I leaned into him, pressing myself along the line of his lean cut body. “That I should kiss you, that maybe if I kiss you, it will be terrible and all this wondering about whether or not what I’m feeling has anything at all to do with you, or if it’s just because you have Darwin’s heart will be answered.”
“And a kiss will tell you all that?” His lips brushed against mine as he spoke.
“I think so, yes.”
“And then what? What if it’s terrible?”
“I’ll go away and never bother you again.”
“And if it’s not terrible?” His eyes, god, his eyes were full of so many things that words just couldn’t say.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
I let my body sink into his, my mouth capturing his, closed my eyes and just let the feelings wash over me. His hands slid down my back, grabbed my hips and held me tight against him. His stubble rubbed against my cheeks and lips, and a groan slipped through him and into me.
Fire danced between us, my body lighting up with every touch, every breath captured on our lips. His hands pinned me to him, emotions as tangible as his kiss. Desire and the beginning of a love flared, achingly close. Tears slipped from my eyes, the salty taste wetting my skin.
“Don’t cry, Brielle, please don’t cry,” he whispered as I leaned my forehead against his.
“We should go.” I managed to get the words out with only a little difficulty.
I scrambled off him and jumped out of the tree, stumbling when I hit the ground. Micah dropped beside me, steadying me, his hand sliding down to tangle our fingers together, as smooth as if we’d done it a thousand times before. I swallowed hard.
Hi lifted a hand and swiped the tears off my cheeks.
“Did you get the answer you were looking for?”
I looked away from him, unable to form the words to tell him that the kiss had answered the question for me.
I would fight for him, fight for him, for Micah, and for what was left of Darwin.
To my last breath if need be.
18
PENNY AND I had lunch together the next day. The weekends were my own and while I could stay at the clinic as long as I wanted, I was hoping Penny’s brother would leave so I could stay with her.
“Are you fucking serious? You’re joking, he has Darwin’s heart?” Her voice lowered to a strangled whisper, her eyes bugging out.
I nodded, popping a French fry into my mouth. “Yeah, how do you think I felt, sitting there thinking I was falling for this guy and Fiona pops up with ‘Hey, you know he has Darwin’s heart, which pretty much makes him mine.’ They aren’t kidding when they say karma’s a bitch.”
Penny let out a peal of laughter. “I would have crapped my pants, that’s what would have happened.”
I had to admit, that once the full shock had worn off, the whole situation was funny in a twisted irony-filled way. Crazy, it was too damn crazy to believe. Yet, wasn’t there a saying that truth was stranger than fiction? Well, there I was, living out a truth that could hardly be believed.
“What are you going to do?”
I stared at the burger on my plate, as if it would have some sort of profound answer for me. “I’m going to fight for him.”
She grinned at me, her eyes going glossy. “I knew you had it in you. She doesn’t deserve him; besides, the bitch is getting married to someone else. She can’t have Micah too.”
“I think we’re both a bit scared. I think he’s worried that I want him because he has Darwin’s heart, which is why Fiona wants him. And to be honest, I’m worried for the same reason. What if he’s not as good as I think he is? What if he’s a horrible person and I just can’t see it because … hey, are you even listening to me?”
Penny stared out over my shoulder, her mouth dropping open, a very different look shifting through her eyes.
“Damn, will you look at that tall drink of water? Maybe you’ve got it right. I could use me a man like that. I’ll bet he could go all night long, no problem.”
I twisted in my seat to see what man had grabbed her attention. Tall, dark-haired, lightly stubbled face, aquamarine eyes. He turned toward me, as if he felt my gaze on his skin. I lifted my hand, and a slow smile spread across his face and he headed toward our table.
Penny grabbed my arm. “Is that him? Oh my god, Brielle, he’s fucking gorgeous.”
I swatted her hand off my arm. “Shut up, would you?”
“Brielle. This must be Penny.” He held out his hand across the table and Penny all but swooned as he shook her hand.
She batted her eyes up at him. “I don’t suppose you have a twin kicking around? Maybe a younger brother?”
He chuckled and lowered himself into an empty chair. “I do have a younger brother, but you aren’t his type.”
Her mouth dropped open again, and I filled her in before she could explode. “He’s gay.”
The indignation on her face faded. “Well, that’s about the only excuse I’d accept. And on that note, I have somewhere I need to be. Brielle, call me later. I’ll see about getting that hairy ass I’m living with on the next bus out of town.”
She blew me a kiss, and I waved at her.
“I like her,” Micah said, stealing a French fry off my plate.
I pushed it toward him. “Yeah, she’s a good friend.”
“I wondered if you’d come with me tonight,” Micah said, casually, as if he were asking me what the weather was going to be for the next week.
I blinked several times, stared at him. “Tonight? Do you need me to run interference with your uncle?”
He shook his head and grabbed another fry. “No, I have to go into Scott County for a number of clients over the weekend. I could use your help. And since Fiona broke up my last date in town, I thought this would be a good way to avoid setting her off.” His eyes never moved from the plate as he asked me to spend the weekend with him. As he not so subtly asked me to spend the weekend in his arms and in his bed.
I swallowed hard, all the rules and morality that had been drilled into me as a young girl swirling up, making an attempt to swallow me. Don’t sleep with a man before there is some sort of commitment. Don’t turn into a floozy. Don’t reach for more than what you’re worth.
Stupid girl.
“If you don’t want to, I get it—”
“No, I want to come with you. Just … I was watching the last of my nana’s advice go flying out the window.” I smiled at him, my heart thrumming, unable to still it. Holy crap, was I really going to do this?
“What was her last advice?”
“To not bother chasing after the foolish impossibilities of the heart. That they would only bring me heartache.”
His eyes finally lifted to mine and I saw the strain in them, how hard this must be on him too. “Is it because I have his heart? Is that why you’re coming with me?”
There he was, Micah, as bold as they came, and I was ridiculously grateful for it. I shook my head slowly. “No. I was falling in love with you before I ever knew you had his heart. That you have Darwin’s heart, that’s just a bonus.”
He let out a soft chuckle, and then held his hand out to me. “Then we should go and prove your nana wrong.”
The drive to the hotel took three hours. Three hours of laughing and talking, soft touches, and my heart feeling as complete and whole as it had ever been.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” Micah said as we neared the hotel.
“Neither was I.” I paused for a big breath, the next question burning hot in my throat. “What happens after this weekend?”
He pulle
d the truck into the parking lot of the hotel and turned off the engine. “Guess that depends.”
“On what?”
He never got a chance to answer me; the door was yanked open. Fiona, fucking Fiona, stood there, Darwin crying in her arms and Celia and Frank standing behind her. To make it worse, Dr. Winston was there too, looking as confused as I’d ever seen him. Fiona had brought a mob with her, a mob to witness whatever it was she was about to throw at us. A mob to force Micah into doing what she wanted. I had to give her props, the woman could manipulate with the best of them.
“You filthy whore, you think I’m blind, you think I don’t know you want to steal Micah too?” She screamed, her face brilliantly red, no longer pretty, but twisted with her rage. “You think I don’t know that you and Darwin were having an affair? That I didn’t see the way you looked at each other? But he stayed with me, and I had his baby, not you, you fucking piece of white trash. He loved me best.”
Micah lifted his hand to her, shook his head. “Fiona, that’s enough. Brielle is here to help me with my clients. Regardless of that, my life isn’t any of your business—”
“Don’t you fucking lie for her,” Fiona screamed, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t love her. She’s a slut, a hussy who gets a thrill out of stealing married men away from their wives.”
“I’m not your husband, Fiona,” Micah said, but his words were lost in chaos, as things went from bad to worse. My mother chimed in.
“Brielle, is this true? Did you have an affair with Darwin? Are you trying to break up Fiona’s upcoming nuptials? Is it your plan to ruin all the weddings I am in charge of?” Celia’s voice bore into my skull.
I stared at her shocked, and I struggled not to lash out. Screw it. “I’m not trying to break up anyone’s wedding. Micah isn’t anything to Fiona except her employee.”
Fiona was out of control. “He’s not anything to me anymore; you probably had a hand in that, didn’t you, you bitch?”
“Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you, or my mother. This isn’t about you. Why the hell are you here anyway?” I glared at Celia, daring her to say something.
Fiona sneered at me, her voice rising with each word, little Darwin squalling along with her. “I brought your mom and Frank with me, so they could see you for what you are. I brought Bruce so he could see his nephew fall from grace again as he sullied his family name, and maybe talk some sense into him. You’re a whore. A home wrecker. I tried to be your friend, tried to make it right. I would have shared Darwin if I had to. But no, you had to have him all to yourself and he died, and it’s your fault, you bitch!”
“Enough!” Micah’s deep voice covered everything, stilled Fiona’s screaming and even stalled out Darwin’s cries. “That is enough. Fiona, you are hysterical and you’re scaring Darwin. Whatever Brielle and I have —”
“Fire her and come home. James doesn’t mean anything to me, not like you do. You belong with your family; we are where your heart should be. You shouldn’t be out on the road. You don’t need to be around her, she’s confusing you. I love you, Micah. I can forgive you this, just come home.” Fiona begged him, went so far as to hand him Darwin, who snuggled into his arms. From where I sat, I could see the fingerprints on the little boy’s bare arms. Fingerprints that were far too large to be from Fiona’s petite hands.
I grabbed my bag at my feet and slid out of the truck, knowing already how this was going to end. Micah would see how bad James was and he would go back to them, as much as he’d been ready to try with me. Faced with Fiona and Darwin, how could he turn his back on them? How could he turn his back on a son that needed him?
“That’s it, run away again, you whore,” Fiona screamed after me.
Oh, I’d had enough of that. I spun and strode around the font of the truck, putting my face right in hers, nose to nose.
“Why did you send me those letters? If you hate me so much, why would you send me those letters?”
Her lips trembled, and tears slipped down her cheeks. “Because I wanted you to know how well I was doing. I wanted to show you I was as strong as you were. That you weren’t any better than me. That I had everything you ever wanted. Even with Darwin gone, I won.” She didn’t back down. “I wanted to show you that Darwin would always choose me. Always choose to stay with me over you.”
Her words struck through the last of my control, the last of my desire to not turn this into a screaming fest of a fight.
Anger, hot and burning hotter, shattered my better judgment. “Fuck you, Fiona! At least I don’t have to manipulate men into my bed. I don’t have to trick them into thinking I’m pregnant to get them to stay around. You don’t deserve Micah, and you didn’t deserve Darwin. You’re the bitch.” I poked her in the chest with a finger. “You’re the selfish twat. Maybe you should tell Micah the truth about you, about how you can’t get pregnant now. Tell him the truth about how you coerced Darwin into marrying you. How you faked your pregnancy with him.” I took a breath, watched the blood drain from Fiona’s face. What did she expect, that I would keep her dirty secrets?
I shoved her away from me, shoved her hard enough that she stumbled backward, tripped and fell on her perky little ass with a squawk.
I glared at her. “If only you’d been in that accident instead of Darwin, life would have been fucking perfect. And for the record, I never slept with Darwin, and that is a choice I regret every day of my life.”
She gasped, my mother gasped, and Micah grunted as if I’d punched him. Ignoring them all, I turned my back on them and headed to the highway.
Five minutes later, Dr. Winston’s truck rolled up beside me and the window slid down. “Get in.”
I didn’t argue, just climbed in and buckled up. I couldn’t look at him. God damn it all to hell and back, my life had spun completely out of control. What the hell was I doing anyway? Nana had been right on so many levels. And yet, I knew she’d also been very, very wrong.
Dr. Winston cleared his throat. “Were you there to work, like Micah said?”
“Yes. He said he needed my help.”
“That the only reason you were with him?” Cagey old man wasn’t going to let this go and I was tired of hiding.
“What do you think?”
“I think my nephew is an idiot if he goes back to Fiona.” That was it, nothing else the entire ride back to the clinic, where he dropped me off without a single word of advice. Without condemnation, without platitudes.
“Clinic is shut down for the weekend. We start early on Monday,” he said, as I slid out of the truck.
“You aren’t going to fire me?”
He snorted. “Why would I do that?”
“Because of all that.”
“Nah, everybody makes mistakes. They don’t ruin your life unless you let them. Rachael let them ruin her life. Don’t let your mistakes ruin yours. They don’t define you; they make you grow the fuck up.”
With that, he pulled away, left me standing in the parking lot. I went into the clinic and called Penny. She picked up on the first ring.
“Wait, I thought you were going with Micah? What happened?”
I filled her in, without a single tear, without a single sob. As I lay on the cot, thinking, I wondered if there was a time when your heart finally gave up. Sure, maybe it still beat, still worked to pump blood, but maybe there came a point where it was broken one too many times and you just stopped feeling.
Beyond numb, I closed my eyes, hoping to see Darwin. At least when I slept he was there, he loved me, and I could hold him, if just for a few minutes.
As soon as sleep snagged me, he was there and peace flowed over me.
“Fight for me, Brielle. Please. I’m begging you,” Darwin whispered, his hands cupping my face. “I’ll wait for you—always—but you have to fight for me.”
His words confused me and I clung to him, crying my eyes out. “Please stay with me, or take me with you. Darwin, this hurts too much.”
Fight for me.
If only it were that easy.
19
MICAH DIDN’T CALL me, didn’t come around. Penny cajoled me. “You should phone him, meet him somewhere. He doesn’t love her, and you know that! She’s a total bitch, I hate her.”
“You talking about Fiona or my mom?”
“Both. I hate them both.” She snarled, her pretty face twisted up in a grimace.
She had reason to hate my mom, as did I. But I couldn’t hate Celia. Frank was another story. They had disowned me, left my few possessions on the front doorstep and stood there, staring at me blankly, no emotion on their faces at all as they told me that they didn’t have a daughter anymore. Then, to top it all off, slammed the door in my face. I will say in Celia’s defense that it looked like she had been crying. So maybe she did care a little bit about me, even if she had a horrible way of showing it.
I sat in Penny’s brother’s place, sorting through the boxes. Pictures of me were stacked in unceremoniously, carelessly. I pulled a picture of nana and me out, the night of my sixteenth birthday.
That was the day I learned that there was no such thing as a perfect man for me; that all the dreams I had about finding the one person who made my heart sing, and my blood pound was non-existent.
A complete and utter lie I’d been fed by those around me.
I learned on that day that life was better knowing the truth, and that chasing after most dreams, particularly when it came to men, would bring you nothing but heartache.
The memory of that birthday was as clear as if it had happened today, and not seven years ago.
“Here, Brielle, I have something for you.”
I turned away from my four closest friends, who had just finished singing me happy birthday, their voices purposefully off key, their laughter filling the big kitchen my mother had just finished renovating.
“Nana, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I hugged my grandmother, my mom’s mom, feeling the frailty of her body as she patted my back. Her dark blue eyes, the same deep blue as my mom’s, the same deep blue as mine, searched my face, as if looking for something that should be hidden there. With my dad in and out of the hospital with his heart condition, and my mom’s budding new business as a wedding planner, I was left with Nana more often than not.