Amy looked tired, her eyes not their usual bright blue. She linked her arm in Braxton’s, leaning over, she asked, “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” He led her down the hall to his room, pushed the door open wide, then followed her inside, closing the door behind him. He waited for her to speak. She sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Braxton sat down beside her.
“Have you talked to Allie?”
“Not since about a week ago. Have you?”
“Only briefly. She called this morning to say she wasn’t going to be able to make it. Something about some big project that was due when classes started back up. I’m worried about her.”
“So am I. She told me she was having a hard time, but said she was okay. I don’t know if that’s the whole truth, but I’m hoping it is.”
He didn’t want to give away the fact that he was more than just worried. He was terrified. This was out of the ordinary for her, not something she would do. The holidays had always been her favorite time of year.
“If you hear from her, find out anything more, will you please let me know?”
“I’ll do that.”
There was no way he was going to explain how much Allie had shut him out. He didn’t know much about her life in California. Nothing about what was going on with her, and he sure didn’t want to explain to Amy how far apart they had become. No one knew, and he’d like to keep it that way.
Braxton spent the rest of the day going through the motions. He smiled when warranted, laughed at all the right times, joined the conversations, all in an effort to hide the storm brewing inside of him. He was apprehensive, perplexed, and discomposed. Untangling the emotions churning inside of him was useless. He was helpless, and prayed for a way to make this right. Amy’s concerns for her daughter kicked his anxiety up a notch. Something was definitely wrong if Allie was even avoiding her own parents. He was going to find out why.
Two day after Christmas, Braxton was on his way back to his dorm. School didn’t start back for another week yet, but he couldn’t sit around the house any longer. It was driving him insane. He needed to do something, anything, be proactive for once. He bypassed the exit for Tuscaloosa, and instead took the highway that would lead him to the airport. He had no idea if he could even get a flight out, but he was dang sure going to try.
Pulling the small bag from the backseat that held his school work and such, he unzipped it and dumped its contents into the back floorboard. He rummaged through his suitcase until he had found his toothbrush, and the only clean outfit he had left, and shoved them in the bag. Running across the parking lot, he pushed the lock button on the fob, and continued on without stopping. The ticket counter was empty, which was unusual, but he thanked his lucky stars. Luck, fate, and God were all on his side.
A plane bound for Los Angeles was what he needed and there had been two flights out this time. He paid for the ticket, and ran to the security checkpoint. His plane was set to leave in half an hour. There were only five people ahead of him and he cleared security with about twenty minutes to spare. Arriving at his gate, he handed the agent his ticket and boarded the plane. Out of breath, and fueled by adrenaline, he leaned his head back against the seat, put his earbuds in his ears and turned on his favorite playlist.
The time had come; it was time to fight for what he wanted, to fight for her. She would have no choice but to tell him what was going on with her. He was determined to stay until she did.
∞ Chapter 13 ∞
Braxton was cramped inside the small compact car. It was all the airport car rental had left. Small or not, it was taking him to Allie. The thought of finding a hotel before trying to find Allie crossed his mind. The nagging feeling in his gut told him he needed to get to her and the hotel would have to wait. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be spending the night in the car, he’d much rather find a park bench to lay on than to try to sleep scrunched up.
The parking lot of the dorm was almost completely empty. Only a handful of cars were scattered around the lot. Braxton parked near the front doors. His nerves on full alert, blood pounded behind his ears. He continued on, shaking his hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself. The door opened easily, and he climbed the stairs two at a time. Standing in front of her door, he wiped the sweat from his hands on the sides of his jeans.
He knocked, and waited. Finally, the door opened and Allie stood before him, half hidden. Her face was laden with shock, her eyes wide as they connected with his own.
“Braxton,” she said, her voice so soft, so quiet.
“Can I come in?”
Allie took a step back allowing him into her home. She crossed her arms over her chest and led him to the small living room to the even smaller couch.
“You didn’t come home. I know something isn’t right. This isn’t you. Even your mom is worried.”
A look of pure shame contorted and twisted her beautiful features. “I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that. I’m not buying it. What happened, Allie? Tell me what’s going on.”
Braxton ran his eyes over every inch of her body, taking in her disheveled appearance. The large SCU sweatshirt hung loosely and almost swallowed her whole. Her sleep pants looked as if she’d been wearing them for days and were also too big for her. He didn’t know what to make of that. His imagination ran wild with different reasons for all of this, what could break her so dang bad that she’d let herself go, cut everyone she loves off, and carry this weight on her own?
“Life, Braxton. Life happened,” she deadpanned. Her eyes glistened with tears. “Why are you here?” She’d asked this same question before, what now seemed so long ago. But this time, he wasn’t going to let her shut him out. This time, he would be her hero.
“For you, Allie. I’m here for you. Something is wrong and I want to help. You’re my best friend. We’ve always shared everything, always been there for each other. I’m not willing to let that go.”
A sinister laugh escaped her lips. With her head hung in obvious shame and guilt, she whispered, “There’s no help for me, Brax. Don’t even try. I’ve made a huge mess of my life and I can’t, no I won’t bring you into it.”
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter to me. You’re my best friend! Did you not just hear me? I’d walk through fire for you.”
Allie curled in on herself, her head buried in her hands. Braxton slid closer to her, reached out and rubbed his hand down her back, trying his best to comfort her. Leaning over, he tried to find her eyes. When he couldn’t, he gently tilted her head up, his fingers a feather-lite touch on her chin. Her tear stained face and eyes with dark prominent circles, shattered Braxton’s heart. This was his Allie, his beautiful, broken girl. He again wondered how they got here, so close, yet so far apart.
Allie’s lips trembled as Braxton silently begged her to trust him, to tell him this secret she’s been harboring.
“I’m pregnant, and I have no idea who the father is.”
Braxton stood and rocked back onto his heels. The force of the shock nearly knocking him over. Rage he had never felt before consumed him, licking at his insides. His fist burned to hit something. Right then, he wasn’t even sure who he was angry at, or why. That wasn’t true, he knew exactly why. She’d been taken advantage of, knocked up, and left alone, by someone she couldn’t even remember. He backed away until he hit the wall. He’d never hit her, or any woman, but this was entirely out of his realm of comfort. Not knowing how to handle the raging fire burning in his veins, he pressed up against the wall, palms flat against the surface.
“How did this happen?” He spoke slowly, enunciating every word. His voice was deep, low, and you could almost feel the anger blowing across the room with every syllable.
“How do you think it happened, Brax?” Allie’s sarcastic tone did nothing to ease the growing flame inside of Braxton.
“Don’t! You know darn good and well what I mean.”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you
mean you don’t know? How could you not know?” his voice rose as well as the inferno of rage.
“I was drunk. I was drunk and I don’t remember anything.” Allie sounded sheepish.
Shame, regret, and disgust with herself crashed over her, taking her ability to breathe. Tears slid down her face, her sobs broke the thick air between them, snapping Braxton out of the anger and bitterness. Too stunned to move, Braxton remained as still as stone. Seconds passed and the anger faded away to nothing, only to be replaced by a fierce need to protect the broken girl in front of him. Just a few steps, that’s all it would take, all that was needed.
He pushed off of the wall, then Braxton was in front of her. His arms slid underneath hers, he lifted her from the couch with ease. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight and she let him hold her weight as the world she’d been trying so hard to survive, crumbled around her. Her face was buried in his shirt, the comfort of his touch, the familiarity of his smell, unique to only him, nor the love she secretly felt for him since childhood could overshadow the humiliation of what she had done. Her quiet cries were swallowed by the cotton fabric of his shirt, catching the tears as the fell in streams from her eyes.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you now.”
Like a cocoon, his words wrapped around her, protecting her, soothing her broken soul.
They didn’t move other than to sit down. All night long he’d held her close. Allie, drained from the emotions and tears fell asleep a little after midnight. The sun had just started to rise, and as much as he didn’t want to let her go, the call of nature had to be answered. Carefully, he slid over and laid her still sleeping form on the couch. He found a blanket folded on the chair next to her bed and covered her up. After finishing up in the bathroom, he went in search of coffee. Not finding any, he put his shoes on and slipped quietly out the door.
Allie was awake when he returned and looked somewhat better than she had the night before.
“I thought you left.”
“I did, but only to get coffee and breakfast.” Smiling, he tossed a bag at her. “Bagel and cream cheese for the lady, and cup of coffee, fixed to perfection by yours truly.”
“Thanks. I needed that. I feel like death.”
“Yeah, well, you do kind of look the part, too.”
“I can only imagine,” she groaned.
Allie sipped her coffee and devoured the bagel, licking the remaining cream cheese from her fingers. Braxton wondered if she had been eating properly or if she was just famished from the heaviness of last night’s confession. Braxton knew it was now or never. It was time she knew he how he felt. He braced himself for the conversation, his heart pounding hard against his chest. If he would have been standing his knees would have been playing their own bongo solo. Allie looked over at him, he could feel the sweat beading up along his forehead. Using the back of his hand he wiped it away.
“How are you feeling this morning?”
That wasn’t what he wanted to say, but he still hadn’t built up the courage to say what was on his heart.
“Better. I’m really sorry about last night.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me. I just wish you wouldn’t have kept me in the dark for so long. You don’t have to do this alone, ya know. I could have helped you.”
“Braxton, I couldn’t...”
He interrupted her, it was now or never.
“Yes, you could have. We’ve always told each other everything,” he paused, scared to breathe out the next words that could either break them or pull them together. “I love you.”
∞ Chapter 14 ∞
Braxton had said the words and now, he couldn’t take them back. He didn’t want to, but now he questioned his timing. What he’d always feared now played out right before him. Allie had slowly stood and with tears in her eyes, turned her back on him. Not thinking about the consequences, he followed his heart, it was already breaking so it didn’t matter if she shattered it beyond repair. He could hear his mother’s voice so clearly in his mind, ‘protect her always’.
The space between them felt like miles and he closed the gap in two long strides. Reaching out, he placed his hand on her shoulder, she tensed under his touch, a profound difference from last night when she so eagerly accepted his comfort. He dropped his hand to his side, taking in a shaky breath. He could feel the tears wanting to build and he closed his eyes.
“Allie?”
Without turning around, “Yeah?”
“This is your time, right now. Your time to fight. Your time to take back your life. You can do this with my help, or you can do it alone. Either way, you can’t put it off any longer. I’d much rather you choose to do this with me, to let me help you, but I love you enough to let go until you find your way back.”
She spun in his direction, a fire in her eyes as she trained them on Braxton.
“You have no idea how strong my demons are or how tight their hold is over me. Some days I can’t even breathe. They control every aspect of my life and no matter how hard I try, I can’t win against them. They’re too strong.” With every word, the boldness in her voice grew weak until she could only whisper the last part.
“You’re stronger,” he argued.
“I used to believe that.”
“I still believe it. I can still see that light in your eyes, even when it’s hidden behind your fear. You can’t hide that from me. I see it. It’s the light that turns my night to day, it calls to me, drawing me into its safety. You just have to look harder within yourself and you’ll see it too. You can’t keep running from this. Can’t you see that? Don’t you see me standing here, as your friend, arms open wide, offering you help?”
Braxton watched her as she staggered from one side of the room to the other. She sat down on the edge of the couch, dropping her eyes to the floor.
“I’m not who I was when I left Gardendale. I’m not sure who I am anymore.”
“I know you’re not. I can clearly see that, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to change you so much that you push away the very people who love you most. You have an entire family that would walk to the ends of the earth for you, if you’d let them. This doesn’t have to destroy you. Let me help you.” He pleaded with her, begging with reckless abandon. He paced the floor until he came to halt directly in front of her. His eyes bore into her, pinning her down with the fierceness of his honesty and loyalty to her.
She looked away then returned her gaze to Braxton, all hope of her letting him completely in vanished. Her face held only sadness, defeat, and loneliness. A loan tear escaped from her eye, he watched as it rolled slowly down her face and dropped to floor. His heart didn’t just break, it completely obliterated. Standing, she looked him eye to eye.
“I can’t do this, Brax. My demons have already won the battle. I want you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
He reached out to her, but she side stepped him.
“Just go.”
“You’re just going to turn me away like that? Give up? What about the baby you’re carrying, Allie? Quit being selfish and think this through.”
As he spoke, he let the hurt come through. He swung his arms animatedly. “I thought we were better friends than this. I thought I knew you. Guess I was wrong about a lot of things.”
Total defeat laced his voice. He turned away from her and pulled his keys from his pocket.
Allie’s tears fell harder as she watched the only boy she’s ever trusted turn and walk away. Braxton cast a glance back in disbelief before continuing through the door. She knew he wanted her to change her mind, to call out and stop him, but she couldn’t. There wasn’t any part of her that wanted him to give up his life to pick up the very messy pieces of hers. If she could ever figure out how to put herself back together again and get to a place she felt whole, she’d go to him, offer him every part of her.
This was her best friend, her only true friend and he deserved better. Allie promised her
self she’d try every single day to become someone worthy of his friendship. She knew he loved her, it was hard not to love someone you’ve known your entire life, spent every waking moment together with. She prayed she could be strong enough to get herself off of this broken road and that Braxton would be waiting in the end.
The tears he’d fought so hard to hold back in front of her now fell freely. Unimaginable pain clawed at him and he fisted his shirt over his chest. He let all he felt pour out in the cramped space of his small rental car. Time ticked slowly by, his tears finally coming to a stop when there wasn’t any left for him to shed. Instead of feeling lighter, he felt a heavy sadness. He needed to leave, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. It broke every promise he made to protect her and to always be there for her. He turned the key in the ignition and backed out, taking one last glance at the window to her room. He thought he saw her shadow but it was just his heart hoping she’d be there. Putting the gear shift into drive, he drove away leaving a trail of the broken pieces of his heart behind.
Braxton was at a loss, but he wouldn’t give up on her. Leaving wasn’t his choice, it was what she forced him to do, but he knew with everything in him that he had to wait this out. It wasn’t going to be easy, truth be told it was the hardest thing he’d ever done, walking away. Sometimes you have to let go just enough to realize what it is you’re missing, what’s been lost. He hoped that would be the case here, that if anything, Allie would figure out she needed him. Maybe she didn’t, but everyone needs someone and that’s at the very least what Braxton wanted to be.
He had been her world once, but that was just a couple of kids who didn’t know what existed outside of their small town. Learning how to be an adult in the real world was definitely different than playing under the shade tree in her yard. There was nothing to fear then, and now, everything about this scared him. Was he doing the right thing? Would she be okay? Did he ask for help from her parents? No, he couldn’t do that. No matter how much he felt they needed to know, that would break the only bond they seemed to have right now--trust. Everything in him screamed for him to turn around, drag her back to Alabama with him, but what good would that do? He hated it, leaving her there so vulnerable and so alone.
Finding My Forever Page 7