“You’re making a decision to run because you’re afraid. That’s normal and shows you have a good head on your shoulders, but it’s not what’s necessary. None of us wants to die. We all want to be safe. But this is a war and we have an opportunity to cause significant trouble, which will help end the war faster. They’re expecting us to run, so I’m not running.”
“There’s only fifteen of us,” Kia protested. “And, like you said, we’re not experienced like you.”
“Yes, fifteen people behind the lines, with an experienced officer and…what are you, Jackson?”
“Your lickspittle, your ladyship.”
“And my lickspittle.” She smiled. “I was assigned a mostly raw group because I was running a training mission. Well, we’re still on our mission, so we’re still going to train. First things first, let’s wring out our clothes. Then let’s find horses.”
They nodded. Bethany was glad because she needed to sleep off the liquor floating in her guts.
Myra raised her hand. “Um, what’s a lickspittle?”
They laughed so hard that Bethany feared the soldiers outside would hear them.
****
Lendra paced around her bedroom, her thoughts a jumbled mess. She’d read through Bethany’s journals enough to get the underlying history of Bethany, Sarissa, and the entire scope of what was going on. And Lendra knew what was going on.
She’d read the minds of Magi. She had too many stray thoughts and wandering memories that made no sense. She’d seen and heard scattered pieces from Bethany when she was a child, and she had it. She knew. She could take it all down.
A tentative knock came at her bedroom door.
The pieces were settling into place. The puzzle was making sense now. The edges were formed. Only the center was left. If she found the center, she could help. And there was only one person who was in the center of that puzzle.
Apexia.
“Um, Lendra? Are you in there?”
Lendra strode to her bedroom door and flung it open. Erem stood on the other side, in casual attire and not his usual armour. He held lilies in his hand, freshly cut.
“They’re from Arrago’s hothouse. He was helping me—”
She grabbed his arm and hauled him in.
Erem stumbled and sputtered, but managed not to fall as she dragged him into her most private room. He smiled. “Um, you wanted to…”
“I need you,” Lendra said. Erem would help, she was sure of it. And she needed help to pull this off.
“Um…” he said with a loud gulp. “Thank you, but Lendra, I’m…um…I…thought you meant dinner, like food. I didn’t realize you wanted, um…I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”
Lendra rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean like that, Erem.”
“Oh,” Erem said. Then he laughed and flushed. “Well, I’m humiliated.”
“I’m not ready for that, either. I’m…so not ready for that,” Lendra said, emphasizing the last bit.
“Ah. Good.” His expression turned horrified. “Don’t tell Jovan I said that. Or anyone.”
“I promise,” she said. “But, Erem, I need your help.”
“Of course.”
She took the flowers from him and put them in a vase that contained dried lilies. She shyly looked over at him. “When they stopped coming…”
Erem walked closer. “They’ll start again.”
“Good,” she said. She leaned against him and he put a tentative arm around her waist.
“So, what do you need me to do, exactly?” He looked around her room. “Get something off a shelf?”
“I need you to find a way to have me left completely alone for a couple of days.”
“Why?”
She squared her shoulders and said, “I can’t tell you.”
Erem gave her a suspicious look. “Lendra…”
“I mean it, Erem. I can’t tell you.”
“You can tell me anything.”
She licked her lips. “If I tell you, you won’t help.”
“Okay,” he said. “One day. I can hold everyone off for one day.”
“Thank you.” Erem was a fair bit taller than her. She put her hand on his chest and stood on her toes to plant a peck on his cheek. He let her, smiled, and then reached down to kiss her mouth. “I’ll do it because I like you.”
“I like you, too,” she said.
CHAPTER 15
Two Days Ago
Lendra brought in the food and wine the maid had dropped off in the drawing room and put it in her bedroom. Her bedchamber was huge, containing a sofa, several plush chairs, a small table, and large closets, not to mention her bed. There was a silk screen in the corner that hid her chamber pot and the wooden “toilet” that housed it.
The scent of lilacs and lazy summer days began to fill Lendra’s nostrils.
She turned around and saw her mother, Apexia, Gentle Goddess.
Lendra hadn’t got her looks from Apexia, but Bethany had. Apexia’s auburn hair was long and loosely tied. Streaks of grey were present now, though that might have been a fashion statement and nothing else. Apexia’s eyes were as sad as Bethany’s, perhaps even more so, and Lendra knew why.
“I thought I’d have to summon you,” Lendra said wearily.
Apexia shrugged. “I keep an eye out for you, when I can.”
“Are you going to comment on Erem?”
“I don’t care who you sleep with,” Apexia said flatly. She sat on the sofa. “My, what plush apartments you have here. You’ve come up in the world. From shy, innocent daughter to ambassador to Wyllow’s historic enemy. Well done.”
Lendra exhaled. “So I’m right, aren’t I?”
“That I was never ordained by the Creator Gods, whomever or whatever they are?” Apexia gave her a sad smile. “I never claimed to be holy or divine.”
“You just let the world think it,” Lendra spat, surprised by her own anger. “I know what you are, Apexia.”
“No, you don’t,” Apexia said simply. “You are not capable of understanding what I am, little girl.”
“I think I am. Who was the high and mighty Apexia before she became the Gentle Goddess who guides and loves us all?”
“She was no one,” Apexia whispered.
“That’s right. No one. A young woman living on the streets of Orchard Park, scraping out a living to support herself and her brother. A brother who couldn’t hear or see, who had no means of communicating with the world around him.”
Apexia went rigid.
“So I asked myself, how far would a sister go? And all I had to do was look at my own family.” Lendra walked over to her mother and leaned down. “Bethany slaughtered an entire royal line for Drea’s life. Sarissa gave up her sanity to protect Bethany. I dragged men across a battlefield to save Bethany’s life.” She eyed Apexia. “Tell me, Mother, what did you do to protect your brother?”
Apexia remained silent.
Anger welled up inside Lendra. She’d hoped so much that she was wrong. She hoped Apexia would deny everything. Would laugh at Lendra’s wild accusations.
“Tell me, or I’ll take the memories from you.”
Apexia turned hate-filled eyes to Lendra. “You dare threaten me?”
“I will know the truth!” Lendra shouted, rage and hurt and fear warring inside her. “Why is there a war happening to fight Magic? Why is Sarissa so bent on making herself a god, when that’s not even possible? Or is it? There are thousands upon thousands who have given their lives for this war, and thousands yet will die when that barrier comes down. Bethany is being tortured, right now, if she’d not already dead. You will help!”
“I will not.”
“You will,” Lendra growled.
And then Lendra lunged for her mother. She grabbed Apexia by the throat and slammed all of her own Power into her mother.
And the bloody, ugly truth of it all came pouring out.
Sights, sounds, and scents flooded Lendra’s mind. Apexia fought back against the violation, but
Lendra grabbed the image of a dirty alleyway. She used that as her anchor as she pulled in the images: a seamless stream of pain and suffering.
Apexia’s bony hands snapping the neck of a squirrel as she read from a book in front of her. Cats, dogs, and raccoons all dead. Butchered farm animals.
Apexia, a little older, gutting a man in an alleyway. Apexia killing more and more, all with a book in front of her, sometimes being held by others. Lendra recognized the others. They were all of the Fire Gods, as they were called, who rose with Apexia, though never rose to her level. Rygous stands there, holding Apexia’s shaking hands, as blood seeps through her fingers.
Incantations. Words with no meanings.
Desperation. Avoid the slavers. Stop the guards. Quell the hunger. Cure Aaden.
Discovering the power over dreams. Discovering she could see the dead. The grip on the mortal coil fading. Stepping out of her body for the first time and her consciousness floating away.
Those who helped her filled with shock and awe at the realization of what they’d done.
Apexia, common murderer, is no longer one of them.
Apexia, Goddess Divine.
Keeper of souls.
Time passes. Magic thrives. Rygous, filled with guilt, kills himself in front of the faithful. Magic splattered on the innocent…and twisted into something clean and pure.
Power.
Apexia is in the crowd. It hits her.
Power.
Pure. Innocent.
Power.
What have we done? What have I done? Must atone for all we did. Must make amends. Stop Magic. It should stop with me. How? How to stop it all.
Looking into the future. Yes, children would have Power. How to have them? Fall in love. Shouldn’t have fallen. Forgiveness. He forgave when she should not have. Must atone. Sacrifice for the greater good. Prophecies from Apexia. They would believe that. Model the girls to their path. Push them over the edge. Push them harder.
Not working fast enough. Push Arrago. He could fix it. No, much worse. Send Drea. Dead. Torius dead. Why can’t I fix this mess?
****
Lendra fell backwards retching and hit the floor. Revulsion filled her. Her mother was a serial killer. She’d killed for her own purposes and did not stop, even when she knew it was wrong. She was worse than Sarissa. They shouldn’t be fighting Sarissa. They should be fighting the butcher in front of them.
“It was your fault,” Lendra gasped. “All of this was your fault.”
“Lendra, I need you to be calm.” Apexia rose from the sofa and spoke in soft, soothing tones. “You cannot understand the depths of what you saw in my memories.”
Still on the floor, Lendra glanced around, desperate for a weapon to defend herself. Her mother had orchestrated the deaths of thousands. She’d created a fake prophecy that had killed dozens, if not hundreds, over the centuries, all in the name of rooting out “the viper” of prophecy. They’d thought the viper was Sarissa. Everything they’d done was feeding into something that wasn’t real.
The viper of prophecy was standing over her.
Lendra grabbed the dinner knife from the tray and held it in front of her. She moved back on her bottom, scooting across the floor to gain some distance from her mother.
No, this monster wasn’t her mother. Her mother was dead. Her mother didn’t even exist.
“Lendra,” Apexia said again, very calmly. “Put that knife down.”
“Get away from me,” she snarled. “I will hurt you, I swear to all that is holy, I will hurt you.”
“You cannot hurt me with that knife. I am immortal, or the closest thing to it.”
“I’m half immortal. Perhaps I can cut the immortality out of you.”
Apexia paused. “Who are you? My little Lendra would never threaten anyone.”
“Your little Lendra doesn’t exist anymore. Not after seeing my sister die in my arms!” She slapped at the tears with her free hand, not taking her eyes off her mother. “I’m here, in a war zone, because of you.”
“I never planned for you end up here.”
“I’m still here!” Lendra screamed. “I’m still the one left to pick up the pieces that fall in your wake. I’m the one who’s left grieving, over and over and over, Apexia.”
“I am still your mother.”
“No, you’re not.” Lendra’s throat thickened. “My mother wouldn’t have done those things to her children.”
Apexia closed her eyes and tears trickled down her pale cheeks. “I never meant for this to happen. I was trying to prevent it.” She crouched and looked at Lendra. “You can’t pull random memories from my mind without context. I’m so very sorry for what I did back then. It was…a different time. But as my powers grew, I could see all the threads of the future. And I saw a great war where so many people died. I’ve been trying to prevent it.”
“You caused it,” Lendra whispered.
“I know,” Apexia whispered back. “I know.”
“You have to help.”
“I’ll make it worse.” Apexia’s voice cracked.
“Mama,” Lendra whispered, “it’s already worse. If that boundary doesn’t come down, countless more lives will be on your head. The longer we wait, the longer Sarissa twists and tortures herself and others. Is that what you want?”
“It was never supposed to be like this.” Apexia was openly weeping now. “It was never supposed to end like this. The only sacrifice was to be Sarissa. I pushed her on purpose. I didn’t allow Power to pass to her. I pushed Bethany to be the hero.” Apexia sobbed. “I sacrificed my own children.”
“What about Drea and me? What was your plan for us?”
Apexia looked up and smiled, even as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I wanted to have children I could love and not…” Hiccupping sobs overtook her.
Lendra didn’t go to her mother, no matter how much she wanted to. “None of us would be here if you hadn’t interfered. This is your fault. You must fix it.”
“What do you want me to do? I’ve given everything,” Apexia cried. “Everything! There’s nothing left to give.”
“Take the barrier down!”
“It might make it worse.” Apexia buried her face in her hands. “I just want it to end. Why won’t it end?”
“This time, stand out in the open and do something,” Lendra said, her voice very hard. “Why did you need such a convoluted plan?”
“To minimize the number of lives that would end because of Magic! Magic needs to end. It is evil. I’m proof of that. I thought…I thought I could channel all the Magic to Sarissa and Bethany could kill her. I would tell Bethany what I did and, in a fit of rage, Bethany would kill me with her Blessed Blade. And then I would be free.”
“You want to die?”
“I’m tired. I want to stop feeling the tug of this world and instead care for the souls of the other world. As long as people believe in me, they keep me tethered here. I don’t want that anymore.” Apexia looked down. “I never realized how having children would keep me pulled to this world.”
“Is Bethany still alive?”
“I think so. I can’t be certain.”
Lendra closed her eyes and exhaled. “Sarissa stole Bethany’s Power, didn’t she?”
“Yes. And I expect it’s making her insane.”
“Is there a way to get Bethany’s Power back?”
Apexia shook her head. “Not unless she kills Sarissa. I doubt even Sarissa is stable enough by now to give it back, even if she wanted to. She has oil and water inside her now, fighting for control. It’s going to rip her apart, one way or another.”
“Is there nothing you can do?”
Apexia was quiet for a moment. “I can, if you help.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“Help me pull down that barrier,” Apexia said softly, “and then, when this is all over, you tell Bethany to kill me.”
“Mama, I can’t ask her to do that.”
“You can. That’s my price.
”
“I can’t do that to Bethany.” She looked at her mother. “Or to you.”
Apexia smiled. “Yes, you can.”
CHAPTER 16
The Present
Bethany swatted at the air impotently, which stirred her from the half-sleep illusion of hearing her name. A damp, warm weight pressed against her back, and she dimly realized Myra was curled up between her and Jackson as they slept in the mine tunnel. Myra had protested, but Jackson had been the one to encourage her to cuddle in and soak up the heat.
Kia was on the other side of Bethany, her blond hair puddled over Bethany’s face. Someone was asleep at Bethany’s feet, and from the snoring, she guessed Jonas.
Bethany.
She blinked the grit out of her eyes, assuming it was her turn at sentry duty. They were rotating two sentries every couple of hours, hoping to use the cover of darkness to hunt for horses and easy prey—ideally, from Bethany’s perspective, the inedible kind. She was woozy, but she dismissed the booze as the reason and exhaustion as more likely.
I need you to wake up.
Bethany yawned into the back of her hand. “Lendra? Is that you?”
I need you to listen very carefully to me.
“Okay,” Bethany slurred through another yawn. She must be dreaming.
Then her mind filled with images and Lendra’s voice, calm but brisk, providing context for what she was seeing. Apexia was a Magi who’d gained control over her trained talents. She’d risen to godhood because of that. Everything Sarissa had been doing was to replicate that single event. Every choice made by Apexia was to cause Bethany to arrive at this place in time. Her entire plan had been a series of complex calculations to drive Bethany to the brink of her endurance, to make her too preoccupied to question what was truly happening around her.
I didn’t say that, Bethany.
“It’s all the same thing. This is a dream. Buzz off. I’m trying to sleep.”
This isn’t a dream. I’m in the process of taking down the boundary.
“Lendra, you’re a mind reader. That requires brute strength, and I’m trying to nap.” Bethany yawned. “Besides, shouldn’t you be excited I’m alive?”
I got over the elation seven hours ago. Now I’m trying to help you without killing myself.
Fury (Tranquility Book 3) Page 18