“Exit, exit, exit,” I chanted frantically, searching for a bathroom. There was no way I could just leave. I wouldn’t even know how to find my way back down the stairs. I needed to regroup before he came back. Pulling on one of the three doors in the room, I prayed the first one would be what I was searching for but stopped short. In front of me were stacks of comic books and books. Books! Forgetting my bathroom quest, I carefully pulled out the first book I could reach. To Kill a Mockingbird, interesting. The second was The Catcher in the Rye, another eyebrow lifter. This couldn’t be his room. There were some heavy classics mixed in with The Flash and Hulk comics. If I could bend without pain, I would have sat and gone through all of them, picking out my favorites or ones I’d lost, then beg Deklan to ask whomever they belonged to to let me borrow them or possibly have them, since they were just stuffed in a closet. Who stuffed books in a closet? They were made to be read, lived in, explored.
I dropped an Avengers comic when the door suddenly opened. I turned and saw Deklan standing in the doorway, staring at me for a moment. Then he came over and took the comic from me, put it back, and guided me out of the closet, quietly closing the door.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I was looking for the bathroom,” I started to explain. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was trying to steal it or being purposely nosey, even though I was doing the latter.
“Relax. Greta here is gonna check your back.” I noticed a woman in cat-print scrubs standing behind him. She had a slightly graying blonde bun and a small smile on her face. She held gauze and antiseptic in one hand and gloves in another. Um, was his mom a nurse or something?
“You really didn’t have to go through all this trouble. Really, it’s just a scrape.” I was nervous about going to the clinic and people judging me, and those would have been strangers. But this was his mom, and he didn’t act like he was going to leave, so he’d see my back too and would…think things. I couldn’t deal. I tried to walk around her and head for somewhere, anywhere, but the room felt like it was closing in on me.
“Sit the fuck down, babe. Let her see,” Deklan said calmly—almost too calmly—and I knew I was fucked. No way out of this. Shit.
I glanced at Greta, then back at him, then at the floor and let out a resigned sigh. I looked him in the eye. If this was happening, I would not feel bad or guilty about it, but I would take it for what it was. He felt sorry for me, and once this was over, he would be gone and I would be…the same, only different.
“Can we have a little privacy?” I asked in a strong voice when I was feeling anything but.
He chuckled, like I had told a joke, then walked out and closed the door behind him.
I breathed a little easier.
“I’m Greta, Mrs. Kane’s nurse. You want to lift your shirt so I can see where you’re hurt?” she asked, her tone gentle.
This wasn’t his mom? That made me a little less nervous, so I turned around and stood with my back to her. I tried to peel my shirt off without help, but when it was apparent it was too painful, her gentle hands moved mine aside. She told me to life my arms as best I could and helped me remove my shirt. Her sharp intake of breath had me fearing it looked a lot worse than it had this morning. I tried not to let the shame wash over me when she tsked and then donned her gloves and went to work dabbing at the tender spots and the ones with the small cuts. I tried to hold strong and pretend the stinging from the antiseptic didn’t hurt like I was getting hit all over again. The weight of shame was bearing heavy on my shoulders, and I hung my head when she asked me what had happened.
“I fell,” I let out flatly, and her answering hum told me she knew I was a dirty liar. It took her twenty long, stinging minutes to clean and dress my back, then she helped me shrug my shirt back on. But just as I had gotten it over my head, I heard the door open. I scrambled to quickly pull my shirt down the rest of the way, but I knew it was too late. He had seen.
“What the fuck, Harley? Who did that?” His voice was hard and angry, and it made me feel like I had done something wrong. I didn’t want to turn around and see the angry face that I knew went with that voice. I heard Greta tell me that some aspirin would be laid out for me downstairs and something about changing my dressings in a few days. When I didn’t hear her anymore, I assumed she’d left, not wanting to aggravate him more.
“I asked you a goddamn question,” he said.
I couldn’t understand why he sounded so angry. Who was I to him? I was some chick he met by chance, and now he was playing my knight in shining armor? No one was nice like this unless they wanted something in return, and if I listened to my mother’s words that were always rattling around in my head, I had only one thing to offer.
“Why do you care?”
“What the fuck does that mean?” he asked, pulling a face.
“Exactly what it sounds like? Why do you care? You hardly know me. Look, I appreciate what you’re doing here and all, but I’m good. You don’t have to be nice to me because you’re my best friend’s boyfriend’s brother. We might fit the cliché perfectly, but it can’t happen.” I squared my shoulders and waited for a “You’re right, what the fuck was I thinking?” from him. Only it didn’t come.
“And what am I doing that you appreciate so much?” He pronounced “appreciate” like the word disgusted him. He stepped into my personal bubble, very close to my rapidly rising and falling chest, and placed his hands gently on my hips. Why did he have to be so close, knowing that it sent me into a nervy panic mode?
“You know.” I shrugged, unable to look up at him, scared shitless. This fear was a different kind of fear. This fear made me feel alive. “This…being nice to me, helping me, kissing me.” I whispered the last part, hating to admit that was why he’d kissed me.
“You got it all twisted. I’m not sliding up to you because I want this.” He gripped my hip with one hand, and before my mind comprehended what was happing, he lightly cupped my sex in his other hand. I was so shocked I barley registered the fact that I was very…turned on by his touch. The sudden uncomfortable feeling in my panties was enough proof. This was no-man’s-land. I had never even ventured there, and the fact that I was letting this stranger do it sent red flags up all over the place boasting DANGER!
Flags that I ignored.
“If I wanted this, I don’t have to be nice to get it, trust me. I’m an asshole and women love assholes. And I do want to fuck you.” He applied a small amount of pressure, almost making me whimper before removing his hand. “I damn sure don’t have to be nice to kiss you into giving it to me. We both know you want me to fuck you.”
I watched in stunned silence as he brought his hand up to his nose and sniffed, giving me a knowing look.
Holy shit.
I knew in that moment that no matter the outcome of this, whatever this was, I would always compare every book boyfriend—past, present, and future—to him.
Chapter 18
Deklan
I swear I felt her pussy pulse in my palm when I said that shit. I don’t even know why I said it except for the simple fact the shit needed to be said. I was focused on her fucking situation, but when she started telling me I was being nice to her, that made me want to prove to her how fucking nice I wasn’t.
“Did you just…? I can’t believe you did that. You’re such an arrogant asshole.” She jerked back from me, trying to mask her embarrassment or arousal to the whole act.
I was aching to touch her again, to slam her down on my shitty-ass childhood bed and smash her, but I didn’t want my ma to hear all that, so I was resigned to get all up in her space again. I leaned in close to her face and whispered against her mouth, “I call it like I see it, babe.” Then I let my mouth graze across her chin, and I felt her stiffen with anticipation as I slowly made my way down her neck and stopped at the sensitive flesh just under her chin. She let out a small gasp as I pressed my mouth briefly to her skin, and because I couldn’t help myself, I darted my tongue out to taste her flesh
.
Fuck, the sound that escaped from her lips hardened me faster than a lap dance with a stripper would have. If she had been here for any other reason, and if we were back in my hotel room instead, I would have had her on her knees with my dick in her mouth right about now, and I was that much of an asshole that I was half thinking about still trying to accomplish that. I knew she would let me. She was so ready for me, for anyone, to take her to that place. But I couldn’t, not because I was nice, but because my mother was awake, and despite the fact that I could give two shits what Royce would say to me, I didn’t want him to say some shit to her and give me a reason to sleep in a cell tonight. Nah, I’d fucking wait.
“Why does your mom need a nurse?” Her voice cut through my thoughts as she put more space between us. Yeah, like that would stop me.
“She’s dying. Your turn. Who did that to you?” I replied, quickly throwing that shit back on her. She was going to give me a damn answer before we left, of that I was damn sure of.
She looked as though she was deciding something, and then she squared those shoulders that sometimes looked like they carried the world and looked me in the eye before saying, “Someone who doesn’t love me enough not to,” and walked past me before I could even attempt to decipher that shit.
“Hold up, what does that mean?” I grabbed her and spun her around before she reached the door. She flinched away from me like I was about to swell her up, and it pissed me off. Why did she think I was gonna hurt her?
“Look, I’m not the type of motherfucker to hit women, especially someone like you. You have nothing to be fucking scared of with me.”
Her eyes widened a fraction like she was going to say something then thought better of it and stared, fixing her mouth to say sorry.
Nope, didn’t want to hear that shit either.
“If you apologize to me, I swear on my stack of comics I will fuck that confession out of you now rather than later.” I hated that my dick jumped at the mention of fucking her, and I had no inclination to hide it from her. She should get used to it. If I had my way, she was going to see it, and soon.
“I wasn’t going to say that,” she said snappily and yanked her arm out of my grasp. This was the most I had seen her get angry or annoyed or whatever the fuck she was. I could see why she had everyone believing that shit she spit about being all tough and shit.
“You’re not like how Matty told me. Why?” I demanded. I knew the answer, but I wanted her to tell me.
“You’re not going to let me leave until I tell you something, are you?” She eyed me up and down.
“Now you’re using that head of yours, babe.” I pulled up my desk chair and sat, then motioned for her to sit her ass down on the bed and start talking. She sighed all heavy and shit like it bothered her, but I knew she wanted to tell me something or else why be all cryptic and shit before now? Nah, she was begging for someone to see her. I wasn’t no hero or a damn shrink, but I’d been to enough of them to know you gotta listen sometimes to what people don’t say. I adjusted my dick to make sure I still had it ’cause that was some bitch-ass shit I’d just thought.
Once she was settled on the bed, she just stared at her feet and played with her hands. I sat waiting.
“I got all day, babe,” I drawled, because I really didn’t have all day. Royce would be looking for me if Greta told him I was here, or worse, Matty would look for me and think whatever the fuck he wanted to. I couldn’t give two shits, but for some reason, I cared that she didn’t want to see him.
“What did Matt say about me?” she finally asked, looking past me at the wall. Okay, looked like she was gonna zone the fuck out on me. Whatever, as long as she talked.
“That you were used to being on your back with any random dick in you on any given night. That he would be surprised if your pussy wasn’t falling off with how stretched out it must be.”
She flinched but nodded like she knew this already.
I continued. “But from what I see, if I whipped my dick out right now, I have a feeling you wouldn’t know the first thing to do. Hell, you’d probably run at the sight of it.”
“I wouldn’t run.” Her eyes flared and her cheeks stained, giving her lie away.
“Babe, you’d do something, and if I had to bet between dropping to your knees and sucking me off or running, my money would go to running.”
“How can you say those things to me? It’s so, so…you talk to me like I’m a dude, like I’m used to—”
“Fucking?” I cut her off. I was tired of dancing around the truth.
“Yes,” she admitted softly, then hung her head as if in shame. Who the hell beat her down so much she hung her head in shame about this shit? I’d like to choke his ass out.
I moved off the chair and sat beside her on the bed. She started to flinch but then caught herself and sat stiffly next to me, ready to bolt upright at the hint of distress. Calling up on all that research I did last night, I carefully guided her chin up and turned her head to look at me.
“I’m no good with this shit, babe. You gotta cut me some slack. I knew when I slipped my tongue in your mouth that you’d never been touched, especially by someone as dirty as me. But why does everyone think that you have, is my question.”
Her gaze darted from my lips to my eyes, to my chin, to my neck, then back to my lips again before she licked hers and responded with a meek, “Because I want them to.”
“Why the fuck would you want assholes like my brother to think you’re easy?” I asked, letting go of her chin slowly when it looked like she had relaxed a little.
“It’s easier.”
“Easier than what?” I tried to ease it out, but by the pained look on her face, I could tell it came out assholish.
“It’s complicated,” she tried, as her way of explaining. Nah, I needed her to spell it the fuck out for me.
“ ‘It’s complicated’ is a Facebook status, not an explanation. Elaborate.”
“Easier than being who I really am,” she all but blurted out.
Took me a while to process that shit, but when I did, I got it. “I feel you on that,” I said. “But why are you not that way with me then if it’s so fucking easy?”
“I don’t know actually,” she admitted. She carefully lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, then the words started flowing. “I guess when I first met you, you seemed to actually look at me, through me, into someplace deep and buried. No one has ever cared, or I’ve never let them care, to look at me closer than the surface. It’s…disarming. I’m more of myself around you than I am with my best friend, and I don’t know how to feel about that.”
I was a dick, this I knew, so I shouldn’t have felt bad about focusing on that taut piece of skin that was peeking out from her shirt while she told me some deep shit. Not that I wasn’t listening, I can multitask, but damn it was hard.
“Go on.” My voice cracked like I was going through puberty. What the fuck? Over the creamiest piece of skin I’d ever seen? Damn.
“What more do you want me to say? You already know I’m a virgin, and until last night, I had never been kissed, but people think I’m the biggest fucking slut this side of Dacula.”
“Hold up, you mean last night was your first kiss?” I asked, shocked. Hell, if I’d known that, I wouldn’t have been so aggressive with her. Who the fuck was I kidding? I had known that deep down, and I still would have been aggressive with her, just maybe a little gentler, but still aggressive. That knowledge made me want to rectify the first one, to top it somehow. I was selfish enough to want her to compare my kiss to all other kisses she would receive after me. I wanted to mark her.
“Yes, don’t sound so disgusted by it. I thought guys liked kissing virgins.” She propped opened her eyes but didn’t look at me, embarrassed. Oh, it was on.
I leaned over her, my top half on the side of her and my leg pushing in between her hot thighs. I wanted her to feel all of me, but with her back being fucked up, I settled on easing closer to her so she fel
t what I was about to say.
“You feel that?” I asked, swiveling my hips once so my erection jabbed at her hip bone.
She gasped, and her eyes went wide as hell, letting know she felt me.
“Does that feel like I’m disgusted?” I rolled my hip once more, letting the fiction of my knee rub on her clit through her jeans. She squeezed her legs together, locking my knee in place, and all that did was cause me to ease it up higher into her heat, causing my pants to get uncomfortable as shit as she started squirming against my leg.
“N-no,” she answered breathlessly.
Yeah, she wanted this as much as I did. Fuck it, I was going to ease her into this kiss, but with her looking at me like she was, and with her all but riding my thigh, I had to take it now or else I would have ripped off her clothes and fucked her, and it wouldn’t have been gentle. And she needed gentle.
I crushed my mouth to hers so fast she didn’t have time to protest, not that she would have. She immediately opened for me, and I had to calm the hell down. For a virgin, she was so fucking ready for it. I slowed the kiss, covering her tongue with mine, and took pleasure in the way she molded her body to mine as I moved my knee back and forth, back and forth, determined to make this count.
She broke away to gasp as she caught on to the rhythm and started moving with me. I didn’t hesitate and brought my mouth down on her neck, sucking and biting that smooth skin I had been slowly obsessing over. Shit, she was prefect, everything about her, then she made those mewling sounds out of her mouth when she closed her eyes as the friction became too much. Everything about this girl was prefect. And I was fucked.
I latched onto one of her nipples through her thin shirt and felt it pucker up as she started to really move. I bit down lightly on it, and boom, she fucking exploded, grabbing my shoulder, my hair, my shirt, anything she could to calm that wave of intensity she was feeling. In that brief moment, I saw it: the person she was hiding, the person she let people believe she wasn’t, weak. I saw it, and I’m not gonna lie, I almost let it go, too. It took all I had not to sink so deep into her that she would still feel me hours later. Guys liked to fuck virgins because no matter what, they would always remember who they lost it to, but I wanted to fuck her for a different reason that I wasn’t too comfortable thinking about too much right now.
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