by Laura Martin
‘Just remember to smile,’ Lady Yaxley said as she came up behind Caroline. ‘You look radiant when you smile.’
Caroline thought back to that morning when James had told her exactly the same thing. Quickly she tried to suppress the memory. Tonight she had vowed she would not think of James, at least not until she saw him later in the evening. Tonight she would be completely focused on the eligible gentlemen, those elusive unmarried few who might be looking for a wife.
* * *
The ball was well underway when Caroline walked in, arm in arm with her mother. Lady Yaxley had firm ideas of the correct etiquette for attending any social function and arriving at least an hour after the start time was essential in her opinion. It was late enough that most of the important people would have just arrived, but not so late that they might have dispersed to other areas. The perfect time to be seen.
Caroline felt an unfamiliar flutter of nerves as they stepped into the ballroom. It was beautifully decorated, lit with two huge chandeliers filled with candles. The walls were partially mirrored and it gave the sense of the ball stretching to infinity with a vast number of guests. The candlelight also reflected off the mirrors, giving the whole room a warm glow. She tried to focus on the beauty of the decorations, but instead found her eyes flicking from left to right. For a long time the most she’d had to worry about when attending a ball was whether she would have to make small talk with someone she didn’t like, but now there was so much more at stake.
‘Courage,’ she murmured to herself. She was going to need it. Tonight was the first night she was actually going to make an effort, the first night in a very long time that she was going to try to be attractive to potential suitors rather than scare them off. If it didn’t work, it would be a great blow to her confidence. At least when she didn’t try she couldn’t be rejected.
‘There are a lot of people here tonight.’ Lady Yaxley’s eyes hadn’t stopped moving across the crowd. Caroline nodded, unsure where to start. Normally she would dart through the crowd until she found one of her friends and then spend the evening talking and laughing and socialising with the young women and their husbands, but tonight she felt as though she might need a different approach. ‘Remember, smile, make eye contact, but most of all have fun, my darling. The courtship can be the most exciting part of a relationship.’
Lady Yaxley patted her on the arm and then let go, disappearing into the crowd behind them in a matter of seconds. For a moment Caroline felt completely alone, but after a moment of panic she straightened her back and tipped up her chin. This was what she’d been born for.
‘You look like you’re contemplating running away.’ James’s deep voice came from over her shoulder. His breath tickled her neck and she felt that heavy pull of anticipation she always did whenever he was near.
‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ she said, turning with a smile.
For a moment he just looked at her, his eyes flitting from top to toe and back again, seemingly taking in every last detail before he shook his head slowly.
‘Cara, you look ravishing.’
She wished she didn’t feel such pleasure at his words, but the warm flush that spread through her was unmistakable.
‘Everyone’s eyes will be on you tonight and quite rightly so.’ He spoke slowly as if he couldn’t quite find the right words. Shaking his head, he looked over her again. ‘You look beautiful.’
‘It’s just a new dress and something a little different with my hair.’
‘Whatever it is, it works.’
She slipped her hand through his proffered arm and allowed him to escort her through the crowds. Part of her just wanted to enjoy this moment, but she forced herself to let her eyes dance over the other guests, trying to single out anyone who might be of interest to her.
‘Dance the first dance with me. It’ll give everyone the chance to see you out there in the middle of the ballroom. After that I will leave you to be inundated with requests for the next dance.’
Before she had a chance to answer the musicians struck up the first notes of the next dance and James led her to the dance floor. It was a lively country dance and already the couples were lining up in preparation for the march. Caroline took her place in the line of women with James standing opposite.
‘What a brave look,’ Miss Preston said as she came hurrying over to take the space next to Caroline, a bewildered young man trailing behind her.
‘Brave?’
‘Your hair. I mean it in the most complimentary of ways, of course, but it is certainly different.’
Caroline smiled serenely. She was beginning to see how Miss Preston worked, giving her condescending compliments and barely concealed insults to undermine whomever she was talking to.
‘Thank you,’ Caroline said. ‘I dread being dull in any fashion. I was talking to the Duke and some of his friends and they said sometimes they find it difficult to tell the young ladies apart, with their identical hairstyles and pale, insipid clothing. I would never want to be part of that, to look like nothing more than a sheep blending into a flock.’
Miss Preston glanced down at her white gown, her mouth momentarily setting into a hard line before she recovered her composure.
The couple at the top of the line began the march, moving swiftly in time to the fast music as they paraded through the middle of the other dancers. James caught her eye just before it was their turn to parade, then gripped her hand and swept her through the middle aisle between the dancers. Caroline felt all eyes on them and forced herself to smile despite the nerves deep in her belly.
As they reached the other end Caroline slipped her hand from James’s and took her place again in the line of ladies. It was another few minutes until the march had finished and the dance could begin properly, with Lady Teversham calling out the steps from one side of the dance floor. It was a lively dance, with much partner swapping, and as the tempo quickened again and again and again Caroline found herself forgetting her nerves and enjoying the dance. She laughed as she missed a step, skilfully whisked around to the correct position by Lord Hauxton, feeling his eyes on her as she weaved through the dancers to her next partner.
Only when she felt her face glowing and her chest heaving did the music stop and James found his way back to her side.
‘That was fun,’ she said, hearing the rasp in her voice.
‘You dance well, Miss Yaxley.’ Lord Hauxton came up beside them and took her hand, planting a kiss on her knuckles. Caroline had always found him quite a serious man, at least since his wife’s death. Normally he was quiet, reserved, and this forward behaviour took her by surprise.
‘Thank you, it was such a fun dance.’
‘I had to come over and speak to you to tell you I think you look particularly lovely tonight,’ Lord Hauxton said.
Caroline felt James shift beside her and glanced in his direction. He was glowering intently at his friend.
‘Is something wrong with Heydon?’ Milton bent his head in as if they were co-conspirators in some dastardly plot.
‘He does look a little queer,’ Caroline said, glancing theatrically again at the Duke. She turned to him. ‘You’re glowering. You assured me you never glowered.’
‘I’m not glowering.’ His glower intensified.
Milton smiled. ‘Sorry to say, Heydon, Miss Yaxley is right. That is an impressive glower you have on your face.’
‘I’m not glowering.’
‘Perhaps we should leave Heydon to his glower,’ Milton said, offering her his arm. ‘Would you care to take a stroll around the ballroom with me?’
‘That would be delightful, Lord Hauxton.’
She slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow, looking over her shoulder one last time at James. He was watching them walk away.
‘Heydon is rather protective of you.’
‘I think he thinks of me as a sister.�
� It was the heartbreaking truth. Caroline had always thought of James as the only man she would ever love, whereas he looked on her affectionately as the sister he’d never had.
‘He’s still glaring at us.’
‘I wonder what scandalous things he’s imagining we could get up to in a crowded ballroom?’
Lord Hauxton laughed, drawing looks from the people they passed.
‘Do you know we’ve never properly spoken?’ He guided her through a crowd of people and towards the open doors at the end of the ballroom. Caroline felt a waft of cool air, getting colder as they stepped through the doors and into the night beyond. The terrace was well lit, with groups of people escaping from the heat of the ball, but Milton chose their spot on the terrace carefully, in full view of the ballroom so neither of them could be accused of any scandalous behaviour. ‘We’ve exchanged a few pleasantries, certainly socialised in the same circles, but I cannot recall ever spending more than a few minutes in your company, Miss Yaxley.’
Caroline was about to utter some inane reply when she remember James’s advice.
‘I find that is true for many of the people I’m acquainted with. In society we seem to talk about the weather, exchange small titbits of gossip, but there are very few people we actually talk to properly. Even though we’ve probably been at the same events tens of times, perhaps even hundreds.’
‘Why do you think that is?’ Lord Hauxton leaned in a fraction as if truly interested in her opinion.
‘The divide between men and women for one. At these balls it is very public, your every move is scrutinised by everyone else. It will be noted that we took a stroll together, that we spoke for a little time. Once is nothing unusual, but to form a connection, a friendship, we would have to speak a fair few times and that would be commented upon.’
‘So you think we avoid those sorts of situations?’
‘I do. I think often it is too much effort to fight other people’s preconceptions, their judgements, so we don’t put ourselves in those situations. Which means meaningful connections aren’t made.’
‘A shame,’ Lord Hauxton murmured. ‘Yet you and Heydon have managed to defy convention and maintain a friendship despite public scrutiny.’
‘One of the very few exceptions,’ Caroline agreed. ‘And not without its own boundaries. We never dance more than one or two dances together, always ensure we are properly chaperoned, yet the gossips still talk.’
‘So you think if we took the gossips away more men and women would be friends.’
‘Undoubtably. I know many would argue men and women have different interests, different approaches to the world, but I think the best friendships are based on more than just shared experiences. With some people there is just an affinity, an understanding, a deeper connection.’
‘Although shared experiences can bond you closer together.’ Lord Hauxton smiled at her and Caroline felt herself smiling back. There was no flutter in her stomach, no race of her pulse, but perhaps that was for the best. She was enjoying herself, enjoying his interest in her, and if he didn’t make her heart pound then it just meant she could keep a clear head.
‘I won’t deny that.’
‘With the eyes of the crowd in mind, perhaps we should go back into the ballroom, but I wonder if you would save me a dance later this evening?’
‘I would like that.’ Caroline slipped her hand into the crook of his arm and allowed him to lead her back into the ballroom. When she was safely ensconced with her mother he bowed and bade her farewell.
‘Lord Hauxton?’ her mother asked speculatively, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
‘Lord Hauxton,’ Caroline confirmed with a nod. A perfectly pleasant man, just what she had declared she was looking for.
* * *
James was above skulking in dark corners and pulling unsuspecting people into deserted rooms, but still he found himself loitering behind a handily placed overgrown fern in the hallway of the Tevershams’ house. He’d been there for only a minute, planting himself in the spot when he worked out it was the way to the card room.
Thirty seconds later he was rewarded by Milton sauntering past, a smile on his normally serious face.
Slipping out, he grasped Milton by the arm, watching as surprise turned to bemusement as he pulled his friend into a darkened room.
‘This is a little secretive,’ Milton said as the door closed behind them.
It took a few seconds for James’s eyes to adjust to the darkness but when they did he saw he was in a relatively small room with some comfortable chairs and an unlit fire.
‘You took Miss Yaxley outside,’ James said, hand on the door handle to ensure they were not disturbed.
‘I did. Interesting woman. I can see why you’re friends with her.’
‘What are you doing?’ James could hear the unreasonable edge to his voice.
Milton regarded him for a long moment and then flopped down into one of the chairs. ‘You’re not normally an unreasonable man, Heydon, don’t start now. You told me Miss Yaxley is looking for a husband. I am in search of a wife. You have no designs on the woman yourself. I can’t see why you would object.’
‘You’re looking for a wife?’
‘I’m a widower. Emily died three years ago, I think it is about time I married again.’
Heydon nodded, feeling pleased that his friend had found the strength to move on after the devastating events of three years previously when he’d lost his unborn child and his wife in one awful evening.
‘You should marry again,’ he said quietly, ‘But you can’t think Cara... Miss Yaxley is the one for you?’ He wasn’t sure why he was quite so opposed to the idea of his two friends becoming close.
‘Why not? You should think of it as a compliment. I value your judgement. You’re always saying that she’s the only woman you enjoy spending time with.’
James was beginning to feel unreasonable. In truth he should be pleased. Milton was one of his closest friends, a man he both liked and respected. He knew the man had doted on his first wife, treating her as an equal in their partnership. Milton was wealthy, titled, a useful member of society. All these things pointed to him being a good candidate for a husband for Caroline, yet he still felt as if it were all wrong.
‘Do you think you would be suited?’ he asked, the edge ebbing out of his voice.
‘I barely know the woman, but she seems good humoured, kind, sensible. I’m not proposing I rush into anything, but I can’t see why we wouldn’t be suited.’ Milton gestured for James to take the armchair opposite and they sat together in the dark for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. ‘I’m not looking for the same sort of love that you are, Heydon. I loved Emily, but I would be lying if I said I loved her at the beginning of our marriage. I liked her, enjoyed her company, but the love came with time.’ Milton looked at him thoughtfully. ‘If you do not wish me to pursue Miss Yaxley, then I will step away, out of respect for our friendship.’
Heydon shook his head. He could not ask that of the man. The more he thought about it, the more he realised they would probably be perfectly happy together. Even though Milton was not the right man for Caroline, but she had told him exactly the same as Milton—she wasn’t looking for love, just someone who she could build a life with.
‘Forgive me. I find myself a little protective of Miss Yaxley. In the same way I would be if she were my sister.’
‘Nothing to forgive. Now shall we see if Teversham keeps any decent brandy in any of these cupboards? I can’t stomach another glass of punch.’
Chapter Seven
Caroline eyed the colourful table filled with an assortment of desserts. Everything looked so appetising and after an evening of dancing not only were her feet sore, but her stomach was growling with hunger. She took one last look and then stepped away. The ribbon around the waist on her new dress was pulled tight to best
show off her figure and she didn’t think she would fit an éclair or pastry into her stomach without feeling horribly uncomfortable.
‘Surprisingly good food,’ James commented as he sauntered over, picking up one of the delicious-looking eclairs and taking a bite. She glared at him, not for the first time envying his more practical outfit with nothing constrictive around the stomach area.
‘I wouldn’t know.’
‘You haven’t tried anything?’
‘No.’
He raised an eyebrow. Caroline was not normally so reserved when it came to anything sweet.
‘I’m strapped into my gown a little tightly,’ she said eventually. For a moment he looked at her, really looked at her, his eyes sweeping over her body, taking in the way the dress clung to her curves. Caroline felt the heat begin to rise from her core, overwhelming in its intensity. This was how she’d always dreamed of him looking at her, rather than the familiar glances he normally bestowed, as you did with something you were inordinately comfortable with. She’d noticed it earlier in the evening, when his eyes had raked over her body and he’d told her she looked ravishing, and now he was doing it again.
James cleared his throat. ‘It may stop you from eating eclairs, but the effect is quite entrancing.
‘Entrancing?’
‘I’m sure you’ve seen most of the gentlemen this evening have been stealing glances when you walk past.’
Caroline had noticed. She’d received such attention when she was a debutante, fresh faced and eager to make an impression. Then she and Georgina had spent hours getting ready for the balls, trying on different gowns and getting their maids to do their hair again and again until it was just right. As the years had passed Caroline had grown tired of the time it took to curl her hair, especially as she’d resolved not to marry—it hadn’t seemed so important to have every last aspect of her appearance perfect.
Now she was reminded of the little boost in confidence it gave her to know her dress swished in just the right way and that her hair hung perfectly down her back. It was probably a shallow thing to feel, but the truth of the matter was much of a person’s first impression of you came from how you looked. If that was a positive impression, then it made the follow up so much easier.