I notice her give Luc a one up, waiting for an introduction. “Sorry, Em, this is my boyfriend, Luc.”
“Hi, Luc, nice to meet you. I’m an old friend of Alexis.” Luc shakes her hand and his sexy accent slides smoothly off his tongue.
Emily’s melting, and I don’t blame her. “He’s hot,” she says, and I grin.
She moves in close, whispering in my ear, “You know Dylan’s here. I’m sorry, Alexis, but he’s the one who called me and told me you were in town. He asked me to invite you so you two could talk. I don’t think he realized that you brought someone home. Of course I’m happy he called because I’m so happy to see you. It’s been years!”
Ashley stands close by, listening to every word. She nods to Emily and gives her a little wink. Emily winks back at her, and it seems they’re on the same page about something.
Ashley walks over to Luc and says, “Hey, Luc, let me show you the lake. You can also teach me some French words so I won’t struggle so much when I get back to Montreal.”
Emily’s totally clued in to Ash and she goes along with it. “Luc, it would be great if you could teach me French, too. I’ve always wanted to learn.” She grabs on to Luc’s other arm. Luc doesn’t seem interested, and he gives me a searching look. I gesture for him to go ahead.
They walk off toward the lake and Dylan makes his way toward me. He looks so good, older, mature. His bright blue eyes and ruffled hair look even sexier with the unshaven stubble he has on his face. His body’s filled out since high school, and he’s broader and more muscular. My heart skips a beat just watching him walk toward me.
“Hey, Lex.”
I don’t respond because despite how my heart feels, my mind knows better.
He has both hands in his front pockets, his shoulders are slightly hunched, and he seems unsure about approaching me. “I was kind of hoping we could talk. Can we go sit by the rocks or something so we have some privacy?” he asks, almost pleading with me.
My arms are wrapped around my body, holding myself to keep from getting cold, but I also need to keep it together. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m here with someone, and he wouldn’t like that,” I respond coldly.
“Please, Lex, just a few minutes. You know we need to talk,” he pleads again, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight. I can never say no to those eyes.
I look away from him and stare back into the fire. “I really don’t think we do. It’s been seven years. There are cell phones in this day and age, and you could have picked one up at some point and dialed my number. Nothing’s changed, Dylan.” I turn around and check to see if Luc’s in the area, but he’s nowhere in sight.
“Please, Alexis, we need to talk.” He never calls me Alexis, so he means business. He grabs my arm, towing me toward the rocks, muttering under his breath about what a stubborn girl I am.
We make our way to the rocks and he’s silent, staring at me as if he’s seeing me for the first time. Then he puts his fingers through his hair and says, “Shit, you’re beautiful.”
My heart flutters at his sincerity, but I put up my wall, my shield, and I show no emotion. “Stop that crap, Dylan, or I’m walking.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Fine, I’m sorry. So he’s your boyfriend? Is it serious?”
“Are you for real? You don’t get to ask that.” I stare out onto the lake. The light from the moon sends a sparkle on the lake’s surface, and I try to distract myself with its beauty. But the truth is I can feel Dylan’s eyes boring into me.
“Sorry. I didn’t call you over to upset you. Just when I saw you earlier… I don’t know. I owe you an explanation.”
I look at him, knowing that his nervous rambling is because he’s scared I’ll run. I hate that he reads me so well. He guides me, so I’m seated on a rock, and he sits close to me, but I inch away from him. He lets out an exasperated breath. “Just don’t move for a second, Lex. I want you to listen to me. What I’m saying is the complete truth. I need you to hear what happened on prom night. I was very drunk, but I need you to know that you were the only girl I ever wanted.”
“Dylan, you slept with many girls before we got together, but you didn’t want me. You wouldn’t sleep with me on the night we were supposed to sleep together.” I’m confused and angry. He clearly didn’t want me, he didn’t try to contact me once in the past seven years, and now he’s trying to dredge up the painful past.
Dylan stops me from talking. “Lex, I need you to understand that you weren’t just any girl to me. I always thought of you as my angel.” He stops, searching my eyes. “You’re special. You’ve been through so much with your family, and every time I had to patch you up, it broke a piece of my heart. When I finally got together with you, I was scared of breaking you. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I loved you so much, and I was terrified to lose you.” He picks up my hand, caressing it. I want to pull away and tell him to fuck off. I should, but I can’t. My hand is providing him comfort, like it’s consoling him, helping him to get out the words he’s struggling to find.
“So you found Elena Peters, the biggest slut in school and thought I wouldn’t go running?” I can’t help myself and blurt it out. I know deep down that he never touched her. But it’s easier to say because the truth stings more. I’m not good enough for him. My thoughts cause my chest to ache, and I want to bury the feelings because there is nothing worse than a broken heart.
Dylan’s eyes go wide, but he doesn’t let go of my hand. “I didn’t find her, Lex. I got totally wasted so I went upstairs to sleep and sober up for our night together.”
I hear the sound of Emily’s laughter getting closer, and Ashley speaks loudly. I think to let me know they’re back.
Feeling pressured, I snap, “Dylan you need to hurry. Get to the point!”
“‘Kay, Lex.”
There’s pain in his eyes, and I don’t understand it. He holds my hand, as if he never wants to let go. The truth is, I don’t want him to let me go, but I can’t be with him. I was never good enough for him. Prom night was bittersweet. Elena Peters offered me the perfect out. I hear Ash’s voice get louder.
Dylan takes my face in his hands, as though I’ll be pulled away any second. He looks into my eyes. “Lex, what do you see?”
I don’t know what comes over me, but my body drifts slowly toward him like gravity is pulling us together. Heart over mind. Our lips collide, and it feels right, but it can’t be happening. We can never be together, especially now. If he knew the truth about my meaningless hookups, he would run in the other direction.
I regain my surroundings, and see Luc charge toward us. “What the fuck! Did this asshole just kiss you, Alexis?”
I’m stunned into silence. Dylan stands up, the look of shock on his face mirroring my own. Luc throws a punch and it lands directly in Dylan’s jaw, and he falls to the ground bleeding. I have every instinct to drop to the ground to help him. But Emily and Matt drop instead, picking him up and telling me I should leave.
We left Luc’s car back at Mom’s house, and the drive back is silent and tense. When we arrive at the driveway, Ash runs up to the door and puts the key in the mailbox. Ashley gets into the front seat of the Escalade to give Luc and me some privacy. The ride to my apartment is quiet at first. He turns up the glass and looks my way. “Do you want to tell me what the fuck that was about? You introduce me as your boyfriend and then I see you kissing some other guy? There is something called loyalty, Alexis. I thought you knew about it when you told me that your father cheated on your mother and broke up your family.”
Shit, I didn’t think about it that way. Everything with Dylan felt so natural, and I don’t see clearly when I’m around him. Luc is right. I did commit to him and I’m not anything like my father. He’s wrong.
“I didn’t kiss him; he kissed me, just to clarify,” I snap back, not liking his tone. Now that I think about it, the way he attacked Dylan was straight out brutal, but I know it’s not a good time to bring that up right now.
“Start talking, Alexis. I’ve been nothing but kind and giving to you. We’ve already been together for a couple of months, and I thought loyalty would be an obvious thing.” His smooth accent sounds choppy as he glares at me.
“It’s not what it looks like. Dylan’s an old friend, and he thought maybe there could be something between us, but it will never happen. He’s not for me. You are!” I yell back at him, my frustration growing.
I don’t know where the words come from, but they’re true. I can never be with Dylan, ever again. Luc’s proven himself to be a loyal lover over the last couple of months, and at the end of the day, a person needs loyalty and trust. No one can survive on love alone. It doesn’t work in the real world.
I move in closer to Luc, whispering an apology in his ear. I plant small kisses down his neck and along his jaw. He slowly envelops my lips in a deep kiss.
I break it off, looking back at the privacy glass, asking, “How soundproof is that window?”
“It’s completely soundproof. Why?” he asks uncertainly.
“Because my sister’s sitting in the front seat.” I smile at him, hoping he gets where I’m going with this.
“Don’t worry. She won’t hear a thing.”
I quickly sit on top of him, straddling him. I need to wash myself of Dylan Priestley forever. Luc kisses me feverishly, and I unbuckle his dress pants and lower myself on his very pronounced erection.
He grabs hold of my shoulders. “You’re mine, Alexis. Only mine, and I don’t share.”
I’m not sure if it’s a statement or a threat. Feeling brave, I whisper back, “I don’t share either.”
We quickly have sex in the car, both of us reaching our climax at the same time. I clean myself up and straighten myself out. By the time we get back to the apartment, we look flushed, but we’re in a good place. Ashley, on the other hand, is not pleased. When we get out of the car, she gives me a look and stalks toward the apartment.
Luc wants to walk me to the door, but I assure him that everything is fine and that we’ll talk in the morning. He pulls me into him, holding my chin tightly with his hand, and he says, “Mine.”
I give him a peck and run up to the apartment.
When we get inside, Ashley glares at me, with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Don’t say it, Ash. I know I’m messed up.”
Her left brow is arched up. “You think? What’s going on with you and Dylan?”
I don’t want to answer that because I’m trying my damndest to let him go.
“Nothing!” I snap, stalking into the bathroom but leaving the door open while I use a wipe to take off my mascara.
“That wasn’t nothing, Lexi.” She walks up to the bathroom door and narrows her eyes.
I whip around to look at her. “Okay, fine. You want to hear it? He wants me to forgive him. It’s been seven years, he hasn’t contacted me once, and he thinks I can just let everything fly? Well I can’t. He hurt me.” My chest tightens and I want to get out of here for fresh air.
“But you kissed him,” Ash says.
“Come on, Ash, you know I’ve never been able to resist him, and he kissed me.” It’s not entirely true, but it sounds better.
“That’s just messed up,” she says.
I let out a breath and stomp over to the couch. “Tell me about it. I’ve been trying for seven years to get him out of my system. One conversation and I find myself floating toward him.” I bend my legs into my chest and wrap my arms around them. “I wouldn’t know where to begin putting myself back together.” I rock in my present fetal position, feeling like I may fall apart at any moment.
Ashley gently rubs my back. “Lex, you can put your life back together. Maybe it’s time you face reality and come to terms with the reason you pushed Dylan out of your life to begin with.”
I squint at her. “What do you mean I pushed him out of my life? He cheated on me.” I’m pretty sure that I have never discussed my insecurities with her.
Then Ashley says, “That’s not what I mean, Lex, and you know it. Maybe it’s time you face the real reason.”
Anger erupts. I know what she’s insinuating and I don’t like it so I give her a kiss on her forehead and go off to my room. A few minutes later she gets into bed beside me, and I pretend that I’m sleeping. It’s one thing to know deep down that you’re not good enough for someone. It’s not something I will ever admit out loud. It seems everyone knows he didn’t cheat on me, but he also didn’t keep his promises. He promised that no matter what he would keep me in his life, and at the first sign of trouble he ran off to university and hasn’t looked back since. So he may not be a cheater, but he is a liar.
I needed and depended on him for most of my life. It was a huge adjustment and loss not having him around in some form for the last seven years. So things didn’t work out between us, but he still could have been a friend. But truthfully I can never imagine us only being friends. Tonight was a perfect example. We got close and I found myself kissing him. Mind over heart, Lex. You need to put mind over heart.
Chapter 19
Never Look Back
Seven Years Earlier
June 2006
Dylan and I planned a perfect prom night. We had been dating for six months without actually having sex, and it was tough. Dylan wasn’t a virgin, but I was an eighteen-year-old virgin, with an incredibly hot boyfriend. That’s why I was thrilled to hear that Dylan booked us a suite at the Royal York, one of the finer hotels in downtown Toronto. The plan was to go to prom, party hard with our friends at the after-bash, then take a limo back to the hotel where we would finally have sex. It was nerve-racking and exhilarating all at the same time.
Dylan arrived at the front door with a corsage. When my mom opened the front door, my breath hitched. His blue eyes sparkled and his black tux hugged his body in all the right places. He placed the corsage on my wrist and his eyes roamed every inch of me. He nodded his head back and forth with a grin that told me he liked my long, tan dress that clung to my body.
The prom was classic and we danced the night away together. When the song I’ll Be by Edwin McCain was sung by the band, Dylan took my hand and held it close to his heart. We swayed to the beautiful words and Dylan sang in my ear with a sexy, raspy voice, “Tell me that we belong together…Dress it up with the trappings of love…I’ll be your crying shoulder….” He paused and looked into my eyes. He had been my shoulder ever since I could remember. Then he continued, “I’ll be love suicide…I’ll be better when I’m older…I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.” The words hit me hard and deep, and I knew he meant every word. He was my forever.
After the school party our friends got into the limo together and we hit the after-party where the real fun began, starting with getting extremely drunk along with the rest of our graduating class. It was our last night of partying before everyone went their separate ways to different colleges, so we were all intent on making the most of it. Our friend Stephanie’s parents left on vacation that weekend. What type of parent left their known-to-be-a-party-animal daughter alone prom weekend? Her parents had to pick her up drunk numerous times from parties in the past. They were too busy vacationing in Europe to care about their daughter’s underage drinking habits. Anyhow, it worked for us because Stephanie invited our entire graduating class to her huge house. Large white columns stood in the front, reminiscent of the White House, and it was situated on a couple of acres of land and had everything from a swimming pool to tennis and basketball courts.
The inside of the house had the perfect set-up for a party because it was spacious enough to leave a lot of room for dancing and drinking. The enormous swimming pool was warm, surrounded by lounge chairs, and the second floor had a ton of spacious empty bedrooms. I decided to hang out by the pool with my friends, and I was glad I brought my yellow string bikini along just in case. Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado was blaring through the large speakers, and the neighbors were far enough away not to care.
>
Out by the pool our friends danced, enjoying their freedom and looking forward to the next stage of life. I was waving my hands in the air and shaking my hips with the rest of the girls. Dylan and I made a plan to meet up around one a.m. to get into the limo and head out; that way we would have time to spend with our friends before our final goodbye in a few weeks. We all lounged around, reminiscing about old times and remembering funny party moments.
“Hey, Kayla,” Shirley called out. “You remember that party you had when your parents were out of town last year and we all slept over?”
“Yeah, what of it?” Kayla asked.
“Shirley, I can’t believe you’re bringing that shit up,” Trevor interrupted.
“Come on, you got him back, Trev. No big deal.” Kayla rubbed his back. We all laughed, remembering how Jaden thought it would be a great idea to pull a prank while we were all sleeping. He went around the house dipping everyone’s hands in cold water in the hopes it would cause someone to wet the bed. Luckily, the only one who did was Trevor, his twin brother, who gave him a serious beating afterward. Trevor also got his brother back by pulling down his pants in the middle of the schoolyard, allowing everyone to get a good look at Jaden’s ass. The memory, along with the alcohol, had everyone rolling on the floor laughing.
Kayla, Trevor’s girlfriend, attempted to distract everyone by standing up in her floral bikini, and with all seriousness, dared everyone to go for a swim despite our drunken state. I admit it probably wasn’t the best idea, but I wasn’t thinking of safety at the moment.
I dove into the water, feeling all the blood rush to my head and realizing how drunk I really was. I swam over to the shallow end where everyone was hanging out and we continued chatting away. I suddenly felt like I must have lost track of time. I looked over to my friend, Tish, and asked, “What time is it?”
Tish looked down at her waterproof watch and said, “It’s five after one. Why?”
“Shit! I was supposed to meet Dylan five minutes ago!”
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