“Geez, Lex, don’t change the subject. It would have made our lives easier. Now we need to call a cab, and I’m dyeing it black.”
“Sorry.” I shrug.
“No worries,” she mutters, flopping on the couch beside me with her hair still wrapped up in a towel, waiting for the dye to take.
“So where are we off to tonight?” I ask, acting all chipper. I need to change the mood in here. It’s so gloomy it’s beginning to depress me.
“How about we go hang out at a bar on Queen Street?” she suggests.
“Yeah, sure.” I nod. “We’re dancing tomorrow night so we may as well take it easy tonight.”
We go into our bedrooms to get dressed. We walk out at almost the same time, both dressed in dark blue skinny jeans. I have on a red tank top and Anna’s wearing a jade shirt that brings out the color in her eyes.
We take a cab to the bar we usually go to, and when we walk in, we find a group of people from our law class hanging out. It’s a good distraction from Luc and Callen. I usually don’t like hooking up with guys from class because things can get weird if you need to work on a project and there’s a misunderstanding. But I’ll make an exception for tonight. I just hope they won’t talk law all night.
There’s good music playing, and I move my body to the beat as I walk toward the table where five students from our corporate law class are sitting against the back wall. A live band is singing Demons by Imagine Dragons. I get lost in the words and rhythm of the song and quickly I relax. The place is too loud for talking. Bonus. Numerous pitchers of beer are scattered along the table, and Anna and I take a seat beside Zack, a guy from class. He fills our glasses and pushes them over to us.
As he pours the beer he winks at me, and his brown hair falls forward onto his face while his eyes roam my body, letting me know he likes what he sees. He’s good-looking in a preppy boy kind of way. His father has a personal injury law firm and Zack is becoming a lawyer to work in the firm with his dad. Apparently they’re very successful. He’s offered me a position at the firm when I’m done law school, but I don’t think that’s the route I want to take.
As I predicted, everyone is talking about the Stiletski case in tort law. We have an argumentative paper due next week. “So Alexis, what do you think will be the winning argument to free Stiletski?” Zack asks, flashing a smile. Anna is sitting beside me and she bursts out laughing, which is embarrassing because Zack was asking a serious question.
Anna replies for me. “She finished her paper a few days ago and knowing Lex, she isn’t going to reveal her winning argument.”
I roll my eyes at Anna but smile at Zack. “Sorry, Zack. It’s nothing personal, but I found a twist in the case so if I mention the argument, the professor may think we copied each other or something, so I’ll keep it under wraps.” I giggle, knowing Zack is really just trying to make conversation. He looks a little let down so I place my hand on his strong shoulder. “Hey, what did you think of the professor who’s filling in for Crawley? I heard he covered some big murder case out in Alberta.”
Zack looks at my hand on his shoulder and smiles. “Yeah, he’s pretty cool. He has a lot of great stories which keeps things a little more interesting. Professor Crawley is so monotone that I almost fall asleep every class,” Zack says, and I cackle in reply.
A couple of hours pass and I slowly get drunk. The lead singer has this deep, sexy voice and when he starts to sing Pompeii by Bastille, I make my way over to the dance floor. Zack follows me from behind, and Anna arches an eyebrow. She knows exactly how I plan my seductions. This time is no different.
I dance, moving my hands in the air and swaying my hips, and Zack caresses my waist from behind, planting light kisses down my neck. It tingles, and I feel calm for the first time in days. I’m back in my element, maneuvering Zack the way I want. I have no real interest in him, and he has no real interest in me besides getting laid. This works for me.
“Hey, do you want to get out of here and go back to my place?” He leans into my ear, keeping his hand around my waist.
“Not tonight. I’m here with Anna, and I can’t leave her.” I bend toward his ear so he can hear me over the noise. He looks defeated. I capture his mouth with a kiss, wiping any defeat miles away. He responds immediately.
“Let’s go to the back or something?” I say.
His eyes widen, but he leads me into a large handicapped bathroom. I like that he’s into the spontaneity thing as much as I am.
“This isn’t what I had in mind, beautiful, but I guess it’ll do for tonight.” He brings my face close to his, covering his lips on mine. Then opening up my jeans. He’s a big guy, well-built, and I rub my hands up and down his arms. His muscles ripple beneath my fingers. He lowers my jeans, and I unbuckle his belt and open his pants. His penis springs free. My breathing quickens as adrenaline pumps through my veins.
I lower myself down, taking him into my mouth, and he moans in response. “Go slow, sweets.” I look up at him and stop. He takes my mouth again, this time grabbing me close, and he slides two fingers inside.
What happened with Luc will mean nothing after tonight.
“One second, let me get a condom. You’re so fucking wet. It’s so hot.”
Luckily I’m facing the wall because I roll my eyes. He slides on a condom, and I keep my face toward the wall so I can imagine that he’s really someone else. I just want to get this over with, so I know that Luc doesn’t have a hold over me. He enters me, using his other hand to rub circles around my soft spot. At least he knows what he’s doing, I’ll give him that. I’m building, and I cry out as he thrusts himself into me again and again until he stiffens inside me. He holds on to me for another second, and I suddenly don’t want the contact. I want to leave the claustrophobic bathroom. I pull away from him and clean myself up. He pitches the condom in the trash can and straightens himself out.
Why do I want to get away so bad? I’ve had sex with guys in bathrooms more times than I can count. That’s when it hits me. I feel guilty about Luc. Fuck. This can’t be happening.
I follow him back to the table as if nothing happened. It’s all good except for this damn guilt that burns in my throat, and makes me feel like I’m not in control all over again. Luc has caused my emotions to revolt on me, and I don’t know what to do. For now the only way I know how to deal is to bury those emotions deep and put up my wall.
Zack whispers, “That was good. Can we meet up again tomorrow night?” He rubs his hand up my thigh, and it nauseates me.
“Sorry, I have plans,” I tell him, trying not to cringe at his touch.
Anna watches me, silently asking if I’m alright. I nod to the door because I’ve had enough for tonight. Anna notices my unease and follows me out of the club.
We get in a cab, and Anna says, “You know there’s a reason I call you Bandita, right?”
I inwardly roll my eyes at her, knowing that “Bandita” means bandit in Spanish. “Don’t start now. You’re no better than me,” I answer her, still feeling very drunk and guilty.
“Of course I am. I bring them home and fuck them or go back to their place. What the heck do you have against beds?” She laughs hysterically. She’s totally smashed.
“Nothing. It’s just that a bed is more personal and sometimes I do beds, just not very often,” I tell her, crossing my arms belligerently over my chest. I have turned into a gloomy drunk.
“That’s three shades of fucked up. You know that, right?” she asks, waving her finger in my face and falling on top of me. I push her head back slightly with my hand because she’s getting too close for comfort.
“Don’t start, Anna. I’m drunk, and I needed to get Luc out of my system. He’s gone now.” I try to convince her, but I haven’t convinced myself.
“Yeah, until tomorrow night,” she murmurs.
“Fuck! I forgot about that.”
“No shit! Well, I didn’t. I’m actually looking forward to seeing Callen again. You know he’s two years younger.
” She grins like that is supposed to mean something.
“What?” I ask with irritation in my voice.
“It means he’s still at his sexual prime for a man, but honestly he’s immature. I’ll have a little more fun with him and be on my kind way.” She laughs.
I roll my eyes and that single action exhausts me. I need my bed.
Chapter 13
Realization
The next morning I get out of bed and put on my running shoes. I’m still sore from yesterday, but I enjoyed the feeling of running from myself and my thoughts. I walk outside and the sun’s shining bright, but I feel the cool autumn air moving in. The leaves on the trees are changing color from green, to yellow, red, and orange. It’s such a nice time of year—not too hot or cold. Living downtown, though, I don’t get to enjoy the fall colors as much as I did back home because there aren’t many trees in between the high rise buildings.
I run hard as sweat trickles down my forehead. I try to clear my mind, but I can’t help think of home and inevitably my mind turns to Dylan. I almost trip when it hits me that there’s something about Luc that reminds me of him. Maybe that’s why I’m so bothered. I don’t know if it’s because he saved me from Kyle, or that he’s more of a gentleman than most guys I meet. I run faster to escape the panic clawing at my throat about going out with him tonight. Breathe, Alexis, just breathe. I repeat the order throughout the day.
Classes fly by quickly. Thursdays are my easier day, with only three courses. I head back to the apartment and do one of my yoga videos because I know it will soothe me. Once I say my final Namaste, I fill up a bath with warm water and bubbles, determined to stay calm. You can go to a club with Luc. It means nothing. You can completely handle it. I lay in the warm bath for over an hour and emerge hopeful. After wrapping my fluffy blue towel around me, I go to the kitchen to re-hydrate.
“Wow, you’re getting ready in the middle of the day for a date?” Anna’s tone is one of shock.
“Fuck!” She scares the hell out of me, and my glass of water goes flying out of my hand, splattering onto the floor, and breaking into a million pieces.
Anna frowns. “Sorry, Bandita. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me walk through the door.”
“No, I didn’t.” My voice is a little more clipped than I mean it to be. “Sorry, Anna. I’m just freaking out about seeing Luc again, and I’m trying to stay calm, but my nerves are so on edge.” I hold onto my stomach to prevent myself from crumpling.
“We could cancel, you know. We don’t have to meet up with them,” she says, trying to reassure me.
“I know, but I’m convincing myself that this is no big deal, and I should be able to go out dancing for a night with a guy without it meaning anything.”
“Okay, it’s up to you, amiga. If that’s the case, we need to start getting ready soon.”
After cleaning up the shards of glass from the floor, I head back to my room and throw on a t-shirt and jogging pants. I fall back on the couch and watch an episode of Vampire Diaries. The suspense frees my mind of my current troubles.
Anna’s quiet beside me, not making any more comments. I appreciate the silence right now. It’s what makes us get along so well. We can gauge each other’s moods and know what to do. Finally, it’s time to get ready for the club, and we both put on tight dresses that hit mid-thigh. My dress is purple; Anna’s, black.
“You know, Luc isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you in that dress,” she says with a smile.
“We’ll see. I plan on dancing with other guys, too, so he gets the picture.”
“You’re playing with fire, Lex.”
“No, I’m not. I’m putting out the fire.”
“‘Kay, if you say so, Bandita.”
Outside the club Callen and Luc are waiting for us along the curb. I suck in a breath when I see Luc dressed in his signature black pants and black button down shirt. I have a vision of his closet, which must hold ten of the same shirts and pants lined up. Callen is more laidback in a pair of basic black jeans and a black t-shirt. The guys notice us walking up to the club and come to meet us. Luc pecks my cheek and whispers how sexy I look. Callen gives Anna a deep kiss on the lips and she doesn’t hold back.
The four of us make our way to the door. There’s a long line outside, but Luc goes up to the bouncer, passing him something. I could have sworn it was a one hundred dollar bill. The club is completely packed, with people lined up at the bars and squeezed together on the dance floor. Even though there are tons of people waiting, Luc walks right up, smiles at the bartender, and she leaves her current customer and walks over his way.
“What can I get you, handsome?”
Och, she’s totally flirting with him. It’s ridiculous when she can see he’s here with me. I chide myself for feeling possessive, yet another unfamiliar emotion.
“Eight tequilas and four beers,” he says with a low, sexy voice.
“That will be seventy dollars.” She smiles, and I control the urge to throttle her.
Luc places a hundred dollar bill on the bar and tells her to keep the change. Holy shit, I’d like a tip like that. Luc picks up the tray and carries it over to a vacant table.
As we each drink two shots and then have a beer, I ask, “Didn’t you say you drove tonight, Luc?”
“No. I offered to pick you up, meaning I have a driver to pick me up.” He smirks.
“Oh, got it. You have a driver?” I ask, blinking.
“Yeah, I grew up with money, Alexis. Sometimes I drive myself, but I have a personal driver, as well.”
“Oh, do you like having a driver? Because Toronto has a great public transit system for drinking nights out,” I tell him hesitantly. It just seems so unnecessary.
He looks at me with a curious smile on his face. “You’re smart and beautiful, Alexis. That’s a lethal mix.”
My cheeks flush although I notice he didn’t answer my question.
“Would you like to dance?” he asks. Anna and Callen are already on the dance floor, bumping and grinding against each other.
I nod. Luc takes my hand, guiding me to the floor. I’m feeling tipsy already. I’m such a lightweight. We start dancing, and I look up at the mirrored infinity ceiling, watching the slicked bodies below swaying together. Luc smells like aftershave and soap, and as we start moving together, he leans in to kiss me. It feels too good and then it feels bad.
“I need to go to the ladies’ room.” I run off, my chest constricting.
I take a long hard look in the mirror. I’m seriously messed up, still, after so many years. Seven years since I’ve seen him; yet, his betrayal burns in my throat. I have to move on. I have to get him out of my system. But I can’t and I can’t let Luc believe I can be with him either.
I try to calm myself down by taking slow, deep breaths. I leave the ladies’ room and walk back toward the dance floor, and out of the corner of my eye I see Luc waiting for me. I act like I don’t see him and go off to dance on the other side. I notice the curious look on his face, but I pretend not to notice. Some guy comes up to me wanting to dance, and he’s good looking enough that I agree. He’s not handsy, which I appreciate right now because I need my space.
Luc comes up to me from behind and pecks my cheek. “Darling, I was looking all over for you.”
My eyes go wide, for two reasons. First, I don’t do endearments and second, he isn’t letting this go. The guy I’m dancing with is totally confused. I know I’m not getting out of this one. I give the guy an apologetic look and go to dance with Luc.
He draws me close, puts his face to my long, curly hair, and inhales. “You smell so good,” he says, his light green eyes practically undressing me.
Seconds later I don’t feel safe. I pull away from him, looking at the ground. “I can’t do this, Luc. I told you I don’t do relationships. I thought you wanted to come hang out here and have fun. I’m really not what you’re looking for.”
He has a grin on his face, and I don’t
understand why he’s still so amused.
“What do you think I’m looking for?” he asks.
“You’re looking for a girlfriend. I’m not girlfriend material,” I say, itching to run away.
“I think you’re wrong about yourself.” I look at him as if he’s lost his marbles. He’s been with me one night so how could he know anything about me?
“I know what you’re thinking. How do I know anything about you? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know you at all. I see a beautiful girl walk into a frat party. She’s got a sparkle in her eye, but I can tell by her behavior she’s been beaten down by someone.”
Am I so transparent? As if reading my thoughts, he brushes his thumb along my jaw and says, “Don’t run, beautiful girl. I can only tell because I’m the same.”
His revelation shocks me. He doesn’t look beaten down at all. He’s bursting with self-esteem, he’s well dressed, and he has his shit together. His words hit me hard.
“Would you like to get out of here? We can go for coffee,” he suggests, reading my thoughts.
“Uh, sure, I guess.” At least he didn’t ask to go back to my place, so I find it hard to refuse him.
He pulls a phone from his pocket, dials a number, and says he’s ready. Then he entwines his fingers with mine.
“I need to tell Anna I’m leaving.”
He nods, releasing my hand. I walk over to Anna, who’s conducting some form of dirty dancing with Callen. When I tell her where I’m going, she widens her eyes. I nod, kiss her sweaty cheek, and head back out to Luc.
We climb inside Luc’s black Escalade, in which a driver is waiting. “Do you know of any coffee shops open this time of night?” he asks.
“Not really. I guess we can head to the Danforth. There’s a Greek café where we can get some coffee. They’re open until late.”
Luc nods and tells the driver where to go. I find it a little odd that he has a driver, but I guess he must be a serious businessman. We’re both quiet in the car on the way to the restaurant and barely say a word until we’re sitting at a table. The place is busy, and I feel uneasy. I don’t understand what he wants from me. After we both order chamomile tea, Luc sits back, one arm resting on the chair beside him.
Bitter Sweet Love Page 11