She shook her head. "Both will matter far more than you realize. I've lived with these difficulties for two years. You have not."
Frustration overwhelming him, he muttered a curse and pushed to a standing position. "This is not over. We will talk again tomorrow." He left the room, slamming the door on his way out.
Moments later, he entered his bedchamber, closed the door, and tossed aside his sporran.
Hell. He wanted to strike something. Never had he been so vexed with someone he loved this much. 'Twas like last time, when his fiancée had rejected him, except this time was far worse. He was profoundly in love with Kristina, but that did not seem to matter to her.
All of her arguments were valid points, but not one of them would prevent him from marrying her if only she would agree to it. He wanted to take care of her.
How could she tell him she loved him in the midst of rejecting him? He shook his head.
'Twas her own beliefs about herself that stopped her. Her own doubts and fears that she could never measure up.
***
Colin spent a fitful night in his guest bedchamber, and it seemed he had only dropped off to sleep for a few minutes when a knock sounded at his door. Holding his plaid before him, he arose and answered it.
Neacal waited there, looking pale and morose.
"What is it?" Colin asked.
"A messenger arrived from Rhodie. Your father has been shot with an arrow."
Shock, like a lightning bolt, struck him. Was he having a nightmare? "In truth? Does he live?"
"Aye, but he is very ill."
Rage replaced the shock. "Who did this?"
"The messenger did not ken. While they were on the road, an arrow flew out of the wood and struck your da in the lower abdomen. No culprit has been found yet."
"Good God." Dark fear for his father's life consuming him, Colin yanked a shirt on over his head, then belted his plaid into place. "I must go home."
"Of course. I'll go with you and help you find the assassin."
"Nay. I wouldn't hear of it. You only got married yesterday. And I'll have almost a dozen Camerons riding with me. I'll send word in a few days if I need your help." He sheathed his weapons, grabbed the rest of his belongings and strode toward the door. "Tell Kristina I'm sorry I had to leave without saying good-bye."
"I will."
She would not wish to see him anyway. He'd planned to make another appeal for her hand this morn. But what good would it do? She would only reject him. Gloom dogged his steps as he descended the stairs and left the keep.
Neacal accompanied him to the bailey, where the Camerons were already saddling their horses.
"Where is the messenger?" Colin asked.
"There. Tosh Cameron." Neacal motioned to him.
Colin's distant cousin wore a worried scowl as he strode toward them.
"What happened? Is Da in a bad state?"
"Aye, he was shot here." Tosh pressed a hand to the side of his lower abdomen.
"Do you have any inkling who did it?"
"Nay. The chief was riding out with his bodyguards, as he always does. An arrow flew from the wood by the road. The bodyguards quickly brought him back inside the walls, then chased the culprit. They found hoof tracks and a few broken twigs, but not much else."
"Did they follow?"
"Aye. They followed the tracks to the road, where they could not tell in which direction they had gone because of the many tracks from other traffic. They split up and rode in both directions but came up with naught."
"Damnation. How could the bastard have disappeared so easily?" Rage blazed along his veins. "We'll be leaving in a matter of minutes."
"Take the men you brought for the Bearach garrison," Neacal said.
"Nay. I have plenty of men, both here and at Rhodie. I wouldn't want to leave Bearach vulnerable." Especially with Kristina here. He wanted her well protected.
"Be sure to send word of how your father is within a few days," Neacal said. "If you need help, I'll bring most of my men and leave a few guards here."
"I thank you." Colin gave him a warrior handshake. Neacal was so like a brother to him, he felt as close to him as he did his real brother, Bryce. "You're a good man. Please take care of the ladies."
"I will. And I pray your father recovers with all haste."
***
Kristina had not been able to sleep after Colin had left her chamber the night before. She'd lain in bed awake for hours, crying, castigating herself. How could she do this to Colin, the most caring and compassionate man she'd ever met? How could she do this to herself?
Her heart was breaking by her own hand, she knew. Still, she loved Colin too much to be selfish. If he did marry her, he would soon regret it, especially when he realized she could do very little. His father or his clan might even force him to either get an annulment or give up his inheritance. She couldn't do that to him. Marriage was not taken lightly amongst members of the upper class. Very rarely were love matches to be had.
Someone knocked on the door, startling her from the turbulent thoughts. Who could that be? She'd already sent two maids away, one who had poked and puttered about, annoying her to no end. She did not want to arise, nor did she wish to break her fast. Being near Colin would be torture. Could it be him knocking? She wanted to be with him so badly, but she couldn't. She felt as if her soul was ripping in two.
The knock sounded again, louder this time.
"Who is it?" she called.
The door opened. "'Tis me. Anna."
She was glad, for she did not want to argue with Colin again. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in seclusion with your new husband."
"I have bad news." Anna's voice was so serious it sent a flash of fear through Kristina.
She sat up. "What is it?"
"A messenger arrived early this morn with news that Colin's father has been shot with an arrow. Colin hastened back home to see how his da is."
"Och. Nay!" For a moment, it was as if 'twas her own father she was hearing about. "Was it a battle?"
"More like an assassination attempt. An arrow flew from the wood and the culprit was not found."
"Good heavens." Her heart was breaking for Colin. "I pray his father recovers."
"As do I."
"Colin did not even say good-bye." But why would he after her rejection? He probably never wanted to speak to her again. Tears pricked her eyes.
Anna took her hand and squeezed it. "There was no time. He had to hurry. He asked Neacal to tell you he was sorry to leave without saying good-bye."
Bless him. He had actually thought of her. A tear trailed down her cheek, and she wiped it away. "His father is in poor condition, then?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Colin must be incredibly worried. He's close to his father."
"'Tis true," Anna said. "There is something else I wish to speak to you about."
"Aye?"
"Did something happen that I should know about?" Anna sat down on Kristina's bed by her hip.
Surely she could not know about the intimacy she and Colin had shared. Had he told Neacal or someone? "What are you talking about?"
Anna sighed. "Very well. I'll just say it. This morn, the maid found a bloody smock beside your bed. Since I haven't seen any cuts on you, I have to assume one of two things. Either it isn't yours or you lost your virginity."
Good heavens, she'd completely forgotten about the smock Colin had removed from her last night. She lay down and placed a hand against her stomach. "'Tis my courses, and it is rather heavy this month. My belly pains me terribly. That's why I'm still abed."
Anna was silent for a long moment. Did she believe the lie? Kristina had to admit she rarely lied and was probably terrible at it.
"I asked the maid about this," Anna went on. "She said you did not ask for any cloths to absorb the flow, and that the bleeding has apparently stopped."
The maid did uncover her while she was half asleep, urging her to get up and break her f
ast. Yanking the covers up again, Kristina had told her she planned to sleep in.
"My courses are always brief," Kristina said.
"One night? If only we could all be so lucky."
"Indeed, I am lucky."
"I don't believe you."
Kristina blew out an annoyed breath. "Very well, then," she snapped. "If you must know… I did share an amazing experience with Colin. But I didn't want anyone to find out."
Anna gasped. "Even me?"
"You won't approve."
"I'm not judging you, sister." Anna took her hand. "I but want to help you. Was it your choice?"
"Of course. I knew I might never get to experience passion if it wasn't with Colin."
"Do you love him?" Anna asked softly.
Certainly she did, but did everyone need to know this? She shrugged, bitterness converging upon her. "What does it matter? I have no illusions about love and marriage. I know I cannot marry a future chief."
"Why not?"
"Anna, in case you haven't noticed, I'm blind and hideously scarred. Can you imagine someone of prominence taking me to meet his father, a chief, and his mother? He would be a laughingstock." Disappointment tightened Kristina's throat.
"You're talking nonsense. Your vision has naught to do with your suitability in being a wife. Nor does your scar, of course."
"As you already know, I'm a burden to anyone I live with."
"You are not. I love you, wee sister. I want you by my side always, but if you can find happiness with Colin, I will wish you well. You have so much love to give."
Kristina could not imagine how she would perform all the necessary duties. Having been blind for two years, she well knew what she couldn't do now that she could previously. "How would I…?"
"What?"
"If we had children, how would I care for them?"
"That's easy," Anna said gently. "Nursemaids and servants."
"How would I manage a castle?"
"A steward. A housekeeper."
"In other words, I would have to shirk all my duties and let other people do them. Don't you see, Anna? I feel unworthy of Colin. He is exceptional, tall, handsome, capable, respected and admired. I don't wish to bring him down. I don't want people to question his sanity in marrying someone like me."
"They wouldn't. Once they get to know you, the whole clan will adore you just as I do. You are strong, bright, intelligent, caring and compassionate."
Tears burned Kristina's eyes, and she shook her head. "You are too kind."
"Neacal says Colin is smitten with you."
Kristina truly felt he was, but that didn't make things easier. "Colin asked me to marry him," she confessed, her heart breaking anew.
"Good heavens. That's wonderful! What did you say?" Anna sounded so joyful, such a contrast to how Kristina felt, that her sorrow compounded.
"Nay."
"Why?"
Kristina exhaled loudly and turned onto her other side, away from Anna. "I've already told you. 'Tis over now. He's gone back home. He will soon forget about me." Her throat ached. She wished Anna would leave the room so she could cry her eyes out yet again.
Anna blew out a breath. "I doubt that. An important consideration… you could be with child."
She had already thought of that. "'Tis possible. We'll find out soon, I imagine. I'm sorry I've disappointed you, Anna."
"You haven't. You've disappointed yourself though. You've chosen misery instead of happiness for no reason."
"There are plenty of reasons." Annoyance jabbed at her, for she knew she wasn't imagining things. "For instance, before I was injured I had several suitors, and since then, none. No man with his wits about him wants to be saddled with me."
Anna stroked her back, no doubt trying to soothe her. "Colin isn't like those men. He cares deeply about you."
Kristina knew it was true, but that had never been in question. "And I care about him, which is why I refuse to drag him down." She had to talk about something else before she went mad with frustration. "How was your wedding night?"
Anna let loose a brief chuckle. "I ken what you're about. 'Twill do you no good to change the subject. But last night was incredible, of course. I'm so happy with Neacal, and I want to see you happy, too, with Colin."
Regret overshadowed her mind, like dreary storm clouds. "I don't even dare dream of it. 'Tis impossible."
"We have both survived despite impossible odds… injury, pain, grief and terror, but it has not destroyed us. I've always seen you as incredibly strong, but now I see this one fear of yours has you trapped."
Chapter Fourteen
As gloaming cast purple light over the golden autumn landscape, Colin and his men rode closer and closer to Rhodie Castle, but three or four miles yet remained in their journey. They had ridden hard all day to make it this far, but they could not push the horses more at this point. They must keep to a slower pace.
Without Kristina by his side, Colin felt a gaping hole inside him. Plus, the dread and anxiety over how he would find his da's health cast bleak darkness over his mind. He could not remember feeling so fearful and devastated. Everything had become deadly serious. If his father could not survive this wound, Colin's world would crash to the ground. And without Kristina as his wife, his life was not worth living anyway. What reason would he have to go on?
His clan.
Even after the hell Neacal had suffered through two years ago, his main reason for continuing on was his clan. He'd committed himself to leading them to the best of his ability.
Colin could do no less. He would look to his friend and foster brother as a mentor.
One of the men shouted, and Colin's horse reared.
"What the devil?" Colin struggled to maintain his seat. He then noticed an arrow protruding from the saddle near his thigh. "Take cover! 'Tis an ambush!"
Why hadn't Colin been paying more attention to their surroundings?
Two more arrows whizzed toward them from the nearby wood, and the men lifted their targes, deflecting them. Colin was unable to see how many men lurked there. Probably not many if only two arrows were being launched at a time.
Regardless, he wasn't taking any chances with his men's lives or the horses. He vaulted from the saddle and quickly drew his horse farther along toward large boulders, then behind them. His men followed.
"Is anyone injured?" While holding the bridle of his spooked horse, Colin looked the men over. All were either still in their saddles and dismounting or already on their feet as they joined him behind the rocks.
"An arrow grazed my arm." Warton leapt from his horse and ripped at his bloody sleeve to see the torn flesh. "Who are these bastards?"
"Likely the same ones who shot my father." Rage burned like a fire in Colin's stomach. "We must capture or dispatch them." Colin checked his horse and found that the arrow's point that had struck his saddle had penetrated the horse's flesh about an inch. It bled, but not too severely. A flesh wound that would heal quickly. He stroked the horse's muzzle to calm him while observing the trees some thirty yards distant.
He yearned to capture or destroy each of the outlaws, but running into the dark wood after them would be suicide. From here, he couldn't see even one man.
"Rusty, see if you can shoot any of them." Colin kept his voice low. "Their archer must have a clear view of us betwixt the trees."
Rusty was one of the best with a bow and arrow, and his eyesight was keen.
Two more arrows darted toward them, missing by several feet. One struck the stones and bounced off, while the other drove into the dirt.
"Cowards!" Colin shouted. "Come out and face us!" He narrowed his eyes, watching the wood. A blur of plaid moved among the bushes at the edge. "There. Do you see him?" Colin pointed. "Shoot him."
"Aye." Rusty nocked the arrow, drew back and propelled it toward the trees. The plaid vanished behind the bushes and shouting followed.
"You got him!" Feeling a small surge of victory, Colin hoped the downed man was the assas
sin who'd injured his father. Rustling reached his ears. It sounded as if the other outlaws were fleeing through the dried leaves of the forest floor. "The rest are getting away. Capture them!"
The Camerons ran on foot toward the wood, leaving three in charge of the horses.
"You two, disarm and guard the assassin," he told Warton and Ethan, then advanced with the rest of his men, chasing the fleeing murderers through the wood. Their feet crunched over the dried leaves and pine needles. At the back edge of the forest, the land turned grassy. Colin stopped, his gaze searching for fleeing men, but he saw nothing. Where had they disappeared to? Around the bend? Down the hill to the next patch of trees? Not knowing how many they'd be up against, he didn't want to split up his forces more than he had already. He wanted to keep the rest of his men safe. Besides, gloaming would soon turn to night.
"We need to reach Rhodie before dark. Let's see if the man Rusty shot still lives."
As Colin and the others approached, Warton and Ethan stood watching the outlaw lying on the ground. He was attempting to draw the arrow from his thigh, but that could be a fatal mistake, for it could cause him to bleed to death. The man's bow and quiver lay several feet away, as well as his other weapons.
"Who are you and why did you ambush us?" Colin demanded.
"Go to hell, you Cameron bastards!" the downed man growled through gritted teeth, his face contorted in pain.
"Did you tell him our name?" Colin asked Warton.
"Nay. He knew immediately who we are."
"What's your name?"
The man kept his mouth closed, his nostrils flaring, his glare venomous.
"Who do you work for? And what do you have against us?"
"I'll tell you naught. If you're going to kill me, then go ahead and do it!" he roared.
"We're not going to kill you, even though 'tis what you deserve. But you will be a guest in the Rhodie Castle dungeon until you tell me why you and your comrades were trying to kill us."
"I said I'll tell you naught!"
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