In the solar at Bearach Castle, sunlight beamed in the narrow window beside Kristina where she and Anna sat on the window seat. She was thrilled to use her returning vision to see her sister's beautiful face for the first time in over two years. Although Anna was still blurry, Kristina could see her blond curls, her rosy cheeks and the green color of her eyes.
"Oh Anna, you look wonderful." Tears filled Kristina's eyes. "You look so happy and healthy now." Two years ago, Anna had been gaunt and pale from loss of blood, and her eyes had been haunted with grief and fear.
Anna smiled. "With good reason. Neacal brings me great joy. And my body has healed from all the abuse and injuries Blackburn tortured me with years ago."
"I'm so pleased for you." Tears flowing from her eyes, Kristina embraced her sister.
"When are you going to allow me to tell Neacal you can see?"
"Soon. I but wish to make certain 'tis lasting." Kristina feared Neacal would send a missive to Colin telling him. She wanted to muster up the courage to tell him herself.
After Anna pulled back, Kristina said, "I want to see what you look like, too, Maili." Although she could see a dim impression of Maili, she wanted to view her closer in the slice of rare, bright sunlight beaming in from the southwest. When the two switched places, she realized Maili's hair could not be more different from Anna's.
"Your hair is so dark and lovely." The sunlight gleamed off her thick, silky brownish-black hair.
Her friend smiled. "I thank you."
"And your eyes are pale blue. You look just as impish as I'd imagined."
Maili laughed. "Sometimes Shamus tells me I look like one of the faerie."
"Aye, you do indeed. Would one of you bring me your silver mirror? I would like to see my own face."
Maili's grin fell as she turned to Anna. Kristina could easily feel the increase in tension from the two women.
Anna hesitated. "Are you certain you're ready to see the scar?"
Kristina nodded. "I ken 'tis a bad scar. But I must learn to accept the sight of it, whether I like it or not. To pretend it doesn't exist is but lying to myself. You know how important honesty is to me, as well as facing reality."
"Aye, 'tis true."
"I will go and get my small hand mirror, if you think 'tis all right," Maili said.
Anna nodded. Once their friend had left the room, Anna said, "Truth be told, your scar is not so bad. It is minor compared to Neacal's. So please don't overreact or become melancholy about it."
Kristina shrugged, trying to pretend she was not fearful and anxious about seeing what she looked like after such an injury. "Do not worry over me, sister. I'm stronger than you realize."
"I ken you are very strong. Also, remember that Colin loves you just the way you are, flaws and all."
Kristina wished Anna wouldn't bring up Colin. 'Twas hard enough living day to day without him. But now that her fondest wish was coming true—her sight returning—naturally she would be concerned about what Colin and everyone saw when they looked at her.
Her life was on the precipice of changing completely for the better. If Colin truly did love her, she must somehow grow used to the fact he loved her even if one side of her face was ugly. She must accept it and convince herself it was true.
After Maili returned and closed the door, she placed the small silver mirror into Kristina's hand. At first, Kristina was afraid to look into it. She closed her eyes and held the mirror to her chest. She prayed she would be able to accept the way she looked and not be too discouraged over it. She dried her tears on her sleeve, opened her eyes and slowly lifted the mirror.
First, she looked at the undamaged part of her face. Although it was still a bit blurry, she viewed her blue eyes and her blond hair and brows, her fair smooth skin. In the past, people had often called her bonny, but she had always thought Anna prettier. This side of her face looked much the way she remembered. Still, it was strange to look at herself after such a length of time.
Without thinking, she turned her head, bringing the other side of her face into view. At first, she was startled by the wide and jagged pinkish-rose line that ran down her cheek. She held her breath as she examined it in as much detail as possible, given her blurred vision. Trails of small dot scars and short lines—where the healer had stitched up the cut more than two years ago—ran down either side of the main scar.
"See? 'Tis not so bad," Anna said in an overly optimistic tone, which only annoyed Kristina.
"If 'twas on your face, you would not be so cheerful."
Anna's smile vanished and annoyance flashed in her eyes. "Kristina," she admonished. "You do not have to be so cynical. I would much rather have a scar on my face than to have lost my beloved child."
Kristina felt the impact of her sister's words like a punch to the chest. 'Twas true, Anna had suffered far worse when she'd had the miscarriage after Blackburn had pushed her down the stairs.
Kristina's eyes filled with tears, and guilt near suffocated her. "You're right. I'm sorry for being so vain."
Anna clasped her in a tight embrace and wept upon her shoulder. "I'm the one who is sorry. I should not have said that. We have each suffered in our own terrible way, but now things are improving. I simply want you to find happiness as I have. Once Colin returns, you can surprise him with your restored vision."
Maili sat on her other side in the window seat. "Although the sight of the scar is new to you, Colin is used to seeing it. You would not seem the same to him without it."
"Aye. I just have to grow used to the fact he has only seen me like this." Kristina stared into the mirror again. He must indeed care for her if this hideous scar did not repulse him. "But what if he doesn't return? What if he never wishes to see me again?"
***
'Twas late, and Colin sat alone in the solar of Rhodie Castle, staring into the hearth flames. His world had shattered around him. His beloved father was gone. Rain poured down outside, matching his mood.
Guilt ravaged Colin, cutting into his soul. He should've been here to prevent this tragedy, to protect his father. If only he'd come home right away after seeing Kristina to safety at Bearach.
His father should've had more guards surrounding him anytime he'd been outside the walls. If only Colin had been wiser and not so caught up in the doomed romance with Kristina. He'd wasted time there with her, fantasizing they could have a future together. Valuable time he should've used to help save his father's life.
Now he was chief of his clan, something he'd always regarded with dread… not because he didn't want to lead his people, but because it would mean his father had passed on, never to return. So many things had been left unsaid. At least he had told his father about Kristina.
Love. That was the word his father had said immediately after.
Colin frowned. Had he misinterpreted why his father had said the word? Of course, he knew his father loved him, but maybe his message was even bigger than that. Mayhap he'd meant if Colin loved Kristina, then that was all that mattered. Or maybe, being half in this world and half in the next, his father had meant that love was the most important thing of all in life. Not prestige or power or possessions. Not alliances or dowries. Love, friendship, family.
Still, one of the people he'd been closest to in the world was gone, and nothing he did now could bring him back. No amount of regret would allow him to go into the past and protect his father, even though 'twas what he wished more than anything.
He would like to talk to Neacal about this, for he'd lost his father a little over two years ago. He would understand what Colin was going through. Colin had sent a messenger to deliver a missive to Neacal only hours after his father had passed, but 'twas doubtful he would arrive in time for the funeral tomorrow.
And Kristina… damnation, every time he thought of her, a new gash opened up in his soul. To have two such painful open wounds at the same time. Why had this happened to him? Was God testing him to see his mettle?
He did not know if he could endure it.
&nb
sp; Tomorrow, after the funeral, he would continue the search for Red Holme, but for tonight he would forget. At a nearby table, he poured himself a large dram of whisky and downed it in one swallow. It burned like hellfire all the way down his gullet. Returning to the hearth, he slumped onto the settle.
Not one given to excessive drinking, he felt the burn of the whisky in his veins and then the lightheadedness. He had forgotten to eat supper, he realized. His stomach was empty, and so were his heart and soul. He was naught but a hollow shell. Trying to calm the spinning of his head, he slid down and turned to lie on his back. Finally, numbness settled over his body and mind.
***
The door opened, and Neacal stepped inside the solar at Bearach. Although Kristina could not see perfectly as of yet, and her brother-in-law stood in a distant and dimmer part of the room, she did notice that he was tall and lean, with broad shoulders and long dark hair.
"There you are, a shùgh mo chrìdhe," Neacal said to Anna. "And Lady Kristina." He bowed.
What a gentleman he was to bow to her, even though he thought she couldn't see him. They would have to tell him about her vision soon or he would feel slighted, she was certain.
"Why were you looking for me?" Anna arose to greet him.
Taking her hands, he kissed her cheek, then drew back. "Colin sent a messenger with bad news. His father passed from the injury."
Kristina felt as if she'd been knocked flat. "Och, nay. Colin must be devastated." Her throat tightened, and tears burned her eyes. How she wished she could be there with him now to support and comfort him.
"Did you find out what happened? Who ambushed him?" Anna asked.
Neacal hesitated. "The messenger said… 'twas Red Holme."
"What?" Anna exclaimed.
Speechless, Kristina gasped. The shock of hearing the name caused her physical pain. She felt somehow responsible. Had Holme attacked Colin's father out of anger because Colin had rescued her?
"As you both know, the Camerons and Red Holme's birth clan, the MacKillicans, have a long history of conflict. It had naught to do with either of you."
Kristina blotted her eyes with her sleeve. "I still feel 'tis my fault."
"Nay," Neacal said. "Colin wouldn't want you to feel that way. I'm going to take a couple dozen men and see if Colin needs my help in finding the blackguard."
"He helped both of us. We want to come with you," Anna said.
"Nay." His tone was firm. "'Tis not safe. Holme has not been caught. He could be lying in wait along the road."
Anna turned. "Kristina, we need to tell him."
Knowing Anna was right, she nodded. 'Twas time to reveal to all she could see. And to apologize to Colin and help him in any way she could… whether he forgave her or not.
"Tell me what?" In the silence, Neacal glanced back and forth between them.
"Kristina's vision has returned." Anna smiled. "And she has changed her mind about marrying Colin."
"Anna! I did not say that… yet." Kristina's skin burned from the top of her head to her feet. Although she did want to marry Colin, she didn't know if he would want her now.
"Saints! You can see?" Neacal faced her. "When and how did this happen?"
"'Tis a miracle," Kristina said. "Or 'haps because of that last time Holme struck me in the face. I noticed my sight returning a few nights ago. Everything is still a blur, but I can see well enough to walk alone now."
"This is indeed good news," Neacal said with excitement. "Colin will be happy to hear it."
Kristina assumed either Colin or Anna had told Neacal of the marriage proposal. "I want to tell him I'm sorry, but I don't ken if he will ever forgive me for the pain I've caused him. You have known him the whole of your life. What do you think?"
After a moment of contemplation, Neacal said, "I cannot speak for Colin, but I'm certain he would love to see you. I've always found him to be a forgiving person."
Tilting her face down, she stared at her lap. "Besides that… even if I can see again, I still have this awful scar on my face. Naught will ever change that."
"'Tis not so bad," Neacal said. "'Haps you have not yet seen the scar on my face." He moved forward and knelt before her in the sunlight. "Do you see?"
Though her view of him was fuzzy, she was seeing Neacal for the first time, close up. He was a handsome man with long, brownish-black hair and blue eyes. But he did indeed have a jagged scar, larger than hers, on one side of his face.
"For a man, a scar is a badge of valor and courage," she said. "For a woman, 'tis but an ugly mark. Unfortunately, women are judged on beauty or lack thereof."
Neacal shook his head. "Colin told me he thinks you are the most beautiful woman he has yet seen, scar and all."
"When you love someone, scars don't matter." Anna laid an affectionate hand upon her husband's shoulder. "Neacal's scar only makes him dearer to me, and I'm certain Colin feels the same way about you."
Neacal stood, pulled Anna close and kissed the top of her head.
"Imagine the situation reversed," Anna said. "What if your face was unblemished and Colin's was scarred? Would you love him any less?"
"Of course not," Kristina blurted. She did not have to think on it.
"I understand how you feel," Neacal said. "There was a time when I presumed Anna would not want to look at or touch my scarred face and body, but then she showed me that my worries were for naught. Colin has always had a deep concern and compassion for you, even from the first moment I told him of your situation."
"Aye, and he is already used to your scar, as we discussed," Anna said. "So I think we should go to Rhodie now, before the autumn snows begin. Otherwise, we'll have to wait until spring. Besides, we need to go to his father's funeral."
Frowning, Neacal let out a tense breath. "I will have to think on it and make certain I can protect you both."
"With two dozen soldiers serving as guards, surely we would be safe. Do you have such little faith in your men?" Anna asked.
"Of course not. I simply don't wish to put either of you at risk. With the last contact Kristina had with Red Holme, he was bent on kidnapping and hurting her."
"'Tis true." Anna hung her head. "And I would not wish to put her in any more danger. I'm just concerned that since Colin is now chief, his clan will pressure him into marrying soon, just as your clan urged you to marry quickly once you became chief. If we wait until spring, it might be too late."
"She could scribe him a missive and I'll deliver it to him," Neacal suggested.
That was true, but Kristina could not imagine how she would express her deep regret in rejecting Colin's suit, and also her heartfelt condolences on the loss of his father. Words on paper seemed a cold, lifeless substitute to touching him or holding him in her arms.
"I must apologize in person," Kristina said. "And I want to be there for him during his time of grief. Even if it puts my life in danger, 'tis a risk I'm willing to take, especially if I have a small chance in receiving his forgiveness."
"Have you truly changed your mind about marrying him?" Neacal asked. "I'm sorry to say this but… if you haven't, there's no need to go. 'Twould only cause him more heartbreak and pain."
She liked that Neacal was forthright with her, and she respected him for it. "Aye, I have always wanted to marry Colin. I was merely trying to spare him the burden and embarrassment of having a disfigured and disabled wife."
"I'm glad you've realized that would never be the case. You bring him great joy, and he told me he is proud to have you on his arm."
Tears burning her eyes, Kristina hung her head. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt him. I love him."
Anna pulled Kristina into her arms for a tight embrace. "There is no need to cry now. You love him and he loves you. 'Tis simply a matter of getting you to him. And your worries will be laid to rest."
"I'm still concerned about you ladies going along in our party," Neacal muttered. "Red Holme is vicious and unpredictable."
***
Colin's che
st and stomach ached as his father's funeral procession got underway. He donned a strong façade for the sake of his mother and his clan. At the front of the procession, three pipers played the Cameron chief's march. The shrill sounds of the bagpipes echoed off the stone walls, and the icy wind carried them away toward the mountains.
His mother held his elbow as they followed four strong clansmen carrying his father's casket upon their shoulders across the bailey. His ma sobbed and, losing control at times, wailed out her grief. He knew 'twas real and not the keening for show practiced by many clans. Listening to her was hellish for him. Her agony magnified his own, and the chill wind near froze the tears welling in his eyes.
Bryce came upon their ma's other side, helping her to walk when she faltered.
"I can get a wagon for you to ride in," Colin murmured to her.
"Nay." She shook her head emphatically. "I'm not as weak as you think I am."
Well, he was glad for that, at least. He just hoped she was being honest.
The whole clan, even the crofters from miles around, followed and gathered into the long, slow funeral procession toward the chapel a short distance outside the castle walls, sitting in the midst of the burial ground.
After the casket was carried inside, the clan filled the chapel to overflowing.
Hundreds mourned the loss of his father, for he had been a much admired, respected and beloved chief, a strong leader. After being notified by messenger, clansmen and women from the far reaches of Cameron lands had arrived only that morning to pay their respects and tell stories of how the late chief had helped and honored them over the last few decades. Many recounted tales of the battles they had fought alongside the former chief, extolling his bravery and valor.
Colin had hoped Neacal would be able to make it to the funeral but, as of yet, he hadn't arrived. 'Twas expecting too much, he knew, for 'twas a long journey.
Sitting on the hard oak pew, Colin shifted and glanced across his mother's head at Bryce, who sat on her other side and looked just as miserable as Colin felt. Once the minister, Reverend MacAbee, had spoken at some length about what a good man Chief Maitland Cameron was, he said a prayer.
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