A Cross to Bear

by Julieanne Lynch

  “I love the way you orgasm,” Jack said, slipping onto the bed beside her.

  “I love the way you make me come.”

  Bree turned her head and looked at Jack, running the backs of her fingers across his cheek. She rolled onto her side, resting her head against his shoulder, listening to his soft breaths. The idea of never wanting to leave his side ran through her mind, a fleeting sensation that meant nothing.

  Jack trailed a finger up and down Bree’s spine.

  Small tingles shot across her flesh. Bree reached down, slipping her hand into Jack’s pants and grabbing his cock. She didn’t waste a moment. Bree pushed Jack onto his back. As she straddled him, she worked his erection.

  Jack grinned.

  “What are you smiling at?” Bree whispered, kissing his neck.

  “You.” Jack groaned.

  Bree moved her hips and let out a long sigh as Jack filled her completely. “Why?” she asked, rocking her hips back and forth above him.

  “You make me feel twenty years younger.”

  “Good.” Bree kissed him, their tongues brushing together.

  They fucked and kissed in unison. Making love throughout the night, they devoured each other, their desire driven by want and greed.

  The early hours of the morning told a different story, however. Huddled in the corner of the bathroom, Bree sobbed her heart out. She’d become the kind of girl she hated, knowing she’d never truly forgive herself. Jack was like an addiction. Kicking the habit was going to be harder than she imagined. In that moment, she was more broken than ever before.

  Chapter Three

  Being a three-time All-American champion meant the stakes were high when I entered Ohio State University as a freshman and became an official Buckeye. My name on the 2015–2016 roster meant I would quickly be known and the pressure would soon hit. I never expected to get caught up in the whirlwind of student life.

  The move from Sitka, Alaska to Columbus, Ohio had been a daunting experience. My mother had witnessed how hard I had worked for my scholarship and had made sure I’d met all my personal goals. She was a single mother of three, which meant life was much harder for her, and being her firstborn added a whole new strain on my life.

  I didn’t want to let her down. I wanted to show her that she had done well, regardless of the endless struggle.

  My father, on the other hand—a fly-by hook-up almost nineteen years ago—had drilled it into my head that failure wasn’t an option. It created a sense of foreboding, making me dread my own future.

  My parentage wasn’t all that different from some of my peers. The only thing was that my father happened to be a man of power and laced with money. There was no love lost between us. I hardly knew him, not the way a son should, but he’d given me his name, which, in turn, meant I had something to prove.

  Attending OSU was something I believe he orchestrated, but I liked to think that I had gotten here by my own good grades and skills. There would always be that underlying stench that he had pulled some strings and had waved his stature in the air to get me in, however.

  I stepped onto the sidewalk with my campus map in hand, observing the many strangers who surrounded me. Somehow, I didn’t belong here. My hand had been dealt, however, and I had to suck it up. I looked at my class schedule, the list of course materials, as well as my timetable for training, and wondered when I would find time to sleep, never mind eat or do anything in between.

  “You lost there, buddy?” a voice asked from behind.

  I turned my head to the right, and a guy, several inches shorter, smiled at me. “Not sure. Just getting my bearings.”

  “Sure thing,” he said. “The name’s Todd Spencer, but most people call me Spence.”

  “Logan,” I replied, greeting him with a handshake.

  “So, what are you down for?” His inquisitive eyes glanced at my schedule.

  “Biomedical engineering.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

  “No shit! Dude, that’s awesome. I’m doing a little biomedical science myself.”

  “Well, that’s great.” I tried not to sound like a complete ass.

  “So where’d you fly in from?” he asked.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Your case is a big giveaway.”

  “Yeah, I guess it is.” I frowned and glanced down at my luggage before looking at him once more. “I’m from Sitka, Alaska.”

  “Wow, pretty far from home, huh?” Spence scratched the top of his head.

  I turned and strolled away, hoping to move on as I went about my own business. To my surprise, Spence followed me.

  “So, have you signed up for any of the rush week parties?” he asked, winking at me.

  “I’m not really a party kind of guy.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I train a lot. Early mornings and late nights don’t really mix,” I said, looking at my map and glanced at Spencer out of the corner of my eye.

  “Oh!” He sounded disappointed. “You’re one of them, aren’t you?”

  “One of what?”

  “A jock!”

  If there was one thing I couldn’t stand, it was being labeled something that was completely stereotypical.

  “I’m not sure about you, Spence, but where I come from, I’m an athlete. I swim, I study, I work hard, and I don’t dare try to abuse the opportunities that come my way.” I sounded harsh, but I refused to be branded something I wasn’t.

  “Sure, whatever, dude. See you about.” Spence turned his back on me and wandered off into the crowd.

  “Hey!” I called after him, full of guilt for shutting him down like that. Unfortunately, he’d already disappeared. “Great!”

  I made my way up the steps of the halls of residence on Woodruff Avenue. My stomach spun in knots. “Here goes nothing,” I whispered.

  I held on to my case, swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed inside. I appreciated that I wasn’t the only newbie in town, but it didn’t ease the frustration and the fear of the unknown. As I stepped up to the clerk’s desk, I must have looked as if I was beyond frightened, because the perky smile from the girl behind the counter was enough to make me want to bail and run.

  “Hi, I’m Stacey,” she said.

  Her broad beam made me wonder if it had been permanently stitched to her face. “Hello,” I replied, sounding gruff.

  “May I have your paperwork?”

  “Sure.”

  I handed over all my personal information.

  A few clicks on the computer, a scratch on the tip of her nose, then her attention was back on me, along with a key.

  “Okay, Logan, you’re on the second floor, room twenty. Breakfast is between nine and eleven a.m. Make sure you register your dining plan for the fall semester. If you have any problems or questions, just call down. Someone mans the desk twenty-four hours a day.” She smiled at me.

  I looked back and saw her eyes following me as I paced toward the stairwell. Two flights up and a few doors along, I came to the place I’d call home for the next year.

  Upon opening the door, I saw that my roommate had already moved in. A few posters adorned the wall over his chosen desk. A giant Minion beanbag sat against the foot of his bed. From the selection of reading material, whoever it was, was in for the long haul.

  I threw my bag on the floor, sat down on my unmade bed and sighed. I took out my phone and scrolled down the contact list until I came to my mother. I clicked on her name and called home.

  “Hey, Mom, it’s me,” I said.

  “Oh, Logan, you promised to call me earlier.”

  “I know. I got sidetracked with inventory and crap.”

  “Have you eaten?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “What did you have?”

  “Mom, c’mon! I’m hundreds of miles from home. The last thing I want to talk about is food.” I was tired and grouchy.

  “Just promise me you’ll eat. With all the training you’ll do, you need to keep up your energy
levels.” Her voice softened.

  “I promise.”

  “What’s it like there?”

  I shrugged and looked around the room. “I dunno, like a place filled with stuff.”

  “Logan Belanger, don’t get smart with me,” she said, but I could hear the lilt in her voice.

  “Seriously, though, it’s okay.”

  “Have you met anyone?”

  “I’ve met some people, mostly staff,” I said, hearing the door to the room open. “Mom, I’ve got to go.”

  “But you’ve only just called.”

  “I’ll call back.” I eyed the guy coming inside.

  “I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you, too,” I whispered, trying not to be heard. Then I ended the call.

  To my surprise, Spence rested against his desk, looking at me with his arms folded across his chest.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” he said. “This is bullshit!”

  Ashamed of how I had acted earlier, I replied, “Listen, man, if we’re going to be roommates, let’s start again.” I held out my hand toward him.

  Spence’s posture was rigid for a moment. He frowned at me as though he were contemplating his next move. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and seemed to be at odds with himself. “Okay,” he said at last, taking my hand and shaking it firmly. “Nice to meet you.”

  “And you.”

  Once the introduction was over, I moved back to my side of the room and sat on the edge of my bed.

  “So, where are you from?”

  “Toledo, Ohio,” Spence replied, and sat on his bed, resting his head against the wall. “Not too far, but not far enough.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Man, you’ve no idea.”

  “I think I do. Mine comes with an overbearing mother and father who will kick my ass if I fail,” I said, shaking my head. “Never look a gift horse in the mouth. That’s what my dad said when I was offered my place here.”

  “Were you scouted?” Spence asked.

  “Yes. Full scholarship.”

  “Man, that’s amazing.” Spence smiled.

  “Yeah, it was too good an offer to decline.”

  “Do I sense a but?”

  I looked at him and sighed. “Probably.”

  “Listen, man, this is a huge opportunity for you. It’s the beginning of the rest of your life. Amazing things can happen if you just relax.”

  The look on Spence’s face was enough to crack me up. I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter. “Man, you’re killing me!”

  “I didn’t realize I was a comedian,” he said in a sulking tone.

  “Ah, c’mon, it’s all good. How about we go check out the campus? Get in a little sightseeing before we eat.”

  Spence jumped off the bed and grabbed his wallet.

  “And just for the record, I’m not a jock,” I said, winking at him.

  “Yeah, we’ll see,” he replied and followed me out of the door.

  * * * *

  We took our time, strolling around campus and checking out the facilities, passing a few girls on our way to the McCorkle Aquatic Pavilion.

  “So this is where you’ll be doing all your training, huh?” Spence asked.

  “Yup,” I said, staring at the enormous glass and stone building in front of us. “This is kinda surreal.”

  “OSU has one of the best swim teams in the whole country. You’re going to be a part of it, dude. This is awesome.” Spence looked at me and laughed in disbelief.

  His enthusiasm was infectious. I laughed. “You know something, you’re right. This is the stuff dreams are made of.”

  After we grabbed something to eat, the two of us made our way back to our building.

  “My mom’s a neo-natal nurse back home. She kind of encouraged me to move into the science field, but it was my father who insisted on the engineering side of things,” I said as we strolled along. “So I get to please them both.”

  “What is it you want?” Spence asked.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I want to swim. I’d love to make the Olympics one day, but that’s just a pipe dream.”

  “Hey, we all have dreams. It’s what makes us human.”

  I looked at Spence and smiled. He was full of surprises. “I’m working toward that dream. What about you? Have you pressure coming from all sides?”

  “My dad, the great old asshole he is,” he said, making a face. “That’s a whole other level of pressure.”

  “And I thought I had it bad.”

  “Dude, there is no pleasing that man. I scored twenty-one-ninety on my SATs, was president of the Spanish Club, did numerous things for charity, and even did a pre-college program, earning myself a degree in engineering, but that wasn’t good enough.” Spence sighed.

  “Wow, sounds like a raw deal. I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I got this.”

  He smiled before his attention was drawn to something happening up the hill.

  “C’mon, ten minutes max,” Spence said, hitting me on the arm. “It’s rush week. We’ve got to ride the rite of passage, dude.”

  “This isn’t really my thing.” I looked at the house and the beaming lights, listening to the noise, the pounding music and the jeers from partygoers inside. It wasn’t the place I wanted to be.

  “Aww, man, this place is the bomb. Seriously, trust me,” Spence said, not listening to my protests.

  I shoved my hands inside the pockets of my jeans and thought about heading back on my own. I didn’t want to leave Spence alone, so I did what I always did. I played bodyguard.

  Spence was already several feet ahead of me, disappearing inside the smoky hall of the house. The stench of booze and perfume filled the air. Two girls were dancing on a table, both fondling each other, while a crowd gathered around and cheered on the show.

  I moved over beside Spence, trying to shout over the music. “This isn’t my thing. I’m gonna head back.”

  Spence didn’t even bat an eyelid. He was too transfixed on a couple making out on the kitchen table. “Dude, this is way hotter than the Playboy channel.” Spence kept his eyes on the lust-filled couple. He swigged at his beer, no longer acknowledging me.

  I chuckled to myself. I wasn’t needed. I turned around and bumped hard into a girl, knocking her backward. That was the first time I laid eyes on Bree and fate stepped in.

  * * * *

  The first training session of the season kicked off shortly after five a.m. the next morning. I loosened myself up with a run on the track field after having been awake since four a.m. I had tried to sleep through Spence’s snores, but had given up when I’d found myself wanting to smother him.

  I entered the locker room and grabbed my water bottle. I took a swig before going down to the weight room. The rest of my teammates talked quietly among themselves. Several were lying on the floor, though my presence didn’t go unnoticed. There were whispers, and awkward glances thrown in my direction. I kept my focus on the session ahead, resting against the wall and waiting for practice to begin.

  “Good morning,” the weight room coach bellowed, clapping his hands. He smiled broadly, far too awake to be that chipper so early in the morning. “Everyone to the gym for warmup!”

  Some of my teammates groaned with dismay, while the rest of us marched on up to the gym.

  “Six laps around the perimeter!” the coach barked. “No cutting corners, or you get to do this twice.”

  “Ugh, I hate running,” one of my teammates said. “That’s why I swim.”

  “I hear you, bro,” I replied, and started running.

  “I’m Drake.” He gave me the thumbs-up.

  “Logan,” I said, nodding at him.

  The two of us grew quiet and ran the laps, huffing and puffing along with our teammates. I went through the warm-up exercises, keeping my focus at all times. As I headed back down to the gym to grab my lift sheet, Drake ran up beside me.

  “Freshman?” he as
ked.

  “Yup, you?”

  “Same.”

  “We all got to start somewhere,” I replied.

  “True,” Drake said, smirking. “This is the worst part of the day.”

  “Wait until evening practice.”

  He groaned. “Don’t remind me of that.”

  Drake grabbed his lift sheet first from the desk, then I got mine. We gathered alongside the rest of the lifting group, waiting for the coach to appear and reveal the day’s exercises.

  “What’s your major?” I asked.

  “History,” Drake replied. “You?”

  “Biomedical engineering.”

  “Wow, you’re going to be knee-deep in work. Both here and in the study hall.”

  “Yeah, it sucks, but the pressure is on,” I said, ready to defend myself.

  “We’ll both feel the pressure once classes begin on Monday.”

  After the hard workout, we all got ready, changing out of our sweat-soaked training gear and into our swimwear. We grabbed our equipment and made our way to the deck, where the real work was about to begin.

  I was no novice when it came to training. Hard work and dedication were at the top of my list of priorities. Nothing else mattered. I couldn’t afford to allow anything to get in the way of my goals.

  My legs were numb by the time I finished my set and morning practice was over. I crawled out of the pool and went straight to the shower. The warm water eased my aching muscles and rinsed off the chlorine.

  “Who’s up for breakfast?” someone shouted.

  I was never one to turn down food, so I gave out a hearty, “Me!”

  It was easy for me to blend in with the team. We practically marched to the dining hall, all of us starving and ready to devour plates of eggs, toast and as much protein as we could stomach.

  Drake sat across from me. He scarfed his eggs faster than I’d seen anyone do so before.

  “Fuck! I need more,” he said, and took his plate back to get a second helping.

  “That was a pretty intense set you did back there,” someone said as he sat beside me. “Tommy.” He reached out to shake my hand.

  “Logan.” I smiled and took a mouthful of food.