After several meetings and some fairly brutal editing, I am now the author of a book. A real book. A book that is going to be sold in bookshops across the country. Dad has given me his final gift. My grief at losing him still overwhelms me at times, usually a single word or memory taking me by surprise, but the good days outweigh the sad ones.
“It’s just perfect. Your dad would have been so proud of you too.”
“Thank you.” I take the book and open it at the dedication. “I want you to read this.”
To Dad
Thank you for every lesson you taught me, especially your final one.
I promise to lead a life filled with Grace.
I love you.
Noah
“God, Noah, how do you do this? Every time I think you’ve shown me how much love can mean, you give me something else. I don’t know how to return the scale of it.”
“Just do what it says. Give me a life filled with Grace.”
Taking my head in her hands, she kisses me. “I will,” she promises.
I kiss her back, joy having robbed me of the power of words. “Ditto.”
It has taken me almost two years to write Fault so the first thank you goes to you: to everyone who has stuck with me and waited until now. I hope you feel that this is a fitting end to the Define series and are happy that Flynn, Cass and Neve all popped in to say hello.
To all the readers, authors and bloggers who have entertained me, befriended me, pimped me, made me laugh and cry, I thank you for letting me be a part of this wonderful book-world we inhabit.
There are two authors who have unknowingly influenced Fault because of how much they inspire me as a reader and a writer. Thank you, Charles Dickens (even though you’re dead and won’t read this) and Colleen Hoover (who is thankfully alive and still giving us amazing books).
Several people have helped make sure that Fault is as good as I can make it, giving me feedback, pointing out inconsistencies and generally forcing more tears out of you with their comments. Heartfelt thanks go to Helen, Laura, Joanne, Niki, Sam and Yasmin. You made my words mean so much more. Kristin, Becky and the Hot Tree team were the ones who gave Fault a final polish and made sure there were no errors the English teacher in me would forever by haunted by.
I’ve written before about the link between mothers and daughters, and the key role my own mum played in me becoming the person I am. In writing Fault, I wanted to explore the idea of fatherhood more. I haven’t shared much about the father figures in my life before, probably because it’s a less-than-straightforward story. My own father died when I was eleven but, as he and my mum had split up when I was very young, he didn’t play much of a role within my life. Creating the character of Max was an emotional experience for me, as he is closely linked to three men who have had a profound impact on me and I’d like to honour them here.
My maternal grandfather was the most important man in my life when I was growing up. His words and values shaped the person I am today. One of my most treasured possessions is the collection of brief notes he used to send me, in an envelope with a five-pound note, when I was at university. Like Max’s notes to Noah, I know how much effort my gruff, manual-labourer grandfather put into those few lines. Words don’t have to be fancy to be filled with love.
The second man who inspired me is my late father-in-law. I loved him and enjoyed his company. I also respected him for the way he cared for his wife when she became ill and passed away. I hurt at how much he hurt, at how lonely he was once she had gone.
Which brings me to the most important man in my life: my husband. When his father became ill, there was no question that my husband would take a sabbatical from work and return home to nurse him. Whilst those months, living a long car journey and a ferry crossing apart, were tough for us, I have never been more proud of my husband than then. As Neve said, when it comes to love, it’s important to make decisions that won’t become regrets. My husband taught me that.
If you’re still reading, thank you for letting me share these thoughts with you. I wish you happiness, love and a life without regrets.
Nic
xx
Have you read the first book in the Define series?
CASS is seventeen and never been kissed, let alone touched, when two boys become interested in her.
FLYNN is the older brother of her best friend, yet Cass has never considered him as anything other than that. Rob is the school sports star and becomes obsessed with Cass when he loses a bet because of her.
As the relationship between Cass and Flynn develops, Rob’s interest becomes increasingly malevolent. One night changes Cass’s life and threatens to destroy her relationship with Flynn, as well as her future.
Amazon US
Amazon UK
Read Jake and Neve’s story in the second book in the Define series.
Sometimes it doesn’t end with happy ever after.
Neve believes Jake is the one. She is miles away from home, struggling to fit in at university and missing the people she loves. The only thing getting her through is the knowledge that Jake will be visiting for the weekend.
Jake believes he isn’t the one. His family and lifestyle mean he can’t give Neve what she deserves: so much more than him. He arrives for the weekend, knowing that he has to break her heart, along with his own.
Sometimes we make decisions and have to live with the consequences.
Each of them struggles to cope with the aftermath of the weekend. Each of them is unhappy. Each of them refuses to do something about it.
Sometimes it isn’t about a boy meeting a girl and falling in love; sometimes it is about what happens next.
Amazon US
Amazon UK
Fault (Define Book 3) Page 23