“No.”
Silence descended upon us. My head was overtaken by a jumbled mesh of questions and visions of the girl I loved fucking a man old enough to be her father. Everything about Bree and Jack made me sick.
“Why?” I asked, unable to look at her. If I looked at her, I’d fall to pieces, and I couldn’t risk that.
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“You must have an idea! You don’t fuck someone and not know what drove you to it.”
Rage surged through me. Her sobs weren’t enough to make me calm down. I was pissed.
“It was a mistake.”
“How long did the mistake last?”
“All summer,” she admitted.
I swallowed hard. “Were you still with him when you met me?”
“Yes. I know I’m a terrible person.” She shook her head.
The world seemed to freeze around me. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. Nothing made sense. The woman I loved, the girl who had restored my faith in love and friendship, had been living a lie, and that cut me to the very core. My soul had been torn from my body, and I didn’t know what to do.
“Say something,” she said, sounding angry.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked, looking at the floor.
“Anything, just don’t sit in silence.”
I rose to my feet and undid the top button of my shirt. For the first time in an hour, I glanced down at her.
“I’m having a really hard time digesting this,” I admitted.
“Logan, it was just sex. Nothing more.”
“Oh, and that makes it all right?” I sounded like an asshole.
“Of course it doesn’t,” she snapped. “It happened, and nothing can ever change that.”
She looked broken and completely destroyed by it all. Yet I refused to feel sorry for her.
I loved her. I couldn’t deny that. Even though I was angry with her, nothing could take away the fact that I was head-over-heels in love with her. Sadly, I didn’t know the first thing about making all the bad shit go away.
“What do we do?” I asked, sitting down beside her on the bed.
“I don’t know,” she cried. “I… I wish I knew.”
“Do you think Jenny knows?”
“I don’t know. Probably. I acted like such a bitch.”
“That I can agree with,” I replied, looking at her.
She looked like a sad little girl. A pitiful sight, something I never thought I’d witness. Yet there I was, sitting beside her, wanting nothing more than to protect her.
“Do you think he got the message?” I asked.
“I hope so. Otherwise, I’ll have to tell my parents,” she said, sounding a little more composed.
“Really?”
“Yes, I told him so. I told him if he didn’t leave me alone and accept that it was just a stupid, meaningless fling, I’d tell my parents.”
“What would your parents say if you told them?”
Bree moved closer to me, our arms touching. “My mother would probably threaten to break my legs, then she’d go after Jack. My dad would probably shoot first, and think after,” she said. “It’s not something I want to do.”
I didn’t blame her. Not if her parents were the kind of people to blow a fuse so easily.
“Do you hate me?” she asked.
Her words tugged at my heart. I didn’t hate her, not by a long shot.
“Are you crazy?” I remarked. “I’ve loved you all along. I’m not going to stop loving you now.”
“Then why do I feel like this is breaking us apart?”
“Because it’s not something you prepare yourself for.” I took her hand in mine. “I just wish you’d told me. I could have helped. Instead, you went about this the wrong way.”
“How do I make this all go away?”
“We can worry about that tomorrow,” I said, turning around to face her. I brushed the hair from her face, staring deep into her eyes.
“I love you, Logan,” she said, tears seeping down her cheeks. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
“I’m so sorry you had to find out this way.” She threw herself into my arms.
I wrapped my arms around her. I couldn’t be a bastard to her. I wasn’t the kind of man to treat someone like that, especially the woman I loved.
“We’ll figure this out together,” I whispered in her ear.
Together, we lay down on my small bed. I held on to her as she drifted off to sleep.
Emotionally exhausted, I found it hard not to cry. Everything that had happened over the course of the evening crashed around me, like a wave pulling me under, and I broke.
I wasn’t the kind of guy to lose my shit over something like this. After witnessing Bree’s demise from a confident, happy-go-lucky girl to the disheveled mess who now lay in my arms, I couldn’t control my emotions. I dreaded my early start the next morning.
* * * *
The alarm was about to sound, but I switched it off and sat on the edge of the bed. Bree was still asleep. I didn’t want to wake her. I picked up my bag and kissed her on the cheek before I left the room.
The sun was just coming up and the air was chilly. Under normal circumstances, I enjoyed mornings like these. I made my way to the gym, though my heart and mind were back in the room with Bree. Nothing was going to make that go away.
Drake jogged down to join me as I walked along the corridor toward the locker room.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
I looked at him.
He could see that I was far from okay. “Man, ask Coach for some personal time,” he whispered, making sure no one else heard.
“No,” I replied. “I’m here to swim, and that’s what I’ll do.”
We were getting ready when Tommy and Ethan came in.
“Hey there, Flipper. How’s paradise?” Ethan grinned, looking like a prized ass who needed gutting and soon.
“Ethan, shut the fuck up,” Tommy insisted.
“Whoa,” he replied. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”
Tommy stepped over to me. His voice was low enough so that only he and I could hear what he was saying.
“Jenny isn’t stupid. She’ll figure it out. When she does, she’ll be ready to kill.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I sensed that last night.”
“We need to put some distance between them,” he said. “Long enough to let the dust settle. I’ll smooth things over from my end. You need to figure Bree’s shit out before everyone hears.”
I nodded and got ready for training. The only thing on my mind was Bree, her fuck-up and how I’d try to avoid her and Jenny ripping each other apart. It wasn’t a good mindset to be in when you were swimming lengths, trying to keep on top of the game, while the coach noticed a clear difference in your times.
“Belanger.” Coach called me over to him after sets.
“Yes, sir?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, sir, why?”
“You seem a bit off today. Should I be concerned?”
“No, sir, just a bad night.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “Be on top of your game this afternoon.”
“Absolutely, sir,” I replied, picking up my equipment and heading straight for the showers.
My head wasn’t in the game, not as it had been before. I was angry, jaded and confused. Bree’s previous actions had nothing to do with me. Now that she was mine, however, I was torn.
“Hey, man,” Drake said as I tied the laces of my sneakers. “Wanna grab some breakfast?”
“I don’t know if I’ve got an appetite,” I replied. “I’m going to go back and check on Bree.”
“Sure,” he said, but the probing wasn’t going to stop there.
Walking out of the pavilion, I was a man with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“What’s happened?” Drake asked. “And don’t think about lying.”
&
nbsp; I shook my head, unsure of what I wanted to say to him. How did you confess to your best friend that you found out your new girlfriend had one too many skeletons in her closet, and the first one had burned the two of you in the ass?
“It’s complicated.”
“Man, complicated is my middle name,” he said. “Just try me.”
For several minutes, we said nothing.
I contemplated telling him. A part of me needed to offload to someone. I could trust Drake not to be a blabbermouth. Yet I couldn’t help but feel like a dick for even wanting to share my troubles with someone.
“Bree’s in a bit of trouble,” I said.
“Whoa, she’s not…you know, pregnant?” he whispered.
“Jesus, no!”
“Sorry, it was the first thing that popped into my head.”
We took our time in going back to campus.
I gave him a pretty sketchy explanation. It had enough information to prove a point, nonetheless. “She told me it had been a mistake and regretted it.”
“Man, that is some fucked-up shit!” Drake shook his head.
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
“Are you still together?” he asked, looking at me.
“Of course we are. This was shit that happened before she and I ever got together. I’m having a real hard time dealing with it, that’s all.”
Drake rested a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile. “I think you’re a pretty smart guy. You know what you have to do.”
He was right. What kind of person would I be if I ran from Bree? She was in pain. I needed to be her rock, even if she hated the world.
“I’ll give you a call later,” I said.
“Sure,” Drake replied. “Just give her time to explain things. The worst thing you can do right now is force her to tell you everything.”
I smiled and waved before going back to my dorm to Bree. As I stepped into the room, I saw Spence trying his best not to make too much noise.
“Sorry, I needed to grab some books for class,” he whispered.
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, glancing at Bree. “Has she said anything?”
Spence shook his head and looked at Bree, then back at me. “Is she okay?”
“Yup, I got this. Don’t worry.”
“Okay, man, give me a call if you need anything,” he said, and left the room.
I held my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. For the first time in weeks, an old insecurity of mine decided to pay me a little visit. Gone was the self-assured confidence. In its place was a boy who didn’t know how to help the girl he loved. The worst part was knowing that Jack made her feel like a cheap whore. That alone left a disgusting taste in my mouth.
Bree peered out from under the covers, watching me. “Hey,” she said.
I walked over to the bed and sat down beside her, taking her hand in mine. “How did you sleep?”
“On and off,” she muttered. “I have a headache.”
“That will be all the crying,” I replied. I bent down and reached into my bag, pulling out a bottle of water. “Here, drink this. You need to rehydrate.”
Bree sat up, her mascara smudged under her eyes. She looked severely disheveled.
As much as I wanted to shelter her from everything that had happened, in long run she wouldn’t appreciate it. She needed to get up, face the world and carry on with her life.
She sipped a few drops of the water. “Thanks for last night. For not making me go back to the house. I don’t know how I’m going to face Jenny.”
“I’d do anything for you,” I replied. “Which is why you’re going back the house.”
She looked at me, wild-eyed, and shook her head. “No, I’m not going back there. I can’t! Not yet.”
“Yes, you can. I’ll be there with you.”
“But… I don’t know what I’m going to say. Oh my God! I’ve ruined everything,” she said, and burst into tears again.
Seeing Bree so torn hurt me. I wanted to make all of her pain and shame go away. I tried to help her, but ultimately she had to do the bulk of the work herself.
“Then, we go over there, and if she says anything, you decide on how you address this,” I said, refusing to back down.
“Why are you helping me?” she asked.
“Because I love you.” I grabbed her hand and helped her off the bed. I wasn’t backing down, not now that I had her attention. Bree needed to take some responsibility for the night before. In the long run, she’d thank me.
“You won’t leave me?”
“No,” I said, pulling her into my arms. I held her tight.
She relaxed in my embrace.
It was proof enough for me to know that I had made the right decision. Helping her get back on the right track was my way of letting her know she was in control of her own destiny. I was just there to give her a helping hand.
“I look a mess, don’t I?”
I let out a little chuckle, unable to lie. “You look like you’ve done a few rounds with Tyson.”
That earned me a jab in the arm.
“Come on, you can use the bathroom and freshen up before we go.” I took her hand and showed her to the bathroom. “I’ll wait here.”
“Thanks!” She smiled and slipped inside.
Five minutes later, she came out. The black streaks were gone and she looked a little more like the Bree I adored.
“Feeling more human?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Ready?”
“Not really, but… I’ve no choice, right?”
“None whatsoever,” I said, and held her hand.
We left the building and stepped out into the warm morning sun.
I gently squeezed her hand, reassuring her. All of this was difficult for us, but we’d get through it somehow.
Chapter Twenty
Bree held on to Logan’s hand as if her life depended on it. In her own mind, she imagined that everyone was familiar with her sordid little secret, but she couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Logan kept glancing down at her, making sure she was okay.
She hated the fact that he was missing classes because of her own fuck-up.
The path leading to her house loomed in the distance. She stopped in her tracks. Her chest constricted. She was in the midst of a panic attack.
“I can’t do this.” She held her hand to her chest, gasping as the world began to spin.
“Bree,” Logan said, holding her shoulders. “Breathe.”
Tears formed in her eyes as she stared at Logan. Bree didn’t want him to see her like this, but it was too late.
“You need to get a grip, Bree,” Logan muttered, as Bree struggled to compose herself.
“I…can’t.”
Bree turned her head, catching sight of several concerned faces staring at them.
Out of the blue, Jet appeared. “Bree, snap the fuck out of it before we start charging people for the show,” she said in a rather cold voice.
Bree closed her eyes, trying to control her breathing.
Jet reached out her hand to Logan. “I’m Jet,” she said.
“Logan,” he replied, and the two shook hands.
“Let’s get Little Miss Fuck-Up inside,” Jet said, making light of the situation.
Logan glared at her, unsure of how to take her offhand comment.
The hint of a smile danced across Bree’s lips. “Ignore her. This is Jet being attentive, believe me.”
Once they were inside the house, Jet poured three cups of coffee and checked her class schedule.
“Have you seen her today?” Bree asked, blowing at the coffee before taking a sip.
“Briefly, this morning,” Jet replied. “She didn’t stay last night. She came back here, got her bag, and left again shortly after eight a.m.”
“Oh, God!” Bree said, and sat down.
“Honestly, I think she’s just pissed at how you behaved last night,” Jet remarked. “I don
’t think she totally got the whole thing, and if she did, then she’s a great pretender.”
“See?” Logan said. “Disaster averted.”
“Not really. You don’t know Jenny.”
“Then we do damage control,” Logan said, sounding more optimistic.
“See?” Jet remarked. “I knew I liked him for a reason.” Jet smiled at Logan and winked at him, filling her bag with books.
“Has anyone said anything?” Bree asked.
Jet shook her head and paused for a moment, pursing her lips together. “Nope, not really. There was a bit of a whispering session last night, but nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone assumes you aren’t over Ethan and that the new boyfriend doesn’t like that. You know the shit that gets gossiped about.”
Jet had a way with words. They were straight and to the point. As much as Bree hated hearing the cold, hard facts, Jet had raised several important things.
“This is why I hate college life.” Bree sighed.
“We can deal with this,” Logan said, touching her hand.
“I don’t want you getting pulled into the middle of something ugly. It’s not fair to you, Logan.”
“Too bad, because I’m here, and I’m not bailing on you at the first sign of trouble,” Logan said, earning himself a smile from both girls.
“I like him. He’s a keeper.” Jet nudged Bree’s arm. “Well, I gotta love and leave ya. Class begins in about twenty minutes, and I’ve got a few things to grab on the way.” Jet threw her satchel across her shoulder and winked at Bree. “Smile, no one’s dead,” she said before she left.
“I like her,” Logan said as they sat at the kitchen table.
“Jet’s a good girl,” Bree replied. “She gets me more than most people.”
“I get you.” Logan smiled. “I’m a little taken aback by things, but I’ll get over it.”
Bree rested her arms on the table and gazed at him. “You’re amazing and you don’t even realize it.”
Logan shook his head and laughed. He then ran a hand through his hair. “Believe me, no one’s perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have things about our lives we don’t want people to know. It’s what makes us human.”
“Well, I’m done with hiding.”
“Good,” Logan said. “Because you can’t spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for all the mistakes you make. Otherwise, life is going to be one shit storm after another.”
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