Asher’s throat tightened as he swallowed, looking straight into Sid’s eyes. “I’ve fantasized about it. About punishing you for the way you treated me.”
“Oh.” Sid licked his lips and didn’t even blink. “How about I reward your perseverance? Right here, for old times’ sake?” He slid his hand down the front of Asher’s body and cupped his crotch.
Asher gasped and grabbed Sid’s hand. He had no idea if they were alone. If there was a guard, he could catch them literally with their pants down. And Sid in a cock cage—he wouldn’t want that discovered during a police search. “Doesn’t that bother you?”
“What? That you stalked me?”
“That your rejections made me so angry even if no one could see. That I enjoy giving you pain and that it comes so easily to me.”
Sid swallowed and pressed into Asher tightly, as if seeking safety. “It scared me a little. But I wanted it too much.”
“I wanted you,” whispered Asher, squeezing his eyes when he once again realized that while he’d been after Sid all along, what Sid was after was the kind of controlled violence most men couldn’t offer him. And once pushed into Asher’s flesh, the thorn remained a throbbing presence.
Sid sighed and squeezed Asher’s cock even though Asher gripped his wrist. “I get it, I was your first, but I kinda feel sorry that you spent all those years focused on me. You wasted so much time on me. But I can’t complain. I’m too greedy about having you.”
“It wasn’t a waste.”
“Why?”
Sid started going down to his knees and that made a picture so perfect Asher couldn’t refuse him.
“Because you gave me a goal. I met so many people chasing after you,” Asher whispered, pressing his hips forward and letting his groin rub over the front of Sid’s face. He wasn’t hard yet, but the beauty that was Sid on his knees would surely get him there soon.
And Sid loved getting his face fucked, so Asher would also enjoy knowing Sid’s cock was growing in the cage until it hurt him.
“True. You had to go to so many gigs. Get into so many places where you shouldn’t have been.” Sid kissed the front of Asher’s jeans.
Just the gesture of appreciation was enough to set off explosives at the base of Asher’s nape, and he rubbed his hands along the sides of Sid’s head. “This is where I got my first blowjob. It’s like we’re closing a circle.”
Sid smiled up at him. “I kinda like that I’m your first. You never forget your first.”
Who was yours? Asher wanted to ask, but he didn’t in the end, not in this perfect moment when he could relax and accept pleasure from Sid. Instead, he rolled his hips against Sid’s cheek. “You were far gentler with me than I am with you.”
Sid unzipped Asher’s jeans and tugged them lower, showering the cock with kisses through the fabric. “I wanted to give you the perfect experience.”
It had been perfect and beyond. A cocoon of tenderness and safety Asher wanted to curl up in forever. Sid’s lips would be the starting point. “You have. I still remember how you felt inside me.”
Sid oh-so-gently pressed his teeth over Asher’s cock. “I’d still want to do that again,” he whispered, but there was no chance for Asher to answer, because as his brain short-circuited with a mix of pleasure and anticipation, a voice resounded somewhere farther in the building.
“I’ll show you graffiti on your fucking asses! Try me, you punks!”
Asher’s head tingled when he stumbled back, lightheaded as blood rushed to his feet. The image of Sid became shaky, but as the voice and footsteps drew closer, anxiety was suddenly replaced by determination.
“Run. He can’t get you,” Asher hissed, pulling Sid to his feet.
“What? He can’t get either of us.” Sid was dazed, but still grabbed Asher’s hand, darting for the door.
“You’re the one in chastity.”
But Asher didn’t wait for Sid’s answer and ran. They could see the shaky flashlight in the distance already, so he dashed for the stairs that would lead them straight out of the building.
They both jumped two or three steps at a time, and Asher couldn’t get over the fact that he knew coming here was a bad idea, and yet he’d still done it because Sid had tempted him into it. He would never be able to refuse Sid. He was a hopeless case, and Sid knew that, knew how easy Asher was to manipulate.
When they poured out into the night through the broken door, the man yelled out the window upstairs.
“I’ll call the cops if I ever see you here again!”
Asher sped up, stumbling over something so rapidly only the fence itself kept him from falling flat to his face. He could still feel the phantom pain in the bridge of his nose when he climbed the mesh wall in three rapid movements. The world spiraled, and then he was on the safe side of the property boundary, trying to catch his breath. Sid was right behind him, but it didn’t seem like the man was actually chasing them, choosing to scream from the window instead.
They rushed for the car, and this time, Asher took the wheel.
Sid was in the passenger seat in seconds, but instead of letting Asher drive, he grabbed his jaw and pulled him close for an adrenaline-infused kiss.
Electricity catapulted throughout Asher’s body, streaming all the way to his toes as he hugged Sid, completely forgetting himself in that moment of warmth, tongue, and getting away from danger.
“Would have been a stain on my criminal record.”
“Is it pristine?” Sid laughed once he finally unglued himself and let Asher start the car with a rush of gravel. “I bet it is. Wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
Asher chuckled, more for Sid’s benefit than his own, because he didn’t want to show his lover just how freaked out he was. Sometimes, he felt he was actually a sheep in wolf’s clothing. He needed Sid to see the side of him that was attractive, dangerous, but the truth was that in the moment they’d been discovered he felt like a kid with his hand stuck in the cookie jar.
“It…it is pretty flawless.”
Sid rested against the seat with a smile. “That’s very employable of you. Better get us home without breaking any traffic rules, because I want my lips on your dick by the end of the night.”
Asher actually whined out loud, staring at Sid so intensely it was only by pure luck he hadn’t crashed into a traffic island that had emerged out of the darkness without warning.
Sid only laughed, but Asher squeezed the steering wheel with a doomy sense of failure. Even if he ended up heartbroken, he still wanted a few more days of this, a bit more time with the man who led him into adventures he’d never even imagined possible.
Chapter 13
Sid took out a plastic container with his lunch from the fridge. They’d slipped into this ritual of Asher planning his meals. On one hand Sid’s autonomy bucked against it, yet on the other, the pleasure of being cared for was too big for him to tell Asher to stop.
The kitchen—modern and bigger than the entire apartment Sid used to rent last year—provided a pleasant space for eating, with the French doors opening onto a terrace where Asher insisted they ate their breakfasts. Three weeks on, his lover’s habits had started pouring into Sid’s routine, no matter how much he used to complain about the very things he was now doing with pleasure.
Avocados were kind of nice, so were other healthy foods, if prepared by a chef. Having lots of space in the house made it easy to clear his head, and the morning exercise Asher somehow managed to pull him into did get easier after that first terrible jog that had left Sid gasping for air.
And yet, nothing Asher did outside the bedroom felt controlling. It was more as if he were insistent on nurturing Sid. As if Sid was worth taking care of. How would that change when they went on tour again with The Underdogs? Mage still hadn’t gotten back to Sid about the bus, and Sid was freaking out about it.
Would their relationship just fall into place on its own? Maybe Asher would make things happen, like he always did?
Sid opened the plastic b
ox and smiled. His latest favorite—chicken, avocado and pancetta salad. His old self would have mocked him mercilessly, but the food was delicious. And as usual, the dressing was in a little pot, so the salad wouldn’t go soggy, and another tiny container had a mix of seeds for him to sprinkle on top. At least he wasn’t getting an Instagram account any time soon.
The sound of footsteps approaching over the clean floors had hairs rising at the back of Sid’s neck. Was it Asher? He had a visitor to discuss something work-related, but maybe it was already done? Maybe he was coming to Sid, so they could eat their lunch al fresco?
But as Sid listened to the sound more carefully, he realized that there was nothing of Asher’s heavy, solid gait in it.
Abra walked in just as he was about to mix the dressing into the salad.
“Oh, hey,” he said with a smile, but even after weeks of having her around, helping her, and answering her questions about the outside world, he still couldn’t get over the fact that he was now bound to her in some way. Voluntarily, but also out of a sense of duty to family. He’d been on his own for so long he’d forgotten what it was like to share a close bond with someone he didn’t pick, and who more often than not made him nervous.
He didn’t feel comfortable around her yet, and it seemed that Abra shared the sentiment, spending most of her time on her own. In fact, she seemed way more comfortable around Dawn than she was around Sid, and he wasn’t sure whether it made him happy that she’d already made a friend, or jealous. Possibly both.
Her clothes were still on the conservative side, but at least there was life to her appearance now, even if her pink dress with a flower print would have been more appropriate for a hip eighty year old than a girl of just eighteen.
“Hello, brother.”
“You hungry?” At least that was a topic anyone could relate to. When making sure she was fed and comfortable, he felt that he was caring for her, that he was doing a good job being her big brother.
“I already ate, thank you,” she said, balancing on the balls of her feet before dashing for the fridge. She was constantly drinking sodas, as if wanting to make up for the years of a rather restrictive diet with the cult. Asher had secretly made sure they were all sugar-free.
“Soo…Dawn and Mage are taking you shopping, huh? Ready to go out into the big wide world?”
She chuckled, clinking her teeth against the glass. “I’m still nervous about it. I think this dress is very pretty, but none of the girls my age wear this kind of thing. I think it used to belong to Asher’s mom,” she said, touching the smooth pink fabric. “I don’t want to look like a mom yet, but I’m not sure I want to show too much skin either.”
Sid was shocked at the influx of protective feelings rising in his throat like bile. “Yeah, definitely. Not too much skin. And make sure to always stay around Mage and Dawn.”
Abra gave him a bright smile, but it faded after two seconds. “It must have been hard for you. Leaving home and all alone in this world that has such different rules. Some are not negotiable, and some can be bent without much consequence. It’s so confusing.”
Sid had been avoiding this conversation, and yet it came back each time like a boomerang to hit him over the head. “Still better than being in that fucking cellar.”
She flinched and pressed her lips together, as if the memory of that place came with physical discomfort. “I wonder sometimes how I would have coped if I had been cast out with no one to help me. You are so strong, brother.”
He’d never thought of himself that way, and he couldn’t manage looking into her eyes anymore. “You just do what you have to do.”
“Maybe it is easier for a man,” she mused over her glass of soda. “Back home, you don’t have to make difficult choices. You’re always safe, even if not happy.”
“You’re not safe if someone holds a cane over your head as a threat for disobedience.” Sid curled his fingers around the edge of the counter. The dichotomy of liking pain, yet hating what he’d been through when growing up would most likely never leave him.
“I guess not.” She contemplated something for a while, then spoke without looking up. “It must have been very hard for you…to be the way you are.”
Sid didn’t have to ask what she meant. It was obvious from the fact that she didn’t name the issue. “I wasn’t going to allow people tell me what I feel is wrong, but it wasn’t easy. There have been times when I almost believed them. I…want you to know that even though we haven’t known each other for so many years, I will look out for you.” He wouldn’t be an island anymore. His friends, even if they missed him, could manage without him. For Abra he needed to be the safety net, and the big brother. Someone she could lean on.
She watched him for a long time, then put down the glass and walked across the kitchen, sinking into his arms. “Thank you. I felt so bad about hating our family, but finding you makes it all better. This is more real.”
He stiffened at first but then locked her in his arms. For so many years he’d drifted through life on his own, even when surrounded by people, and this young woman who he had so little actual connection with grounded him in a whole new way. Could Asher become a part of Sid’s life the same way? Sid needed to have a serious talk with him about that. And yet it was the last thing he wanted to do, because talking about his feelings when not floating in subspace was like not being able to climb up to the attic where all the secrets were hidden.
Abra eventually pulled away with a wide grin. “You know, I always envied people who were allowed to just have fun. Parents who took their kids to the park instead of constantly praying or doing Lord’s work. I don’t want to waste my life.”
“Wow. That’s…progressive of you. I like that.” He laughed and ruffled her hair. “I was thinking that maybe you’d like to go on tour with us. I know it’s very full-on, so I’m giving you a choice, and take your time thinking about it, but I’d hate to leave you on your own for weeks.”
“A tour? You mean travel with your band?”
“Yes. It can get a little crazy, but I’d be able to look out for you, and you wouldn’t be on your own.”
Why was it so easy to ask her, and talking about the same thing to Asher made Sid’s stomach twist into a pretzel?
“Will there be any other women with us?”
“Probably not on the bus, but Dusk was saying something about two new roadies being women. And then, you might not even have to be on the actual bus if you don’t want to. We could arrange things differently, but you can ask Mage about that too.”
They talked some more about it, but Sid had the sense that there was some other topic she wanted to approach but wouldn’t, at least until she mentioned Asher’s name.
“Will he be coming with us too?”
Sid tried to seem casual, but his heart started rattling in his chest. “Maybe. I need to ask him. It’s all a bit up in the air.” Because what if Asher said ‘no’? Was that even a possibility, though? With their history, shouldn’t Sid just assume Asher would find a way to put the tour in his plans?
Abra licked his lips. “I’m not sure how to treat him. He is very nice, but…you being my brother, is he like a sister-in-law to me?”
Sid decided to finally start eating to give himself more time to think. “Just treat him as a friend. It’s not like we’re getting married or anything.”
“Ah, all right. I’m sorry, I’m not sure how to navigate this thing, but I will try,” she promised.
Sid was saved from answering by a ring of the doorbell, and he rushed to the corridor with his mouth full. Thank fuck, because he’d been in conversational quicksand.
“Your dates are here!” he laughed to Abra when he spotted Dawn and Mage through the window.
“They are not that!” she squealed, following Sid at a fast pace. She actually ran past him and unlocked the main door in haste.
Mage peered in but Dawn dove right into a hug, as if he and Abra had known one another since childhood.
Sid
pulled Mage aside. “Keep an eye on her, okay? And…er…remember she’s my sister, got it?”
Mage blinked, as if he had no idea what Sid was suggesting. Maybe it was for the better. “Err, yeah, she will be safe with us. You’re still welcome to come with us if you swear to not start complaining within the first half-an hour.”
Sid snorted. “I can’t promise that. I hate shopping. Last time Asher dragged me out to a mall, he had to pacify me with one of those crazy-looking frappes with donuts on top.”
Mage stared, but then started laughing so hard he drew Dawn’s attention. “Who are you even?”
Sid threw his hands in the air. “What do you want from me? I like sweet shit.”
Dawn said something that sounded surprisingly like ‘and Asher’, but Sid chose to pretend he didn’t hear it.
“Whatever. We might take a bit longer. Abra said she wanted to see a musical, and I got bargain tickets for the evening.”
That meant Sid would have hours on end to agonize over asking Asher about their future together, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because he might gather the courage to do so, bad because he’d actually have to talk about feelings. He loathed talking about feelings.
With nothing left to do until Asher was done talking to his guest, Sid ate his lunch and relaxed by the pool with a cold beer in hand. Sunbathing was among the activities Sid had never even considered trying, but here he was, enjoying his day off, even if his thoughts remained clouded. Too bad he could only enjoy it when Abra was away, since the bruises Asher was leaving all over Sid’s body would have freaked her out.
“Hi there. Is Abra out?”
He actually yelped and sank back into the sun chair in embarrassment. “Oh yeah, she’s gone.” He smiled at Asher.
Dressed in a tight black T-shirt and low-hanging jeans, he looked like the embodiment of hot. Sid could hardly believe he still had doubts about this, but his stupid brain kept freaking out on him. Maybe Asher would just push his way into the next part of Sid’s life by simply making the decision that their relationship would continue into the tour. He was clearly better than Sid at making important life choices.
Just Here for the Pain Page 21