by Lucian Bane
He reached for her hand and she pulled away. “I need to touch you,” he whispered, his words thick.
“I can’t… “ She shook her head. “Not while I tell you this, please.” She still couldn’t look at him. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Obviously,” she began again, “I never stood a chance. So…I was accused of trying to entrap him, of…playing the harlot and trying to pin it on him. He even got somebody to lie and say I’d slept around, so it was my word against his. The poor desperate girl from a dysfunctional, fatherless home, what else can you expect.” She covered her mouth with a hand, realizing she’d lied to him about that. “I told you I wanted a marriage like my mom and dad’s but…he left when I was a baby. Only that didn’t stop my mom from…” The words strained with her pouring tears. “…from telling me about their fairytale relationship," she said in a light wail. "She just wanted me to have something nice to believe in, I know that now. I was angry when I found out the truth about my dad and then when she died…I realized she was just trying to protect me.”
“Angel,” he whispered, trying to reach for her again.
“I can’t, I’m sorry, please,” she begged, pulling back.
“I would never judge you if you had an abortion,” he said quietly, drawing her pained gaze.
She finally lowered her head and shook it for many seconds. “I didn’t have an abortion,” she whispered, digging her thumbnail into the palm of her hand, non-stop now. “We…left town when everybody turned against us. We came here to live with my Aunt, my mom’s sister. Until we got on our feet. After a lot of praying…” her words strained again as the tears fell. “I decided…the best thing for the baby was adoption. Because…we didn’t have anything, and I wanted him or her to have everything.”
“Oh fuck,” he whispered, lowering his head into his hands. “You are a fucking angel. I fucking knew you were.”
“But…I didn’t go through with it,” she said, her words choked. “I couldn’t,” she shook her head. “When I was eight months pregnant, I called it off before the paperwork was finished, I couldn’t give her up. I could feel her, moving and living inside me,” she gasped. “She was mine. I didn’t care she had an asshole for a father, so did I. I wanted to be her mother, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to try, I wanted a chance.”
“What happened, Angel?” he whispered.
She shook her head slowly. “Please…stop calling me that,” she pled back, feeling so dirty.
“Tell me what happened.”
She fought with herself, with her demons. “I killed her,” she finally choked. “She died the same day as my mom in the accident. I was holding Savanah in the backseat, we were only two miles from home,” she strained hoarsely. “I talked mom into letting me hold her, it wasn’t that far. And we got hit…” A sob burst from her. “She was ripped from my arms, I couldn’t hold her, she…smashed into the windshield!” she cried, pushing him away when he tried to grab her. He fought her this time and she fought back, screaming and hitting at him. “I’m not an angel!” she cried, struggling to get free of his iron embrace. “I was a bad mom, I was stupid and young, I should’ve listened!” she screamed, fighting his hold again.
But her worst pain and fury was no match for his strength. And in that moment, it made her feel more helpless than ever. More useless. More unqualified, undeserving.
“This is why you chose me,” he croaked in her ear. “This is why you signed a year-long contract with a stranger, why you took the high risks, why you have no care or worry for yourself or your own needs. Why you hide in books and have panic attacks.”
She was suddenly exhausted and too tired to fight. “I’ve been through years of therapy, David. I’ve tried to take my life many times, but I can’t seem to work up enough courage to do it. It’s like… I only have just enough will to breathe but not enough to care to live.”
“And yet…you chose me,” he said, proving some point in his mind.
He loosened his hold and she leaned back into the chair, wanting to understand what that loaded observation meant, while not particularly eager to ask. She finally got some control of her breaths, wiping her face. “Well, according to my therapist of five years, I’m on a steady course of self-destruction or punishment,” she informed numbly. “One way or another, my subconscious finds a path of least resistance so that there is no actual living, or it chooses the path that promises the worst outcome. Punishment either way.”
“Well, I have another theory,” he said, standing now, making her stomach jolt at his knowing tone. “There’s a part of you that does want to live, that craves to thrive and be whole.”
Her heart began to hammer with those words. They were wrong, they were way off. She might not know all the answers, but she was confident of one thing about herself. “I have no desire to satisfy myself outside of satisfying you. Zero.”
He paused his pacing, facing her with a shrug. “That makes two of us.”
She had to laugh, albeit a dry one. “That contract of yours begs to differ.”
“Fuck the contract,” he said, simply as if that should erase the fact she presented, the fact that existed. But it didn’t.
“The contract speaks what’s in your heart David.”
“It did, yes. And now, it doesn’t.”
She shook her head, lowering it. “That’s not how it works, you don’t just change that kind of thing over night.” She eyed him now. “Unlike me, you are in it for what you can get out of it. I’m in it to accommodate that. The only reason my needs or wants or desires matter to me is because they matter to you.”
He let out a laugh before turning to her with a “Bullshit!” his pointer finger jabbing. “I can agree you think you started out wanting that, but I won’t agree that there isn't a whole lot more to it than that now.”
“So glad you agree and that makes it so,” she said, her anger returning. “But then wouldn’t the same be true for you? Only you didn't seek self-destruction, you played it safe, fucking skin deep because you didn’t want to take the risk, you didn’t want to suffer that pain, well that’s not me, David. I think I want to suffer the pain, I want to take the punishment, I want life to shit on my head or pass me by because that’s fair, that's justice to me.”
“You call this suffering?” he cried to her. “What you and I have? Is that suffering? Prolonged orgasms? Me treating you like—”
“A whore in a year-long contract to do as you say in sex!” she shot out, fully pissed now.
“And is that what you want, is that what you’re going for?” he demanded. “Don’t you fucking lie to me and tell me you don’t want more, I’m not blind, I see it. You want more—”
“Than you’re equipped to give,” she finished again in challenge before quirking a brow at him. “I see you too David. A man that loves sex, that wants to indulge in his every erotic fantasy. A man willing to lie his way into some pathetic girl’s life so he can get what his cock desires, right?”
She’s boldly approached him and they now stood toe to toe, her heart and body quaking. She didn’t want to see him or look at him, but there was no unlocking herself from his blazing stare.
“You’re right,” he conceded, softly, nodding a little. “And yet wrong.”
“How am I wrong, David,” she barely managed, hating her stupid tear ducts in that second.
He lowered his head, shaking it. “You’re wrong because you’re blinded by your own fears.”
“I’m know what you can do to me, I do, and that’s the point. I know you have the power to crush me. Because I gave you … everything,” she confessed. “Everything that exists in me, the known and the unknown, I handed it to you, and you hold it all in your hands. You can kill me with a few simple words, and I’ll have that death I seem to secretly fantasize about in the darkest corners of my mind, those longings so strong, my mind brain resorts to panic attacks to deal with what it can't have. But I have no desire to hurt you,”
she said with utmost sincerity. “My desire is to give everything so that—”
“I’m happy? Whole?” he cut in this time. “Like you wanted to do for Savanah and couldn’t? Is that what you want, Angel? Because if it is, then you’ve accomplished that. You’ve given me all of yourself and made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, but…I’ll never be whole, not unless you let me do the same for you.”
Her heart sledgehammered. “That would require love, David,” she said, sadly. “How can you give something that you’re terrified of?”
“What I have, what I feel for you isn’t love,” he said. “It’s something else. It’s something bigger than that,” he assured. “It makes the love I had feel like a child’s emotion.”
Lizzy felt the sudden crack in her facade at those words. Her heart banged harder than ever against her chest bone, the ruthless force creating a cyclone out of her thoughts.
He continued to brutalize her with his burning gaze. “You gave me everything, Angel?” he whispered, stroking the side of her face. She stared back at him and barely nodded, swallowing the lump building in her throat. His eyes roamed over her, stopping at her lips. “Nobody has ever given me that kind of gift,” he admitted softly, moving his gaze back up to hers. “But…I can’t accept it…I refuse to.” His head shook more, his brows raising. “Not if you don’t allow me to give you the same. Not if you don’t allow me to love you with the same… deranged, obsession. Because Angel…I’m pretty fucking positive I have a hell of a lot more of that than you do.”
She fought for air as her mind sputtered out random fears. “Sexual,” she got out.
He was back to killing her with his almost angry stare. “We are so much more than that,” he whispered, leaning to her lips, his hand sliding into place on her lower back. “I would kill for you, do you understand? Not just so that I can have you, but so that I can give this...stuff inside me to who it belongs to. It’s yours, Lizzy. It’s not mine, it’s not anybody else’s, it’s all fucking yours.”
She blinked the tears from her eyes, needing to see him, her breaths shaking non-stop.
“What…about…the-the contract?”
His mouth descended on hers in a rush, obliterating her with his kiss. His fingers pulled in her hair as he fought to devour her at every angle before blasting right in her mouth, “How long does this feel like to you, Lizzy? And don’t you dare say it’s not forever or eternal, or I swear to God, I’ll make you pay until you’re so fucking sorry.”
She fought to kiss him back, her sobs mixing in with her moans. The bed was suddenly pressed into her back as he covered her with his strong body, his hot, domineering force. He was a prison of strength and power and passion, and inside its overwhelming bonds, she’d found something shocking. Impossible. She’d found freedom.
Or maybe freedom had found her.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Auntie,” David smiled when she answered the phone. “It’s David.”
“Oh, I know who you are, I would recognize that voice anywhere, honey.”
If David was the blushing type, her compliment would’ve brought a good one. “I…think thank you?” He laughed a little.
“Yes, it was a compliment! Now what are you calling me for?”
“Well…I had a long talk with Lizzy and learned everything that happened to her. And I was hoping that you might have something that belonged to her daughter, I’m making something special for her.”
The woman sucked in a long breath. “Oh honey, that is the sweetest thing in the world. I can’t believe she told you, though. But I’m so glad, she holds all that in and it’s not good for her, David.”
The broken-hearted way she said it brought a similar feeling in David’s chest. “I know Auntie. She had a good cry with me.” And a nice long sexual healing session in the dungeon. David was convinced there wasn’t anything that wouldn’t cure.
“Well, what are you making so I know what I’m looking for.”
“I’m not really sure. Everything, maybe.”
“I have a box full of stuff. I keep it with my sister’s stuff. I been praying one day she’d be ready for it.”
“Her mother’s too? I might want to use some of that.”
“Oh, whatever you need, honey, it’s yours to work your sexy magic with.” She sucked in a breath. “I’m so sorry, that was inappropriate!”
He chuckled, liking her lack of filter. Must be where Lizzy got it. “I don’t mind at all. Lizzy takes after you in that regard.”
“Oh no, she took after her momma. Her momma was as filter-less as they came, if that’s even a word.”
Interesting. “I wish I could have met her.”
“Oh David,” she said, quietly. “Lizzy is her twin. That’s as close as anything to the real thing.”
“Then I know I would’ve loved her.”
She sucked in another breath. “Oh my, do you love my Lizzy?”
David considered that, smiling. “Love is a weak word for what I feel for your niece.”
She sputtered out breaths then, “Myyyyyyyy wooooord you just took my breath away with that line. I can sure tell you’re a word smith.”
“That one has no part in my word smithing, but I do appreciate the ability to find expressions for it.”
“You’re trying to make an old lady faint,” she laughed. “You got a good-looking uncle by any chance? Single? Must be like you, though, I don’t want no half-assers.”
David’s laughter rang out right as his Uncle Bart came to mind. “Actually, I do have a really cool uncle who is widowed.”
“Oh my!” she shot out, like she never actually expected that.
“Maybe you will meet him soon. And before I forget, I have a huge favor to ask you.”
“Honey, anything that doesn’t require me on my hands and knees is yours, now what you got?”
He couldn’t stop grinning at her way with words. “I need you and Lizzy to go away for a weekend while I…set up this surprise. All expenses paid, of course. Nothing major, just a few days at a luxury hotel. Fine dining, shopping and mandatory spa time. Lizzy has been through a lot and I’m issuing an executive order that she go, and I’d like you to accompany her.”
“Well, helllll yes, I’ll go!” she shrilled. “When’s this happening? I have to make arrangements with my customers, I clean houses for a living. Oh, speaking of, if you ever need a maid, I’m your gal. Cleaning is my thing, maybe even my kink,” she added with a mischief laugh.
“I’m always looking for a better housekeeper,” he straight up lied. “And I’ll cover any cleaning temps you need to hire so that you and Lizzy can leave Friday and come back Sunday?”
“Oh, that’s tomorrow!”
“It is.”
“You drive an irresistible bargain, mister. I’ll do it.”
“Thank you,” David said with deep sincerity. “I’ll owe you. Would you mind, if I came by for those items for my surprise?”
“Not at all. I’m off for the rest of the day, hallelujah, my feet are rejoicing.”
“You sound like you need a weekend away as much as my Lizzy does.”
“Aww, your Lizzy? That just melts my heart,” she said, sounding like she teared up. “I can’t tell you how so very happy you’ve made me.”
“You can thank your beautiful niece for that,” he assured, ready to get off the phone and finish up his plans so he could get to his others. Not a single one of those were sweet.
****
“An executive order?” Lizzy busted out laughing, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she dug in the fridge for her mandatory yogurt. “But even if it wasn’t an executive order, I’d do it for Auntie. She needs it.”
“You’ll do it for you and Auntie,” he insisted, making her smile as she kicked the fridge shut and opened the utensil drawer. “I’ve already pre-paid for everything, spa-hours included. Dear Christ almighty, green means go, yellow means slow down!” he cried then went on in his sweet tone. “This hotel
has the finest spa in the city, and I will be checking that you did everything I scheduled, and there will be disciplines, if you don’t.”
Lizzy sighed, sitting at the island with a grin, stirring her yogurt. “Did I tell you that you make my clit tingle, when you get all bossy?” she whispered.
“Dear God,” he barely said, bringing her giggle. “You do like tormenting me as much as I like tormenting you, I see.”
“Very, very much, Mr. Raze.” She stuffed her mouth with a bite of yogurt then asked around the creamy delight, “When do we go?”
“Tomorrow. I’m not going to keep this from you, but I’m making a surprise for you and that’s one of the reasons I need you to go away.”
She widened her eyes with furrowed brows. “Really? David,” she whined, slouching now. “Now I want to know!”
He gave a devious chuckle. “I know.” Like that was the whole point of telling her.
“You’re such a…” she fought for a term that fit him.
“Watch what you say,” he warned.
“I can’t even think of a word, you’re that bad.”
“There is no word,” he assured. “Did you do as I asked today?”
She nodded, shoveling more yogurt in. “Of course,” she said, raising her brows. “Did you really think I wouldn’t?
“I like asking. I like hearing your answer. Except your answer is missing something.”
She chewed her lower lip, giddy. “Yes Sir, Mr. Raze, I did exactly as you told me. While naked.”
“You have my pics?”
“I actually have something better than that.”
“Like what,” he demanded as though pretty sure that wasn’t possible but willing to be proven wrong.
She went through the phone and found the rated X entertainment he insisted she provide him while she shopped online. She was finally and thankfully over the awkwardness his kink provoked in her. She actually enjoyed it now. A lot.