“Yeah, I am. They said it could take a couple of days, depending on the virus.” I sit on the bed next to him. “Look, you know that relationships are hard for me. It’s just not my thing. I don’t want to disappoint you at the end of the day,” I begin to say while sweating profusely. This is harder than I thought.
“You could never disappoint me and I disagree with you. You’re a great girlfriend. C’mon, let’s head downstairs, okay? I promised you a day on the beach and that’s what we’re going to have.” He smiles gently, any signs of his earlier tension miles away.
His good mood makes me think twice about breaking up with him. “Okay, the beach sounds perfect.” We’re on vacation together for another week so we might as well enjoy our time here. The rest of it can wait until we get home. I pull on my red string bikini, a pair of jean shorts, and a white tank top, and we go to the beach, not a stressful thought passing my mind. I can pretend for a short time.
We bask in the sun on two lounge chairs, and when a waitress swings by, we order some much needed food. Luc wants to order me a strawberry daiquiri, and I almost say yes. But I’m not ignorant. I know I can’t drink alcohol when pregnant so I ask for a virgin daiquiri. Luc quirks his head sideways.
“I have a stomach virus. I’m not in the mood to drink,” I say and he nods. We eat our lunch quietly. I’m drowning in thoughts and Luc seems just as focused.
He suddenly breaks the silence when he asks, “Hey, how about we rent the surfboards now?”
“Sure. I wanted to try it out yesterday, but I waited for you.”
“Do you feel up to it?” he asks, caressing my hand.
“Yeah, I’m feeling better now that I ate something.”
I’ve watched all kinds of surfing movies, but I know it’s a lot harder than it looks. Luc’s all riled up and ready to get into the water. We make our way to the surfboard rental stand, and my eyes roam his body. He’s gorgeous in his board shorts with his abs rippling with each move he makes. His sun-kissed skin gleams and his dark brown hair is all messy. He seems relaxed. I don’t know what comes over me, but watching him sends a current of need to my core. Part of me hates him right now for treating me so poorly since we arrived. The other part of me wants to beg him to fuck me right here. My body is split between feeling nauseous one moment and a hunger for sex that makes me question my sanity or the real impact of the pregnancy on my body.
I walk over to him and whisper in his ear, “How about we go spend time in that bed in the suite? It hasn’t been used yet.”
He responds immediately with heat in his eyes. Leading me to our suite like a man on a mission. We left the sliding door open so the room smells ocean fresh, and a light breeze moves the window covers from side to side. Luc lowers me onto the bed, devouring my lips. The coconut scent of his sun lotion along with the minty taste of his mouth drives my senses wild. I immediately respond by pushing my hips into his groin and am happy to know that he is just as aroused as I am.
“Someone is very horny, isn’t she?” Luc says with a husky voice. His hand cups my breasts and he twists my nipple. My nipple is extra sensitive and I call out, bucking my hips into him. I need attention down there immediately.
“Does that feel good?” he asks, pulling and twisting on my other nipple.
“Oh!”
“You like that?” he asks as his mouth closes on my other nipple, licking and sucking. His tongue lashes out in a sensuous motion, and I feel myself building. Holy shit! I think I may come like this.
“I love these breasts, and they are so responsive today. I like it, Alexis. I like it very much,” Luc says with a voice oozing sex.
I moan in response and push my hips into him.
“Not yet. Be patient,” he commands.
I just want to rip his board shorts off and get what I need, but he won’t let me. He wants to take this slow, and I can’t admit that I’m a sex craved monster with raging hormones because he doesn’t know. He nips my neck just under my ear, and I’m all sensation. I use my hands to lower his shorts and after a fun little struggle, he lets up and I slip them off.
He lowers his mouth on my nipple, and I scream out from the mixed pain and pleasure. My screams urge him on more and he devours my other breast. Should I be doing this now, after the way he’s treated me? My body needs this release. Maybe Luc is so wound up that the stress got to him and he needs this just as much as I do. He trails his tongue down my stomach, and I revel in the feeling. I’m suddenly reminded of my peanut and wonder if sex is okay. I figure it must be since people probably continue to have sex during nine months of pregnancy or maybe they become celibate. How little I know. Through my thoughts an orgasm hits me and I buck my hips wildly as Luc continues his assault on my breasts. Wow! Did I just come from his attention to my breasts alone?
“Oh, Alexis, you are very needy today. I like this side of you.” He slowly slides inside my very wet and swollen core. “Mmm, so wet and tight. You feel so good.” He brushes his nose along my cheek and jaw, but he stops when he reaches my hair and inhales. “You smell so good.”
Luc is good at the sweet talk during sex. He knows how to get to me, and it’s what made me crave more of him from the start. His endearing words, his smooth voice, his commanding tone.
Luc enters me, and I cry out from the fullness of him. “Yes, Luc, please!”
He thrusts inside me, and my hips meet his, but then he pauses, and I’m left wanting.
“Aren’t you a greedy girl today?” he says with a raspy voice, his accent I was once so drawn to more pronounced.
Luc flips me over onto my stomach, enters me slowly, and then roughly slams into me. I’m wound up so tight I can’t take it. He repeats the same movement of slow and hard.
“Please Luc, go faster. I need it faster,” I beg.
With those words Luc picks up speed, driving into me fast and hard while rubbing my clit with his thumb. I fall into ecstasy, screaming out his name as he pounds himself into me over and over again until he stiffens inside me and calls out my name.
“That was great, mon cherie.” He leans over, kissing my forehead. “I love you,” he says through ragged breaths.
My body becomes rigid. I know what those words mean, but I’ve only said them to one person. I vowed never to say them again. But he doesn’t push it. He’s being sweet and tender. The Luc I first met.
Chapter 32
Where Did I Go Astray?
“Ready to go surfing?” Luc asks.
“Definitely,” I reply and he takes my hand, lacing our fingers together.
We rent surfboards and make our way over to the water. The waves are rough going in. I lie flat on the board, using my hands as paddles, as the board rises and falls with the waves. Luc paddles beside me. I feel relaxed and happy for the first time on this trip. The sun beats down on the Pacific, and we relax watching the surfers around us. Maybe everything will work out in the end.
“Are there sharks in this water?” I suddenly ask while remembering an episode of Shark Week.
“Probably, but don’t worry. I doubt they come this close to shore,” he says calmly.
“Wow! Check out that yacht, Luc. It’s pretty amazing,” I say, pointing out at sea. The boat looks so prestigious.
“Yeah, it’s something. My family used to rent a yacht like that in the summer sometimes. We used to vacation on the French Riviera.”
“Really? That sounds dreamy. I’ve always wanted to visit the French Riviera.” I feel like I’m living a fairy tale right now.
“Well, I will need to take you there then.” Luc grins at me. His eyes are a light shade of green right now from the bright sun, and he looks breathtaking lounging on his surfboard.
Maybe I was overreacting earlier when I wanted to break up with him. He’s a good guy. He’s just going through something.
“Let’s try and catch some waves standing,” he suggests.
“Uh, okay. I don’t have very good balance, but I’m willing to try,” I say, turning to
lie flat on my stomach on the board. I noticed that it’s what the surfers are doing when they try to catch a wave. Then when they catch the right wave, they stand up quickly and go with the flow. I’m sure it’s easier said than done.
“Okay, Alexis, there’s a good wave coming in. Let’s catch it.” Luc paddles quickly from his position on his stomach.
I follow suit, paddling my hands and trying to catch the wave. It’s a high wave this time, a little more ferocious than earlier. I paddle as quickly as I can and notice Luc in front of me standing on his board. I try to stand up, but the wave is too fast and furious. It knocks me off my board and I find myself under water. Don’t panic, I tell myself. This is no big deal. I’ll just kick my way back up.
The water’s choppy, and though I’m a good swimmer, the current is strong, sucking me under. I’m having a hard time getting back up. I open my eyes and see a swirl of bubbles and water, but I can’t see the top. Dread and adrenaline make me flail to get to the top, but I can’t kick hard enough. The current is strong, sucking me down, and I have one thought. My peanut. I need to save my peanut. I’m suddenly overcome with an overwhelming maternal instinct to save my baby. I can’t let anything happen to him or her.
The reality of my baby shocks and warms me at once. But as much as I struggle, I can’t make it out, and I feel water filling my nose and mouth. I’m choking, and the water enters my lungs, cutting off my oxygen. I won’t make it. I want to close my eyes and succumb when someone strong catches me by the shoulders and hauls me back up. I’m out of the water, but I’m coughing so violently I can barely breathe. I can see Luc, but I can’t speak because the water has clogged my air passages. He yanks me to the shore and lays me down on my side on the warm sand.
“Alexis, are you okay?” He turns me on my side and I start to vomit the water I swallowed.
“Shit, Alexis, you scared the hell out of me. What happened?” I hear Luc’s voice, but it sounds all mumbled. My head falls in the sand, and I try to catch my bearings and even out my breaths. Luc is kneeling beside me. I want to speak, but my mouth is jittering. I bring my hands to my abdomen protectively as the tears begin to fall.
“You’re okay,” Luc says, caressing my face and hair.
He sounds so sure, but he doesn’t know the truth. He doesn’t understand that it’s not only me anymore. I have to worry about my peanut. I begin to cry hysterically. My life is spinning out of control. I will be a single parent. I’m not even responsible. What type of person goes surfing on choppy water in my state? What’s wrong with me? What would Dylan think of my irresponsible behavior? This would prove once again that I’m not stable and not good enough to be with him. I’m not good enough to be the mother of his children. When the thoughts pass, I inwardly cringe because I know I am the mother of his child.
“Alexis, Alexis.” Luc is calling my name out loud. He pulls me out of my negative thoughts. I gaze up at him. His eyes are filled with worry.
“I wasn’t expecting the water to be so rough,” I grit out through my coughing.
“Yeah, it’s pretty rough out there,” he says, his face pale and eyes sunken. He’s running his fingers through his hair repeatedly and I notice him shaking a bit.
“Are you okay to stand up? Or should I call a doctor?” he asks, brushing his hand along my face.
“I’m okay. Thank you for coming in after me,” I say while my teeth chatter together.
“Of course! Alexis, you scared the hell out of me.”
My body and hair are covered in sand. Luc lifts me in his arms. He’s strong and his muscles ripple as he carries me across the sand over to a shower on the beach so we can rinse ourselves off. My legs feel like two strings of spaghetti. After he helps me to rinse off he gets me a couple of towels and wraps them around me. I can’t stop shivering even though it’s a hundred degrees out here.
Luc holds my waist, leading me to the bar. “Take a seat. I’ll get you something to drink.”
The thought that I almost drowned scares me to death, but what really frightens me is how scared I was for the baby inside me. I’m so grateful Luc got to us in time. He pulled us through.
There’s a hut with shade and a bar in the center. Luc guides me to a table in the corner, and I’m relieved because I don’t feel like being close to people right now.
“Mon cherie, are you okay now?” Luc asks me, and I burst out crying again. My whole body’s convulsing. I don’t know what’s happening, but I can’t seem to stop.
“You’re okay, Alexis. Everything is okay.” He gets up from his chair to hold me, making me feel safe and wanted. My body slowly calms down.
Luc orders me a tropical juice, and I drink it, refreshed by the sweetness flowing through my throat.
“Do you want to go up to the room and relax?”
“Not really.” I can’t tell him. Not yet.
“Okay.” He pauses. “Is something going on, Alexis? You’ve been very emotional lately, and it’s just so out of character for you. You’re usually so tough.”
I look into Luc’s eyes and realize how much he cares for me, how he just saved me and my baby. He’s
older, mature, has a career, and he’s good to me. I don’t know if my hormones are all messed up, but I make a decision. “Actually, Luc, there’s something I need to tell you. I hope you won’t be upset.” I stare at the table instead of looking at him.
He gets a nervous look on his face and he doesn’t move.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
His mouth drops open. He’s quiet. I don’t think that’s what he was expecting. “Wow, Alexis, I don’t know what to say.” He runs his hands through his hair, his face flushed, and I feel like crawling into a ball at this point. “That’s amazing, mon cherie! Is that why the doctor asked me to leave?”
I nod. He seems excited. Like really excited.
“I had a feeling there was more to it when we left the clinic, but I didn’t want to push you. I know there are certain things you don’t like to be pushed about.”
“They did an ultrasound. I have a picture I can show you in the room. I’m two and a half months already,” I say as my whole body trembles. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“Wow.” Luc starts mumbling to himself in French. I’m assuming it’s good things because he seems genuinely happy. “Alexis, give me one second. I want to call my family and tell them the news.” He pulls out his phone and I hear him say, “Bonjour, Papa.” Then he starts talking quickly and I don’t understand a word. At one point it seems like he’s arguing with his father. I can’t understand why.
“Hey, is everything okay with your dad? Did you tell him?”
“Yeah, I told him. He’s happy for us.”
“Are you sure? It looked like you were arguing.” I wrinkle my nose, unsure that I believe him. My legs feel wobbly and I’m still stuck to my chair, the fear and shock of almost drowning and revealing my pregnancy all in the same moment holding me hostage.
Then he gets down on one knee before me. My heart sinks in my chest.
“What are you doing, Luc? Get up,” I say, wide-eyed.
“Alexis, you are carrying my baby, and I need to make an honest woman out of you. Will you marry me?”
I feel the blood drain from my face. I’m not sure how I was expecting Luc to respond, but I didn’t think he would propose. I knew he was kind of old-fashioned, but this is moving way too quickly. We’ve only been together for about four months. “Luc, I don’t know,” I respond. “Would you stand up?”
The proposal is anything but romantic. I always had a picture of Dylan on one knee, professing his undying love for me. I shake my head and snap out of the fantasy because it’s only a dream.
“Is this the commitment thing again? You’re having my baby. Don’t you think it deserves a proper family?” He straightens himself out and tilts his head to the side.
Something about his statement rings true. My baby deserves a happy family, not a single mom who didn’t finish school.
Marrying Luc would give me opportunities, give my baby a chance in life to have the things I didn’t have. He’s a good man, and in time, I’m sure I’ll fall in love with him. I nod yes to him, and he kisses me in the bar in front of everyone. Then he gives my stomach a kiss and it captivates me. That act alone makes me feel like I’ve made the right decision. The entire bar is clapping for us, and as I remember where we are, my cheeks get hot.
“What do you think about getting married here on the beach? I noticed a wedding here a couple days ago, and it looked really beautiful.”
“You want to get married on the trip?” I ask, astonished. Things are moving so fast. Too fast.
“Yeah, I think it’s perfect. Why? Do you want some big wedding?”
“No, definitely not,” I respond, thrown off by his question. Maybe if it had been Dylan, I would have wanted a large wedding, but given the present circumstances, small and quick are the only words I can think of. “Yes, Luc. I’d love to get married on the beach,” I reply, as if I have just agreed to go for a swim with him. Ashley is going to be seriously mad at me, is the first thought that comes to mind. I don’t want to call and tell her what a major fuck up I am that I got myself pregnant and married. I always told her how important it was to finish school and stay responsible and then I went and behaved completely irresponsibly. I’m a hypocrite.
My second thought is the growing unease I feel in the pit of my stomach. What the hell am I doing? I’ve never made good decisions, but this is overboard. Suddenly Dylan’s voice pops up in my head. “You need to live life with no regrets, Lex.”
Where did I go so astray?
Chapter 33
My Sensitive Spot
Luc immediately takes control of the situation and goes into master planning mode. He’s good at taking control. I feel like I’m moving through life in a bubble. I can’t describe it, and I don’t know how to overcome it. This has been my problem all along. I don’t know how to deal with problems so I go running. This time at least I have run into the arms of a kind man who wants to give my baby a family. Could I ask for more?
Bitter Sweet Love Page 23