"How is she?" Neacal asked.
"She is breathing well," Deidra said. "I'm thinking she simply needs time to rest and recuperate. Time for the swelling in her head to go down."
"Come," Neacal said to Colin. "I'll pour you a dram."
"Let me know if anything changes," Colin told the women.
"Aye, m'laird," Deidra said.
"I will stay by her side, too," Anna said.
Though Colin didn't want to, he followed Neacal from the room. He encountered his mother, who was getting ready to enter the room, along with a dozen other people waiting in the corridor, including Maili and Shamus.
"She hasn't awakened yet," he told them, then went into the solar with Neacal.
Colin closed the door but found no comfort in the room as he usually did. Stark fear and desolation permeated him. "Damnation, I cannot bear losing her, too."
"You're not going to lose her," Neacal stated firmly while he poured whisky into small glasses.
"I pray you're right."
Neacal handed Colin a glass, but there was no jovial toast this time. Colin tossed the amber liquid back and swallowed swiftly, the fiery liquid burning his throat. He needed it to dull the sharp pain in his soul. "How could this happen? Why? She recovers from her previous injuries, regains her eyesight and now this."
"Colin, she will recover. Have faith."
His chest felt constricted. "I cannot breathe without her."
"I ken it. 'Tis how I feel about Anna. Thankfully, she wasn't injured, but when Blackburn abducted Anna, I almost went mad with worry and fear for her life."
Colin nodded. "Kristina has already suffered too much, even before this."
"She is a resilient woman with a fierce spirit."
'Twas true and one of the things he loved about her. In fact, she possessed so many traits he loved, he could not recount them all.
"Did you resolve things with her?" Neacal asked.
Regret felt like a leaden weight upon Colin's shoulders. "Not yet. I talked to her briefly last night, and she apologized but…" Colin shook his head. "I was daft and did not let her know I forgive her and still want her to be my wife. I told her I couldn't trust her. Damnation! I cannot seem to make the right decisions."
Neacal scowled. "You're being too hard on yourself."
"If I'd forgiven her and spent the night with her, none of this would've happened."
"You had no inkling Holme was within the walls."
"But I should have." Colin poured himself another dram of whisky. Aye, a clan leader should know who was inside the walls of his castle.
"She will awaken soon, and you can tell her how you feel."
"But what if she awakens blind again? She'll never marry me then."
***
Colin sat alone by Kristina's bedside for the second night in a row, the low-burning hearth fire and a single candle the only light in the room. She had not moved. Instead, she lay on her side, limp, lifeless and pale. The sheet and blankets had been pulled up over her shoulder. Her broken, splinted arm was cradled on a pillow, while she lay on her unbruised shoulder. The healers determined this would be the best position for her, to take the pressure off her head injury.
When Deidra had changed out the poultice earlier, he'd seen the bruised and swollen knot on the back of her head. 'Twas an appalling shade of blue and purple within her blond curls, and it pained him to see it. At the moment, it was covered with a fresh herbal poultice and a linen cloth.
"Why did this happen?" he whispered.
Everything happened for a reason, the wise ones said. What was the purpose of this?
He didn't understand why suffering happened.
Remembering how his father had responded after he'd talked to him, Colin leaned forward, took the hand of Kristina's uninjured arm and kissed the back, then stroked her palm.
"Kristina, I don't ken whether you can hear me, but if you can… I need to tell you I'm here for you. I love you and I forgive you. More than anything, I want you to be my wife. If only you will wake up and recover, we will be married when you're able. That is… if you will have me."
She shifted restlessly and grimaced. Despite her obvious pain, joy and thankfulness filled him. 'Twas the first time she'd moved since her injury!
When she dropped still, he leaned closer, studying her face in the low light. "Kristina?"
She did not respond or move another muscle. Her face relaxed.
He stroked her palm and her fingertips. "I'm sorry you are hurting, my sweet."
No response.
"Are you awake?"
Nay, she was not, but the movement had to be a good sign.
Leaning back, he listened to her even, steady breaths, thanking God for each one.
Colin didn't realize he'd dropped off to sleep when he was startled awake by the sound of wood thumping against the floor.
He straightened, finding he still sat in the chair at Kristina's bedside. Dawn light glowed at the window. He swung his gaze toward the door, where someone stood.
"Ralston?"
The burly young man limped forward on a pair of ancient crutches. He stared at Kristina. "How is she?"
"Earlier, she moved a wee bit." Colin sat forward, taking her hand and stroking the palm, listening to her breathing. "Lady Kristina?" he murmured.
She did not move an eyelash.
Ralston shook his head, looking as worried as Colin felt. A sinking feeling latched onto his gut, but he was determined to be hopeful.
"How's your leg?" Colin asked.
"'Twill be fine soon, I'm thinking. Tavia is a good healer."
"I've not yet had an opportunity to tell you 'twas a rash and daft thing you did, shoving me out of the way and running into danger like that. 'Tis why you were injured."
Ralston shrugged. "I could nay let you get yourself killed, now could I?"
Colin frowned, wondering what exactly he'd meant by that. It sounded more like something his brother would say.
"I did it for Kristina," Ralston clarified. "She loves you, and if you were to get killed, she would be devastated. She came here to marry you, after all. I ken you love her, as well. You will always take care of her… far better than I ever could as her penniless half-brother." Ralston's expression was bleak but determined." I wasn't there for my sisters during their worst ordeals, when those two bastards were tormenting them, but I'm here now. I wish to make it up to them. I want to see them married to men who will treat them like queens."
Colin was shocked speechless for a long moment. "You're a good man, Ralston. I appreciate everything you've done to help Kristina… and me."
"I thank you, m'laird, and I was glad to help."
"Please, call me Colin."
"I would be honored." He bowed, then straightened and lifted a brow. "Will you be marrying my sister, then?"
"If she'll have me."
***
Kristina must have been dreaming, for she heard the most divinely beautiful music. Had she died and gone to heaven?
Nay, she recognized it now. 'Twas Anna's flute music. No one played the way she did. Kristina focused on it and imagined the lovely sounds saturating her body. On and on they went, swirling through her like glowing, spinning stars, touching every part of her being. 'Twas almost like an angelic healing power in the form of sounds.
She felt cocooned within the warm, downy embrace of two angels' wings, while pure unconditional love surrounded her. All pain disappeared from her body, and it seemed she was floating, suspended in the warm air.
The flute music stopped, but the love surrounding her remained.
And then she heard the whispered words in her ear, "I love you, Kristina. Please awaken and stay with me."
Who had said that? The deep voice was so familiar.
Colin!
Where was he? She wanted to tell him she loved him, too, but no words would emerge from her mouth. Her eyelids were too heavy to lift.
***
After playing another tune, Anna
lowered her flute.
"'Twas the most beautiful music." Colin's mother sat in the chair by Kristina's bedside.
"I thank you."
Colin stood behind the chair. "I believe it will help her."
"I certainly hope so." Looking worried, Anna leaned over Kristina and kissed her forehead. "Rest well, sister. I will see you in the morn."
Colin bid her and Neacal good night as they left the chamber. After closing the door, he sat down in the chair beside his mother's.
"She is such a lovely, sweet lass, Colin," his mother whispered, then patted his hand. "You love her, do you not?"
His mother knew him too well. He'd never been able to hide anything from her.
"Aye. I wish to marry her, if only she will awaken and agree to it."
"Love matches are the best." His ma gave a bittersweet smile. "Although I didn't know your father before I married him—I had only seen him twice—I quickly grew to love him. And I thank God each day that I had a wonderful marriage to a good man. He was always kind to me and he made my life happy all these years. I wish the same for you."
"I believe Da approved of her."
Her eyes widened. "Did he say something?"
"One night while I was sitting by his bedside, I told him about her and the situation—how she'd been abused and injured. I didn't think he could hear me, but then he said love."
His mother drew in a quick breath, tears welling in her eyes. "He had not said a word since his injury," she whispered.
Colin nodded. "I think he meant that love was the most important thing when it comes to marriage. Not alliances or dowries."
"Of course. I knew him well after these many years. If he knew how you felt about her, he would approve of the match, especially with her being a chief's daughter and of your social station. Your da would wish you to be happy. Anna told me that Kristina was blind for two years and miraculously regained her sight a few days before arriving here."
"Aye. It happened after I left Bearach. When she was blind, I asked her to marry me and she refused, not wanting to be a burden to me."
"Oh my. She seems such a good and honorable lady."
Colin frowned, annoyed his mother would see Kristina's side more than his own. "Of course, but 'twas not enough of a reason to refuse me. Would you have refused to marry Da if you'd been blind?"
His mother considered for a moment. "Mayhap, but I would have regretted it if I could've known then what a wonderful marriage we would have. Lady Kristina does not wish to be selfish. She's a principled lady."
"Well, I think that was one reason she came here… to let me know she'd changed her mind and now wishes to marry me. Do you think the clan elders will approve?"
"I know not. But I will speak to them on your behalf."
***
Two nights later, Colin gazed down at the lovely sleeping lass who had so entangled his heart. She still had not awakened, though she had moved a few times, as well as frowning and grimacing. He prayed she was not in terrible pain and unable to let them know. Of course, there was naught they could do about it if she couldn't swallow the herbal tea.
The longer she remained knocked out, the more his stomach knotted with worry.
He picked up her hand and kissed her exposed palm. "Kristina, no matter what happens, I want you to know I love you," he murmured. "But please, I beg of you, remain with me. We can have a wonderful life together. I can easily see how bright our future will be."
Kristina's eyelids fluttered, and her mouth opened as if she might speak.
His heart drummed with excitement. Filled with expectation and hope, he stood and stroked her cheek. "Wake up and smile at me, beautiful Kristina."
Frowning, she opened her eyes a crack and tried to move her injured arm and turn onto her back. She cried out, and tears trailed from her eyes.
"Wait, Kristina." He tried to hold her in place. "You must lie still. Deidra! She's awake." He kissed Kristina's forehead. "Thanks be to God."
Deidra pushed herself up from the pallet by the fire and rushed to the bed, the kerchief on her head askew. "'Tis the miracle we've prayed for. How do you feel, m'lady?"
Eyes closed and face contorted, Kristina gritted her teeth.
"I believe her arm is giving her great pain. She tried to move it."
"I'll make some herbal tea with poppy." Deidra set about mixing herbs and pouring hot water.
"Colin?" Kristina's voice was weak and raspy.
Thrilled at hearing his name upon her lips, he leaned closer. "Aye, mo ghraidh. I'm here."
"My arm hurts. What happened?"
"'Twas broken. Just rest and don't try to lift it so the pain will ease. Deidra is making some tea for you."
"Aye," Kristina breathed, lying quietly but still frowning.
"How does your head feel?" he asked.
"Hurts, too," she whispered, then seemed to slip back to sleep.
Thank you, God, for bringing her back to me. Colin wanted to leap with joy but had to restrain himself. His eyes burned with unshed tears of gratitude. He swiped his sleeve across his eyes lest Kristina or Deidra see his emotion. Men weren't supposed to cry with happiness, were they? What difference did it make? He wanted to shout from the battlements, but that would wake everyone in the castle in the hours before dawn and terrify them.
Staring into Kristina's lovely face, he held her hand and kissed it again, though he wanted to kiss her from head to toe. Aye, they would have a wonderful future together. He could easily imagine it.
"Here we are, m'lady." Deidra turned from the bedside table with the wooden cup. "I've cooled it and weakened it a wee bit with cold water. But it should be steeped enough to give you some pain relief. I've added a touch of honey so 'twill go down easy." She glanced at Colin. "Could you help me raise her up so she can drink?"
Remembering the pain she'd been in when she'd first awakened, Colin cringed, but he knew she had to drink it to feel relief. He moved to the back side of the bed. "Kristina, I'm going to lift you up."
She moved her head a fraction of an inch and frowned with her eyes closed.
"Are you ready?"
"Aye," she whispered. "If I must."
He helped her sit up, her small frame even lighter than it had been. She hadn't eaten in days.
"Ow." She ground her teeth.
The knowledge that his actions were causing her pain gutted him. "I'm sorry, mo chridhe, but you must drink the tea."
"Just a few sips, m'lady, and you will feel better," Deidra urged. "Can you drink some so the handsome lad holding you will smile?"
Colin grinned, watching as Kristina swallowed several sips of the tea.
"All right," Deidra said. "That should help the pain go away soon."
Colin lowered her gently to the pillow.
"I'll return in a few minutes." Deidra set the cup down, then left the room.
Returning to the front of the bed, Colin sat on the chair and watched Kristina. Her eyes were open, but she was not looking at him. Dread prickled at the back of his mind.
"Kristina?"
"Aye?" Even then, she did not look at him.
He frowned. "Can you see?"
Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "Nay."
Chapter Twenty
Colin gently took her hand in his warm, strong one. "Kristina, my love, you cannot see?" he whispered. "Are you certain?"
"Aye… unless the room is pitch-black."
"Why didn't you say something right away?" he asked.
Kristina did not want to utter the words. I am blind again. The most horrid, awful words in the world. She did not even want to think them. They were even worse than the pain stabbing through her head. She closed her eyes tightly and prayed for the darkness to abate and for her vision to return. Oh, it had been wondrous to see Colin's face, and everyone else's, during the last two weeks, not to mention the heather and the snow and the beautiful colors.
Please God, please angels, don't take my vision from me again. But s
he knew they were not at fault. 'Twas Red Holme who had done it, though she did not remember what had happened, beyond him abducting her from her chamber.
After taking her hand from Colin's, she pressed at her eyelids and massaged them, begging her eyes to work. Upon opening them again, she realized they would not. Her sight was gone.
Colin lifted her hand and pressed a warm kiss to her knuckles. "I love you, Kristina. And I want you for my wife either way, whether you can see or not. Will you marry me?"
"Oh, Colin," she sobbed, her heart breaking. How could he ask her that now, at the depths of her despair? She'd had her wondrous, precious vision back, but Holme had stolen it away again, damn him. Her sight was the thing she wanted most in the world so she could see Colin and be a good wife to him. But now… "I love you, Colin, but you must give me time to think."
"Please don't do this again," he muttered. "Does my love mean naught to you?"
"It means everything to me!" Despite her splitting headache, she had to make him understand. "'Tis why I want my vision. For you. I love you more than life itself."
"Then that's all that matters. You don't have to be perfect in order for us to have a happy, full life together."
"I don't expect to be perfect, but I want my sight back. You've never been blind. You don't know what 'tis like. I only got to see your handsome face a few times… for just one evening. And now, that is stolen from me. I have never seen your smile." Kristina allowed the sobs to overcome her. She mourned not only her lost vision but also her dismal future.
Colin wanted to kick himself for being such an arse when she'd first arrived here. "I'm sorry I didn't smile, but I had just lost my father. 'Twas grief, not you, that caused my bad mood."
"I know," she whispered, blotting at her tears with the bedsheet. "I had simply hoped to give you some comfort in the midst of your misery, but you didn't seem interested in talking to me or even being near me."
Hell, why had he done that? Why hadn't he insisted on sitting by her at supper? Because he'd been angry, hurt and unforgiving.
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