What a delightful setting on a high cliff overlooking the Pacific, with immaculate gardens, lotus and coy ponds, swans, palms, succulents, and meditation alcoves. The gentle sun glistened on ocean waves while birds chanted the glories of Yogananda, who personified God in flesh, who defied death, whose corporeal form remained sweet and fresh, weeks after his demise.
In this enchanting refuge of sublime serenity, Michael and I attended the chapel service. Led by an ochre-robed monk, it oddly resembled a Christian church service. After the sermon, the monk said, “Now we will meditate. When you close your eyes, picture the guru in your third eye. Try to get a vision and message from him.”
I closed my eyes. Immediately Paramahansa Yogananda appeared. A powerful surge of bliss overtook my body. My spine arched and eyes rolled back. My breath became shallow and quick as I entered an altered state.
Suddenly I felt a tap on my arm. My eyes popped open. An usher leaned toward me with index finger pressed against his lips. He frowned with scorn. “Shush,” he said.
I ignored the interruption and went back into meditation. Yogananda reappeared in a radiant burst of light. He said, I welcome you. I love you with immeasurable love. I am so happy you are bringing many to God. Beloved child of God, Babaji and I have been guiding you since you took your first breath. I am with you now and will be with you always.
Tears filled my eyes. Once again my breathing quickened as kundalini energy rushed up my spine. Yogananda continued, Remember when Babaji appeared to you near your apartment? Then you found my book and began your spiritual journey. I remembered the strange man who appeared so many years ago. That was Babaji!
Yogananda said, Remember when I visited you at the Guggenheim Museum in New York years ago?
That was a visitation from Yogananda!
Why did you tell me to cancel my trip to Maharishi’s ashram? I asked.
Yogananda replied, That was a test of your commitment. At that time it was necessary for you to study with a spiritual master in the flesh. Maharishi was available and you passed that test. Then you could come to Babaji.
My body trembled. My breathing became quick and shallow as I became a conduit for divine electric currents, infusing me with energy. My back arched, neck bent backward, and eyes rolled back in my head. I realized this was my inner signal for Yogananda.
Someone was shaking my arm. My eyes popped open abruptly. Now two ushers were glaring at me. One whispered, “If you continue to make a spectacle of yourself, we will throw you out of here.”
I disregarded them and returned to meditation. Yogananda appeared again, laughing.
After the service was over, I said to Michael, “Isn’t it ironic? I followed the monk’s instructions exactly. I received the precise experience he told us to ask for. Yet I was scolded for succeeding!”
“So what else is new?” Michael said. “Welcome to every spiritual organization. They talk about spiritual experiences, but don’t want anyone to actually have one. It’s okay for some great saint or yogi of ages past, but not ordinary people today.”
“You’re so right,” I agreed. “The only people deemed worthy to realize God are holy men like Jesus or Yogananda. But not us. That’s how religious leaders control us, Michael. Swami Vivekananda, who relied solely on direct experience, said, ‘If there is a God, we must see Him, if there is a soul we must perceive it; otherwise it is better not to believe. It is better to be an outspoken atheist than a hypocrite.’”264
Eventually I became a minister of Teaching of Intuitional Metaphysics, Peter’s New Thought organization, similar in philosophy to Unity Church and Centers for Spiritual Living.
1989, Iowa City, Iowa: Peter Meyer presents a ministerial license to me.
One night during a long walk on the MIU campus, I suddenly felt the urge to speak-through an audible message from Spirit. As I did this, my consciousness lifted. Tremendous bliss, expansion, and inner radiance filled my aura. This taught me I could contact Spirit anytime—not just with eyes closed during meditation.
In time, I gained greater proficiency at asking questions and receiving clear messages, whether meditating, walking, driving my car, or giving a lecture. But I was not using the teaching to its full capacity. That came gradually.
Soon I began traveling throughout North America, teaching Divine Revelation and facilitating breakthrough sessions.
Meanwhile in Fairfield, the TM administration’s iron screws tightened. TM spies tracked all suspicious public meetings and docketed license numbers of cars parked near forbidden events. Guilty parties were hauled before the Board of GoverNazis for “interviews” and got their dome badges revoked.
The Board didn’t look too kindly on spiritual practices other than TM. Divine Revelation, in particular, was a way to become self-directed, self-reliant, self-empowered, self-responsible, and no longer dependent on the TM Movement.
I became quite unpopular with TM administrators. The Board called me to several meetings attended by the TM lawyer, Arnold Silverman. They asked me to stop my activities, which I did not. They asked me to leave Fairfield, which I would not. Finally, I brought my own lawyer to a meeting. The Board never called me again.
One night in autumn 1989, a gathering took place in the dome. About a thousand meditators sat or reclined on white, cotton-encased foam mattresses that covered the vast floor space.
The head TM-Sidhi Administrator, who seemed badly in need of a laxative, got on the mike, speaking with an irritating, pretentious, singsong inflection: “We have been advised there are certain sidhas channeling in the dome. Mahaaaawshi says anyone who channels in the dome will get their dome badge revoked. You’ll be sent home and barred from all Capitals of the Age of Enlightenment everywhere in the world.”
This announcement obviously pointed directly at my group, since the Sidhi Administrators wrongly accused me of “channeling.” While channeling is generally defined as being a channel for astral entities and spirits, in contrast, Divine Revelation is being a channel for God.
“Channeling” is a term that often refers to a form of mediumship where an astral entity, earthbound spirit, faker spirit, or ghost uses the medium’s body. The medium enters a trance while a creepy, eerie voice gives bad advice through him or her. This drains mediums’ energy, causes weakness, dims consciousness, and shortens life.
Unlike channeling, Divine Revelation helps us experience and communicate with God. Contacting deities, ascended masters, angelic beings, and light beings in the spiritual plane increases strength and life energy and awakens higher awareness. Since Divine Revelation is diametrically opposed to channeling, to be unjustly blamed before a thousand TM practitioners made my blood boil.
Though I felt afraid, upon hearing this prima-dingbat slander my group and me, I mustered every ounce of courage, stood up, and headed toward the audience mike. The head GovernNazi, Brett Matthewson, spotted me. He’d been Maharishi’s most cold-hearted, arrogant skin-boy in Switzerland. “Turn the audience mike off! Turn it off!” Brett cried. Clearly agitated, he tried to prevent me from speaking.
As Brett did this, the crowd chanted in unison, “Let her speak! Let her speak! Let her speak!”
Sweating, with legs buckling, I managed to say, in a shaky voice, but with conviction, “I abhor the insinuations and accusations that have been made here today towards my prayer group.”
Brett said, “We weren’t pointing towards any particular group, Susan.”
“That’s total bullshit, and you know it, Brett.” The crowd cheered. I continued, “I came up to this mike to let everyone know—I am not teaching channeling. And no one in my prayer group is practicing anything in the dome other than TM and TM-Sidhi Program. I am a minister of a church in a country that has freedom of religion. The TM Movement is persecuting my prayer group and me for praying to God as we wish.”
Shaken and trembling, I returned to my seat. The crowd cheered. But it was a hollow victory—totally meaningless. I was done in Fairfield. It was over.
&nbs
p; Most people in my Divine Revelation group denied participating in the group and thereby kept their dome badges. The most outspoken lost their badges. They groveled like worms on their bellies to the Board, begging for mercy. They were granted conditional dispensation: Volunteer for years at a TM Center. Then you might be allowed back into the dome—that is, if you behave like good little androids.
No surprise when the phone call came from Brett Matthewson. “You will no longer be granted the privilege of flying in the dome. Your badge will not be renewed.”
Click. The phone hung up.
My God, I choked. What have I done? Even then, I felt my heart tug. In the back of my mind, I wondered whether I’d blown my only chance at spiritual enlightenment. What if this has all been a test, and I just failed?
Yes, it probably was a test. Did I fail? … Or did I pass?
Repeated public announcements in the dome pointed the finger of wrath at my tiny Divine Revelation group. As I walked down the street, suspicious eyes glared from passing cars. In the health food store, meditators averted their gaze or scowled in contempt. Terror ripped through Fear-Field. I was scorned, shunned, and demonized.
What amazed me was how the few dozen people who learned Divine Revelation could wreak so much havoc. It’s such a minuscule group, I kept thinking. How could this powerful organization, with millions of meditators, be threatened by our trifling little prayer circle?
I strained to keep my house while also traveling and teaching Divine Revelation. No one would rent a room from the evil, black, sinister Fairfield witch, whom everyone avoided like the plague because her satanic “off-the-program” communicable disease might infect them. Meditators were petrified to associate with the ghastly demonic Soooooosssaaan. It was bad luck to even whisper her name, especially as a black cat crossed your path. Eek!
26
NOW MIRACLES COULD BEGIN
1989 TO PRESENT
It is our joy to be considered impossible, and it is our greater joy to make the impossible a living reality.
—MAHARISHI MAHESH YOGI
Quite a melodrama I created—sabotaging myself and getting myself thrown out of the dome. How else could I break away after twenty-two years of dedication? Evidently I had to write and star in my own Shakespearean tragedy. This drama and resultant financial losses forced me to sell the house. I bought a Ford pickup and Airstream travel trailer and began traveling throughout North America, teaching Divine Revelation.
Peter Meyer was scheduled to teach a Teacher Training Class in New York City. At the last minute, he canceled and substituted me. Since I had no lesson plan, right before each session began, I asked Spirit what to teach, and received one or two words of cryptic direction. Even with no curriculum, this simple guidance resulted in mind-blowing spiritual insights and experiences during every session.
After this profound teaching experience, entirely led by Spirit, I realized if such miracles could take place in one week, why not make miracles all the time? If I would endow enough faith in my inner Voice, it could guide me daily.
As I resolved to be led by Spirit, my life took on new depth and meaning. At first I would forget to ask for inner guidance. But with time, I asked more frequently. Soon life became an exciting adventure. I never knew what my next thrilling assignment would be. My limited viewpoint began to expand to universal vision. I gained faith to continually jump off cliffs (metaphorically), as Spirit inspired me to accomplish daunting tasks I previously never had the nerve to do.
I was guided to live in a travel trailer with no home base, tour around the world, and teach Divine Revelation with no money or safety net. I was guided to write a book—a seemingly impossible prospect, since I knew nothing about publishing.
Following the inner Voice wasn’t easy. I encountered internal struggle and confronted fears and limitations. It took courage, especially when inner guidance conflicted with previously held cherished ideas and societal beliefs. The inner guru much resembled a human guru. My ego envelope was stretched well beyond its comfort zone.
With greater faith, miraculous experiences became commonplace. God’s grace expanded within me. Years of restriction crumbled as I broke through habits, patterns, and conditions that had bound me to the past. The simplest everyday happenings took on mystical flavor. Though the instances seemed mundane, in my eyes they were vastly meaningful, as my fledgling attempts at following divine guidance bore fruit.
Sufi master Radha Mohan Lal said, “The Goal of every Path of Yoga is to lead a Guided life. Guided by that which is Eternal. To be able to listen to this Guidance is the whole purpose of the Spiritual Training.”265
During every step of writing and publishing my first book, Divine Revelation, I followed divine guidance with faith. The book wrote itself, guided by Spirit. After I finished, my inner Voice said, “Now go to the library and find yourself a literary agent.” Perusing the list of agents, I got a gut feeling about one—Jeff Herman, though it made no sense. He represented business books.
I didn’t have quite enough faith to send my proposal solely to Jeff. I sent it to thirty agents. But, Jeff, first to respond, phoned two days after receiving my proposal. I signed with him. He sent my manuscript to several publishers but received only rejections. Months later, I received a letter from Jeff Herman Literary Agency: “We are very sorry, but we have had a staff shortage in our agency, and we can no longer represent you.”
I was devastated. Why had Spirit led me to this agent?
I went into meditation to ask for guidance, and received a strange message: “No, Jeff Herman is still your agent. Don’t sign with another agent, and don’t try to sell the book yourself.”
This message made no sense. I could have signed with one of twelve agents who wanted to represent me, or submitted my book to a small publisher. Yet I knew this strange message was clear and true.
I wrote to Jeff: “My intuition says you would be the best agent to represent me.” You can imagine how that went over with this business book agent.
I heard nothing—for months.
Finally I received a reply. I was so excited to open the envelope—until I did. It said, “We really appreciate your faith in us. But we still cannot represent you.”
I went back into meditation. Unbelievably, I received the identical message: “Jeff Herman is still your agent. Don’t sign with another agent, and don’t try to sell the book yourself.”
Though I thought, I must be out of my mind, I followed guidance with faith and sent Jeff a second letter: “My intuition still says you would be the best agent for me.”
What happened? Nothing.
Months rolled by. No response.
By this time, it was too late to revisit the other agents. It’s hard to express how challenging this was. I’ve never been good at sitting around doing nothing when I want to get something done. Yet I was guided to wait with faith, meanwhile thinking, I must be nuts for following this inner Voice.
Unexpectedly, Jeff Herman telephoned out of the blue: “We’re very impressed with your perseverance. We’ve decided to represent you. Come to my office and meet my partner. We’re going to handle your book.”
I went to his office in downtown Manhattan. Business books were stacked along the walls. Needless to say, I felt out of place. Jeff’s partner arrived—a beautiful woman with long, black, curly hair. I sensed an immediate heartfelt affinity with her. It turned out Deborah, who worked in this business book agency, was a psychic. And she gave me a reading! Perhaps that’s why Spirit guided me to this agency.
Jeff Herman told me to get endorsement blurbs from famous authors for the book cover. I didn’t know these authors, yet I prepared twenty letters with faith—like a fool. I have to figure I’ll get these endorsements, I thought. I don’t know any better. I just trust God.
I sealed my letters and drove to the post office. A one-legged man hopping on crutches entered the building ahead of me. I thought, This must be a bad omen. At that moment my inner Voice said clearly, You
have no leg to stand on.
I realized, It’s true. I don’t know these authors. I really have no leg to stand on. Deflated and demoralized, I dropped my letters into the mail slot and left the post office in a slump. Laboring toward my truck, I eyed the one-legged man getting into his car and driving off. Suddenly my inner Voice exclaimed, You may have no leg to stand on, but you will be successful anyway, just as this man can drive and get around, even with his challenge.
Spirit was right. To my utter delight, I received fifteen endorsements from famous authors—too many to fit on the cover of Divine Revelation.
It turned out pretty well. Several months later, Jeff phoned to say he sold the book to Simon & Schuster. I nearly went into cardiac arrest! Anyone who knows about publishing would recognize it’s a total miracle for a first-time, unknown New Age author to get published by one of the biggest publishers in the world. My book came out in the same catalog as Hillary Rodham Clinton’s It Takes a Village, for God’s sake!
What?
Even more remarkable, I knew nothing about writing. I attended art school. Yet my editor said it was the best-written book she’d ever edited at Simon & Schuster. More than two decades later, the book is still in print, plus thirteen other titles of mine.
How did this miracle happen? By trusting inner guidance and following it with faith, even when it’s challenging. It’s easy to listen to our inner Voice. Anyone can learn how by reading my books Divine Revelation and Awaken Your Divine Intuition. It’s easy to distinguish between the true divine Voice and other voices in our mind, by studying my ten-test system in these books.
Then what’s the hard part?
Doing what we’re guided to do.
Maharishi & Me Page 31