“Mathias and Ronan,” Maya said with a laugh. She turned to Carol and Violet. “Watch those two. They are on the wild side and have a thing for younger men.”
Carol wanted to say that Mathias was taken, but the unexplained growing sense of foreboding had her playing along.
“Good luck, then,” she murmured.
Violet shot her a questioning glance. Carol ignored it and set her bag on the vanity, then dropped to her knees by Sophie.
“All right, pretty girl. Let’s get you wedding-ready.”
Violet joined her and together they got the wiggly dog into her bridesmaid dress. Carol had to admit Violet had done her usual stellar job, fitting the garment to the beagle’s muscular shape. The dress hung low enough under her belly to be dress-like but didn’t get in the way of her walking. Sparkly buttons decorated her back.
“You’re beautiful,” Carol told Sophie who thanked her with a quick lick.
Pallas walked into the bride’s room and took in the activity. “Maya, you are the most beautiful bride. Your photographer friend has finished with Del and his brothers, so it’s time for him to immortalize you.” She saw Carol and Violet with Sophie. “I see your canine attendant is ready to go, as well. Excellent. Sophie’s already met the dog sitter, so when the ceremony is over, she’ll go have her own private dog party.” She smiled at Eddie and Gladys. “You two are going to steal all the attention, but Maya swears she’s totally fine with that.”
“Del will only have eyes for his bride,” Gladys said with a sniff. “Maya, you’re lovely.”
“Thank you.”
Maya stepped back from the mirror. Her dress was done up the back and fit her perfectly. Her hair had been styled in an updo and her veil was waiting to be slipped on.
Elaine stood behind her, gazing at her in the mirror. “I have a surprise for you, Maya. It’s your something borrowed.” She drew a flat velvet box out of her tote and opened it. A diamond necklace winked back at all of them.
“Ceallach gave it to me after Mathias was born,” Elaine said with a sigh. “He’s always been so sentimental.”
Violet and Carol exchanged a look. Sentimental, Carol wondered. Or maybe just feeling guilty because his long-term mistress was also pregnant and about to give birth. But if it made Elaine happy to think there was another reason for the gift, then she should go with that.
Elaine fastened the necklace around Maya’s neck. The diamonds sparkled against her skin. Violet walked over and adjusted the bride’s dress. “You’re perfect,” she murmured. “Enjoy every second of your day.”
“I intend to,” Maya said with a laugh.
Carol and Violet took Sophie’s leash and led her out of the bride’s room. Their job was to walk the beagle down the aisle in front of Eddie and Gladys, then hand her over to the dog sitter. Once the pet portion of the event was finished, so were their duties. Mathias had already promised to save her a seat next to him. Carol knew that Ulrich would be doing the same for her sister. There was no reason to worry, only she couldn’t seem to quiet her head. Thoughts kept swirling as she wondered about the real reason she hadn’t seen Mathias the night before.
She reminded herself that right now, there was no way to ask. She would get through the wedding, then deal with whatever was going on later. With luck, Mathias would laugh and tell her she was being silly. That everything was fine and as soon as they could get away, he would take her back to her place and prove it over and over again.
She crossed the first two fingers of her free hand and hoped she wasn’t wishing for the moon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
DESPITE LIVING IN a destination wedding town, Carol rarely got to attend any weddings and she almost never participated in them. So it was fun to walk Sophie to her place by the bride, then hand over her leash to the dog sitter waiting just by the urn of flowers. The woman would stay there until after the ceremony, then lead Sophie out the back way and take care of her until Elaine and Ceallach returned to Mathias’s house.
Mayor Marsha Tilson of Fool’s Gold was standing with Del, smiling happily as they waited for Maya to start down the aisle. The petite older woman wore a pale pink suit and pearls.
Carol had already found where Mathias was sitting. She tried to catch his eye as she walked Sophie down the aisle, but he wasn’t looking at her. When she sat next to him, he gave her an absent smile—one that dropped the temperature in the room about fifteen degrees. Where was the handsome, happy lover she’d known just yesterday?
But this was his brother’s wedding and there was no way to ask. Carol faced forward and tried to focus on what was happening. She watched Del and Maya exchange vows, then a kiss. As they started down the aisle, Eddie and Gladys threw rose petals at them.
“Are you staying for the reception?” Carol asked as she and Mathias joined the stream of people walking toward the open double doors.
“Sure. Del wants us all there.” He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her toward the tables and chairs set up under an open canopy. “How about there?”
He pointed to a round table far from the center of the room.
“Is there going to be a head table? Do you have to sit with family?”
“Nope. I’m all yours.”
Words to ease her growing tension. Maybe she was imagining things, she told herself. Maybe everything was fine.
She took the seat he held out. When he sat next to her, she reached for his hand. But instead of lacing his fingers with hers, he gently withdrew from her touch and put his arm on the back of her chair.
“I’m going to stay at my house tonight,” he told her. “Everyone’s heading out early in the morning, so I should be there to say goodbye.”
“Of course.” She spoke as calmly as she could and did her best to keep her face from betraying her turmoil. “I’m sure you’re looking forward to getting your life back to normal. Family is always a challenge.”
“Not yours.”
“That’s true. We’re drama free in the Lund household.”
“The Mitchells have drama enough for all.” He glanced around. “It’s great to see Eddie and Gladys. They’re cool old ladies with very quick hands.” He chuckled. “Back in Fool’s Gold they’re known for taking advantage of any man not smart enough to stay out of their way.”
“What does that mean?”
“They hug, they pinch, they give butt pats. On their best days, they’re more than willing to ask a guy to take off his shirt. More, if the man in question is willing. They have a cable access show that rates the butts of men around town.” He leaned close and lowered his voice. “Naked butts. You text in who you think it is.”
By comparison, Happily Inc seemed really tame, she thought. “And all we have is a wild animal preserve. Did you ever, um, model?”
“They asked, but Ronan and I never got around to sending in pictures.” He frowned. “Or taking them, because how do you get a picture of your own butt? You’d need someone to do it for you.”
Carol glanced at the two old ladies sitting with Ceallach and Elaine. “And they look so sweet.”
“Don’t let that fool you.” He pointed. “The bar’s open. Want to get something to drink?”
“Sure.”
She was curious about the signature cocktail and would’ve liked a second to talk to her friend Silver. But as they walked over, Carol realized that Mathias was very careful to keep his distance. They didn’t touch, didn’t even brush arms. It was as if the past few days had never happened. Something had changed. She had no idea what, nor did she know how to ask. Worry returned and with it the fear that she was going to lose Mathias before she’d truly had a chance to be with him.
* * *
SATURDAY MORNING MATHIAS was up at dawn, not that he’d ever really been asleep. Del and Maya had spent the night at a h
otel before heading out on their honeymoon. His parents were gone by nine that morning, with his mother hugging him tight even as she watched to see if Ronan would show up to say goodbye. He didn’t.
Ceallach, Elaine and Sophie drove away in their rental car. They would catch a flight from Palm Springs up to Sacramento, then drive home to Fool’s Gold. Mathias walked back into his now quiet house and told himself everything would finally get back to normal. His cleaning service would be by first thing Monday to erase all traces of company. In a few days, he would be able to put the last few weeks out of his mind. Except...
He missed that damned dog. He kept expecting to run into her, literally—Sophie didn’t have any need to get out of the way. But she wasn’t underfoot, or getting into cabinets, or jumping on chairs to eat off the table or snoring in his ear at night. She wasn’t anywhere, and the house seemed colder and less hospitable because of her absence.
Worse, he missed Carol. He ached for her. While he could have easily gone home with her after the wedding, something had stopped him. A gnawing sense of concern in the back of his mind. Being with her again would be dangerous—he knew that. She was a temptation, but one he’d managed to resist. He just didn’t think he could hold out for long. He needed her—needed to see her, talk to her, touch her, make her smile. He wanted to know she was okay and that all was right in her world. She was his air, the reason his heart beat. And yet...
He couldn’t stay with her. He knew that. It made him a coward, but it was still true. Being with her would mean risking everything. He would have to believe in her, trust her. Worse, he would have to trust himself and he couldn’t do either. He’d been taught to be wary his whole life. First by his mother, then his father and finally by Ronan. His brother’s betrayal had been the worst of all. Funny how he’d learned that from family, rather than from a romantic relationship, but regardless of the delivery system, the lesson had been learned.
At least the Millie problem had been solved. Thanks to the sale of both his father’s and brothers’ artwork, there was money for the purchase and transport of the herd, along with funds for a veterinarian and upkeep for the next twenty-five years. He and his brothers didn’t need to drive the giraffes cross-country after all. All the animals would be safe. Mayor Marsha had come through with the permits and last he’d heard, the first of the giraffes would arrive in a week or so. Everything was in place.
Which meant he didn’t have an excuse. Not to wait any longer. Not to hope or wish or dream. There were no possibilities, just the truth he could no longer ignore.
He grabbed his car keys and walked out of his house. Five minutes later he pulled into Carol’s driveway. He didn’t give himself a second to reconsider—he wasn’t going to back out. He had to protect himself and he owed it to her to get this done sooner rather than later.
She answered only a few seconds after he knocked. She wore jeans and a T-shirt. Her feet were bare, as was her face. Gone was the glamorous beauty from the auction and the wedding. The woman he knew and, well, liked, was back.
She smiled when she saw him. “Is everyone gone? Life back to normal?”
“They left. I think I’m going to miss Sophie. What’s up with that?”
She stepped back to let him in, but he didn’t want to go into her house. There were too many memories, too many temptations. He needed to say it and then get the hell away from her before he changed his mind.
When he didn’t move, her smile slowly faded.
“What is it, Mathias? Why are you here?”
He almost told her he loved her. That he couldn’t stand to not be with her because they were so right together. But he couldn’t. It would be a disaster for both of them—he’d had that proven to him over and over again.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said instead. “I’m not that guy. I’m into bridesmaids, not relationships. We both know that. It was great while it lasted, but it’s over.”
Color drained from her face as her eyes filled with tears. But she didn’t cry. He waited—no, hoped—she would call him on his crap. He wanted her to grab him and shake him, telling him he was stupid and a coward, but that she was brave enough for both of them. That she would get him through this because they belonged together and in time he would learn to trust her enough to offer his heart. But until then, she would love him and stay with him.
Because if she said that, or something like that, he would be okay.
Mathias acknowledged that made him a total douche, but he would be a douche for Carol, if she would have him. Only she didn’t say any of those things. Instead she cleared her throat before speaking.
“I figured it was something like that,” she said in a small, sad voice. “Thanks for being honest with me and telling me to my face. I was afraid you were just going to disappear.” A single tear ran down her cheek. “Goodbye, Mathias.”
Her door closed in his face and he was left with absolutely nothing.
* * *
“I’M NOT GOING,” Violet said as she sat on her sofa. “At least not right away. I can head over to join Ulrich in a few weeks, when things have settled down.”
Carol did her best to stop crying. She knew that her tears were a big part of her sister’s decision. Or the actual reason.
“You won’t,” she said firmly, wiping her cheeks with her fingers and attempting to smile. “You’re going to finish packing and then you’re going to get on that plane and go join the man you love.”
Violet grabbed her hands. “No way. You’re my sister and I love you. You need me.”
“No. What I need is to pull myself together. I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”
“You didn’t. And don’t pretend to be fine. I hate Mathias. I wish I could beat him up.”
“You couldn’t and you shouldn’t. This isn’t his fault. He feels what he feels.”
Violet grimaced. “He’s a total jerk. He hurt you and I’ll never forgive that. You’re wonderful and amazing. What’s wrong with him?”
Not being wanted by Mathias had hurt far more than Carol had ever imagined. She was still having trouble drawing full breaths.
She stayed in her house the whole weekend, only emerging on Monday morning because she had to get to work and take care of her animals. She’d done her best to be brave and cheerful. Her dad and uncle had been fooled, but when she’d shown up Tuesday to help Violet pack, her sister had taken one look at her and demanded to know what had happened.
“It’s not about me.” Carol admitted the truth it had taken her three days to figure out. “It’s about him and his past. He won’t get involved because he doesn’t trust not being abandoned and betrayed. He and I talked about it before. I know what he thinks and what he’s afraid of. Telling him I won’t hurt him is meaningless.”
“But you never would hurt him,” her sister insisted.
Carol managed a tiny smile, then sniffed. “I would. Of course I would. People who care about each other still get wounded. It’s the nature of relationships. The difference is if I were to upset you, you’d call me on it. Or I’d see it myself. Either way, I’d apologize and try to do better. But it’s never been like that for him. He doesn’t know that there’s a process or if he does, he doesn’t trust it. I should have remembered.”
“You’re taking this all on yourself. It’s not about you. It’s about him.”
Carol thought about the other uncomfortable truth she’d realized. One that was harder to admit. “I’m just as bad as he is,” she admitted. “I believe I’m not special.”
Violet hugged her. “Don’t say that. You’re the most special person I know.”
“Thanks, but you know what I mean. I learned that lesson too well and when I get scared or hurt, it’s where I retreat to. When Mathias was telling me he wasn’t going to see me anymore, all I could think about was not being good enough to keep him. That and try
ing to keep from bleeding to death. I was shocked and in pain and I couldn’t move, couldn’t react. Now I keep thinking that maybe I should have fought him. Called him on his ridiculous beliefs and fought for my position.”
“Do you think it would have made a difference?”
“I don’t know.” That was the worst of it, she thought. Not knowing. Had being a coward cost her everything?
“Tell him now. I’ll go with you.”
Carol squeezed her sister’s hand. “You are very good to me,” she said. “Thank you for that. I will talk to him, but I need to get stronger and more sure of myself. I need to get through this.”
It wasn’t that she felt she needed to process more pain. Rather, she had to earn her way back. Not for him, but for herself.
“I’ll be okay,” she promised. “No matter what. So you’re going to keep packing.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“I don’t want to be left, but I do want you to go.”
They hugged for a second time. Carol let the love wash over her. Healing seemed so very far away, but at least there was the promise that she would get better. She knew she had some decisions to make. She could either live her life in fear, or she could fight for what she wanted. The decision was hers. With or without Mathias, she had to make the right one or she would also fall short of who she wanted to be.
* * *
THE FEDEX WILD animal shipping division did an excellent job of giraffe delivery. Carol watched as Mrs. Santora walked delicately down the ramp leading to her new home. Like Millie, Mrs. Santora was a Somali giraffe, native to northeastern Kenya, southern Ethiopia and Somalia. There were estimated to be less than five thousand in the wild.
Mrs. Santora hesitated, as if not sure what to do.
“It’s okay,” Carol said softly. “You’re safe now.”
Like Millie, Mrs. Santora had lived a solitary life for several years. While she was a bit older than Millie, they were both relatively young. Carol hoped they would form a strong and lasting friendship.
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