by Debra Kayn
He warmed and cupped her cheek. She had no idea how much he felt the generosity of her gift. She'd fought through her fear to be with him.
Then, she'd nailed him straight through the heart when she'd shared her story. In all his years of living, he found a place where he belonged because he'd connected and understood Gracie.
"We'll never see eye to eye on your past," she said softly.
There were things he could work on—his sobriety, communication, stability. He tensed, preparing for the worst.
His past remained. He couldn't change history.
"Men and women are judged in everything they do, but other people's reactions fall into two categories. Right and wrong." She closed her eyes, gave a small shake of her head, and gazed up at him. "The world is unfair."
He couldn't agree or disagree. He'd checked out of living in society a long time ago and instead lived in the bottle.
"We judge ourselves the harshest." Her hands landed on his stomach.
Her palms warmed his skin through his shirt. A warmth he'd only begun feeling since Gracie came into his life. A warmth that had him unafraid to live through tomorrow, because she'd be with him.
"That woman that got away at the truck stop could've been me. It could've been my sister. It could've been Ingrid, Lena, Erikka," she whispered. "Every day, when just walking out the door terrifies me, I remind myself that my situation could've been worse. Notus Motorcycle Club saved my life, and I believe that's a good thing."
"It is," he whispered back.
Her gaze softened. "What you did was good, too. There's a woman out there who wakes up every day and is thankful she has a life to live. She is thankful that a twenty-year-old boy, angry over losing someone he loved, lost his mind, but understood the severity of a situation, whether it was right or wrong."
He brought his head forward and placed his lips atop her head, inhaling her sweetness. "I don't deserve you."
She tipped her head. "But, I deserve you."
Nailed him.
Right in the heart.
He stroked her face, amazed that this woman gave everyone in her life so much when someone evil had taken so much from her. Cupping her face, he brought her higher, and he lowered himself, capturing her lips. Drained of words, he wanted to give her everything he was feeling.
The promises.
The hope.
The security.
The love.
Swept up in the taste of her, he pulled back needing to gain some balance after the last twenty-four hours. She trailed her hands down his arms and twined her fingers with his. Thankful for the locks on the doors, he wanted to shut himself in with Gracie for at least the next seventy-two hours before reality invaded.
"You're exhausted." She brought up his hands and kissed each one. "You need to sleep."
He kissed her hard. "Lay down with me."
She smiled and stepped back, tugging his hand. He went with her, willing to follow her anywhere.
Chapter 37
The only difference between the last two times they made love during the night and now was Gracie had the urge to lay down beside Rich and feel the length of her body next to her.
But, Rich was too busy for her to tell him the desire was there. Right there.
Having that urge encouraged her. She might never be able to be underneath him without worry, but she could lay beside him. That trust in him that she was thinking, planning, and wanting something more intimate with him excited her. She wanted to tell him, and she would've, but he was busy sucking her nipple, and the fleeting thought fled as she arched over him.
She moaned letting her head fall forward. He sensed her movement and stared dazedly up into her eyes. She couldn't take him away from what he wanted, and he wanted her on top, her breast in his mouth, her ass in his hands, and her pussy hugging his cock.
She never asked if that's what he wanted.
She knew.
Loving him was that easy.
But what they did together wasn't easy.
It was extraordinarily special.
No one needed to tell her the odds of finding someone who understood her better than she could understand herself was rare. The fact was foremost in her mind, filling her with love.
He pulled his lips from her nipple. The sight of his mouth, swollen and worked, tingled within her body and her pussy convulsed.
She ground down on his cock. "Rich."
His touch traveled from her ass, over her hips, and he hooked his hands behind her knees and thrust up off the bed. She gasped at the extra sensation, deep and hard inside of her.
Staring into his eyes, she plunged down on him. Her lower stomach wanting to go, go, go. Her head wanting to slow. Caught in a whirlwind of pressure building, she rocked and rode him.
"That's it, honey." He looked down her body and between her legs where he stroked her with his cock. "Beautiful."
God, his voice caressed that last hold she held on to and her orgasm rocked her body. She tossed her head back as the wonderful sensations spread throughout all her limbs, possessing her.
Rich hardened even more underneath her and stilled on a groan. Coming down from her high, she absorbed his, prolonging her pleasure.
She sagged on top of him, moving her feet to in front of her without leaving his body. "I think I'll just sit here all day."
"You can't." He chuckled making her human chair a bumpy ride. "That was the last condom I could find in the guest bedroom."
She stuck out her lower lip, and he pressed his finger against her mouth. The change in him since confessing his past came subtly. While he kept his thoughts to himself, he showed her what he was going through in other ways.
There were many times he stared at her, lost in thought. Many touches as if he needed to test her reaction.
"You know what I like?" she asked.
He grunted.
"You took all your clothes off this time." She leaned down and kissed him. "Even when you slept."
He spread his fingers over his lower face and straightened his beard. "Habit."
"What do you mean? You keep your jeans and boots on...all the time?"
He nodded. "Look at my leg."
Gazing over her shoulder, she smiled and reached behind her to rub his leg. The blond hair on his legs tickled her palm. "So? You need a tan?"
A half snort came from him. "My calf, honey."
She looked again, and when he angled his leg, the side of his lower leg showed. A black square tattoo covered most of his calf. She turned back around. "What is that? A tattoo?"
"Komoon marked out my Notus MC tattoo." He rubbed her legs. "I hid it from everyone to protect my connection to Notus. Somehow, probably when I was drunk, Komoon noticed the tattoo, charged me for being loyal to another club, and marked over the tat before dumping me off in St. John's."
"You're not going to have any more trouble from that...that other club, are you?"
"No." He shrugged. "I'm riding again under Notus. We'll be fine."
"That's good." She sighed. "I should take a shower and call my sister." She raised herself and stepped over him. "I'll need to run to the pharmacy and buy more condoms."
"It's four o'clock. What time do they close?"
She gathered clean clothes out of the dresser. "Mm...five, I think."
"I'll take you on my motorcycle," said Rich. "Afterward, we can stop by Wayne's place, and you can see your sister."
She turned around. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah." He shrugged. "Not sure how they run things in Notus, so going with what I feel I should do, and I feel I should stop by his house."
She warmed all over, not wanting to smile. He wanted to reach out to the men who meant everything to him. His instincts were spot on. It wasn't a little step for him. It was huge.
"I think that's how they do it. Everyone shows up whenever they want. It gets to be like Grand Central Station over there." She held up her clothes. "Give me ten minutes. I'm a low maintenance woman."
She rolled her eyes and waved over her shoulder as she left the room. In the hallway, she let her amusement out and laughed. Happiness felt good.
An hour and five minutes later, she stood with Rich by her side in front of Wayne and Clara's front door. Rich knocked.
She slipped her hand into his.
"Feels weird to knock." He inhaled deeply. "Feels fucking weird to come visiting under my own power after so many years."
She stepped in front of him and tilted her head. "Does it feel weird to be with me around the others?"
"No." He kissed her. "It's never weird with you."
Everyone knew how she felt about Rich. Unsure of what he'd said to the others, she wondered if he'd be uncomfortable with her if she touched him, kissed him, when the door opened.
Wayne motioned them inside. Rich patted her ass and then slid his hand into her back pocket of her jeans. So, when her sister spotted her from the entrance to the kitchen, she had a big smile. A smile she felt all the way to her toes and kept her beside Rich.
A smile that Clara couldn't miss and returned to Gracie, twice as big.
"Bro, what size do you wear?" Chuck yelled over the noise of the others in the room.
Rich shrugged. She leaned closer to him. "Size of what?"
"Don't know what he's talking about," said Rich.
Chuck left the room. Lena, holding Avi, walked over to Gracie. Love filled her at seeing the baby stretching out her arms and whining for her.
She reached for Avi, and the moment she had the bundle of joy in her hands, she cuddled the softest skin in the world. "Oh, I have missed you so much, baby girl."
Avi kicked her feet and waved her arms at the same time. Gracie spread her hand on the baby's back, kissing her cheek. "Are you walking yet? Huh? Huh?"
"Around the furniture." Lena picked up the shoe that came off Avi's foot. "She'll get hooked on a commercial on television or a toy and forget to hold on, and she stands there for several minutes on her own. Once she realizes she's standing, down she goes."
"Oh, you." She nuzzled Avi's neck making her shriek in giggles. "Little stinker."
Lena turned and talked with Ingrid. Gracie shifted Avi to her hip and ran her hand over her wispy baby hair. "Can you say, Aunt Gracie?"
Rich removed his hand from her pocket. She turned to him. He crossed his arms and stared straight ahead into the room, completely ignoring her.
"Rich?" she whispered.
He grunted without looking at her.
"Hey, Gracie? Do you want to hold her for a few minutes while I help Clara in the kitchen?" asked Lena.
Pulled out of wondering what was wrong with Rich, she nodded. "Of course."
Lena walked away, turned, and said, "When Glen comes in from the garage can you have him get the diaper bag out of my car?"
"I'll get it," said Rich.
"Thanks. It's the gray Subaru. The bag is on the floor in the backseat." Lena hurried off.
Rich escaped the house. She looked around, and everyone had moved away from her. Wayne and Thad were on the couch. Chuck and Glen in the garage. The women in the kitchen.
"I took a shower. I swear, Avi," she whispered, tickling the little fat roll on the baby's neck. "And, you smell like the prettiest baby ever. So, you tell me why everyone moved away from us? Huh?"
Several minutes passed. Rich remained outside. Nobody else seemed concerned over his absence.
She walked across the room, stuck her head in the kitchen, and grabbed Lena's attention. "I'm going to take her out on the porch."
"Go ahead. We're not going to eat for thirty minutes." Lena dropped her gaze to the cucumbers she sliced.
Clara put her hand on Gracie's arm. "Have Wayne go out with you."
She smiled confidently. "I'll be fine."
"Sure?"
She nodded and left the kitchen. Slipping outside, she managed to shut the door and hold on to Avi at the same time.
Rich stood on the porch with the diaper bag at his boots. She bounced Avi on her hip and stepped forward.
She studied his solemn profile. "Are you okay?"
"Yep." He spit over the railing. "Taking a few."
It was much easier to figure out what was going through his head when they were alone and at home. She swayed back and forth with the baby. There were too many factors here with the club, the women, and the temptation of beer cans in the hands of the others.
"Do you want company?" Avi tried to pull her hair, and she gathered the baby's hand and nibbled on her fingers.
Before he answered, the door behind her opened, and Chuck came out. He snatched Avi out of Gracie's arms and winked, then thumped Rich on the back with his hand. She stepped back, giving the two men their space and noticed that Chuck held a club vest in his free hand.
"Try this one on." Chuck passed the vest to Rich.
He shoved his arms in the holes and shrugged his shoulders, pulling at the front. "It fits."
"Figured you were the same size as Wayne." Chuck's broad hand covered Avi's back, supporting her in his arm. "One of us will grab an application at Port Loaders tomorrow. If you're called in for an interview, they'll require a physical and a piss test."
"Appreciate it, brother," he said quietly.
Chuck looked at Avi. Several minutes passed and Gracie, fascinated by the silence between the two men—they seemed to be comfortable with each other—leaned against the house, giving them time together.
"Is this the first time you've seen her?" asked Chuck.
Rich sniffed, spit, and nodded.
Gracie pressed her hand to her chest. She'd forgotten about Avi and the memories one innocent child brought out in all the men. Rich was not the minority. She'd witnessed every single Notus member be captivated by the baby and lose themselves in memories of Avi's aunt.
"Her name is Avi Thalia." Chuck waited, and when Rich continued to look out into the front yard, he shifted and pressed Avi into Rich's chest, giving him no option other than to hold the child.
Chuck turned around empty-handed, gave Gracie a look not to save Rich, and walked inside, shutting the door behind him. She wanted to rush to his side and relieve him of holding Avi. To protect him from the feelings he would go through. To cushion the shock of holding Thalia's niece.
A niece that Mr. and Mrs. B swears looked exactly like her aunt as a child.
But with Chuck's silent warning and Rich's stiff posture, she stayed where she stood. His broad shoulders sheltered Avi from her view. His strong arm supported the child's back. But it was the angle of his head, dipped to look at Avi that had her swallowing all the emotions gathering in her throat.
"Honey?" said Rich quietly.
She hurried forward, ready to take Avi from him when she caught sight of what had Avi's attention. The child had used all ten little fingers to grab onto Rich's beard. She wasn't going to let him go.
Unable to stop the soft laughter, she leaned against Rich's arm. "She's got fast hands and hair is her favorite thing to grab on to."
"I'm afraid to move. I don't want to break her little fingers," he said, gruffly.
She stroked Avi's head. "You're not going to break her."
"Why does she do that?"
She smiled inside. "I think it's what babies do. Though I like to think she's showing us how strong and determined she is. She's a special little girl."
Wrapping her arm around Rich's back, she continued to stay close, enjoying the conversation. She'd take these moments when drinking was the last thing on his mind, and she was outside, secure with where she was in life.
"She's got Thalia's eyes." His upper body expanded. "Steals my breath."
"The others have said the same." She laid her chin on his bicep and looked up at him. "I would've liked to have known her."
"You would've liked her." Rich paused. "Uh, what's happening? Why is the baby looking at me that way?"
The baby
stared up into Rich's face, motionless. Gracie smiled, knowing what was going to happen any second because Lena had shared over the phone how Avi had entered a new stage of growing up.
Avi's lower lip began to tremble. Gracie acted fast and put an extra hand on the child's back. The squall came, and Avi's hands lifted from Rich's beard. Gracie laughed, holding on to Avi as she turned and held her little, grabby hands out in her direction beginning to cry.
"Take her." Rich handed her off.
Avi held on to Gracie's shirt and hid her face. She rubbed the baby's back and smiled up at Rich who stepped away. "Lena says she's starting to get shy around strangers. That's all. You just need to see her more often, so she'll get used to you."
He ran his hands down his beard, straightening the array whiskers. "She's not hurt?"
"No, of course not." She smiled, stepping toward him and turning. "See?"
Rich's gaze swung to Avi and back to Gracie. He grunted. The noise brought Avi's head off Gracie's shoulder. She turned, so to keep the tears at bay.
She lowered her gaze to Rich's Notus vest. "It looks good on you."
"Feels good."
She looked up at him. "Really?"
He leaned forward, kissed her lips, and said, "Love you, honey."
"That makes me feel good." She leaned toward him and kissed him back. "I love you, too."
He bent over, picked up the diaper bag, and patted Gracie's ass. "We better get inside and give Avi back to her momma."
She walked into the house and joined her family. As she passed Avi to Lena, she caught sight of Clara handing Rich a Coke, and he said something back she couldn't hear.
They were all together having survived loss, gains, and challenges. Her heart warmed and grew. Little steps forward and with a lot of love and commitment, they'd all survive another day.
Epilogue
Two years later ~
The headlights from the five motorcycles spread out in a half circle lit up the immediate area atop Rocky Butte Point. Gracie sat in front of Rich on his Harley, looking out at the scene below them. The St. John's bridge lit the way to the small city they all called home.
It'd been where Rich took her on that first bike ride and where she'd told him the truth about her past and Thalia's murder. It's where they went when they needed a break from life. Sometimes alone, sometimes with the club members and their women.