“I don’t want to see you near me again. Don’t call me, or contact me on Facebook. You’re dead to me.”
“Hunter….”
“We’re done.” He walked toward a group of boys resting after practice.
Bri wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at him. She had promised to pull herself together. No tears, she said, but Hunter always got the best of her. He knew how to crush her confidence and make her feel fickle. She hated how inadequate he made her feel. Sometimes she wondered why she still dated him after his erratic behavior.
At a point, he turned around and glared at her. Their eyes locked, but Bri didn’t feel butterflies. She felt disappointed. He turned around and said something Bri perceived was about her as the boys turned to her at once.
She looked away, hurt and embarrassed. She didn’t think he would be stupid to tell them about his actions and the pregnancy, but there was no predicting Hunter.
The next bus came to a stop. Bri took another look at him before turning around and careened onto the bus. Through the window, she saw Hunter turn and watch the bus merge with traffic. And then, he flipped his middle finger at her. Her heart sank. She turned away from the window and shut her eyes from letting the tear drop. Can’t cry in public.
It had taken her only fifteen minutes to end her relationship with Hunter. Not that she didn’t expect it to happen. It was the realization that she and Hunter were history, and that she had more baggage to carry from the dreary relationship that didn’t sit well with her. He had built up her confidence and shattered it into a million pieces.
She pondered on the night it all happened as the sound of the bus droned heavily in her ears. She spotted a couple holding hands together, and another couple shamelessly kissing on the bus. This used to be us, she thought and slipped into the day her life invisibly changed.
“Thirsty” Hunter had asked as he watched her perusing and admiring his living room.
“Yes,” Bri said. She quickly looked away, trying to refocus her attention on the painting on the wall that caught her attention. “Nice house.”
“Thanks, he said. “I’ll leave you to get comfortable, while I get something refreshing for us.
Bri peeled her eyes from one painting to another, walking around the spacious room. They must lack nothing, she thought and walked toward a couch. She slowly eased herself into it. It depressed from her weight of a hundred and twenty. She eased backward, resting her back. Hunter ambled in.
“Well,” he said, handing her a can of Coke.
“Thanks,” Bri said, taking it from him.
“You’re welcome. What do you think of my house?”
Bri examined her half-opened pop can, drink from it and felt it sizzle down her throat, almost burning it. She hadn’t known she was that thirsty until the cold can hit her lips. She set it down and did a quick sweep of his living room with her eyes.
“It’s beautiful,” she said, feeling his ego rise. “Your parents do have a thing for painting.”
“I agree, but I don’t read meaning to the drawings as much as they do,” he said, staring at her lovingly. Bri felt butterflies, and then discomfort when he continued staring without batting an eye. Bri didn’t like anyone staring at her for too long. It made her conscious of the freckles on her face.
All she pictured in her head when she was stared at was people trying to decipher how many dots she had on her face.
She often wondered why, of all the pretty, outgoing girls in school, he picked her.
“Why are you staring at me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
Bri’s cheeks turned rosy. She raised her hand to her face, smiling.
“Thought I should let you know. Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?”
Bri smiled cheekily and nodded.
“Yes. You.”
No one had looked at her the way Hunter did— maybe her mom did in the first hours of her birth, but from the neglect she’d been experiencing at home, she doubted if she still loved her as before. She loved her drugs more than life itself.
Bri watched Hunter set his unopened can of Coke on the coffee table and rose. Suddenly, his phone rang. He yanked out the phone from his side pocket and threw an angry glance at it. His brow creased. He turned to her and faked a smile.
“Mom,” he said and took a step toward the guest washroom close to the entrance. “Drink up,” he said before walking away. Bri nodded.
She'd never met his parents before. Only seen them from a distance as they dropped him off at school. In fact, it was during one of those drop-offs that she started to have a crush on him.
He looked sleek stepping out of their Jaguar car— one of the expensive cars his parents rode in, and always kissed his mom before stepping away from the car. Once away from his parents, Hunter’s name could be heard from everyone he passed by as they greeted him like a celebrity.
At first, Bri was irritated by the attention he intentionally, or accidentally sought from both girls and boys. But, after a long and close observation, he seemed a genuine and friendly person.
She’d stayed clear from his path, not wanting him to befriend her for fear she might be smitten and fall for him, and then get her guarded heart broken. But, slowly, as if in a trance, Hunter waltz his way into her world of a quiet cocoon and expressed a special interest in her on Valentine’s day.
A bright red rose— with a thorn— wrapped her heart and sold it to him without a platter. He had nurtured her with love—at the honeymoon stage of the relationship— then sometimes anger mixed in. Hunter, despite loving her, lacked passion.
Before Hunter returned from receiving his call that surprisingly took longer than expected, Bri had emptied her can into her system and fallen asleep on his comfy sofa.
All she remembered from the blur was waking up on the long, black, leather couch she had sat on, Hunter and two of his friends playing an adventure game on his Wii U.
“I need to talk to you,” Hunter said, taking his closest friend Nate aside.
“What’s going on?” Nate asked.
“A lot.”
“Is this about Bri?”
Hunter sighed. “Yes. She’s pregnant.”
Nate’s mouth formed an O. He threw a quick glance at the other guys discussing loudly behind them and took Hunter’s hand, leading him out of earshot.
“She knows what I did.”
“Shit.” Nate took off his hat and ran his hand through his damp hair. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you could suggest something since you’re experienced in this kind of situations.”
He swirled around as if they’d been overheard.
“Are you trying to get me in trouble?”
“I was only saying, help me here,” Hunter said.
Nate scratched his head.
“Uh, maybe you should go back to her.”
“Hell no. Why would I do that? I already told her we were done.”
“You could serve jail time for rape. It’s rape, Hunter. But, if you went back and convinced her that she consented to it, even if she threatens to involve the police….”
“She has threatened to involve the authority.”
“There you go. You must go back to her, and tell her that she consented.”
“She would never believe that. I offered her a can of Coke, not alcohol.”
“That was a mistake on your part. Who spikes a soft drink and expects the receiver to have a memory loss after sleeping with her? Had she drunk alcohol, then you’d have an excuse that she was tipsy and seduced you to have sex with her.”
“You didn’t suggest to me to offer her alcohol.”
“I thought you knew better. I have no other suggestion. I’m sorry.” He turned around to walk away.
“Nate. Not a word regarding this matter. If I hear anything about this at school, you’ll go down with me.”
“Worry about Bri, not me,” he said, walking away.
5
⸙
Bri stepped off the bus and walked the rest of the way home as the bus stop was a little distance away from Honeywell street where she lived.
She pondered on Hunter’s words. I guess am single again. She thought. Single, and pregnant. No more cheerleading. She sighed.
“Why did I visit his stupid house and drink the stupid Coke? Why did I agree to date him in the first place?” she said out loud and drew out her phone from her purse.
“Bri?” Flo said. She was the one person Bri could fully confide in, the reasonable one among her friends that weren’t more than two.
“I need to talk to you.”
“One second,” Flo said. Bri gazed at the gray sky. She adjusted the handset on her ear and gazed at her watch. Her mom would be home soon. She heard Flo conversing with a male in the background, and knew who it was. “Alright,” she heard her say.
“Is your boyfriend with you?”
“Yes. Why?”
“What I have to say is private. Between you and I.”
“Not even Casey should hear about it?”
“No. Not Casey.”
“Okay.”
By the time Bri was done narrating her ordeal, she’d gotten home and sat on her porch.
“Bri, how could you not have known Hunter raped you at the time? Didn’t you feel different on your way home?”
“I kind of felt a tingle in my genital, and a slight discomfort when I used the washroom. My underwear was bloodied, and I was happy my period finally started. After that day, it stopped.
Flo, I thought about it the following day when the blood didn’t flow. I don’t want to say I was ignorant, but I think I was in denial he could do such a thing to me. Especially after recalling how much he said he loved me, and promised to do anything to make me happy. He told me he would wait until am ready.”
“Well, obviously he didn’t. He raped you. Bri”?
“Hold on a minute. He’s calling me.”
“Don’t answer it.”
“I just want to hear what he has to say.”
“There’s nothing more to say to you. He raped you, got you pregnant, and broke up with you. Who does that?”
“I’ll call you back. “
“Bri!” Flo let out an angry sigh and dropped the call.
Bri thought hard before answering Hunter’s call. She wanted to give him a chance to confess, to apologize, at least, to take responsibility for the pregnancy.
“I’m sorry,” were his first words. “I’ve wronged you in every way, but please, don’t expose.”
“So, you’re saying you raped me, right?” Bri heard him sigh aloud.
“I don’t like that term.”
“But that’s what it is.”
“Anyway,” he said, brushing it aside. “Would you forgive me?”
“Hell, no,” Bri said, her confidence rising.
“I already said I was sorry.”
“That won’t cut it, Hunter. You’re used to having your way. I’m having mine this time around. You took my virginity from me. You spiked my drink when I visited you and got me pregnant, called me all the names in the book, and flipped your middle finger at me. On top of it all, you told everyone at school that you were done with me and that I was too dumb to accept we were over?”
“Those were rumors. I never said I was done with you.”
“Yes, you did. At the bus stop, earlier.”
“I was pissed off.”
“By the truth, you’re now admitting, right? Just so you know, this conversation is recorded.”
“What!”
“I have to protect myself as it’s difficult to get the truth out of you.”
Hunter took a deep breath.
“I could help with the abortion. Please, discard our conversation.”
Bri let out a sarcastic laughter.
“I don’t think I ever mentioned abortion in the entire conversation.”
“Are you planning on keeping the pregnancy?” he said, raising his voice.
“Yes.”
Although, Bri hadn’t brought herself to think about the fate of her growing baby, but she thought to teach Hunter something called humility, a virtue he lacked, but Hunter surprised her.
“How am I even sure the pregnancy is mine?” Bri's ponytail slapped against her neck as she turned toward him, surprised.
“Um, sorry, I was a virgin when you raped me?” she said as if questioning him.
“No, you weren’t.” Bri gasped.
“I never intentionally slept with anyone until you forced yourself on me.”
“So you think.”
“Are you playing reverse psychology with me?”
“No. I’m only saying what I felt.”
“It still doesn’t change the fact that you spiked my drink and raped me.”
“You have no proof. I was playing games with my friends when you woke up from sleep.”
“What! Could you explain why I fell asleep on your couch while visiting?”
“Simple. It was a hot day and you were tired and wanted some sleep. As a good host, I let you sleep on my parents’ couch.”
“Is that your story?”
“That’s the truth.”
“You’re evil. Here I am, giving you a chance to redeem yourself, rather you showed me how evil and calculated you are.”
“You have your recorded proof; I have my alibi. When you need the money for the abortion, feel free to ask me. Other than that, I’ve nothing to do with you….” Bri dropped the call and stared into space.
She rose from the porch and turned around towards the door, and then swung around at the sound of her mother’s car.
6
⸙
The Toyota Camry had seen it hay day way before her mother bought it from a dealer at a reasonable price. She could tell if her mom had returned even in her sleep. The car was that loud and unique.
She had begged her mom to save and fix the car rather than spend her money on pot and beer. And had refused taking rides to school even if she were late.
She’d rather stay unnoticed than allow a loud car embarrass her. The students could be merciless with sarcasm.
She glanced at her phone. Flo had been calling non-stop since Hunter called. She ignored the call and turned to her mother.
“Hi.” She noticed her mother looked exhausted. She hadn’t been herself for a while now.
“Hi. What are you doing outside?”
“Getting some air.” She watched her mother shuffle her feet up the stairs and open the door. They both stepped in, none saying a word to the other.
Her mother fumbled for something in her purse. First, she pulled out her paystub and set it on the table. Next, she searched deeper into her bag, pulled out a lighter, and a packet of cigarettes before turning to her.
“How was your day at school?” She said, placing a cigarette between her lips.
“As usual,” Bri said without elaborating. There was no use giving her mom every minute detail of how she spent her day. Not that she really cared to know. It was all formality. Soon they’d go back to their separate worlds.
Hers was the world where she got high and shut herself out of reality, leaving Bri to fend for herself. How many birthdays did she forget? Or how many days did she miss work because she was wasted?
Bri wondered how she kept her job after all the misses. Her employer must be kind hearted, she often thought.
There were days they went without food because she had spent all her money on pot. Sometimes Bri blamed her mother’s addiction on her step-father serving a jail term for heroin possession. She never knew her real father.
Her mother told her that, when she was a few months old, her father was killed by a drive-by shooter. When asked why she wouldn’t say. But Bri had a hunch it was drug related.
She trudged to her bedroom and eased herself onto her bed. She lied. She wished she’d actually recorded her conversation with Hunter.
He was right. He had an a
libi. And no. He lied about her not being a virgin. She’d never slept with anyone before, but who cares. Bri sighed.
She had yet to tell her mother. Soon her belly would show. She’d always prided herself in eating healthy and staying skinny in the hopes of an agent finding her as a potential model.
Bri glanced at her flat stomach through her shirt. Soon, she’d be fat, and everyone would mock her.
She rose and walked to the bathroom mirror. The image staring at her didn’t look innocent anymore. There’s a human in me, she took her hand to her face, and then dropped it. Breathe, Bri. Breathe.
It wasn’t a perfect day to wake up to. Bri often disliked waking up in the morning and going to sleep early. She pulled her comforter aside and sighed. Memories of the previous day slowly crept back in her head. I hate school, and most of all, I hate him.
She slowly slid off her bed and let her feet touch the cold red oak flooring, and cringed from its coldness. Even the floor was as cold as Hunter, she thought, before staggering to her bathroom. She glanced at herself in the mirror and sighed.
What happened to you, Bri? Where’s the fight in you?
“Bri!” she turned toward her bathroom door. Her mom stood, watching. “You’re running late for school. Would you care for a ride?”
“No. Thanks. I’ll be on my way,” she said, quickly splashing water on her face. She ran a wet hand through her hair, the other hand grabbing a tube of toothpaste.
“I left you some lunch money on the kitchen island,” she heard her mom say before the entrance door opened and slammed shut. Bri stopped all motions and listened. Her mother’s car let out its usual sound before slowly ebbing away, indicating her mother had taken off.
She often did that; rush off to work. In the winter, she would sleep up to the last minute, and then hastily create a small opening by brushing off the snow on the front and rear window— on her side of the car— before zooming off; the snow on the car roof toppling over and dropping on her hood as she madly drove to work. It was the exact way she dropped her off at school until Bri was old enough to decline her offer.
Still Breathing Page 2