Darkest Desire

by Tawny Taylor

  The minister launched into a speech about the meaning of love, reciting that familiar passage that begins, “Love is patient ...”

  As he spoke each word, her doubts began to fade. Yes, she wasn’t perfect. She had her problems. But Malek’s love was everything it should be. It was patient and kind and hopeful and beautiful, and she should never have doubted his ability to wait for her to heal.

  With happy tears, instead of sad ones, she recited her promise to Malek, to love him, honor him, and keep him for the rest of her life. After he promised her the same, he pulled a beautiful ring from his pocket and slipped it on her finger.

  It was done. They were now bound together for the rest of their lives.

  The minister said, “You may now kiss the bride.”

  Malek used his index finger to tip her chin up and brushed his lips across hers in a sweetly seductive kiss. “Now, you’re mine,” he said, staring deeply into her eyes.

  “Yes,” she said, breathless, trembling all over, from head to toe.

  The minister clapped Malek on the back and offered his congratulations. They signed all the required paperwork, making the marriage legal; then the minister left.

  They were alone now. Married.

  Lei knew Malek wasn’t going to haul her to bed like a caveman and have his way with her. Not knowing how she’d react. But she did appreciate the fact that he might have some expectations when it came to his wedding night.

  If he did, he kept those thoughts to himself. They shared a romantic dinner in front of the fire, fat white flakes drifting to the ground outside, blanketing everything in glittering snow. It was one of the most peaceful, serene moments in her life. And she realized then, as they later relaxed on the ginormous couch, cozy and comfortable in sweatpants and T-shirts, bellies full, exactly how stressed out she’d been over the last few days.

  “Well,” she said, glancing down at the stunning ring on her finger, “today wasn’t what I’d expected.”

  “Is that so?” His voice was light, bubbling with laughter.

  “So glad you think that’s funny.”

  “I don’t think it’s funny.” He swiveled to face her, took her hands in his, and kissed the back of each one. “I’m just so happy, Lei. I wanted you to stop the wedding, but I wasn’t sure if you’d do it. Thank you for being brave for me.”

  “You’re welcome.” Her gaze wandered over his face for a moment, taking in all the glorious details that weren’t as noticeable from a distance. The thick lashes framing his eyes. The sexy little mole sitting high on his cheekbone. The arch of his eyebrows. The curve of his lip. And the fine lines bracketing his eyes.

  That was a face she would wake to every morning for the rest of her life.

  She reached for him, tracing his square jaw with the tip of her index finger, and she let herself wonder what their children would look like. Would they have his wavy, soft hair or her straight, slick hair? Would they have his deep blue-black eyes or her brown? Would they have his angled face or her softer, rounder one?

  “Lei, if you don’t stop that, I’m going to lose control,” he murmured, his voice rumbly and thick and masculine.

  She pulled her hand back. “Sorry.”

  “No, I’m sorry.” He shoved his hands through his hair. “I should have more self-control. I shouldn’t get hard when you just look at me like that. But I’ve tried to stop it. I can’t.”

  “I should be flattered.”

  “I won’t tell you everything. You’re not ready. Suffice it to say I’m suffering, but in a good way.” As if he wished to lighten the mood, he winked. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to hurt you. Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not physically. I can’t. I love you too much.”

  “I believe you. I ...trust you.”

  They shared a look.

  “Can I kiss you?” she asked, finding herself already leaning in.

  “Hell yes.”

  She moved slowly, tipping her head, inching closer, closer, until she felt his breath tickling her lips. Finally, she closed that miniscule distance between them.

  The second their mouths met, her heart started pounding. Her blood warmed. Her body tightened. The kiss was sweet, lingering, a tease. She pulled back and looked at his face. So handsome. Utter perfection.

  “Is that it?” he asked, eyes still closed.

  “Are you disappointed?” A giggle slipped up her throat. She skimmed along his cheekbone with her index finger, tracing the angles that haunted her dreams. He had such a strong face, masculine features that appeared so hard they could have been carved in stone. But underneath, he was so different from his appearance—kind, gentle, patient.

  “Disappointed? No.” His eyelids lifted partway, revealing half of his eyes. He looked sleepy, sexy. He cupped her cheek, brushed his thumb over her lower lip. He tipped his head, moving in for another kiss.

  Holding her breath, she closed her eyes and waited. That fraction of a second, between knowing he would kiss her and when their mouths met, seemed to last a lifetime. Finally, their lips touched.

  This kiss was nothing like the last. It was a possession. It was hot and sexy, and it stirred the heat simmering in her blood to new heights. His lips worked over hers smoothly, seductively. His tongue traced the seam of her mouth, and she trembled from head to toe.

  God help her, she wanted this man. She wanted him to be her husband—in all ways, in every way. Including the ways she wasn’t ready to accept yet.

  A moan bubbled up from her chest, echoing in their joined mouths. He groaned, flattened his other hand against the left side of her face, caging it between both hands, and deepened the kiss. His tongue caressed and tasted and took. It plundered and possessed and seduced. And she surrendered, drinking in his intoxicating flavor, and lifting her arms, draping them over his shoulders.

  The ache between her legs was getting stronger, and she was getting more breathless, more dizzy with each stroke of his tongue. She needed to be touched. Her breasts. Her pussy. Everywhere. But she was afraid.

  Hoping it would help, she took his hand in hers and moved it down, down, until it was hovering over her tingling nipple.

  Malek broke the kiss. “Lei?” he asked, sounding as breathless and desperate as she was. “What are you doing?”

  “Let me control it.”

  “Okay.” His gaze lowered to their hands.

  Shivering, she pressed his palm against her breast and waited.

  A little zing of anxiety buzzed through her system, but when Malek crushed his mouth over hers, it evaporated. Once again, his tongue and lips were the center of her universe; nothing else mattered. Her body burned with each thrust, each caress, each nip. And the warm hand covering her breast only added to her pleasure. When his fingers started moving, she struggled to inhale. But she didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, she pressed harder, pushing it into the softness, and arched her back.

  “Dammit, Lei.” Kissing a fiery path along her jawline, he kneaded her breast, and her fingers dug into the back of his hand. Her pussy clamped around the throbbing emptiness inside, and a gush of warm fluid trickled out, coating her labia.

  Dammit was right.

  She tipped her head to the side and moved his hand down lower, letting it skim down the concave hollow of her stomach until it reached the bottom of her shirt.

  Could she? Would it be the end of this incredible moment?

  She swallowed a huge lump that had congealed in her throat, reached down with her free hand, and pulled the bottom of her shirt up a little, exposing her stomach.

  Malek resisted when she tried to push his hand up under the knit material. “No.”

  That, she hadn’t expected.

  “I’m not going to push this.” He leaned back, grabbed the remote, and an instant later, the room was filled with the sound of a sultry jazz tune. He stood, pulled her up off the couch, and led her to an open area of the room. “We haven’t had our first dance yet.”

  “Ah, you’re right.” Slightly u
nsteady, she stepped into his arms and rested her cheek against his chest. Their bodies fit together so perfectly, her soft curves against his hard angles. And they moved together perfectly, too.

  Swaying in time to the music, she relished the sensation of his heat, the scent of his skin, the sound of his heartbeat pounding beneath his shirt. His arms were cradling her ever so gently, supporting without restricting. She felt safe—wonderfully, amazingly safe. And special, cherished.

  To think this moment might never have happened if she hadn’t found the courage to stop him from marrying April.

  He kissed the top of her head. “This may be a stupid question, but how are you doing?”

  “I’m good. Very good.”

  “Excellent.” He tightened his hold, which made her heart jerk a few times. But before she had a chance to react, he swirled her around the room again and again and again, until the music stopped.

  Dizzy and giddy, she laughed and clung to him, afraid she’d fall. Probably the result he was looking for. Once she was sure she wouldn’t topple over, she let go and stepped back. “Now, that was a dance I won’t ever forget.”

  “Good. I want every day to be a day you won’t ever forget. I still can’t believe you did it, Lei. You married me.”

  “A part of me can’t believe it either. I hope you don’t regret—”

  He cut off her sentence by kissing her yet again. And with the first sweep of his tongue, whatever she’d been about to say vanished from her mind. Lots of other stuff did, too, as the kiss went on and on. When it ended, she was more than a little dumbstruck and shaky.

  “So...” she said. “We’re here all alone... and it’s our wedding day. Night. Whatever.”

  “I don’t expect sex tonight.”

  That was both a relief and a disappointment. They were married now. She knew from talking to Rin that the Alexandre brothers married with the primary purpose of fathering children. Surely Malek had that goal in mind. Not to mention, he was very clearly displaying the need to fuck. The bulge in the front of his pants was unmistakable.

  Already, she was letting him down.

  “We can try,” she suggested.

  “No.” He took her hand in his and walked back to the couch. He sat, pulling her down with him. “It’s not going to be like that. Like it’s something you have to get done and over with.” He shook his head. “Damn, I never thought I’d say something like that, but with your past and...” He visibly grasped for words.

  She supplied them for him, “You mean, you don’t want to be my next John.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, no.” His gaze swept over her face, and she couldn’t help seeing the worry in his eyes. “I know I’m not a John to you. I know you care about me, or you never would have married me.” He smoothed a strand of hair back from her face. It was a sweet, caring gesture. So Malek. “But I don’t want you to feel anything but pleasure when we finally do make love. At this point, I can’t be sure of that.” He stretched. And before she could come up with a response to his very selfless gesture, he stood again. “I’m tired of sitting around in this house. Let’s get out for a while, go for a walk.”

  “Are you sure you’re well enough?”

  “Absolutely, as long as we don’t go far.”

  They donned heavy winter coats and boots, hats, and gloves, then stepped out into the quiet, snowy early evening. It was glorious. The air was dry and crisp and fresh. Fat flakes were falling. Bare tree limbs were heavy with snow. And the light of the full moon reflected all around them, illuminating the world in that magical winter glow. Walking with Malek, Lei felt as if they were the only two people within miles. Probably because they were. The house was set on dozens of wooded acres.

  “This way.” Malek offered a gloved hand and she took it, following his lead. “The property in Ann Arbor is pretty. But it’s nothing compared to this.”

  “Will you miss that house?”

  “I will.”

  “What about all your friends?”

  “You mean the people at the dungeon?”

  She shrugged.

  “Like Brent?”

  “I get the impression you were very close to him.”

  “I was.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  Malek didn’t respond right away, and that made Lei regret asking the question. “I do.”

  “You’re really not going to tell him where we are? When we change our names?”

  “No. If I did, that could put us all in danger.”

  Reading between the lines, she caught a hesitation in his voice. “But...?”

  “I worry about him. He doesn’t have a lot of people he can trust in his life.” Malek stopped, lifted a fallen tree limb high enough for Lei to duck under, and motioned for her to go first.

  “I know the feeling,” she said, ducking under the tree. She turned to watch him, and within seconds, she was practically nose-to-chest with her husband.

  He cupped her chin in his gloved hand and stared into her eyes. “I am going to wipe away every shadow I see in those eyes, Lei. If it takes me the rest of my life.”

  “You’re a good man, Malek Alexandre.”

  His smile was slightly rueful. It made her feel a little wobbly. “I’m not always good.”

  She had no doubt that was true. A little charge of sensual electricity sparked between them and her breath caught in her throat. Malek’s gaze focused on her mouth, and instinctively, she licked her lips.

  He said, “I’ve wanted you to be mine for months. I’ve dreamed about you. Fantasized about you.”

  Lei felt her cheeks heating up, a blush creeping up her face. “I noticed you right away, too, but I knew I wasn’t what you wanted. What you needed.”

  He bent down, inching closer, closer still. “You are all I can think about, the only woman I want in my bed.”

  “But what about all the things you’ll be giving up?”

  He jerked back a little, his brows furrowed. “What will I be giving up?”

  Now she was confused. Of course he was giving certain things up. Or did he mean to find a new dungeon once they were settled? Would he expect her to become his submissive eventually? Or would he find a new gay lover since he’d had to give up Brent? “I know you enjoy having an extra man in bed with you sometimes. And what about the bondage? The domination and submission?” A breeze sent her hair whipping across her face. As she pulled it aside to clear her vision, she said, “This is stuff we should have talked about before we were married, I know. But there wasn’t really time ...”

  Malek nodded. “You know exactly what my lifestyle was like before we left Ann Arbor. And to be honest, I did think once that I might be able to have an open marriage where certain activities might be accepted, given specific conditions. But that was before. I couldn’t expect that from you.”

  “Would you have expected it from April?”

  “Maybe. I can’t say for sure.”

  Her gaze dropped to the ground. “You’re making me feel a little guilty. I’m keeping you from something that was such a big part of your life.”

  He cupped her chin, tipping it up until her gaze met his again. “A big part, Lei, yes. But not an essential one.”

  “You understand, I can’t submit to you. I can’t do it.”

  “I understand.” He released her chin, but his gaze remained locked to hers. “But you realize you are by nature a sexual submissive?”

  Her heart jumped. She’d never admitted that to anyone, not even herself. Not so bluntly. Yes, she’d found Malek’s brand of dominance mesmerizing. She’d fantasized a few times about relinquishing all control over to him. But that didn’t necessarily mean she was a natural submissive. She’d never had that urge with anyone else, male or female. “I don’t know that, Malek.”

  “Okay.” He took her hand in his again and began walking, following a narrow winding pathway through shrubs and trees.

  As they walked, a dark thought kept crossing her mind. Before she could stop her
self, she blurted, “Please tell me that’s not why you married me. Because you thought I’d someday be able to fulfill that need for you.”

  “Of course, I didn’t.”

  The conviction in his voice was convincing. “Okay. And you’re sure about Brent?”

  “I’m concerned about him, but that doesn’t mean I want to make him a part of our marriage. That’s two very different things. That stage of my life is over, Lei. And I’m ready to move on, to make you happy, to help you heal, and, God willing, to start a family. Brent will have April. I think she’ll be enough for him.”

  They broke through some dense growth and stopped.

  Lei’s breath caught in her throat. They were standing on a ridge overlooking a snow-covered lake. Skirting the water was forest as far as the eye could see. “Wow.”

  Standing behind her, he slid his arms around her waist, holding her flush to him. “You like this spot?”

  “I do.”

  “What do you think about having a view like this from our bedroom?”

  “I think I might never want to leave.”

  “That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say.” Using her shoulders, he turned her to face him. “Look, I know things are going to be rough for us for a while. I’m prepared to help you through all your issues. But I have absolutely no regrets. I love you, Lei. Being your husband is all that matters to me. Nothing else. And nobody else.”

  And then he kissed her. In that magical place, where everything was quiet and perfect and beautiful. And she pressed her body against his, looped her arms around his neck, and held on while his tongue did decadent, naughty things in her mouth. When the kiss finally ended, she was dizzy and warm.

  She looked into his eyes and saw something, a tiny shadow. “Are you tired? We’ve walked a pretty long way.”

  “A little.”

  “Let’s go back. You should rest for a while. Or turn in early.”

  “Only if you join me.” He beamed a wicked grin at her. “We have some nights to make up for. You remember, don’t you?”

  How could she forget? A part of her warmed at the thought of lying in bed with Malek again. “I guess I could do that.”