Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  ' You'll learn.'

  'I don't want to.' She put down the dress. ' With all the misery there is in the world I think it's wrong to spend more than yon need on something to put on your back.'

  ' No economist would agree with you,' he drawled lazily.

  ' What do you know about economics?' She walked mto the bathroom and found Jason had followed her He leaned against the bath, watching her with a smile that made her curiously uneasy.

  ' How would you like it if I asked you what you knew about medicine?' he said slowly.

  ' Medicine is my subject.'

  ' Economics happens to be mine. I took a degree in it.' He sauntered out again, leaving Paula to her astonishment. Irritably she showered and re-applied fresh make-up, all the while conscious of a vague resentment at having been made to look a fool. How incredible not to know your husband had a degree! She was certain Jason had never mentioned it before; if he had she was unlikely to have forgotten it. He seemed determined to maintain a flippant attitude towards everything, and the annoyance she had felt earlier that day when she had learned he was not working full-time at the factory returned with increased intensity. But now was not the time to have it out with him. She knew him well enough to know that she must choose the moment carefully if it were not to lead to an argument Quickly she slipped on the aquamarine dress and gave Jason full marks for his taste. If only he applied himself to his job with as much assiduity as he had'done in choosing her clothes I

  You look beautiful.' His voice from the doorway made her swing round and her heart jumped into her throat at the sight of him. He looked unfamiliar in a dinner jacket, its darkness heightening his blond hair and intensifying the blueness of his eyes. No man bad the right to look so handsome! It made it almost impossible to quarrel with him. The knowledge that just the very sight of him could emotionally unnerve her was a shattering experience, for she had always considered herself immune from the throes of physical attraction. Yet that was all that she and Jason had . . . for the moment.

  'I'm glad I please you, sir' she said huskily, and went to the wardrobe to fetch her brocade jacket. She stopped, staring into the dark interior with amazement 'What's that?'

  ' Take it out and see,' he said from behind her. With shaking hands she withdrew a full-length mink coat.

  'Like it?' he said.

  ' Jason, you shouldn t. I couldn't wear a thing like thisl'

  For answer, he took it out of her hands and held it out for her to put on. It was heavy around her and she had to admit the beauty of the pastel-coloured fur framing her face.

  'I've never had anything as luxurious as this' she whispered. 'It seems wrong.'

  'It's wrong that you've never had it before' he murmured against her hair. ' From now on you must have everything you desire'

  She bit back the reply that came immediately to mind and silently followed him out to the car.

  It was not until they had been driving for a few miles that something familiar about the road made her sit up and look around. 'Isn't this the way to the factory?' she asked with a frown.

  ' We're coming to it now' He slackened to a crawl as they passed the gates, allowing Paula a glimpse of the half completed steel and concrete structure rising in place of the old laboratory. She glanced at Jason, remembering the courage he had displayed on that occasion.

  Where are we going?' she asked. 'I didn't know there was a restaurant in this direction'

  ' There isn't. We're having dinner at home with my father.'

  Paula's hands felt suddenly cold. ' Does he know we're'

  'Yes.' He caught her hand, but did not take his eyes from the road. ' There's no need to be afraid of the old man, Paula. Having the good taste to fall in love with yon has sent me up in his estimation. He can't wait to meet his new daughter-in-law'

  'Your mother's not there, is she?'

  He grinned at the implication. ' You're safe for a few more weeks. She's still at the villa.'

  'I wish you'd warned me where we were going.'

  'If I had, you'd have got into a state about it'

  ' No, I wouldn't. I'm not frightened of your father. It's just that I don't like being treated as a child.'

  'Don't you?' Jason drawled. 'Then maybe you won't treat me as one.'

  'I don't understand'

  'I'm talking about your phone call to my secretary. You didn't give your name, but I know it was you.'

  Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them away angrily. '

  How dare you suggest I was checking up on you?'

  ' Why did you phone, then?'

  ' To tell you-'love you' she said quietly. He drove for a moment in silence, and then with a suddenness that jerked her forward, slammed on the brakes. ' Paula,' he said huskily, and pulled her fiercely into his arms. ' Oh, darling, I never thought of that. . It's the sort of gesture I never expected—never hoped you'd make.' His words hurt her, the more so because she understood what prompted them. It added poignancy to everything Debbie had told her that afternoon, making her realize that his arrogance and confidence was indeed only surface-deep. ' You don't really believe I love you, do you, Jason?' For a moment he sat quiet, making no move towards her, and with uncomfortable insight she wondered if the fear growing through her might not be Jason's fear every time he waited for her to respond to him. 'I don't believe you need me' he said quietly, ' You want me physically, and the desire was so strong that it made

  you marry me, even though you don't like me as a person.'

  'If it was just a physical desire I needn't have married you. There would have been a far simpler way of satisfying it.' She touched her hand to his face and felt the unexpected dampness of his skin. 'I love you, Jason' she said reassuringly, ' otherwise I would never have become your wife.' She felt his body relax and he rested against her for a long moment as if they had come together after a painful separation. Then he switched on the ignition and set the car in motion again. '

  Paula's first evening in the Scott mansion seemed to mark a new phase in her relationship with Jason. Her father-inlaw seemed genuinely delighted at the marriage, though he admitted he would have preferred to have known about it before it had taken place.

  'I never thought he would have bad the sense to marry a girl like you,' he said as they sipped their coffee in the large, elaborately furnished drawing-room. ' Beats me what you can see in the boy, apart from his looks!'

  'I see intelligence and courage.'

  'Do you now ?' Mr Scott chuckled. ' Well, let's hope you can see a bit of hard work too. It's about time he put his back into something.'

  ' Maybe he will, if you give him an opportunity.' Mr Scott's chuckle came again. ' So he's told you I don't give him his head, has he? Well, let's hope you can teach hira a bit more patience. You can't come into a business and start tearing everything to pieces. You've got to take time to absorb what's going on. You've got to understand the men you're dealing with.' He glanced at his son. ' People don t like change, Jason, they're frightened by it'

  'Your competitors aren't That's why their profits are bigger.'

  'We do very well,' Mr Scott said complacently. ' When I'm dead you'll have ample opportunity to do what you like at the factory. Until then you take your orders from me.'

  Paula saw Tason's colour change. Saw, too, the way his jaw clenched. 'I thought you'd promised to put Jason in charge of a department?' she asked quietly.

  Her father-in-law looked at her and then bent to re-light his cigar, reminding her in that moment of Martin. 'That was my intention,' he admitted, 'but Jason is too impatient. If he pushes the people too far we'll have a strike on our hands,'

  ' How do you know?' Paula retorted. 'Give him a chance, Mr Scott.'

  ' There's plenty of time for that.'

  Imperceptibly Jason shook his head and Paula knew that he didn't want her to continue the conversation. ic sat back in her chair and listened as her father-in-law pontificated over a range of subjects, allowing Jason the occasional chance for a word or
two. Seeing mm in this gloomy, ornate setting gave her a far stronger realization of the life both he and Debbie had led and helped her to understand how and why it had formed their characters. She shivered, despite the heat of the room, and glanced around at the mahogany and gold furniture and sombre velvet hangings. A great deal of money seemed to have been spent with considerably little taste and there was no trace here of the gracious living that characterized the South of France villa. It seemed clear that Mrs Scott did not consider this oppressive, somewhat masculine house as her home, and she was convinced it had been equally as many years since the couple had been anything except man and wife in name.

  Looking at Robert Scott, flushed with wine and sated with rich food, she felt a flicker of sympathy for her 3thcr-in-law. Money was a poor compensation for love. The thought made her think of her mother. How different Jason might have been if he had had the same

  background as herself. When he had fallen in love with her she had believed it was because her sense of dedication had intrigued him, but seeing him here, in this house, she realized he had been seeking a warmth he had never found among his own family. Yet all she had ever shown him was strength.

  ' Paula I' Her father-in-law's voice made her jump, and she realized he had been speaking to her.

  'I'm sorry,' she said quickly. 'I didn't hear you,'

  He held out the port decanter. ' Just wondered if you'd like some.'

  ' No, thanks. Too much wine gives me a headache.'

  He replenished his own glass and she resisted the urge to tell him not to drink so much. "If he were my patient," she thought, " I'd put him on a diet and make him take exercise." She looked at his mottled face and bloodshot eyes and wondered if Jason had noticed the change in his father and, more important, whether he cared.

  'I hear you're interested in the manor house the other side of Marsden' Robert Scott said unexpectedly. 'I'll buy it for you as a wedding present' __ Paula glanced at Jason but could not read the expression on his face. 'I don't think—

  we haven't made up our minds about it yet' she stammered.

  'Nothing much to think about,' her father-in-law answered. ' You'll not do better.' He drained his glass.

  'Hope you're not one of these too-proud-to-accept-tnings type of girl. I've got more money than I know what to do with and it's part of my pleasure to give you what you want'

  'Providing it doesn't conflict with your ideas' Paula retorted.

  Robert Scott stiffened, and then burst out laughing.

  'You've certainly got spirit' he said when he could finally speak. ' Are you trying to show I don't intimidate you?'

  'I don't need to show it You know that already.'

  ' Aye, I do. I remember thinking it the first time I met you in the hospital.' He glanced at his son. You ve not married a yes-woman, Jason. I hope vou realize that'

  'I do.'

  Robert Scott looked at Paula. 'I hope yon won't start encouraging Jason with his ideas about reorganizing the factory.'

  "That's an unnecessary remark to make to Paula,'

  Jason began dangerously, when the telephone rang and stopped what threatened to become an embarrassing situation.

  'It's the hospital' Hand over the receiver, Robert Scott glanced at Paula. ' What shall I tell them?'

  ' That she's here, of course. What else?' Jason spoke sharply, and Paula smiled her gratitude as she moved across to take the call.

  'I must get back' she said as she replaced the receiver. 'I told you I was on duty . . '

  In the car speeding towards Marsden, Paula leaned her head against Jason's shoulder. 'I'm sorry to break up the evening'

  'I never thought I'd live to see the day I'd be grateful for one of your emergency calls' he admitted. ' Another minute and I'd have thrown the job back in his face I'

  ' You mustn't. Give him time, Jason. I'm sure it's only a question of time'

  ' You don't know the strain of having to keep quiet when I see the mess he's making of things. If he listened to me our profits could be trebled and we'd be able to improve working conditions.'

  ' You haven't been back all that long,' she soothed.

  'In a couple of months'

  'A couple of months I' he exploded. 'Each day's a lifetime.'

  ' But I'm with you now' she said softly. ' Remember that.'

  He caught hold of her hand and touched it to his lips. A tremor went through her and she felt closer to him than at any time since the factory explosion; not the excitement of physical closeness but of a closeness brought about by understanding—the sort of closeness she often experienced with Martin when she watched him I through a long and difficult operation.

  As they arrived at the hospital entrance two ambulances were drawing away and Paula scrambled out of the ' car quickly.

  Do you want me to wait for you?' Jason called. 'Better not. I might be here all night' ' What a honeymoon I' he said humorously. 'I warned you'

  'I know, darling. I'm joking' His hand clasped hers.

  'What is the emergency, anyway?'

  'A fire' she said briefly. 'In one of the slums.' Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, she ran into the hospital, not even pausing to watch him drive away.

  Of the nightmare hours which followed she retained only the haziest recollection. The fire, starting in one of Marsden's worst slums, had spread rapidly through the overcrowded houses and stretcher after stretcher was brought into Casualty in what seemed to be a neverending stream. Everyone laboured through the night, but despite all their efforts one small life slipped through their fingers before morning, and three adults would never live to see the day.

  Paula was delegated to break the news to the parents of the child, and when she left the waiting-room she felt she had aged ten years. Listlessly she walked into the canteen and drank a cup of coffee, standing by the counter. Its heat did little to revive the numbness that enveloped her and she set the cup down and turned away, bumping into the man behind her. ' Martin I' she

  said shakily. ' You're always here when I' she stopped, but the rest of the words did not need to be said, for he knew what she meant.

  'I'll take you home,' he said brusquely.

  She summoned a faint smile and followed him out of the canteen to his car.

  'I'm sorry you had to tell the parents,' he said as they drew away from the kerb. ' Sister told me about it just before.'

  'It's bad enough when old people die, but when it's a child . . .' She leaned back wearily, 'I hate waste.'

  'So do I!' Martin exploded savagely, and she knew from his tone that he was not thinking of the child any longer but of her marriage to Jason. 'I'm sorry,' he continued quietly. 'I shouldn't have said that. Your marriage is none of my business.'

  ' You'll have to accept it if we're to remain friends.'

  ' How can we be friends when you know what I think of Scott?'

  'He's got courage,' she said quietly. 'You've seen that for yourself. All he needs now is a chance.'

  ' What are you going to be—a wet nurse or a wife?"

  ' Wives are often both!'

  ' You deserved better."

  4 Is that jealousy speaking or logic? It isn't usually like yon not to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Jason's given up racing and gone back to the factory. He's trying to do what I want, Martin. You've no right to condemn him.'

  The car drew to a stop at the kerb and Martin came round to help her out. 'Forgive me, Paula' he said as he walked with her to the door. ' You're right I'm

  not being logical about Scott. I'm just thinking that if it hadn't been for him we might have' he bit off the rest of his words and Paula quickly put the key in the lock. Almost at once a light sprang on in the living room and as she swung open the door she saw Jason come through into the hall. One look at his face told her he had waited up for her all night, and she knew a tremor of fear as she saw his eyes flick from Martin to her.

  'If you'd phoned me, Paula, I'd have come to collect yon.'

  'I didn't w
ant to bother you, darling. Martin brought me back.'

  ' So I see.' Jason moved forward and tucked a possessive arm through hers. ' Seems the only chance I'll get of seeing my wife is to take up medicine I' He smiled disarmingly at Martin. 'If I forget what Paula looks like, you'll have to remind me.'

  'I doubt if that will be necessary,' Martin said quietly. '

  Thank God we don't get many emergencies like last night.' With a murmured goodnight he left them, and the moment the door closed Paula pulled her arm free from Jason's and walked into the bedroom.

  ' Did you have to be so rude to Martin?' she asked. 4'didn't think I was rude.'

  ' Then your idea of manners differs from mine]'

  'I'm sorry, darling." He stood behind ber and pulled her back against him, dropping light butterfly kisses on the nape of her neck. 'I sat up, hoping every minute to hear your voice on the phone. And then—when I saw you come in with him—I lost my temper.'

  She turned to face him. ' Martin's a colleague, Jason. A very dear one, but still only a colleague. You're the man I married. Isn't that enough for you to know?'

  'It should be. Sometimes when I feel shut out of your life . . .' He dropped his arms and stood back. ' You're all in, Paula. I'll run you a hot bath and then you can get some sleep.'

  'I can only stay away for a couple of hours.' She slumped into a chair and kicked off her shoes, seeing that the delicate fabric was stained with blood. ' They're ruined' she murmured. 'I'm sorry, Jason.'

  ' Who cares about a pair of shoes? You're the one that's important to mc, and I can't bear to see you like this with all your life and vitality drained away.' He knelt at her feet and they remained together, his face pressed against her breast, her hands stroking his head.

  ' As long as I can come home and know you're here,' she said at last ' That's the most important thing to me.'

  'I'd always be here, for as long as you want me.'

  Life at Marsden General settled back into its normal course. Though Paula rarely managed to leave on time, for several evenings at least she was able to dine alone with Jason and to enjoy the nights undisturbed by emergency calls, and every day that passed without friction seemed to strengthen their love. When Sunday afternoon found her with a few off-duty hours it was Paula's own suggestion they should run out to look at the house he had spoken of. Set down in a village almost totally unspoilt despite its nearness to industrial Marsden. the house itself was far less grand than she had feared and twice as beautiful as anything Jason's description had led her to visualize. Paula lost her heart to it from the outset and for the first time knew a craving for a material possession that was not a book or a medical instrument. Wandering hand-in-hand with Jason through the exquisitely proportioned rooms, deciding which would be the diningroom, which their own bedroom, planning a colour scheme, furnishing the rooms in their imagination, Paula began to understand something of the joys of ownership and the subtle pleasures of a life spent amid beautiful surroundings.