Language in the Blood
Page 13
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Before the invention of the internet, daytime was often long and tedious for me. After eating, I was so full of energy that it could be hard to sit still and read books for several hours. I had never been a big reader and if I had been a kid today they’d probably have told me I had attention deficit disorder. My ADD only got worse once I became a vampire.
As a child, I’d had trouble concentrating at school – there was always something more interesting going on outside. My equally restless friends and classmates didn’t make things any better. The Tams, Malckie and I were each put in one of the corners of the classroom. I often got a fright as the teacher’s belt thwacked down on the desk behind me as I sat backwards in my chair pulling faces at Big Tam. The only teacher I got on with was Mr Menzies who took us running and put us through our paces outside, where for once I was top of my class.
Once I became a vampire it was hard to get rid of all the energy. You couldn’t just go running about the streets at night, especially when I’d lived in London; running along the road in the dark would have looked very suspicious. Then, during the day, I had to stay hidden and books were not a good way to get rid of pent up energy.
The internet opened a whole new and exciting world for me. Chatrooms, poker sites and all the news and information I could possibly want was suddenly at my fingertips, exactly what my restless soul needed. I didn’t even need to sit still to use it, as I could play interactive games on the Wii. My internet use was really not that different from any other hyperactive teenager. I even had my own Facebook page: Cruftslover. I loved playing poker online and talking nonsense with all sorts of people from around the world, but sometimes online chat could get surreal:
YorkieLover: NH
Crufts56: THX
Crufts56: So are Yorkies your favourite?
Yorkielover: Oh yes, I could eat them all day.
Crufts56: Ok, you eat them too? Here in France they can be hard to get and so expensive.
YorkieLover: No problems here, corner shop sells them.
Aces4: NOM NOM Yorkie, they are chunky!
RacingMika: We do not have this Yorkie in Finland, what is it?
Crufts56: it’s a dog.
YorkieLover: it’s a chocolate bar.
Aces4: Crufts yr so funny LOL!
YorkieLover: Sick ILMFAO.
RacingMika: LOL NH.
Crufts56: THX.
Having the yacht in the Mediterranean opened up another outlet for my hyperactivity; nobody minded, or even saw, me going for long swims at night, often taking morsels of bread with me to attract fish in their hundreds. It was in the summer of 2010 that I broke into a shop selling fishing supplies as I wanted a spear gun and snorkel so I could hunt for fish and octopus. There wasn’t any tasty blood in a fish, but Roberto loved seafood and George didn’t mind the odd sea bass. I had gone to the shop all five previous nights and given the door a good kick so it set off the alarm. By night six the owners must’ve been tearing their hair out at their alarm going off for no reason and had left it unset. I smiled as I opened the shop door with my tools and went in without being spotted. Then, suddenly, I saw a shape coming towards me and before I knew it two paws were on my shoulders and a wet tongue was in my face.
‘Oh hello, fun added bonus! Are you going to help me find a good snorkel?’ The most useless guard dog in history brought me his green squeaky toy instead. From the disc on his collar I spotted he was called Rataplan, the name of an inept comic book dog that suited him well. I threw the toy and Rataplan bounced after it. I quickly found all the supplies I needed.
‘Are you coming with me?’ I asked Rataplan, and he pushed his toy towards me with his nose expectantly. I found a leash behind the counter and we made our way to the beach. I threw his toy for him to retrieve until I finally got bored. Good grief! This dog was even more hyper than me! I got into the tender and had to lift Rataplan in as he didn’t fancy the jump from the quay. I had a late night meal under a full moon and decided to try out my new spear gun. I used the descending body for target practice, but then got out a slice of bread to attract some fish. I managed to spear about four good-sized specimens before I had to head back to the yacht. I gutted and descaled the fish and left them in the fridge for the boys to find.
It was the same summer that I told George I wanted a new tender. The one we had was ok to get us between shore and yacht, but it was too slow for my liking and I had seen an online video of people playing around in a Williams turbo jet yacht tender and now I wanted one badly. I had found someone that was selling his second hand in St Tropez and I asked George to go and check it out and arrange an evening visit for me if it was any good.
‘It’s a good tender that one, I think you will like it,’ reported George, when he got back.
‘Good. Can I see it one night?’ I asked him.
‘I got you a viewing next Monday.’
We drove out to St Tropez the following Monday, as soon as the sun set and arrived at about half nine.
‘So who did you rob to pay for this latest toy?’ said George as we walked along the quayside.
‘If you’re going to be like that I should have cracked a window and left you in the car,’ I snapped.
‘I’m sorry. It’s none of my business how you acquire your toys.’
I knew he disapproved of my constant quest for the latest luxury or plaything. He put up with me as you do with a spoilt teenager. I was about 116 now but the world only saw a young man. My skin fitted me well and inside too I was still a 20 year old. I had the libido of a 20 year old who liked nothing better than to chase lassies and have a laugh with some mates, but I had also become spoilt, cruel, selfish and lacking in compassion. Plus I had learned a few tricks along the way.
It was indeed a very nice, fast little tender and I decided to buy it in cash on the spot. It was about 30,000 euros but it had been a good couple of weeks. I heard the turbo jet racing around The Count Dracula over the following days – George and Roberto where having a lot of fun with the new tender too. I was jealous of them frolicking up there in the daylight and swore I would drain them of every drop if they broke my new toy.