing to do with a growing desire to be around Austin and to get to know him better. After all, he barely showed tolerance for her and he continually made comments that he didn’t think she would stay once the first snow fell. She was helping Jessica and that was the only thing that mattered.
The Saturday after their agreement, Lizzie had spent the afternoon showing Jessica how to make a vegetable stew. When dinner time arrived Austin didn’t come in, and after waiting for almost 30 minutes, Lizzie was starting to feel concerned.
“Sometimes Pa doesn’t come in at the normal time,” Jessica explained when Lizzie finally asked her. “It means he has to finish up a job.”
The child spoke as if she wasn’t concerned, as if this happened all the time.
“How often does this happen?” Lizzie knew it was probably normal for Jessica to be alone out of necessity sometimes, but she was starting to have visions of Jessica wandering the farmland after dark, looking for her father and becoming lost.
“Not often, just sometimes.”
Lizzie decided they should start to eat and she did her best to not show concern. She tried to take her cue from Jessica, but she couldn’t help the feeling of dread that came over her. Even though Austin had been firm that Lizzie leave after dinner was over, she made up her mind to stay until Austin came.
As they ate, she tried to keep her own childhood memories in the back of her mind, but they pushed themselves forward. She remembered being alone with Debbie. It was dark. Papa was gone. Her older brother, Owen, was gone. They had been gone a long time. She couldn’t remember if Papa had said they were coming back. She could hear Papa tell her, “Your Mama is never coming back.” Why? What had happened to Mama? Would Papa leave her and Debbie too, just like Mama had?
She remembered that she had huddled in a corner of the kitchen with her arms around Debbie, doing her best to be brave, certain they had been abandoned. Then the door opened and Owen came in. “Lizzie, Debbie,” he called. He found them in the corner. He picked them up and held them on his lap. “We had to go to work on the Smith farm, remember? I told you we’d be home after dark.”
Then Papa had come in and witnessed the scene. “It’s too bad they aren’t boys. Then they could go with us.”
“It doesn’t matter that they are girls,” Owen told their father. “I am taking them with me tomorrow.”
Pa shrugged as if he didn’t care. “It doesn’t matter much to me. I don’t have time to babysit them anyway. I just hope Mr. Smith doesn’t mind.”
Lizzie looked up as she heard the sound of boots stomping on the porch through her memories. Austin had returned.
“Pa’s back!” Jessica jumped from the table to look out the window. “See, he always comes back.” Jessica’s voice showed confidence in her father’s words.
For the first time, Lizzie admitted to herself, perhaps Austin is right. Perhaps it is good to teach Jessica to be strong, even when she is alone.
Later that evening, after the dishes were done, Austin insisted on walking Lizzie back to Hannah’s house.
“It’s not really necessary,
” Lizzie protested. “I will be fine.” She didn’t want to take Austin away from any time he might spend with Jessica. For some reason, it also made her heart soften towards him, that he cared about her safety. She wasn’t ready for those type of thoughts towards him. “I’m used to the walk and it’s not far.”
“It’s my fault you have to walk home in the dark,” he insisted. The three of them put on their coats and started towards Hannah’s home.
“Miss Carter was worried about you, Pa, because you were late,” Jessica informed him and then started to skip ahead of them.
Austin swung his head towards her. “You were worried about me? Why?”
Lizzie hesitated. How much did she want him to know about her past? “I just remember what it was like to be alone in a house after dark.”
Austin looked surprised at her words. He glanced at his daughter. “Jess isn’t afraid of the dark.” His voice sounded proud of her.
Jessica nodded her agreement at her father’s words. “I am afraid of some things, but not of the dark.”
Lizzie knew that Austin was not like her own father and she again admitted this to herself. She could tell he loved Jessica. He was raising her the best he knew how. She might not agree with some of his methods, but she could tell he loved his daughter very much.
Lizzie could see that Jessica had stopped ahead of them and had bent down to look at the ground.
“Did you find something?” Austin asked her as they walked to her side.
“Look, Pa. It’s a puppy.”
Jessica scooped up the small dog and Lizzie could instantly see that it was too small to be on its own. It was whining and crying and its eyes were barely opened.
“It’s lost, Pa.” Jessica cuddled the small puppy to her chest. “I bet it’s hungry.”
“It’s too small, Jess,” Austin told her. “It probably won’t survive. Give it to me and I will take care of it.”
“No!” Jessica told her father firmly.
Lizzie could tell that Jessica knew exactly what her pa meant when he said that he would take care of it. “I will feed it and care for it. It will live. Maybe when it grows up it will be a good farm dog.”
Lizzie could see that Austin wanted to argue and insist on “taking care of it.” Obviously, Jessica could also tell. “Tell him, Miss Carter. Don’t you think I can take care of it?”
Lizzie didn’t want to come in between father and daughter, but she felt she needed to voice her opinion. “It is small, but it could grow up to be a nice dog to have around. I have noticed that you don’t have a dog on the farm. I think all farms should have at least one guard dog.”
She held her breath when it appeared Austin was thinking about Jessica’s request. He finally nodded.
“All right, you may keep it and see if you can keep it alive, but I don’t want a lot of moaning and crying if it dies.”
“It won’t die,” Jessica told her father firmly. “And I don’t cry.” She turned from Austin and held out the puppy to Lizzie. “Do you want to hold it?”
Lizzie hesitated and then reached out and took the puppy. It was so small, she could almost hold it in one hand. “It’s very cute. Look at its markings. Brown all over, with tips of white on its feet and ears. What are you going to name it?” She gave the small puppy back to Jessica.
“I wouldn’t name it, yet. See if it lives first before you get attached to it.” Austin warned.
“I am going to name it Brownie,” Jessica announced, ignoring her father’s words, and he groaned. Jessica ran ahead of them with the dog cuddled in her arms.
Lizzie tried not to laugh at his frustration, but Austin noticed. “You won’t think this is funny when she comes to school on Monday sad that it died.”
“She is familiar with death, Austin. After all, her mother died.”
Austin was quiet for a moment and she wished she could take back her words. What if Jessica had heard them? She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed the child had ran far enough ahead that she couldn’t have heard her words.
“I’m not sure she remembers much about her mother. She never talks about her.”
“She remembers,” Lizzie told him quietly.
“Did she talk to you?” Austin asked.
“She only told me that she was starting to forget her.”
“She needs to forget. It’s useless to hold onto the past,” Austin told her with a growl.
Lizzie stopped walking. “Austin, she will never forget. And if she does, it will hurt her more than if she remembers.”
“How do you know that?” Austin demanded in a harsh voice.
“I know from experience. My mother died when I was a small child. I have very few memories of her. I can’t remember what she looked like, how she talked. I can’t even remember when she held me, although I do remember her holding my younger sister.” Her voice cracked as she spoke her words.
Austin touched her arm. “I’m sorry. I sometimes tend to forget that everyone has experienced some loss in their lives.” He pulled his hand away and they kept walking.
Lizzie wanted to rub her arm where he touched her. There was that tingling sensation again. It confused her how she reacted to a simple touch from him.
Austin called out to Jessica to wait for them. The three of them walked in silence the rest of the way to Hannah’s house. Soon Lizzie was in her room after waving goodbye to Austin and Jessica. As she readied herself for bed, she promised herself that she needed to keep up the boundaries that she had created. She couldn’t let herself feel close to anyone, especially Austin. It would only create heartache. He didn’t even believe she was strong enough to stick out the entire year of teaching. He was teaching his daughter to be tough. She needed to be tough, too.
Chapter 7
A few days later it was Sunday and Jess let Austin know that she wanted to go to church.
“It’s not Christmas for a few more months,” he teased her, but he hoped she would change her mind. He only went to church twice a year, Christmas and Easter.
“I know, but Miss Carter took me while you were gone, and I liked it,” Jess told him.
Austin couldn’t think of a good reason to not go, so he agreed. “I’m caught up on chores. I guess we can go today.”
Jess disappeared into her bedroom and reappeared a few minutes later wearing a dress.
Austin wanted to tell her to immediately take it off. Why would she put on a dress? He didn’t think God cared much what a person wore to church. “Where did you get that dress?”
Grandma gave it to me for my birthday, remember?”
He faintly remembered a package arriving from Ivy’s parents last spring, but he didn’t remember there being a dress in it. He looked at Jess carefully and noticed she had done her best to brush her hair and had tied it back with a ribbon.
He suddenly knew he needed to stop Lizzie from coming around. A few days ago he had come in from working and saw a jar full of wild flowers decorating the kitchen table. Lizzie had encouraged him to allow Jess to keep the puppy which had woken them both up twice the night before to eat. And now he realized Lizzie was teaching Jess how to act and dress like a girl.
He kept his opinions to himself. “We need to go. I hope you can ride a horse in that dress.”
“I can,” Jess assured him and sure enough, she had no problem getting up behind him on his horse. At the church she just as easily jumped to the ground. Jess had run ahead of him while he tied his horse to a post, so when he went inside the church, she had already chosen seats for them, right beside Lizzie.
When he slid into the pew, Lizzie smiled at him, but immediately turned her attention to Jess. He quickly took in Lizzie’s appearance. She had on a fancy bonnet that had no practical use except to be pretty. Her dress was light blue with lace on the collar and tiny buttons. What she wore today was not practical for a farmer’s wife. But who was asking her to be his wife? Certainly, not him.
She looked at him again and he could read a softness in her
brown eyes. She wasn’t fit to be a farmer’s wife, but at the moment he wished she was. The reverend started the service with a hymn and Austin turned his attention to the front of the small church. He made an instant decision that she no longer needed to come out to the farm to teach Jess. He figured she had learned enough.
But the sermon the reverend gave changed his mind. The reverend talked about God’s love for all people and that He was always there for people who needed guidance in their lives. What if it was God’s direction that Lizzie had come into their lives? To help Jess learn some skills he couldn’t teach her?