Gasoline

by Bella Jeanisse

  He looked down at her head on his chest. Without her boots, she was much shorter. After taking a deep breath, he decided it was time. He gently pushed her away and entered the hallway. Like a man walking the final steps to his execution, he slowly strode towards the kitchen. Then he stopped and opened Annabeth’s door. Standing just outside, he peered in and felt like a knife pierced his heart. His gaze shifted to Noelle.

  She watched his body language, unsure what to do. When he reached a hand out to her, she understood. Her heart pounding in her chest, she made her way to him. His expression terrified her. He was ready, and it was something huge. The pink bedroom was not what she expected. Not at all.

  “Whose room is this?” she softly asked.

  He stared blankly, silent, not able to say it.

  She touched his face. “Your daughter?” She had no idea he had a child. The tear rolling down his cheek was her answer. Yes, his daughter’s room. Had her mother taken her from him? “Where is she?”

  He looked away, so she stepped into the room. Everything looked perfect, but then she noticed there was dust on the crib rails. No way would Dominic let his child live that way. There were pictures on the walls. A woman and baby, Dominic with the pair. The baby alone. She never aged above about eight months old. A sound made her turn.

  Dominic was in the room and had opened the doors of an armoire. He stepped back and let her see it was full of photos. Waving her over, he closed his eyes for a few seconds. This was something he had only shared with Tommy. His chest constricted as she thumbed through photo albums and stared at pictures in frames. Tears were flowing freely now. The pain and sorrow hit him full force.

  Noelle could see he and the woman had been happy once. It was as if things ended abruptly. The photos never go past a certain point. She stared at a photo that seemed to be the newest. Dominic looked to be in his 20s.

  She heard a sniffle and her attention was drawn to him. He was crying. She imagined him the night he texted her. His daughter must have died. Things were starting to come together. What she didn’t understand is why he felt the need to preserve everything. It had to be more than 10 years in the past. Then she thought about it. If she was right, why was none of it online? She had never heard that he had a kid.

  When Noelle suddenly hugged him, he completely lost it. He struggled to stay on his feet as his entire body shuddered with grief. She supported him and started to lead him out of the room. He followed, knowing he would fall without her. She didn’t let go until they stood next to his bed.

  “Lay down,” she softly commanded. “I’ll hold you.”

  Knowing she could soothe him, he complied. She tugged his boots off, and then removed her shoes before climbing onto the bed. He breathed deeply, trying to stop the pain. His hands over his face did no good. Even when she took him into her arms and held his head to her breast, it continued.

  “Let it out. I’m right here.” She gently ran her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes. The loss of a child had to be awful. “Don’t hold back. I won’t leave, no matter what.”

  Those words made him fall apart. It wasn’t that they hurt; quite the opposite. It meant she would be there to pick up the pieces, like Tommy had so many times. His wrenching sobs grew in intensity as he relived the entire ordeal, in an effort to let it go. It didn’t help.

  Tommy always told him he needed to talk about it. Could that work? He clung to Noelle and breathed through the sorrow. Slowly, he calmed.

  Crying with him, Noelle shook with a painful sob. She could feel the heartache. He loved that child and most likely her mother as well. Did she leave him?

  “It was a car accident. Fifteen years ago,” Dominic whispered.

  Noelle jumped at the sound of his voice. She thought it would be quite some time before he regained his composure. He sniffled, and she waited. He needed her to listen, and she knew it.

  “I don’t remember much,” he admitted, still quietly. He clutched her harder and took a deep breath. It was nearly impossible for him to talk about. “I woke up with my legs pinned.” He moved up her body and buried his face in her neck. “I couldn’t help them...” His voice trailed off and a new round of tears started.

  Immediately, she said, “Shh, it’s OK. I’m right here.” Her hands moved slowly, up and down his back and through his hair. “It’s over now.”

  Dominic knew it was, but the guilt haunted him. “It was my fault.” His voice cracked on that last word.

  She stiffened. Was he driving drunk? Did he run a red light? Speeding? A million ways he could have caused the accident came to mind. None of which were something her Dominic would do, though. She took a cleansing breath, let the thoughts go and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He had earned it.

  “Why would you say that?” she asked as sincerely as she could.

  His body shuddered. Then he explained, “Annabeth was crying, and I looked up, so I could see her in the mirror. I strayed out of my lane into oncoming traffic. The other driver veered into us instead of away. I turned the wheel away from him, but into the path of another car.” He started to shake as it replayed in his mind. “They both hit us. One car hit Claire’s door, the other Annabeth’s.”

  She cried silently, not wanting to upset him even more. His fingers dug into her back as he sobbed again. She couldn’t even mutter soothing words. Clinging to each other, they wept together, mourning the loss of his family.

  “I shouldn’t have lived,” Dominic suddenly said.

  That got Noelle’s attention. “How could you say that?” Her words were strained, showing her emotional state.

  “Because…” Dominic struggled to go on, terrified to admit what had eaten at him for 15 years. “I killed them.”

  She finally understood. He’d carried around that burden for years. It forced him to hold back from being truly happy. He most likely felt he didn’t deserve to be happy. She had to fix that. Let him know it wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t blame himself. He tried to avoid it.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It just happened. It could’ve happened to anyone.” He lifted his head, but she put a finger to his lips. “Let me finish. Please.” She met his pained gaze. “The other driver could’ve swerved the other way. He made it all worse. You were worried about your baby. It was a string of mistakes…” She kissed his lips. “Not… your… fault.” She pointedly dragged out the words.

  He stared at her, processing her words. Tommy had been trying to tell him the same thing for years. The witnesses had told the police the same. Everyone reacted badly. No one was to blame. It was just a clusterfuck of bad choices, and it ended two lives.

  “You OK?” Noelle had to ask. He had frozen for more than 10 minutes. She stroked his cheek with a finger. “Should I leave?” She felt like she had stepped over a line.

  Dominic shook his head slowly. “Please stay.” He wrapped his arms around her tighter. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” She was even more confused.

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. She had done it again, soothed him when it seemed impossible. “Listening.”

  “Always.” She closed her eyes and drew his face to hers, brushing her lips over his. “I’ll always be here for you.” She looked at his chest for a few seconds, then met his eyes. “Can I ask something?”

  He gave her a slight smile. “Anything.”

  “Was she your wife? Claire, I mean?”

  “Yes.” Dominic’s eyes closed, but the pain had lessened. He smiled, glad it had. “Married her in college. Annabeth came along just after I started med school. I quit school after they died. Then Jon encouraged me to go back.”

  Noelle knew a bit about Dominic’s history; college, held a job as a paramedic, had briefly gone to med school. Nowhere in his profile online did it mention a wife and child. Although, most of the sites that would have such information posted were not even in existence 15 years earlier.

  “How come no one knows about it?” She closed her eyes, knowing she shouldn’t
have asked.

  He was expecting the question, though. “Jon and Tommy worked their asses off to keep it all under wraps. It was easier back then. Now with all the social sites, and the band’s fame, it would be impossible. No one knew who we were back then. Well, except for the underground. The tabloids don’t care about unknowns.”

  She cupped his cheek in a hand. “I’m glad Jon and Tommy were there for you.” She sniffled, her tears finally drying up. “Is this why you never stay with anyone, or were… unfaithful?”

  He thought about it for a bit. “I guess.” He paused to mull it over some more. “The guilt consumed me for a long time. If you listen to some of our earlier music, you’ll see what I mean.” Then a realization came over him. “Any time a woman got too close, I pushed them away. I couldn’t let it happen again. Anyway, no one could take her place, no matter how hard they tried.”

  “No one should.” She searched his eyes, wanting to say the right thing. “They’ll always be inside you. I don’t wanna take Claire’s place. I want to be with you, any way you can handle. Even if it’s painful for me.”

  Chapter Twenty Four

  He sighed and framed her face with his hands. “I love you.” His eyes opened wide. That was not what he planned to say, but it was true. He loved her with every fiber of his being. Even more so, since she got him through the hardest night in 15 years. With more resolve, he repeated himself, “I love you.” His lips brushed hers. “I love you, Noelle.”

  Unable to speak, Noelle kissed him back. The words made her heart soar, but she feared it was only temporary. That once he got back to reality he would take them back, break her heart. When he rolled them over until he was on top, she let it go and went with the moment.

  Feeling an incredible need to touch her body, Dominic undressed Noelle slowly as he rained her with sweet kisses. He felt so different. So much relief. So free. It was all because of her. She freed him. She opened his heart again. He loved her for that and so much more.

  How he was treating her was new. She loved the tender kisses all over her skin, but was terrified to read too much into it. Maybe he needed a loving experience. It could remind him of his wife. She didn’t want him to think of someone else as he ravished her body, but how could she stop him?

  He had just stripped off her torn panties. She was completely exposed. His plan was to make her feel that he loved her. Make love to her the right way. The way she deserved. He started at her toes with soft caresses of his lips. Eventually, his lips ended up on hers again. He could feel her resistance and took it as nerves. Was she afraid to say it back? Or did I mistake her friendly caring for love? Determined to make her his, he continued anyway.

  She gasped as his mouth paused at the back of her knee again. He had kissed her head to toe already, but went over her trigger zones again. His tongue darted out and swiped at her skin. She shivered, desire building to the point of frustration. When she whimpered, he moved on to her hips. Each side got the same treatment, soft kisses, light touches, then a lashing with his tongue.

  By the time he had gone back up to her breasts, he had her panting and moaning. Dominic couldn’t resist anymore. He slid one hand down her body and dragged a finger through her slick folds. Damn, you’re wet. His dick grew harder, and then twitched, threatening to tear a hole in his jeans so it could sink into her. Instead of giving himself any type of relief, he rubbed her clit, wanting to see her get off instead.

  Noelle’s back arched off the bed. He sucked on a nipple while his fingers sent sparks inside her from her clit. Then his thumb pressed into her opening. He sucked harder, thumb popping in and out, pressure increasing on her clit. It took seconds to overwhelm her.

  “Oh God, oh God… Dom-in-ic!” Her hips ground into his hand.

  He tugged on her nipple with his teeth while she thrashed. She cried out louder, the orgasm continuing. Then he smirked and sank two fingers into her. He hooked his fingers and fleetingly caressed her sweet spot. A gasp let him know she wanted more. He didn’t disappoint. He massaged the pulsating spot. She pulled his hair, and screamed, exploding around his fingers. The slight bit of fluid surprised him, but then he smiled, knowing she had never cum so hard for him.

  “Get your… Get…” Noelle was breathing so hard, it wasn’t easy to talk. She took a few deep breaths. “Clothes… off… now…”

  With a wide grin, Dominic met her desperate eyes. “Want my dick?”

  “God… Please… Inside… me.”

  She could barely think, but she needed his body against hers. Needed, that was not usually her thing. However, something had changed. Her heart pounded and ached at the same time. The words he confessed not long before echoed in her head. He loves me . She wanted to feel his love. Wanted to show him, she may feel the same. He may be the one to break down the wall of fear.

  “Please…” She felt like she would die without him. “Dominic…”

  He had gotten her to beg before, but this was new. Her entire body begged for his touch. He didn’t mean to hesitate, but felt so unsure. It had been forever since he truly made love to a woman. He needed that with her. Not fucking. Feeling, emotion, passion… everything.

  Noelle sighed with relief when Dominic pulled his shirt off. She reached for him, wanting to feel his skin. He met her eyes as she ran her fingers down the front of his body. Are you nervous? Why? They had sex many times. It didn’t make sense. She let her thumbs bump over his nipples, and he groaned. She toyed with them a bit before moving her hands up to his shoulders. He let her explore, not moving.

  Dominic watched her eyes. He saw the love as she caressed his skin. Her fingers spread as her hands slid over his back. He shivered. It had been way too long since a woman had treated him that way. Well, truthfully he didn’t let women be tender with him. He normally stopped them or pulled away. Coming from her, it was welcome. He tried not to move as she fingered his ribs slowly, but a half-stifled laugh escaped.

  “Sorry, forgot you were ticklish.” She frowned, afraid she ruined the moment.

  He smiled and laid down on her. “It’s OK.” His mouth brushing her ear, he whispered, “I never let anyone do that but you. I love you.” He had to keep saying it to make it real. It was complicated. He felt it, but feared it still.

  Her mouth opened, but she didn’t know what to say to him.

  He rescued her with, “Shh, don’t say anything. I understand.”

  Tears burned her eyes. He did understand. She knew he did. When she had told him what Stephen had put her through, the lies, the cheating, the broken promises, he listened. It obviously infuriated him, but he didn’t react outwardly, just let her cry. He helped her more than she had ever admitted. Their relationship may have been unconventional and confusing, but his support, gentleness and affection opened her heart to possibilities.

  Dominic opened his pants with one hand, not wanting to let Noelle go. He wanted to feel her skin against his, but not at the expense of her high-strung state. She was definitely working through her apprehension his admission caused. He knew it would upset her a bit, but he hoped she got over it quickly.

  “I have to let go of you to take my clothes off.” He gave up the one-handed shimmy of his pants. “I’m sorry.”

  She nodded, a few tears running down her cheeks. “Please, hurry… I need to feel you.” She bit her lip. He spurned something inside she feared. Those three words made her heart sing and her body ache for him. “Dominic…” She wanted to say something in return.

  He leaned down and kissed her lips. “I know. It’s OK.” She couldn’t say it, even if she felt the same. Stephen used to tell her he loved her after coming home from fucking some chick. The words meant nothing to her. At least he thought they still didn’t. “I’ll come right back.”

  Setting his feet on the floor, he quickly shed his clothes, and then glanced at Noelle on his bed. Her hair splayed out on his pillow. She was breathtaking. He didn’t just see the beauty of her naked body. He could see deep inside. She had it all written on
her face, need, nervousness and love.

  When Dominic crawled over her body again, Noelle’s breath hitched. He let his skin caress hers slightly, while he made his way up to meet her lips. She shuddered and opened her mouth. Their eyes met and she saw his love. His love for her. The pain was gone. He wasn’t holding back anymore.

  He felt her tremble again. With a few soft kisses on her chin, jaw, nose, then neck, her body started to relax. “Go with it, sweetheart. Please.”

  “I will,” she promised.

  His dick jerked against her thigh. He wasn’t ready to penetrate her yet. It had to be perfect, or as close as he could get. Slowly, his lips brushed her neck, sweeping in an arc from one ear to the other. She was gasping. He could feel her heat growing against his belly. She wrapped her legs around him. It was the one time he wished she were as tall as him. Then maybe their hips would meet as he worshiped her body.

  Noelle couldn’t help but grind her wet pussy against his skin. She needed the friction to offset the tenderness. She didn’t understand why he was taking so long, although it felt amazing. His mouth made her need grow, but also let her feel with her soul. She felt so… loved. It was too much, though.

  “Please…” she begged, wanting him to end the torment. “I’m ready… Beyond ready.”

  He met her emotion-filled eyes. “Don’t hold back. Promise?”

  She nodded and felt tears welling up again. She grabbed his shoulders, bracing for the slight pain that always came with his penetration. He pressed into her and her eyes widened. No pain? He moaned as he thrust in a few inches. Her eyelashes fluttered. It was all pleasure.

  “You OK?” He hated that he caused her pain every time. There was no way to change his size. When she nodded, he buried his face in her hair. “You sure?”

  “Yes.” It was a breathy reply. Never had it been that way. He withdrew and slowly drove in again. “Dominic…” She felt her canal widening for him, but somehow it was different.