“What was that?” Her mom asked as she sashayed into the living room from the porch.
“Nothing,” Bri said, walking to her bedroom. Her mother set the ashtray down on the coffee table and stood.
“Are you pregnant?” She asked calmly.
Bri debated between telling the truth, or not.
“Are you pregnant? Her mom yelled, jolting Bri into nodding her head. “You are?”
“Yes,” Bri replied.
“Damn it!” her mother said, slapping the table hard. Bri cowered against the wall. “Why? Why did you do it?”
“I was raped. I didn’t do it.”
“Who? Who raped you, and where?”
Bri bit her lips.
“A friend. At his house,” Bri said, wishing she could lie her way out of this.
“You went to a boy’s house without informing me first? When was this? When did this happen?” Bri felt interrogated before an audience, only her mother’s energy was the audience sucking her in.
“A few months ago.”
Her mother slumped on the couch, held her head between her hands and her legs jerked. She was mumbling, but Bri heard nothing of the words she mumbled. Bri knew going to the police was a lost cause. There was no evidence to prove Hunter raped her as it happened a few months prior, and his mother had begged that she protect her only son from being jailed.
“Where’s is this boy who raped and got you pregnant?” Bri sank deep into her heart and fought the urge to punish Hunter through her mother.
“I don’t know where….”
“You don’t know what?”
“They moved,” Bri said quickly. “His family moved to another province, and I don’t know where they live.”
“I’d always thought you were smarter than this,” her mom spat. “You’re going to the clinic to abort that pregnancy. God knows I can’t feed an extra mouth.”
“I want to keep it,” Bri said in a quiet voice.
“Excuse me? You want to do what?”
“Keep the baby.”
“You’re out of your mind. Who’ll take care of the baby when you’re gone to school? Who’ll pay for diaper and the baby’s food? Take the baby for checkups?”
“I’ll register for day care.”
“You have money for daycare? Have you a job? I can’t work extra hours and put my life on hold for anyone.”
Bri wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Had you thought about how it could ruin your life when you defied my orders and visited a man who raped you?” She rose. “I told you the consequences of getting pregnant. Bri’s heart dropped.
“Mom, you can’t throw me out of your house.”
“I have no choice.”
“Where would I go?”
“It’s your mistake, fix it. Maybe after getting rid of the pregnancy, I would consider taking you back, but as long as you choose to follow your decision, you may as well find another home.”
“Please, mom.”
“Get your bag and pack. I haven’t shown you tough love enough to take me seriously.”
“I’m sorry,” Bri wept.
Her mom lit another cigarette, picked up her purse and left. Bri stood, motionless. Her thought wandered.
Her eyes clouded with the blinding tears flowing down her face. Who would take me? After what seemed like an eternity, she called the only person who cared.
“Hey, Steve,” she said, and then sniffled. He was the only one she could bring herself to call.
“Bri. Are you alright?”
“No.”
“What’s going on?”
“I need a ride.”
“Where to?”
“Away from here.”
“What happened?” he asked in his genuine, gentle voice. “Having a fight with mom?”
“Something like that.”
“Don’t you want to calm down and resolve it with her rather than leave?”
“She doesn’t want me,” Bri said, her voice shaking.
“I don’t think so. Maybe she’s just angry.”
“Please, I don’t want to talk about it. Can you help me move my stuff?”
“It’s that serious?”
“Yes, Steve. Please, if you’d help me. I don’t want her to come back and find me here.”
“Okay,” Steve said. “Give me ten minutes, ish.”
“Thanks,” Bri said, and then hurled her luggage out the door and down the street.
9
⸙
“Jeez! You really want out of there,” Steve said. He hopped off his father’s truck, picked up her luggage in a sweep, and set it in his truck. Bri walked to the passenger seat and slumped in. Steve hopped in the driver seat, glanced at Bri before starting the engine.
“You’re alright?” He asked. Bri nodded no. “And you don’t want to talk about it, huh.” Bri nodded no, again. “Where are you going? Where’s the address?”
Bri gave the address and stated it was her aunt’s address, though she hadn’t called the old woman to expect her. Steve suggested she called so as not to take her aunt by surprise, and possibly disorganize her plan. Bri did as told.
“Call me when you need me were his last words to her before hopping on his truck and speeding off the country road.
Bri, within the forty-five minutes’ drive from Cambridge to Kitchener, had narrated her ordeal with Hunter to Steve.
She saw all the emotion in him as if she were his younger sister. He had gripped his steering wheel, cursed under his breath, and threatened to expose the very secret Hunter’s mom had begged her to keep. It was a different secret she mentioned to him. She wouldn’t tell him how he got her pregnant. All Steve understood was, Hunter’s mother wanted the pregnancy hidden.
As she watched his truck speed off, she wondered if she hadn’t made a mistake telling him all he didn’t need to know. And then, promised herself to call him first thing before school started in the morning.
Speaking of school, she thought. It was no longer in existence for her. With the baby coming, she would need to put her life together, but first, she must put herself together. She had a lot to prove to herself, and one of them is a strength to persevere.
It had to be within her, or she would crumble, be defeated by Hunter who thought she couldn’t succeed without his money, his parent’s money. She sighed at the appearance of her aunt.
“So,” she said. “Tell me what’s going on,” her aunt said.
“I have failed.”
10
⸙
Two weeks of phone calls and interceding couldn’t do it. Bri started having the notion that, this woman didn’t like her in the first place.
“What mother would throw her kid out in my condition?” Bri had asked her aunt.
“One who knows you have a place to go,” she had replied.
“What if you weren’t here, you were a province far away from us?”
“I’m sure she’d have considered before sending you away. Her anger with you is your decision to keep the baby. And your mom knew she’d have to sacrifice her time at home and at work.”
“I was prepared to shoulder my responsibility once my baby arrived.”
“Speaking of the baby’s birth, would the father be present?”
“No.”
“May I ask why?”
“He’s better off not knowing about it.”
“What about financial support, have you thought about that?”
“Yes. I’ll do my best as a mother. I’ll find a job before my baby’s born, and save up enough to buy everything he, or she needs. My baby will never one day miss his dad because I’ll be everything he wants me to be.”
Bri saw the warmth on her aunt's face.
“I know you’ll be a great mom. You are warm, gentle, and empathetic, which makes me angry that someone could treat you badly, and you chose to protect him.”
“I did it for my unborn child, and… I know karma will catch up with him someday.”
Her aunt rose with difficulty. She’ d been suffering from arthritis for years, so she said. Bri rose and hurried to help her.
“Thanks, she said, and then waddled to the kitchen. Bri followed. They were about starting supper. Her aunt took a medium sized pot and set it on the stove. Next came a half bag of sweet potato. As she chopped the washed potatoes, she spoke.
“Promise you would finish high school,” she said, her hands still for a moment. Bri glanced at her abdomen, and then glanced at her fifty-two-year-old aunt.
“I’ll try, but am going to need your help.”
“Anything you want,” she said. “As long as you don’t fail me.”
I won’t. I’ve got someone who’ll depend on me, forever. And am not prepared to fail him. Ever.
The weeks that went by were filled with a mixture of joy and sadness. Since quitting school, Flo had called and visited.
She had apologized for being ‘a little aloof’ and was only showing her concern on the choice Bri had made. Her mother, on the other hand, simply had nothing to do with her. She wouldn’t call nor receive her call.
Education was a far cry on her list of things to do at the moment. She must find a job, and fast, as her growing belly remained a constant reminder of the numerous changes awaiting her.
She’d just turned sixteen.
“No one would hire a sixteen-year-old,” her aunt had told her, beating reality back into her thick skull. “You’re still a baby.”
“I must find a job. There must be something for me somewhere,” she’d replied. She somehow wished her aunt was wrong on this one. That God would at least, let her have this one thing that was important to her, and her unborn child.
So, early every morning, Bri showered and dressed up for an interview. With her aunt’s computer, she searched for all the food restaurants and eatery in her city, and beyond. She wouldn’t mind a long bus ride, provided she had a job and was less of a moocher, as she thought she was to her aunt.
Two weeks of rejection and frustration finally broke down her spirit.
“It’ll be alright,” her aunt said as she cried on her shoulder. “There’s still time.”
“I’m four months pregnant with no baby crib, clothes, or feeding bottle. There’s nothing to get excited about.”
“But I offered to help, you refused.”
Bri sniffled and leaned away from her aunt.
“If I'm going to do this for the rest of my life, I may as well start independently.”
“But you’re breaking down under pressure.”
“I'll survive.”
Her aunt gazed at her with a pitiful look spread across her face and sighed.
“Let me know when you need my help.”
“Thanks,” was all Bri muttered.
Weeks flew by. Her belly bulged. She struggled to find a job, and at last, gave up hope of finding one.
Sometimes, she caught herself looking at signs on the road as her aunt drove her to her regular doctor’s appointment. She knew she had grown too big to be hired in a restaurant.
“No manager would hire me knowing I would be off on maternity leave soon,” she said to her aunt one morning as they sat on the porch.
“You never know,” her aunt said. “Besides, it would be daunting standing on your feet for extended period of time.”
“If I can find a job, I can get down to it. Better that than stay penniless.”
“I like your resilience, it's just that….” She sighed. “I know I've never been pregnant once, but I see the toll it takes on women's bodies.”
Bri smiled. “Don't worry about me. I can be stronger than you think. The joy my baby will bring me surpasses any pain or discomfort I would endure carrying her.”
Her aunt beamed at the mention of the baby's gender. They’d found out during the last visit. Her aunt had secretly bought some beautiful pink clothes for the baby and stashed them away to surprise Bri on the day the baby arrived.
“Have you thought of a name for her?”
“Sasha.”
Her aunt nodded in agreement.
“That’s a pretty name, Sasha,” she said, repeating the name.
“I have her future planned out.”
“And what did you have planned?”
“Everything,” Bri giggled. “From her birth to her marriage.”
“You don't want to be an overbearing mother.”
“If that's what it seems, then she'd have to bear with me. I want to give her everything abstract I wanted but never had. I would give her love and affection till she begs me to stop.”
Her aunt laughed at that.
“What if she's stubborn?” Bri's smile disappeared for a moment.
“Am I stubborn?” she said, facing her aunt, her tone serious.
“No.”
“Then I have nothing to worry about. They say an apple doesn't fall far from a tree.”
“You forget there are two trees involved here. What's her father like?”
“A nobody I don't want to talk about. He's history,” Bri said before changing the subject about her job search, and her desire to keep pushing on until she had no chance left.
11
⸙
Bri had finished serving a customer a plate of chow mein meal when Casey and Flo walked in. She smiled back at them and ambled towards them as they settled in the vacant seats close to the restaurant entrance. Casey did a quick sweep with her eyes in the restaurant.
“Not bad at all,” she said to Flo before redirecting her gaze on Bri.
“Hi guys,” Bri said beaming. Flo's eyes bulged as she gasped, staring at Bri's overgrown belly.
“My God! How big you've grown.”
“You mean how large I”ve expanded like a whale.” She turned to Casey who rose and spread her arms wide. Bri walked into her embrace.”
“Are you crying?” Bri asked.
“Just happy tears,” Casey said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. “It's been quite a while I saw you.”
Bri smiled, unsure how to handle the change in their behavior. In truth, it had been a while they sat together. To divert the attention from her, Bri jumped in.
“What would you like to order?”
“Poutine,” Flo said. “I'm dying to have a full plate of poutine with mozzarella and cheddar cheese.”
“Drink?” Bri asked, still focused on Flo.
“Pepsi.”
Bri turned to Casey, pen set against her notepad, ready to scribble.
I want what Flo's having,” she chimed. Bri straightened up and smiled, something she had practiced doing no matter her state of mind.
“I'll be right back.” She gave them her most charming smile and turned around towards the kitchen entrance, knowing they'd talk about her the moment she turned her back to them.
“She gained some weight,” Flo said.
“It's the pregnancy,” Casey said.
“She looks a lot happier, don't you think?” Flo said.
“It might be a façade.”
“You mean she could be pretending to be happy but isn't?”
“Exactly,” Casey said. “Believe me, that girl is dying inside her, and she would do anything to show otherwise.”
“She's in a for a surprise,” Flo said, glancing around her. “Do you hear a voice in your head saying 'betrayal?'”
Casey's brow creased as she nodded. “No. I think it's what's best for her.”
Bri shuffled her feet to their table and placed their meals before them. Just the way they wanted. Flo sniffed, her eyes closed. “The smell of goodness,” she said before picking up her fork.
Bri sat on the same chair as Flo, opposite Casey.
“I'm taking a fifteen minutes’ break,” she said, and struggled uncomfortably to fit her belly in the space between the table and chair.”
Casey glanced at her. “Furniture getting in your way?”
Bri turned to her, a little embarrassed.
“Just trying to make myself comfortable.
” She smiled again.
Flo picked up her school bag. “I could sit with Casey….”
“No. That won't be necessary,” Bri said. Her face flushed. She picked up her bottled water and drank.
“This tastes really good,” Casey said, with her mouth full. Flo took a bite and nodded in agreement.
“So, how's school?” Bri said.
“Good,” Flo said, and then threw a glance at Casey who looked at her briefly before digging into her food again.
“Anything new?”
“Like what?” Casey asked, her head bent over her poutine.
“Nothing in particular.”
“Well,” Flo said, throwing frequent glances at Casey as if saying back me up, would you? “Hunter has a new girlfriend. They are always together as a bee to honeycomb.”
Bri's forehead creased. She turned to the window and stared outside. She was fighting back tears.
“Would you have preferred he came back to you?” Casey asked before taking a tall drink of her pop.
“It doesn't matter what I would've preferred. He's history to me.”
“Not when you're carrying his child that's soon due to enter the world.” Casey turned to Flo who had stopped munching mid-way.
“That’s my cross to carry without him.”
Flo cleared her throat.
“Bri, Hunter and I have been talking recently. Actually, Casey talks to him too.” Bri shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
These were supposed to be her friends.
“Would you like to know what we discussed about?” Casey asked.
“I could care less. Whatever you discussed isn't going to change the situation….”
“He wants to be in the baby's life,” Flo chirped in.
“Not while am alive.” She rose, picking up her half-drunk bottled water. Bri and Casey watched.
“Are you finished?” Bri asked.
“Umm….” Flo started, but Bri cut in.
“I meant if you were done eating.”
Both girls stared at their almost finished meal.
“Yeah,” Casey replied.
“Well, thanks for coming by.”
“You're welcome,” they replied.
Still Breathing Page 4