by C. D. Reiss
“Your Monday three o’clock’s been cancelled,” Pam said.
“What? Frances?”
“Frances doesn’t have the clearance to cancel a meeting for you.” She pointed at a little double red flag on the time block. “Only Arnie’s girl does.”
I checked my watch. “I’m going to see him. Hold down the fort.”
“Held. I’ll set up the lunch.”
I left her wrinkling her nose while she dialed Daniel’s number.
***
In Los Angeles, windows separated the dogs from the bitches.
Not my saying. My sister Margie said it, and when I told Pam, she believed it so ardently she repeated it regularly. When I was moved to the only office in accounting with a window, she called me a newly minted dog.
Once.
“Oh, Ms. Drazen, you know it’s a compliment.”
“No one should ever repeat anything my sister says. She’s out of her mind.”
That one window, which took up only half the room—while all the other executives had full walls of Los Angeles behind them—could have meant the world to so many. To me, it didn’t change a thing. I’d been born into four generations’ worth of money. I had a job because I wanted one, which meant I could leave at any time. My value wasn’t in my loyalty, but in my skill, which I’d take with me if I left.
The two walls of windows in Arnie Sanderson’s office sat at right angles. Across from the north window was a twelve-foot-high mahogany shelving unit that housed antique tools of the agent’s trade. Typewriter. Approval stamp. Cufflinks. Crystal decanter and glasses. Photos of agents gladhanding household names. The only things missing were a collection of super-white dental caps and rolled up hundred-dollar bills coated with cocaine residue.
“Theresa,” he said when I came in. His jacket pulled at the gut, even though it was custom made, and his tie was held by a gold bar so out of style, it would be back in style in six months. “You all right?”
I assumed he was referring to the dark circles that screamed late night out. “Gene took some of us to see an act last night.”
“Ah, Gene. I’m sure the bill will be of magnificent proportions. Sit.” His smile, which sparkled from his white teeth to his eyes, was the product of decades of asking for things and getting them.
I sat on the leather couch. “It’s nice to see you.”
Actually, it wasn’t. Being invited to his office meant something was wrong, especially in light of my three o’clock Monday meeting’s cancellation.
“Can I get you something? Water? A drink? Hair of the dog?”
Only half the staff came in half sober on Fridays. It was the life. As if proving my unmade point, he poured himself a drink as amber as a pill bottle.
“I’m fine.”
“I hear you’re on Katrina’s set. Michael’s movie,” he said.
Agents and producers called talent by their first name whether they’d ever pressed flesh with them or not. Arnie, of course, was one of the few who’d actually earned the right that everyone else took for granted.
“Script supervising in off hours. It’s fun.”
“I imagine you’d be good at continuity. And you picked the one director we represent who’s a walking time bomb.”
“She’s my friend.” I was suddenly, inexplicably, unusually nervous, as if he could see right through me.
He sat across from me and crossed his legs, an odd gesture for a man. “She’s dangerous. She has entitlement issues. After that lawsuit with Overland, she’s poison, to be honest. Be careful.”
“Have you ever known me to be anything but careful?”
“You are famously vigilant.” He smiled, but it was reserved. He really didn’t want me working with Katrina; it was all over his face. “I wanted to thank you for getting so many of our clients off paper. Saves man hours and money. They love us for it.”
“It’s what you hired me to do.”
“Everything’s running so smoothly, I thought you might have a little time on your hands?”
“I still have to run the department,” I said. “But if you had something in mind, I’m open to it.”
“Well, it’s irregular, if you will.”
“I’m not much of a pole dancer.”
He laughed gently. “Well, as that wasn’t on your resume, I’m sure we can overlook it.” He sipped his drink. “We rep a kid right out of USC. Matt Conway. You may have heard of him?”
“Oscar for best short last year.”
“Nice kid. Shooting a little movie on the Apogee lot. They have some nice European sets over there. Mountains in the back, the whole thing.”
“I’ve seen it,” I said.
“He rented a dozen or so vintage cars. The little stupid boxy things with the long license plates. Well, the company that owns the cars has audit privileges, in case anything going wrong. It’s irregular, like I said, but they’re exercising the right, and they insisted the head of our accounting department do it. I thought they meant our internal accounting, but they meant you.”
“Me?”
“Normally, I’d tell them to go pound sand, but this isn’t some prop company. There are powerful people involved, and if I say no, the phone’s going to start ringing.”
“What am I looking for?”
“He’ll tell you,” he said.
“I have a department to run.”
“Is that a no?”
“It’s just a statement of fact.”
“Good. We have a gentleman from the fleet rental and a representative from the studio coming at three, Monday.”
Three o’clock. Of course. Arnie hadn’t taken no for an answer in thirty years.
***
Daniel had been to the commissary before, on bank holidays when he had off and everyone in Hollywood worked. So when I got there, he was comfortably tapping on his phone, left alone for an hour during a tight campaign. Seeing him work the device tightened my chest. I’d thrown his last phone in the toilet.
“Hi,” I said, sitting down and putting the linen napkin on my lap.
He pocketed his phone and smiled at me. “Thanks for seeing me.”
I nodded, casting my eyes down. When would I stop playing the injured party? Why did I fall into victimhood so easily?
And why did he fall into the role of evildoer without so much as a blink? His hunched pose, something his handlers had trained out of him a year ago, returned. That lock of light hair, the one he used to brush away in a move the cameras hated, dropped in front of his forehead. I saw the effort he expended to not move it. I saw the extra tightness in his fingers as they wove together in front of him. I saw everything, and when I would have made an effort to relax him before, I just felt a thread of satisfaction.
I hated our dance. It made me sick. But I didn’t know how to stop the music because I still loved him. The man who let me arrange the house any way I wanted, who laughed at my stupid jokes, who rubbed lube on me when I wasn’t working right. The man who made such good but failed efforts to get me to orgasm with his fingers or his dick in me.
“How’s Deirdre?” he asked then continued when I tilted my head. “One of the admins saw a Drazen admitted and called me. She thought it was you.”
“Is that even legal?”
He shrugged. “I know people. It’s my job. Is she okay or not?”
“She’s fine.”
I’d ordered our food ahead of time, and it came to our table in wide-rimmed white dishes that would go out of style at the turn of the next century.
“How have you been?” He shuffled his food around with the heavy silver fork. Because of his childhood impoverishment, he ate as quickly and cleanly as a steamshovel on amphetamines, so he only ate when his company was distracted by conversation.
“Fine, thank you. I’m script supervising for Katrina when I can, so I’m a little tired. But it’s fun. She got Michael Greenwich for the lead, and he’s been incredible. On the strength of his performance alone, she’s hoping to get distr
ibution.”
He huffed. “I’m surprised anyone wants to deal with her after the lawsuit.”
“Yes, she’s just another uppity woman asking for what she’s due.”
“You know I don’t mean it like that, Tink.”
I stopped chewing. He wasn’t supposed to call me that anymore. I looked out the window. “One day, we’re going to get over this,” I said, looking again at the man I loved. “Until then, let’s avoid the small talk.”
He cleared his throat. “The thing with us, it hurt me. My numbers. Especially on the east side, where they’re really conservative.”
“Yes, I know.” God, the ice in my voice. It felt like someone else was talking. I could will myself quiet. I could will myself honest. But I couldn’t will myself warm.
“I don’t want you to think I’m just talking about what happened like it’s all about me and the campaign, okay? But that’s the business of the lunch. If you want to talk about it on a more personal level, I’m happy to.”
“You’re fine. I get it. Go on.”
“I have a Catholic Charities thing Thursday,” he said.
“Okay.”
“They’re supporting me because I’m not sitting still on income inequality, but the thing with us—”
“And Clarice.”
“And Clarice—who is gone—was a sticking point. They almost pulled out. So I’m here to ask for a symbolic gesture from you.”
“Of?” I asked, but I knew what it was.
“Of forgiveness. Christian forgiveness that’ll play with the San Gabriel Valley. Your family is a big diocesan donor. It won’t go unnoticed.”
“What does this symbolic gesture of Christian forgiveness entail?”
“If you could attend the fundraiser and stand by me.” He held up his hand as if warding off an objection I hadn’t yet made. “Not as my fiancée, obviously, but as a supporter. As someone whose priorities are my own.”
I chewed. Swallowed. Sipped water. I knew I’d agree, but I didn’t want to throw myself at his feet. He didn’t deserve it. Or I didn’t.
I’d heard a lot about what Daniel deserved. I’d heard that he was a worthless scumbag, and I’d heard promises to make his life in the mayor’s mansion a living hell. Those promises meant nothing to me. No one would hurt Daniel over infidelity. In five years, it would be forgotten. So I’d kept my venom to myself in public, and I released it around my family and Katrina.
But something came into my mind—a vision of Antonio beating Daniel’s head against a car. I smelled the blood and heard the crack of his nose as it broke from the impact. I imagined a tooth clacking across the metal, his contorted face as he said he was sorry, and Antonio and I partnering over the difference between his regret and his remorse.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked.
I changed the subject. “We decided the public appearances weren’t working.”
“And normally, I’d think it would just remind everyone of my weakness. But in this case, if people see you forgiving, they might follow. I can’t win unless I do something.”
I leaned back, appetite gone. “I can see the op ed pieces now. Another political wife forgives her overambitious man’s failings with other women. Judge her. Don’t judge her. She’s a feminist. She’s the anti-feminist. She’s a symbol for all of us. None of that falls on you. It’s all on me.”
“I know.”
“You are so lucky I don’t want Bruce Drummond in office.”
The air went out of him. He didn’t move, but I saw the slight shift of his shoulders and the release of tension in his jaw. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“I’d still marry you if you’d have me back.”
“Daniel, really—”
He leaned forward as if propelled. “Hear me out. Not as the maybe mayor. As me. Dan. The guy you taught how to walk straight. The guy who bit his nails. That guy’s going to be seventy years old one day, and he’s going to regret what he did. I want you back. After this campaign, win or lose, let me love you again.”
Joy, terror, shock, sadness all fought for my next words. None of them won the race to get from my brain to my mouth.
“I swore I wouldn’t do what I just did,” he said. “But I miss you. I can’t hold it in anymore.”
My words came out with no emotion in them. “I’m not ready.”
“I’ll wait for you, Tink. I’ll wait forever.”
I didn’t respond because I couldn’t imagine myself being ready, and I couldn’t imagine committing myself to anyone else.
nine.
n Monday, I had twenty minutes before my meeting with the fleet guy and the studio rep, exactly enough time to get briefed by Pam.
“Studio’s sending a courier,” she said, leaning into the screen. “They said you could handle it.”
“Wow,” I interjected, “they don’t even pretend to care.”
Pam dropped her voice to nearly inaudible. “Rumor is Matt got the cash for his short from a Hollywood loan shark, and Overland covered the note to the tune of way too much. So if there’s a bus coming, he might get thrown under it.”
“They need to get their own accountants to do their dirty work. They have the best of the best.”
She slipped her rhinestone horn-rimmed glasses halfway down her nose and looked at me over them. “What do you think you are?”
“Adequate, since you asked.”
She shook her head and went back to work. I cleared my desk of a few million in incidentals before going to the conference room to do Arnie his favor.
***
The conference room was huge, set into the office’s bottom floor. Two sides were glass, looking over the reception area, and the other two walls were glass, looking out onto Wilshire Boulevard. It was designed for big faces to be seen together by the rest of the agency and by whomever was waiting in reception. Appointments might be based around making sure Mr. Twenty-Million-Dollar-A-Picture Actor was seen shaking hands with Mr. Academy-Award-Winning-Director in front of Ms. Top-Agent just as Ms. Actress-Who-Refused-The-Nude-Scene waited for an appointment. Like everything in the entertainment industry, it was maximum drama, maximum visibility.
Every time I went into that particular conference room, I checked the smoothness of my stockings, the lay of my hair, the seams between my teeth, even when I was just meeting a messenger to pass over audit materials. What used to arrive in a banker’s box of paper and ledgers and folders now came in the form of a flash drive and a manila envelope with a few summary sheets, which were useless. They were delivered by a short man in shorts, sneakers, and a flat cap. Matt’s line producer.
“I’m Ed, nice to meet you,” he said as he shook my hand and slid the hard drive and envelope onto the table.
“Nice to meet you too. What do we have here?”
“Everything up to the minute for the whole production. Hope you can help with this. It was kind of unexpected.”
I was about to respond and open the summary schedules so I could ask intelligent questions. Then I was going to finish my work and pick up dinner. I was feeling a turkey sandwich, salad, and bottle of water.
But that got shot out the window in a storm of hormone shrapnel when I saw Arnie coming through reception with a man in a dark suit named Antonio Spinelli. They were talking, but through the window, I saw Antonio’s eyes flick up at me and a smile stretch across his face. I frowned when Arnie opened the door to the conference room.
“Ms. Drazen,” he said cheerfully, “how is the handoff going?”
I slid the papers from the envelope just to distract myself, but my hands shook with rage or nerves. Possibly both.
“Just got here,” said Ed.
“This is Mr. Spinelli,” Arnie said in full agent-smarm. “He rents exotic cars to the business.”
“I know,” I said, cutting off my boss in a way I never would. I immediately caught my faux pas and held out my hand. “We’ve met.”
; “Ms. Drazen.” He took my hand, and I felt tingling heat between my legs. “I wanted to say hello before you started.”
“Hello,” I said flatly, releasing his hand but not his gaze, which seemed just as physical.
“Great,” Arnie said. “I’m heading into a meeting.” He shook Ed’s hand, nodded to Antonio, and left.
When the glass door clicked behind him, I spoke. “We’ve got it from here, Ed.” I shot him a look. We were on the same side. I was watching out for him.
As if he understood, he nodded. “Later.” Ed tipped his cap and left.
Only the pull of the air between Antonio and me remained.
“This is flattering,” I said, “but it’s not going to work.”
“You can’t prove they didn’t take care of the cars?”
“Oh, you name it, I can prove it.”
“Good, I wanted the best.”
“You got me instead, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got me.”
“So you say.”
I tried not to smile. That would only encourage him. The last thing the arrogant ass needed was encouragement. “I won’t deny I’m attracted to you. I’m sure I’m not the first. But I’m not a conquest. I don’t like being chased, especially not through the offices of WDE. This is my job, Mr. Spinelli, not a mousehole. You can’t stick your paw in and hope to catch me. I don’t care to mix business with displeasure. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
I reached for the flash drive and envelope, and he stood in my way, getting close enough for me to catch the forested smell of his cologne.
“I could kiss you right now,” he said.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
The windows suddenly felt like cameras. I felt the presence of everyone’s eyes as if they were pressure on my skin.
“I will. And you might push me away, but not before you kiss me back. You know it. I know it. And everyone else in this office is going to know it,” he said.
“Don’t.”