by Melle Amade
The dark shadows of the canyon engulf us. I want to reach out and touch him, break the desolation. But it’s almost as if he would break if I interrupted him. His hands are clenched on the steering wheel. His swamp green eyes gaze at me.
“I just want you to know,” he says, “I understand that if you get the chance to choose between the dove and the raven, I understand that part of you will be lost. That part of you will die and it won’t come back, ever again.”
I open my mouth to breathe because I’m suffocating beneath his words. A choking gasp comes out from deep within me. It’s the closest I can come to articulating my feelings.
“But Shae,” Callum continues, “losing part of you is better than losing all of you.”
I nod and blink back the moisture in my eyes. “I know I have to choose, Callum,” I say into the darkness.
“And, I want you to be a raven,” he says.
“Well, let’s just hope I get the chance to choose,” I whisper, even as my heart cracks.
He pulls up by my house and shuts off the engine. He takes my hand and strokes the back of it gently and carefully, tracing the lines of my fingers with the tips of his. I hold my breath, but I don’t dare move and he doesn’t look up. He just stares at my hand.
“Everything’s changed in the last few weeks and I can’t tell what’s going on. I have all these responsibilities now. I’m the Ridder. That was so far away from me. Now, I must step up and be a man, even though sometimes I still feel like a boy inside.”
“It’ll take time,” I murmur.
“What I want you to know…” He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts and get the right ones out. “…is that when they find a binding spell and when you get to choose, I don’t want you to be a raven just because it’s the safest choice. I want you to choose to be a raven because it’s my clan. If you’re a raven, I can stick you in the center of the Ravensgaard and make sure that nothing happens to you.”
“I–”
He shakes his head putting a finger over my lips. “I have to get this out or I may never say it. I am not telling you to be a raven,” his voice is hoarse. “I’m telling you to follow your heart, to be what you want to be and I only hope that what you want, truly want to be, is a raven.”
“I’ll be at the Commendation ceremony tomorrow,” I say. “I’ll swear fealty with the Ravensgaard.”
“If they swear,” Callum says.
“They will,” I say. “You’ll see.” My body aches for him to hold me, but I push open the jeep door instead. He starts the engine and I step out into the chill night air.
6
I stand outside the chapel door with my fingers tightly gripped around the old, dented handle. My breathing is labored from my fast bike ride here and even though the temperature is starting to drop, sweat moistens my upper lip. It doesn’t get very cold in SoCal, but still I shiver. Mom hadn’t wanted me to come to the Commendation. She’d argued with me for a good twenty minutes even though we both knew I had to.
There’s no way you can be a renegade raven. If I’m going to live, I’m going to have to be a raven. I’m going to have to fit in. I’m going to have to have the courage to stand in front of a room full of Ravensgaard and lie about who and what I am. I swallow hard. Even now, when I must take the next step, I don’t know if I can do it; promote this lie that I’m only a raven.
I listen at the door, but I can’t hear anything on the other side. Not sure what I expected. Cawing? Heckling? Cackling? But not a sound slips through the solid wood. Will Callum get the backing of all the Ravensgaard? What if they try to usurp him?
I have to go in. Now. Before I lose my courage.
The creak of the door fills the room, as if no one has oiled it since the chapel was built a hundred years ago.
Callum stands at the front on the raised platform. Whatever he’s saying comes to an abrupt stop and he breaks into a wide grin as I step tentatively into the chapel. All eyes turn to look at me, but mostly I notice Iona, who’s sitting in the front row. Her eyes are dark green and narrowed in on me, her lips tightly pursed as if I’m something distasteful. I still haven’t recovered my breath and my chest heaves. The room is packed with Ravensgaard, their heads swiveling to see who just came in late. It’s standing room only. I should’ve known to come early, but I was kind of avoiding conversations. Even though there’s been an influx of Ravensgaard, I haven’t really spoken to any of them. My friends were always around, ushering me to what they considered safety.
There must be over a hundred-people crammed into the chapel.
And, they’re all staring at me.
Aiden and Lord Van Arend sit on the dais. Lord Van Arend is pale and bloated, but keeps his back straight and his eyes surveying the room. My gaze connects with Callum. It’s so weird to see him up there, in front of all these grownups. The leader. The Ridder. The raven’s claw ring flashes on Callum’s finger.
He gives me a slight nod and continues what he was saying, drawing the attention of the room back to himself. Zan and Roman aren’t here. This is after all a gathering of the Ravensgaard. I take a deep breath, pretending I fit in. Like, of course, I’m supposed to be here.
Just act cool.
Tom and Liam, the two Ravensgaard that held me prisoner in the birdcage are here. I guess they’re not following Murtagh anymore. It’s hard to follow someone who’s in prison. Shanahan looms at the back of the room just to my right. I’m not wearing the sling, but he’s too interested in what Callum’s saying to give me any attention.
Iona turns away. She’s intimidating even from the back. Razor straight and aimed right at Callum. He looks lanky and strong standing up there, black gear stretched across his broad chest. He appears completely calm at the front of this room full of warriors. He leads the Ravensgaard, the protectors of the Eagles. At least, he will officially if they swear to him.
“As Van Arend has stated I am now his Ridder,” says Callum. “But I’m not the Ridder you swore allegiance to when you swore to this ring.” Callum holds up his hand, the ravens claw ring shines in the chapel light. “This is not a gathering to tell you that you are sworn to me. It is still a question. These have been tumultuous times in Topanga. And, the Ravensgaard have instigated it.”
Voices mutter around the room, but no one argues the point directly with Callum.
“Our ancestry in this place is not clean,” he says. “But today, this is when we make a new start of it. I will not hide the past or whisper our family secrets. I will tell them straight to your face. My great grandfather, Declan Murtagh, was crazy and ate humans.”
A shocked ripple moves through the ravens in the room as they exchange looks. I know they’re not surprised to hear this news, Declan Murtagh’s behavior is known. Just, pretty sure, it’s never been stated from the platform before a gathering before. Especially not here in Topanga where it happened. Maybe it’s not quite so normal to call out your ancestor for eating humans, but some of the Ravensgaard are giving Callum a grudging nod of respect. Shanahan’s arms remain folded over his chest.
“I will have no secrets,” Callum says. “Secrets are the rot that destroys people, family and relationships. So, I will tell you them. My father was a deadbeat who left my mother and we don’t know where he is. My mother committed suicide.”
He has everybody’s complete attention as he pauses to survey the room. Iona has her chin tilted a bit sideways as she gazes up at him. I can just see the glint of her dark green eyes in profile. I feel a stab of - of something. I don’t know if it’s jealousy, because Callum isn’t looking at her at all. He’s talking to the room quiet calmly, full of humility. But she’s got that look on her face like she gets him and–familiarity. Who the hell is she? My nails dig into the palms of my hands and my jaw hardens against my skull. My gaze burns into Callum and I’m silently commanding him to not look at her, to not give her any attention.
“And, many of you were here for the most recent upheavals, but I’m going to say it out lo
ud for all of us, so there can be no rumors; no secrets. My uncle came over from Ireland, and quite a few of you came with him. He came here to usurp the Van Arends by overthrowing the rightful path of Ravensgaard inheritance for the Ridder of Muiderkring West. He had my brother, Jon, killed and he lead a revolt against Lord Van Arend.”
When he says the words “he had my brother killed” a sound escapes the room. It’s not so much a gasp, but more a sigh. As if, finally, the truth has been outed and now everyone knows and nobody must keep it a secret any longer. Shoulders relax noticeably.
Everyone except Iona. Her hand squeezes the side of her neck and her head bows. Her shoulders remain a steel rod. Aiden stares down at her, his eyes narrowed.
“There are no secrets here,” Callum continues. I swallow hard. I have a huge secret and Callum knows it. This might be the most dangerous play he’s ever made. Standing in front of the people he expects to swear fealty to him and keeping my duality a secret. “We are family. All of us in some way are related. But there is no reason to follow me based on my heritage, based on my history, or based on what you know of me, a 16-year-old California boy.”
It’s as if he’s undermining his own leadership, even though he holds the attention of the entire room. I glance at Aiden and Lord Van Arend, but they’re both nodding, as if this is a well-rehearsed approach they all agreed on.
“But there is one thing I do have,” he says. “I have and follow a code that has been passed down to me for hundreds of years. My family swore allegiance to the Van Arends in 1463 and while there have been bumps in the road of this longstanding relationship, it has held. I will follow suit. I will lead with honor and dignity all those who wish to be in the Ravensgaard and who wish to follow me. I know some of you came here to usurp the Van Arends and if you wish to continue that course, I will fight you, my kin, to protect them and their position on the Kortsrijk. But if you wish to join me and to fulfill our honorable destiny, the one our family agreed to centuries ago in Ireland, then I will gratefully and humbly lead you.”
Is this the boy I have known my whole life? Without me knowing exactly when or how it happened, he has become a leader of men. He holds his own on a stage with Aiden and Lord Van Arend. This is nothing I would have expected six weeks ago.
“So, make your choice now,” he says. “Those who choose to leave, may do so freely without fear of pursuit or repercussions. Return to Ireland, but do not return here to cause trouble in my home. If you wish to make this your home, then you will swear to me as I am sworn to Lord Van Arend. You will swear to me and to fight with the Ravensgaard, to protect the rightful heirs to the Kortsrijk, to protect the Order, and to protect shifters.”
His eyes connect with mine and my heart surges with pride over the young man he has become.
“I will answer any questions you might have,” he says.
Shanahan shouts out, “Explain the provisions.”
Van Arend stands up, his bloat pulled down by gravity, pale gray skin almost swimming in waves around him. His voice warbles, but he speaks loudly. “We welcome the new Ravensgaard to Topanga and the Kortsrijk of Muiderkring West. It has been a dark time here and we are eager for this to change. My family will supply paid positions for all who will have work.”
“And, for those who wish to live within the Ravensgaard farmstead, you will be assigned a place, which you can fix up and make your own,” says Callum. “Many of you have been camping out, but if we work together, we can improve the permanent residences for everyone.”
Ravens throughout the room nod.
“We are camping because there’s not enough room!” Shouts someone across the chapel.
“We also own the land of the zoo,” Aiden says.
“You would house us in the zoo?!” A raven yells derisively. The room erupts in a landslide of heckling calls.
“No,” says Aiden. “There are buildings that can be renovated into homes. The cages must be torn down.”
My hand inadvertently goes to my throat. It wasn’t that long ago that we were chained like wild animals in the bear cage, hard metal collars around our necks.
“We also believe,” says Callum, “we can improve it as a training ground for the Ravensgaard.”
“And what about green cards?” A voice calls. “Irish have been looking for green cards for a long time.”
A ripple of laughter moves through the ravens.
“All of that is easily arranged,” Van Arend responds. “You know I have coyotes on my staff who take care of such things.”
Shanahan moves forward. “We are not peasants to become subjects of a lord,” he says. “What freedoms do we have?”
“The only requirement to being sworn to me is that you protect the Van Arend’s position on the Kortsrijk, just as our ancestors have done,” Callum says. “We are the defenders of Muiderkring West.”
“Everything else is paid work,” Aiden agrees.
“We are working to build strength,” says Callum. “So, if there is opposition, we will have a unified force to face it.”
“And, who exactly do you see this attack coming from?” Iona’s voice is like the whisper of an ice wind slipping through the room. “In the confines and confidentiality of this room and my brethren, I will say that I have long thought the Ravensgaard’s biggest enemy was the Order.” A grumble goes through the room, but I can’t tell if they’re in agreement with Iona or against. Some nod, others shake their heads.
“The Order is an alliance,” Callum says, “made up of the three Muiderkrings.”
“But only ruled by one,” Iona says.
Van Arend steps forward. “I hold my position because of my family’s long heritage and grace with the Order,” he says quietly. “I am of no mind to battle against them. The Ravensgaard was established to protect shifter culture from humans. This is the duty we will focus on.”
“And the Passiefs?” Shanahan says.
My blood turns cold, but I hold my neck stiff and stare straight at Callum, breathing slowly and pressing my fingers together so I don’t click my fingernails. I know the rumors are true.
“We believe Passiefs are extinct,” says Callum. “Our job here is not to determine who to battle, it is to be prepared to fight as a single, aligned unit at the Order’s command.”
“Will you be taking a wife soon?” Tom calls.
My gaze flies to Iona, whose skin blazes red. Callum impassively looks at the heckler. “If I do, you’ll be the first person I tell,” he says. “Then I won’t have to tell anyone else.”
Ravens throughout the room laugh.
My face creases. Is it possible? He’s only sixteen. But shifters mature faster and age slower, once they reach maturity, than humans.
And, what if he chooses Iona? My stomach clenches and my fingernails click together. I’m a nuvervel, he couldn’t possible chose me.
“Enough,” Callum says, raising his hand to quiet the room. “You have 60-seconds to make your decision. If you wish to leave, do so before that time is up.” And, to my surprise, he pulls out his phone and sets his timer.
Or what?
What happens if you stay and don’t swear?
What if I just live in Topanga as a nuvervel? Is that even allowed. My heart races in my chest. Why didn’t I ask that question? Why didn’t I ask Callum yesterday when we were talking privately?
Because, I didn’t want to.
I look around the room and even though I’m not exactly like them, I want to be part of this unruly mob. I want to be part of their gang and a badass warrior like them. I may not ever really fit in, but I want to try. The first step is to swear fealty to Callum. This is what Mom didn’t ever want me to do. Swearing to Callum is going against my mom and leading the way for Henry to do this one day, too. But if the blood tests Roman did before Murtagh’s revolt are any indication, Henry’s going to have the same issues I do. He’s going to be a nuvervel.
I gaze at Aiden. He gives me an encouraging smile.
A few rave
ns exchange glances, but most stare straight forward. What will Iona do? It sounds like she hates the Order, but the way she looks at Callum, she might have her sights set on him, too. He’s never going against the Order, so if she wants him, she’ll have to give up that dream.
The shrill ringtone of Callum’s phone startles me.
It’s over.
This is it and no one has left the chapel.
We’re all in.
It’s Shanahan who steps forward first. “I’ll swear to you, young Ridder,” he says. The chapel shakes as he moves his massive frame up the aisle. “I’ll make my home and my place here.”
“You are welcome,” Callum opens his arms and nods his head.
“You’ll regret taking him on, Callum!” Liam calls out. “He’s got eight wee ones to bring over!”
Ravens across the room chortle as more and more step into the aisle and file in behind Shanahan. The line grows.
I stand at the back by the door and watch. It’s as if the tile mosaic from the wall of Van Arend manor has come to life. Only, Callum doesn’t sit on a giant throne, he stands at the front of the hall with Aiden and Lord Van Arend flanking him. These men and women are not just swearing to Callum, they are acknowledging that Callum is sworn to Van Arend.
Callum is probably unaware, but he stands in the same place where his brother’s coffin stood less than two months ago, his body cold and cut by the claws of Vasquez, the mountain lion. How naïve I had been. I had no idea about the truth of Topanga, of the shifter world, that people can shift into animals and there’s a whole world where people still swear fealty.
Each raven approaches Callum, kneels with bowed head, then rises to kiss the claw ring that grips Callum’s finger. Looking directly into Callum’s eye’s, and most don’t even look like they blink, they each pledge the same thing with no deviation. The words etch themselves into my head.