by G. K. DeRosa
I wanted to. Only for him. But my eyes rolled back, catching a glimpse of Ash’s pale face, and I couldn’t anymore. My lids drooped, and my entire body went slack as delicious darkness wrapped me in its numbing embrace.
Chapter 11
I was broken. Completely and irrevocably. I buried my head under the pillow and took slow, shallow breaths. Ash was dead. Because of me.
Guilt’s steel claws wrapped around my heart tearing and shredding at my battered organ. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it. A dark shadow. A faceless demon. The razor sharp claw slicing across my friend’s neck. The flash of shock that flared across his emerald eyes before he fell.
Nausea clawed up my throat, and I swallowed down the urge to gag. Cillian, Ryder, Logan, they’d all been wrong. We shouldn’t have been sent out there to fight. We weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready. And now Ash was dead.
“Luna. Luna, please say something. It’s been days.”
The constant presence at my bedside spoke, but I didn’t acknowledge him. I couldn’t. Raf may have healed my physical wounds, but the ones inside were eating me whole. I’d been confined to the infirmary for four days—maybe five. They all blurred together.
I’d had visitors, many more than I’d expected. As much as it did to console me, it only reinforced the fact that one person was missing. The one person who’d never return because he was gone forever.
“Luna, the healer said you’ve been cleared to return to your dorm. You don’t have to stay here anymore.” Ryder’s voice was a shadow of what it once was. I knew he was hurting too, but I couldn’t deal with both our pain. Mine was enough to swallow me whole.
He’d been here every day, almost all day. I wondered who had been teaching his classes. And what about the team? Were they still training? After the epic disaster that was our first mission, I wouldn’t be surprised if the supe slayer squad was dismantled.
The creak of the door opening and heavy approaching footsteps put an end to my inner ramblings.
“How is she doing?” Cillian’s soothing voice momentarily quieted the turmoil inside.
“The same,” Ryder grumbled. “She refuses to speak.”
Cillian moved to the side of my bed, the massive angel’s healing vibes swimming over me. “Luna, it’s time. It’s been five days, and you simply cannot remain like this any longer. It’s not healthy for you. The others need you. They’ve already lost one friend, and I’m afraid they’re not strong enough to lose you too.”
I grunted, burying my head deeper beneath the pillow and refusing to turn around. I was the reason they lost their friend.
Cillian’s hand clamped over my forearm. His healing energy seeped through my skin, filling all the dark holes with warmth and light.
“Don’t!” I hissed. I didn’t want him to fix me. I deserved to be miserable.
“Luna, you have to snap out of this,” Ryder growled as he rounded my bed and planted himself in front of me. I could feel him there even with my eyes shut. “Cillian’s right. The others need you. I—we all need you.”
I didn’t budge. I couldn’t. The guilt and pain squashed me like a two-ton elephant permanently residing on my chest.
“If you don’t get out of that bed right now, I’m throwing you over my shoulder and forcing you out.”
“Ryder…” Cillian warned.
“No. It’s been long enough, uncle. She’s been punishing herself for far too long already.” He paused, and I could almost envision his intense eyes set on the angel. “If you don’t condone my methods then I suggest you leave now.”
I nearly jumped up in shock when I heard the shuffle of Cillian’s feet moving toward the door. He’s leaving me alone with him? As soon as it slammed behind him, Ryder snatched the pillow away from me.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the light from the adjacent window streamed in. “What are you doing?” I hissed.
“I’m doing exactly what I said I would.” He ripped the comforter off next, and I curled into a ball. “I’m getting you out of here now.”
“No!” I shouted, grasping at the sheets as Ryder’s big arms came around me. A second later he hauled me over his shoulder, all my attempts at squirming out of his iron grasp completely useless. “Let me go!” My fists pounded his back as rage spewed forth.
“Good, Luna. This is good. Feel something for gods’ sakes. Get angry, fight, do something! But don’t give up.” He swung me around in a circle until I was dizzy.
“Put me down!”
“Nope. Not yet.” He darted out the door, and the white walls of the infirmary passed by in a blur.
A gust of cold air smacked into me as we raced across campus. My teeth chattered as I continued to scream and punch at Ryder’s back. “Where are you taking me?” My flimsy pajamas were no match for the frosty Fae forest, and that was exactly where we were headed.
As the woods thickened around us, Ryder slowed his manic pace and the dark evergreens came into focus. In the middle of a small clearing, Ryder tossed me into the soft powdery snow.
“Are you crazy?” I hit the ground with a thud, the frost immediately seeping through my pajama bottoms.
Ryder loomed over me, his dark eyes smoldering. “Let’s get it all out now, Luna. You can’t keep it bottled up inside any longer. The anger, the guilt, the pain, it’s just going to gnaw away at you until there’s nothing left. Believe me, I know.”
“I hate you,” I snarled.
“Good. What else?”
I screamed at the top of my lungs and some of the weight in my chest relented. “We never should’ve been out there. We weren’t ready!”
“Keep going.”
“I wasn’t ready! I’m not strong enough, and Ash is dead because of me.” My shoulders caved in, and I wrapped my arms around myself hoping to hold together the shattered pieces. A sob wracked my chest, and the waterfall of tears broke free.
Warm arms pulled me into a firm body as I crumbled. “Shh, Luna, shh. None of this was your fault. It was mine. I never should’ve left you guys alone.” He rocked me back and forth as he pressed my head into his chest. “I’m so sorry for what happened. I’ll never forgive myself.”
I sobbed and sobbed, my whole body shuddering with each miserable wail. I cried for my lost friend, and I cried for myself. We’d failed, and we’d paid the ultimate price.
After what felt like hours, the tears finally stopped streaming. My body still trembled though. Probably from the freezing temperatures my stubborn instructor had dragged me into.
Ryder swept the trailing tears from my cheeks and tightened his hold around me. “You’re freezing.”
“Ya think?” I glared up at him.
A shadow of a smile tugged at his lips as his smoldering eyes regarded me. “You ready to go back?”
I nodded, snagging my lip between my teeth.
He cradled me tight into his chest and lifted us off the snowy ground. As he zipped back toward campus, I was cold and wet, but at least I felt something. Mostly anger. At that Luxora bitch who sent her underlings to wreak havoc on the humans and instead broke us.
Angry and frozen to the bone, I vowed to make the warlord pay for the suffering she had caused.
The mood in the dorm was dark. The seven of us crowded around the fireplace and stared into the flickering flames. An uneaten pizza sat on the table in front of us, especially brought in for my return.
Even Raine and Aeria had been pleasant when I arrived earlier that afternoon. But now that we were all together, Ash’s absence pressed heavily on us all. He’d always been the lighthearted, fun one of the group.
Drake stood and tossed his empty bottle of Fae beer into the trash, the clang of glass drawing me away from my stupor. “We can’t sit around here doing nothing anymore. It’s not helping anyone—least of all Ash. He wouldn’t want us to give up just because he’s not here anymore.”
“What do you expect us to do?” Raine snapped.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one on edge.
“I spoke to Ryder who confirmed with Logan that Luxora was behind the attack. She’d plotted to kill the president to make a statement, and she failed. Because of us. We can’t give up now.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re one man short,” said Triston. His usually bright amber eyes were dull, and dark circles marred the soft skin beneath. He and Ash had been close, and in all my wallowing, I hadn’t noticed how much the werewolf had been hurting.
“Well, we do have Luna now.” Scarlett ticked her head to me, and terror lanced through my heart.
“We need all eight of us for this to work,” said Raf. “That was our big mistake the other day. We never should’ve split up.” The handsome nephilim dropped his gaze and fiddled with his fingers in his lap. “If I had gotten there sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him.”
My throat tightened at his words. I wasn’t the only one feeling the burden of guilt.
Most of what happened was a blur after I’d passed out, but the warm embrace of Raf’s healing power did ring a bell. He and the others had arrived just before everything went dark. They’d managed to push the demons back through the portal and end the fighting with the help of the gargoyles.
Ryder and Scarlett had saved Garrix. Vampires had been sent to take him down, and my new roommate’s necromancy skills had been the president’s saving grace. She’d taken down three of them with a flick of her wrist.
Drake’s eyes settled on me before moving to Raf’s. “What happened was no one’s fault. We weren’t prepared, and that was it. We will be next time.”
But would we? Triston was right. We needed our eighth, and we needed more time to train as a unit.
My skin itched. That familiar feeling of needing to get out of it crawled over me. My knee bounced up and down as tiny shocks of energy skimmed my flesh. I couldn’t sit still any longer. I leapt off the couch, and six pairs of eyes snapped toward me. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I need to get some air or something.”
“I’ll go with you.” Drake stepped toward me, but my hand shot out to stop him.
“I need to be alone right now.”
His expression darkened, but he nodded, pressing his lips together.
Before anyone else could offer, I sprinted out of the dorm and raced down the quiet corridor. Glancing at the clock in the common area, I cursed. I hadn’t realized how late it was. Curfew was nearly upon me, but I didn’t care. I needed to move, or I might explode.
Thirty minutes later and after having circled the dorm, library and the main hall, I ended up in the faculty wing. My feet were on autopilot, my brain too much of a swirling mess to intervene.
I turned a corner and nearly barreled into a dark, slender figure.
“Luna?” Ms. Mikalson’s perky voice startled me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“What are you doing all the way over here at this time of night?” She glanced down at me with those big doe eyes and perfectly plump lips, and jealousy spilled through my veins.
Why did she get to have Ryder? It wasn’t fair.
“Luna, are you okay?”
Fury exploded in my gut, and though a part of me knew I was overreacting, I couldn’t help it. All the pain and anguish from the past few days morphed into blood-boiling anger.
Then it happened. That familiar rip crackled through my insides. I immediately felt light and free. My skin no longer held me down, the constant itch finally disappearing.
I blinked, and I was soaring over my own motionless body. Ms. Mikalson was hunched over me, shaking my shoulders. Her shiny raven hair cascaded over her back, and for a moment I wondered how it would feel to be her. A sexy succubus that Ryder wanted.
I floated closer, my fingers reaching out to touch her. The moment my fingertips grazed her shoulder, I was sucked in. It was like a powerful vacuum yanking me inside her. My consciousness overpowered hers, shoving her aside until I filled every nook and cranny of her being.
Mind. Blown. Holy she-demons! I was actually inside Ms. Mikalson. A flicker of darkness shadowed a corner of her mind, something ominous lurking in the depths. My subconscious reached out for it, stretching tendrils of energy but it hit a wall. A barrier I couldn’t focus on. Not as I processed the reality of what was happening. I was skinwalking like my father. I had possessed a body—just like a demon.
I stared at my unmoving form through her eyes. If anyone found me like this it would lead to a bunch of questions I wasn’t ready to answer. I couldn’t risk that. Luckily, Ms. Mikalson’s smokin’ hot body was pretty damn strong. I easily picked my body off the ground and moved it to a janitorial closet at the end of the hallway.
Bye for now.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do next, but being someone else for a while, even a short one, was exactly what I needed.
As I walked through the silent corridors, a rush of adrenaline coursed through my insides. For once, I felt powerful, like I could do anything. I suddenly realized why Garrix enjoyed this so much. The anonymity was completely freeing.
I passed through the faculty common area, a space that resembled all the other ones I’d seen so far. There was a kitchenette and a separate living area with comfy looking couches, a fireplace and two widescreen TVs.
“Good evening, Vena.” A voice emanating from the shadows made me jump.
My delicate hand slapped me across the chest, hard. Damn, Ms. Mikalson was way stronger than I’d expected.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.” A security guard emerged from a dark corner of the room.
My eyes quickly flicked to his gold name badge. “Oh, hi there, Rockledge. I didn’t see you over there.” The sultry edge to my voice sounded foreign to my ears.
The big burly guy’s hazel eyes locked onto my new plentiful cleavage. I hadn’t even realized how low cut the dress was until now. He ran his hand over the back of his neck, lowering his gaze. “You’re up awful late.”
“I couldn’t sleep. Just came up for some tea.” I quickly moved into the kitchen area and began opening random cabinets. Luckily, I found the mugs and box of tea bags on my third try.
“Okay, then I’ll let you get back to that.” With a wave and a coy smile, he lumbered down the hall, melting into the shadows.
I released a breath and lowered the cup of tea I’d been pretending to prepare. Another surge of giddiness filled my chest. The thrill of almost getting caught gave me an inexplicable high.
I moved toward the TV screen and stared at my reflection, still not quite able to believe my—her eyes. Would anyone be able to tell I wasn’t really Ms. Mikalson?
A really bad idea began to take root in my mind. Just do it, a dark voice whispered. I shook my head pushing the naughty thought to the far recesses of my mind. If I didn’t know the devil was an actual person, I would’ve thought he’d been uttering the mischievous thoughts in my ear.
My feet moved unbidden, my legs propelling me forward on Ms. Mikalson’s sexy strappy heels. Not only was I strong, I was fast. I moved in a blur, the sensation making my stomach lurch.
A moment later, I halted in front of a familiar door. My heart rammed against my ribs as I lifted my knuckles to the dark timber. My brain screamed at me to stop, but my raging hormones told it to shut up.
I could already smell Ryder’s heady scent seeping through the door thanks to Ms. Mikalson’s enhanced demon senses.
Holding my breath, I knocked once.
My foot tapped against the hardwood as the seconds ticked by. One more try. I knocked twice, a little harder this time.
The door swung open before I could fully withdraw my arm.
Ryder filled the doorway, dark locks of unruly hair tumbling over his forehead. His swirling tattoos were on full display, every inch of his muscled torso exposed. Loose sweatpants hung at his hips, accentuating the deep V disappearing into the waistband. His brows furrowed, and he rubbed his eyes. “Vena, is something wrong?”
“No, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Again the sound of my voice surprised me
, and I hesitated.
“Then what are you doing here?” His dark gaze flickered over me, and for a second, I thought he recognized me.
When he didn’t say anything else, I steeled my nerves and pushed forward. “Can’t I come by to see you?” I tried to channel my inner succubus as I replayed the images of the times I’d seen her and Ryder together. She was definitely not the shy, beat-around-the-bush type.
I ran my finger over his bare chest, and my insides quivered. Again the crease between his dark brows deepened as he regarded me, his lips curved into a pout. “Vena, what are you doing?” His hand wrapped around my trailing finger, and he yanked it off.
“Oh, come on Ryder, I just want to have some fun.”
When he released my hand, I moved it to his waistband, my fingers dancing along his silky skin. A deep growl reverberated in his throat, and a streak of yellow flashed across his eyes. “Vena, it’s been a while since—”
I cut him off with my lips, crushing my mouth to his. He froze for a moment, his lips stilling against mine. I pressed harder, forcing my tongue between his clenched teeth. He finally yielded, and his tongue slid over mine.
Something felt different. Though his hand eventually came around to the back of my neck, it was as if he were simply going through the motions. It was nothing like our fiery kiss in the library last week.
I pushed the thoughts away, convincing myself I was only making excuses for him. Pressing my perky breasts against his chest, I pushed him backward until the back of his legs hit the bed.
He paused, tugging his lips free from mine. “Vena, I don’t—”
I pressed my finger to his mouth, and then replaced it with my teeth, nipping at his lower lip. My hands moved to his lower back, and my fingers slipped beneath his sweatpants. My insides clenched at the feel of his bare skin against my fingertips.
Another growl echoed in his chest as I squeezed his muscled butt and pushed him onto the bed. Straddling him shamelessly, I rocked against his hips as heat swirled in my core.