The next few days are taken up with a whirlwind of packing and preparation. John comes over and spends a few hours talking to Honi’s parents in the kitchen. He talks to him as well and practices breathing exercises with him. It’s really stupid and boring and Honi can’t wait to get out there.
Away from all the grownups freaking him out with their advice and ‘what to do if you see a bear’. Run, of course, but then his dad tells him that bears can run faster than humans. And climb up trees. So apparently the only way to survive is to pretend you’re dead. Great. Those breathing exercises are coming in useful right now because Honi’s getting a little nervous.
Once he’s stopped hyperventilating, his father shows him on a paper map where they’re proposing to drop him off. Seriously, are they trying to get rid of him? Honi stares unbelievingly at the location. It’s in the middle of a friggin’ mountainside. There’s nothing within miles, no hut, no road, no nothing.
The reality of the situation hits him hard. There’s pressure building up in his head as he continues to stare at the multi-colored paper in front of him. His heart beats hard, so hard that it pounds in his ears. His father says something to him but he can’t really hear him. Eyes still riveted to the map, he holds onto the table to stop himself from running.
He’s only 13. He’s only been camping a few times and he hated it. He couldn’t bring his Nintendo because ‘camping time is family time’ and he was bored out of his mind. And now he’s supposed to go back out there by himself? What if a cougar found him? Or wolves? Are there wolves in the mountains? Sometimes he can hear coyotes howl their lullaby when he snuggles into his soft bed at night. He swallows hard. Coyotes attack in packs, don’t they? What if…
Honi jumps when he feels a touch on his arm. He’s so deep in his panicky thoughts, he didn’t see his father move towards him. “It’s okay son, you’ll be fine,” he murmurs while drawing his son into a tight hug. Honi stiffens at first, then relaxes into the embrace. He clings on tightly and crunches up his eyes.
While his father strokes his hair, the boy pulls himself together. A warrior doesn’t cry, he repeats silently. He swallows down his tears and breathes deeply in and out. If John and his dad have trust in him, he can do it. After all, others have done it before and were fine.
When his father feels him straighten up, he lets go and steps back. “You okay now?” His eyes are a little shiny and Honi knows that his father is trying to hide his own emotion. Looking at the lined face, he silently swears he’ll do anything to make his dad proud of him.
“I’m fine,” he replies. And his father’s proud smile makes him even more determined to overcome his fears. That’s what a warrior does after all.
Well, this is boring. Honi looks up, squinting hard. The sun hasn’t moved one bit since he last checked. The boy sighs and tries to still his mind. Since John and his dad dropped him off a few hours ago, Honi has been busy. He put up his tent, collected fire wood and made sure that his food supplies were safely hung up in a tree.
He explored a few yards around his camp but the clearing amongst the trees was just that. A dry flat piece of ground on top of a plateau, surrounded by large trees. He even walked a little further up the hill but there was no view, only more trees. John had told him to stay at the camp so he wouldn’t lose his way.
Honi sighs. Sure, not finding his way back to the camp would suck, but being here sucked too. Within a few hours, his excitement about the quest has given way to boredom. Boring, boring, boring, his mind insists. Close eyes, breathe in through nose, out through mouth, focus on clearing your thoughts.
Honi remembers his exercises with John yesterday. The Shaman had explained that it takes practice to still the ‘monkey mind’, as some Indian dude called it. Not Native American obviously, some Indian Indian dude. Pretty good image though. Monkeys chattering, jumping from tree to tree, screeching. And there goes his mind again.
Honi gets up slowly, pushing himself upright with his hands on the ground. His knees are stiff from sitting still for so long. He had this idea that lotus position is traditional for meditation. Really bad idea in hindsight. He jumps up and down, does a few jumping jacks for good measure, then stomps around to get rid of pins and needles.
Crack. Honi freezes. He slowly turns towards the noise in the undergrowth. There’s nothing there, only some swaying branches. He chuckles nervously. Good job, now he’s starting to jump at shadows. Wearily training his eyes on the forest in front of him, he sits down again. This time, he stretches his legs out and leans against his backpack. He closes his eyes again and wakes up to total darkness.
Crap. This isn’t going the way he imagined it. His stomach is cramping with hunger and he’s already eaten the last bit of pemmican and a bar of chocolate he’d smuggled into his bag. A mosquito buzzes around his ear and he growls as he slaps his own head.
He drinks a little water. When he shakes the bottle, there’s only about half a cup left. Who came up with this stupid idea anyway? He settles into his tent and tries to go back to sleep. Exhaustion wins out over his empty tummy and he dozes off quickly.
When he opens his eyes again, it’s still dark. Honi freezes. There’s something out there, something big. In the faint moonlight filtering through the tent wall, he sees the fabric move, as if it were pushed from the outside. Then he hears a snuffle, a low chesty kind of exhale. His hands grab tight onto his sleeping bag. His eyes flit from side to side, trying to penetrate the darkness.
There’s no way out other than the entrance where whatever is out there moves. He has no weapons, no gun, not even a stick. His heart beats to hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if the thing out there heard it. Then a shadow pushes between the tent wall and the moonlight. It’s huge and suddenly Honi knows what it is.
A bear, probably attracted by the candy wrapper Honi forgot to clean away. The boy thanks all the gods that he didn’t drop it inside the tent. And sure enough, after a few hair-raising minutes, the bear shuffles off. Honi sits upright and listens to every noise around him until he drops off at dawn. By then he’s so exhausted that even the birds’ racket doesn’t wake him up.
Raging thirst rouses him finally. He crawls out of his tent and has the last bit of water for breakfast. It does little to calm his aching innards but he remembers what John told him.
“When your body is stressed and you’re so tired you can’t see straight, that’s when your mind is most receptive to the spirit world. Don’t worry about feeling hungry or thirsty. Take it as a sign that your quest is coming to an end. When you meet your spirit animal, it’ll be all worth it.”
Well, he’s certainly starved, dehydrated and sleep-deprived. Come on spirit animal, where the heck are you? He tries more meditation but the constant hunger and worse, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth, is making it harder than the day before. The sun is high in the sky and even in the shade, he feels hot and delirious.
After a few hours sitting with his eyes closed, his mind becomes blissfully empty. He doesn’t notice at first how deep he’s sinking. But when an eagle screeches overhead, he can’t be bothered to open his eyes or lift his head. The second the noise passes, he’s floating deeper than before.
Is he dreaming? He’s not sure. A cool breeze touches his burning skin and he acknowledges the relief gratefully. He keeps losing track of time, strange images waft across his mindscape. Occasionally his eyelids float open and he dreamily smiles for no reason at all. His thoughts drift and slide, one moment he sees his father with concern written over his face, then he shifts and it’s John touching his forehead.
Night falls and still Honi sits motionless. He’s all alone up on that mountain so the kind hands laying him down and covering him up must be wishful thinking. Sometimes later a soft nose nudges his cheek and in his dream, he opens his eyes and sees a large furry head.
The black wolf licks his cheek and Honi giggles. Sapphire-blue eyes bore into his and there’s no malice in them. The young boy shivers and with great elega
nce, the beast lies down next to him. Honi snuggles close and with a huff, the wolf closes his eyes.
Honi wakes up alone. There is no wolf and the boy is freezing. Up here amongst the trees, it gets cold at night. Honi has no recollection of fetching his sleeping bag from the tent but somehow during the night, he must have done. Even with the padded fabric wrapped around him, the cold rising from the bare ground has chilled his body.
He gets up slowly like an old man and slaps his arms around his chest to generate some warmth. His stomach isn’t sore anymore but his lips and tongue stick together with dryness. He needs to find water or go home. When he picks up his empty bottle, it feels heavy and full.
Honi scrunches up his forehead and mutters to himself, “What the… I know it was empty!” He looks around suspiciously. He can’t see anybody but then he remembers his exhaustion last night and how it felt like somebody covered him up.
Honi sighs in exasperation. So that’s their deal. His parents and John don’t trust him to make it by himself so they followed him. He looks around again but can’t see anybody. He can’t find it in himself to be angry though when he takes a sip of cool fresh water. May as well, he thinks and drinks half the bottle. That’ll show ‘em. Shame they didn’t bring some more candy.
He still has a job to do, so he sits down again and attempts to slip back into an altered state. To be honest, he enjoyed it yesterday. He certainly wasn’t bored. Time had no meaning and his body felt untouchable. Breathe in, hold your breath, breathe out. Clear your mind, let distractions float away. Breathe in, hold your breath,… there was a wolf last night.
Honi knows he’s already deep in trance. And as he’s drifting on the rhythm of his breath, the wolf’s eyes, gentle, knowing, grow stronger in his memory. He felt safe with the wolf and now it hits him how strange that was. A wild animal wouldn’t lie down with him. But it felt real. His eyes fly wide open when the implication of the encounter hits him. His spirit animal. He saw it last night and didn’t even know it.
A wild laugh works its way out of his chest. This is so awesome, in his dream he had seen and more importantly, touched his spirit animal! Wide awake now, Honi jumps up and sets to pack up his camp. He needs to tell John and his family as quickly as possible. Of course the moment he's upright, his vision turns black around the edges and he needs to sit down again before he falls over. Whoa, head rush after not eating anything for a few days!
He tries again and holds on to a tree trunk until he sure that he’s stable. It only takes half an hour to pack up his tent, sleeping bag and any garbage. Honi feels amazing. John had told him that after a couple of days of fasting he could expect clear-headedness and extra energy. He whistles as he swings his bags over his shoulder and prepares to get back to civilization.
After walking for a while, Honi is getting hungry again. It’s not overwhelming yet, no pain in his stomach, but an emptiness, more of an abstract feeling. Thoughts of food pop up in his mind, a warm slice of pizza with melting cheese, the sticky sweetness of pop tarts or even just a big omelette with bacon. Honi swallows and licks his lips. The sooner he gets home, the sooner he can stuff himself.
He wasn’t allowed to carry a cell phone with him and the next payphone is a good three miles away. He sticks his hand in his pocket to make sure the quarters are still there. Now that the quest is over, excitement is wearing off. Water is bubbling nearby and he heads towards the little creek. All he has to do is follow the water downhill to meet the service road they came up on just a few days ago.
As his feet crunch through leaves, he looks up. The forest is beautiful, shades of green leaning up towards the sky. Honi stops and tilts his head all the way up. The sun has moved beyond its zenith and he stares into the deep blue without getting blinded. His eyes have become accustomed to the defuse twilight among the woods.
He closes his eyes and concentrates, smelling the rotten vegetation and the sharpness of sap. Here under the giant trees, many of them older than his tribe, he feels part of something larger, more ancient.
Dampness settles on the skin and makes him feel sticky. He shivers and rubs his arms before continuing his walk. He hasn’t seen any animals, not even a bird, yet he is surrounded by a cacophony of noise, chirping, warning cries and the frantic toctoctoc of woodpeckers.
When the gunshot of a breaking branch stills the forest for a moment, his head whips to the side. He squints hard into the gloom but there is nothing, nothing that moves, nothing that seems like a threat. Yet his carefree mood has disappeared. Honi suddenly knows that he isn’t alone anymore. He feels watched, eyes boring into his back.
He continues on, picking up his steps to move faster through the dark woods. Another branch cracks to his right, just slightly behind him. He breathes a little faster and the faster his breath whistles in and out, the more his throat feels like it’s tightening up.
Pretty soon he jogs, but the faster he moves, the more scared he becomes. Then he sees a shape out of the corners of his eyes. A large animal, larger than a dog, keeps pace with him. Honi tries to see what it is but branches and ferns keep him from getting a better look.
He can hear it though, breaking through the undergrowth, and it sounds large. Now Honi is really scared. He can’t run any faster and he’s still all alone in the forest. He’s out of breath and his muscles burn. He stops, waiting for his unknown pursuer to make its move. The creature stops as well.
Honi searches frantically, trying to find a tree that will allow him to climb to safety or somewhere he can shelter. There is nothing. He’s surrounded by large firs with thin broken branches all the way to the top. None of them support his weight. He can’t see the creature hidden among the undergrowth but he knows it’s still here. He moves forward, this time looking for a weapon, a piece of wood large enough to ward off whatever is following him.
His hands tremble as he scans the ground for a branch, anything. There aren’t that many large animals in the forest. It is too small for a bear, too large for a dog, and there aren’t any wolves in the area this time of year.
Honi picks up a piece of wood and holds it with both hands. He bends his knees like a baseball pitcher and slowly turns in a circle. If he can only get in one good hit and maybe scare the thing off… His hands are so shaky he has trouble gripping tightly. He can’t see it but he knows it’s there. Why won’t it show itself!
It’s quiet, far too quiet. Even the birds have stopped squawking. He backs away carefully from where he last saw the shape. Just as he convinces himself that there’s nothing there and straightens up, he hears a rustle from behind him. Honi whips around and two bright eyes glare at him. With an unmanly yelp, he drops the piece of wood and takes off again in a blind panic.
Branches lash his face, cobwebs stick to his forehead and his heartbeat drums in his ears. Every step he takes, every breath searing hot through his lungs, increases his fear. He keeps looking behind him and although he can’t see anything, he knows there’s something chasing him.
A gossamer touch on his face irritates him and still running, he sweeps his fingers over his skin. He’s surprised to find he’s crying. He’s turned from a young warrior at the end of his vision quest into a scared boy, running through a dark forest, chased by god knows what.
He’s wheezing, his chest heaving and burning, yet still he runs. His legs feel like lead, his muscles begin to seize up, his back hurts and he feels dizzy. In complete resignation he slows down, fully expecting something to jump on his back and push him down. When he finally stops and turns around, there is nothing there.
Hands on his thighs, bent over and gasping for breath, he feels like a complete and utter fool. Another couple of deep breaths and he’s calm enough to assess the situation. He’s out of the forest and he stands on top of a plateau, overlooking the valley.
Honi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. A slight breeze ruffles his hair and the tension of his flight drops off him. He has no idea where he is but the plateau slopes downwards. All he has to do i
s follow it and he will reach the bottom of the valley soon enough.
He has no water left and needs to get back into shade soon but for now the heat reflects off the yellow soil and warms his skin pleasantly. He begins to walk downhill along the plateau but as he turns around, he freezes.
There in front of him, stands the biggest wolf he has ever seen. This creature is bigger then any animal in the zoo or on TV. It doesn’t move and Honi can’t feel any menace towards him. The black wolf doesn’t growl or appear agitated. It just stands there. Honi looks closer.
There is something familiar about the animal’s blue sapphire eyes and then it hits him. Is this even possible? Could he have found his spirit animal? Honi feels light-headed again, slightly removed from reality. Hesitantly he lifts his hand and the gigantic wolf sniffs it. Then his large wet tongue licks his skin. The boy giggles, then laughs out loud when it tickles.
Honi recognizes the deep intelligence in the wolf’s eyes and he knows that he’s safe. "Hey buddy," he softly addresses the animal. "What's your name?"
The wolf huffs, unimpressed, then butts his big furry head against the boy’s leg. He feels so real and smells a little rank, like a huge wet dog. So if the animal is his spirit animal, can only he see it? What would his schoolmates think if they could witness him talking to himself and patting an invisible head? They already think he's weird and when he imagines Sarah-Lynn's baffled expression, he laughs out loud.
The wolf pulls back its lips and shows dagger-like teeth. Honi still doesn’t feel threatened, more like the animal is laughing with him. He looks downhill towards the valley and feels a lot better. He picks up his pack and with his hand on the animal’s head, he continues the long walk home. Except now he doesn’t feel alone anymore. His wolf is with him and he won’t be alone ever again.
Spirit Quest Page 2