by Kimbra Swain
I paused. “Thomas, their ways are different from ours. I’m not sure it would be entirely proper for you to go into her bed chamber without being introduced.”
“Yes, of course, you are correct. I’ll wait here with the mouse,” he said.
Raif fidgeted, “I am not a mouse. I am a Norvegicus.”
“Oh, forgive me. I’ll wait here with the rat,” he grinned at me, and Raif snorted.
“I’ve missed you, brother,” I laughed and ran upstairs.
I entered her room and immediately saw the signs that she would soon awaken. I positioned myself on the edge of the bed and waited. When she lurched up and gasped for air, I put my arms behind her and held her up. She immediately opened her eyes and released the air. She leaned forward into me, and I felt her breath on my neck. Her body relaxed, and her heart rate slowed.
“Much better,” I said.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a student,” she said jokingly.
“Good to see you are back to yourself,” I replied. She still leaned forward with her head resting on my shoulder. “My brother just arrived.”
“Oh,” she said and leaned back. She pushed my arms away and laid back into the pillow. “You should be with him. Not here with me.”
“I came up to check on you. I realized that you were showing signs of waking up. I decided to wait. He is downstairs with Raif discussing the differences between rats and mice,” I grinned.
“What?” she said.
“Just a joke. I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t help but to be happy. I haven’t seen Thomas in almost a year. “I should stay with you until you go back to sleep.”
“Nonsense. Go see your brother. I know you rarely get to see him. Please, Lincoln,” she insisted.
“He said he would like to meet you, but I told him it wouldn’t be proper. Perhaps he can stay for a bit and when you are able to get up and move around, you can meet him,” I offered.
“I would like that very much,” she replied. “He is welcome to stay as long as he wishes.”
I almost forgot this was her home, and we were guests. “Thank you, Abigail. Are you sure you will be okay?”
“Yes, just send me the rat. He will keep me company,” she smiled.
Complying with her request, I stood and rushed back down the stairs to my brother. “She’s awake. Raif will you go sit with her while I visit with my brother?”
“Yes, sir,” he said and scooted up the stairs. His mannerisms and walk resembled a rodent so much that it was unsettling.
“Shouldn’t you be with her?” Thomas asked.
“No, she will be fine for a little while. She’s actually worse when she sleeps. The nightmares completely take over her body. I don’t know what I can do to help her. How much do you know?” I asked Thomas. He seemed to know more than he should about most private matters in the world.
“I know she was murdered. I know she is alive now, and I can’t imagine the damage done to her soul through the ordeal,” he said. Inherently, my brother was a healer, and his assessment instinctively followed that path.
“Theodoard trapped her soul in her body. She never moved on. Now that she lives again, she relives the death in her nightmares. I am not a healer, and I don’t know how to help her cope with her death,” I said.
“No, but I am. However, this is a private and delicate matter. It would be better if you did a healing ritual. I know you can,” he said.
“What do you suggest?” I asked.
“For the nightmares, I’d use a medicine wheel and a healing ritual while she slept to enter her subconscious. Only there will you be able to determine the root cause of her despair,” he said.
“I think that’s a brilliant idea,” Samara said from the hallway.
“Jasper!” Thomas jumped up and hugged the old man.
“Hello, Thomas, it has been a long time,” he said and joined us in the sitting room.
“Can I get you a drink, Samara?” I asked.
“Look at him. Like it’s his house already,” Samara joked.
Thomas shot me a look. “Don’t listen to him. He is constantly trying to pair me with a woman. Currently, it’s his resurrected apprentice that is half out of her mind.”
“Is it only half? I imagined it to be much more than that,” her cool steady voice said from behind us. We all stood in unison. She stood in the doorway bracing herself. She wore a long black dress with lace and golden accents around the top and along the bottom hem. Her hair swept up around the top of her head as if there were a ball tonight. She looked pale, but her green eyes brightened when she saw Samara and Thomas. It pleased her that she had surprised us.
“Abigail, what are you doing up?” I scolded.
She rolled her eyes at me as Raif stood behind her grinning. She must have coerced him into helping her. I approached her to convince her to skip this unnecessary display of strength. Her eyes met mine for a moment, but I caught the full meaning. She barely stood on her own. I put my arm around her waist, and she stood straight with my support. I led her over to one of the couches and held her hand as she sat down.
“Thank you, Lincoln,” she said quietly.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said softly to her. “Please, this isn’t good for you.”
“I have guests,” she said defiantly. I sat down opposite of her. Thomas and Samara returned to their seats. “Lincoln, would you please introduce me?”
“Abigail Davenport, this is my brother, Thomas,” I said, accommodating her desire for formality.
“Thomas, welcome to my home. You are invited to stay as long as you wish. Raif will ensure that you receive anything that you need or desire,” she offered proper hospitality. I put my forehead in my hand because I loathed decorum. She should be in bed resting, not entertaining guests. All the reasons that she and I didn’t see eye to eye flooded through my memory.
“Thank you, Abigail. It is wonderful to finally meet you. Honestly, if you are not well enough to sit with us, I will not be offended if you need to return to your room,” he said kindly.
“Please, it does me good to move around. Teacher, it is good to see you as well. You know, hospitality and all of that,” she said waving her hand around.
Samara laughed at her. I groaned. “Thank you, Naag. I understand your desire to join us, but I suggest you don’t stay too long.”
“I will return when I feel that I need to rest. I promise,” she said. “So, Thomas, are you here on business or just here to check on Lincoln?”
“I am here to check on my brother, and I would like to stay a few days. I appreciate the offer,” he said smiling at her. I knew that look. He admired her. I shook my head and looked out the window to the lawn.
“Has he always been so ill-tempered?” she asked Thomas.
I grunted and crossed my leg. I turned away from them both. “As a matter of fact, he has always been on the surly side. However, I think it’s only to cover that he possesses a kind heart,” he smiled at her.
“Enough,” I said.
She giggled, and the sound of her youthful laughter caused goose flesh to erupt on my arms. She hadn’t truly laughed since she returned. I needed to check my emotions and remember that perhaps her conversing with someone besides me might be profoundly healing. I knew my weaknesses, which included a lack of talent for frivolous conversation.
“What was this I heard about a medicine wheel?” Samara asked.
I shot him a look, then looked at Abigail. She waited for me to answer to explain what she was experiencing.
“Lincoln, you may tell them what is going on. Samara is family. We shall consider Thomas an extension of that family while he stays here,” she said and winked at him. He smiled widely back at her. He would be in love with her before I knew it.
I gathered my thoughts. “When Abigail sleeps, she is having violent nightmares. She will not wake up when having them. I have not asked, but I suspect she is reliving the past. Thomas suggested a medicine wheel plus a healing ritual.
”
“You suspect correctly,” she said, and her smile faded. The words possessed strength. She admitted she was haunted by it and acknowledged my intuition on the topic. She also did not fear to speak of it in front of present company. Her boldness always bothered me, but now I saw the strength in it. My perspectives continued to change following her death.
“What would the ritual entail?” Samara asked.
Thomas explained, “The medicine wheel represents all aspects of a person’s life. If the person is ill or under duress, then they are out of balance. To achieve the balance, there is a small ritual to perform while placing the wheel over the person's heart. Lincoln should be the one to complete the ritual.”
“Why wouldn’t you do it? It is my understanding that you are a healer,” Abigail asked.
“I just met you, and my knowledge of you is limited. Lincoln has known you longer,” he explained.
“I’m not sure he knows me at all,” she said, and her voice trailed off. “Forgive me. I am half out of my mind, you know.”
Thomas and Samara laughed, but I found no humor in it. I stood and moved to the window because this disturbed me. She should be resting. Contrary to her quip, I knew her better than she thought. For example, I knew she pushed herself to be down here. She wanted to prove to all of us and herself that she still had strength.
“When can we do the ritual?” Samara asked. He always loved learning new cultures and new ways to perform magic.
“I will start working on the wheel immediately if Abigail agrees to attempt it,” he said, looking over to her. I turned and looked at her, and her pleading eyes met mine. She desperately wanted to attempt it to eliminate the nightmares. I nodded at her and agreed to participate.
“Yes, I would like to try it,” she said. None of them missed her silently asking my permission to do it. I knew our customs, and I did know her better than Thomas.
“I am tired from my journey, and I need to sleep. I will start on the wheel in the morning,” Thomas said and stood.
“Yes, of course. Raif would you please show Thomas to the Lunar room,” she replied.
The rooms in the house had celestial names. Abigail thought it was fun to name them all. Her room, of course, was the Solar room. The one I slept in she called Dawn.
“No need to show me to a room. I know where mine is,” Samara said standing. I turned and looked at him. They both were leaving me with her. I shook my head and turned away from him.
Raif led them both out, and I stood staring at the window. I waited a few minutes before I turned to scold her. “You, foolish girl. What are you doing down here?”
“I needed to move around, Lincoln. I am tired, and true, it probably wasn’t the best idea. But if I close my eyes one more time, and see my life bleed out, I will go mad. I’m sorry,” she said. She stunned me once more by agreeing with me. She braced herself on the couch and pushed to her feet. I took a few steps toward her, and she threw her hand up for me to stop. Her feet shuffled across the floor, and she struggled to the other side of the room. I watched her in horror. I did not want her to fall and hurt herself. She leaned against the door frame going into the lobby. “That’s as far as I can go on my own.”
I approached her slowly thinking she might try it anyway. However, she waited for me. “How may I assist you?”
She wrapped her arm around mine and leaned on me heavily. I walked her to the stairs. She struggled to even grasp the rail. My patience ran out, and I positioned my arm on her back. I knelt a little and pulled her up into my arms and carried her up the steps.
When I sat her down on the edge of the bed, she whispered, “Thank you.”
“Abby, please just let me take care of you for now. Would it be so hard for you just to trust me?” I asked.
“You are right, Lincoln. I just feel so lost and helpless,” she said. I worried again that her fight and spirit died with her. Granted, she was tolerable now, but she wasn’t the woman I once knew her to be.
“Would you give me a moment to get out of this dress?” I asked him. He reached his tolerance level for my display of independence tonight. He didn’t even look at me and left the room. I pulled the dress off and threw it on the chair where he usually sat waiting on me to wake up each time. Every word that came out of his mouth reminded me of how miserable he was to be here. I’d left my nightgown on the edge of the bed and slipped it over my head. I pushed to stand up, and my foot slipped. I crashed to the floor with a loud thud. I expected to see him run into the room, but he did not. Still teaching me lessons, I supposed.
Using the bed as a ladder, I pulled myself up off the floor. I intended to hang the dress back up in the closet, but it could wait. I climbed back in the bed and covered up. Closing my eyes, I waited for the darkness to consume me. The nightmares were different from any dream I’d ever had before my death. During the whole dream, a dark cloud surrounded my heart and lungs. I couldn’t breathe as I experienced my death over and over. Tears wet my cheeks, and I sobbed.
He re-entered the room and knelt beside the bed to look me in the eye. “Did you hurt yourself, Abby?”
“No,” I said softly, and waited for his reprimand. Instead, he pushed my hair out of my face, and his finger brushed my face sending chills down my body.
“I promise. Tonight, will be the last night of the terrors then tomorrow we will do whatever it takes to end them,” he said.
“I don’t want to sleep,” I said, but felt it rushing in on me.
“I’ll be right here,” he said. “You will not be alone.” He stood and walked to his chair. He picked up my dress and hung it in the closet. He sat down in the chair and watched me intently.
His display of kindness made me ache even more. A mental wall formed in my head to block out the nightmares. Reaching out for power from the elements of the world around me, I conjured a half-hearted ward for my soul and drifted to sleep.
MY EFFORTS TO ward myself from the nightmares failed. Just like every other sleep since my death, the darkness overwhelmed me. The gruesome memories played in my mind. I screamed until my throat hurt, then the darkness faded. When I woke up, I drew in the deep breath and expected to find Lincoln in his chair, but it sat empty. Raising up to look around the room, I realized no one was there. He said he wouldn’t leave me alone. I reached out with my senses and did not feel him nearby or even in the house.
I felt no anger toward him because I couldn’t rightly blame him for leaving. Gregory probably forced him to stay with me. Speaking of Gregory, where was my Grandfather who cared for me so much? I always felt strong like I didn’t need anyone else, and I didn’t need any of them before now. I developed my magical skills and did as the Agency and my Grandfather requested. Where were they when I needed help? This world contained no shortage of wielders, many of whom worked for us, but none of my “friends” and coworkers came to my aid.
The despair of the abyss returned even though I was awake, and I just didn’t have it in meto resist anymore. Honestly, I would rather be dead, so I carefully got up out of the bed and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. I stumbled over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I always kept magical implements in the top drawer of all my dressers. I pulled out a long silver knife and walked to the door. Just last night the house was filled with voices and laughter, but now it sat silent and empty. They all had left me, even Raif.
The stairs proved to be an obstacle, but falling down the stairs and dying would also accomplish my goal. I knew something lived in the waters just outside Bamburgh Castle. Focused on my goal, I walked out of the house in a dressing gown and no shoes. Wrapped in the blanket, I approached the sea with the knife in my hand.
The walk took most of my energy. I looked back to see if anyone followed, but the darkness reminded me that there was no one left to follow me and seemingly no one who cared.
The cold water rushed over my feet as I stepped into the sea. Ripples of waves and foam escorted me into the water. I held the knife to my throat
and had second thoughts. Part of me wanted to live, but that part wasn’t strong enough. The darkness spoke again to me and reminded me why I couldn’t live like this. Lincoln promised to do the ritual, but then he left which meant Thomas went with him. I never thought Raif would abandon me, but no one apparently wants to spend the night in a house with a screaming woman. Tears rolled down my face, and the salt spray of the sea blended with them. My final hope forced me to turn back toward the house one last time. Fog rolled across the beach, and I couldn’t see the house or Bamburgh.
“Just do it already,” I told myself and lifted the knife to my throat, and the darkness inside of me reeled in pleasure.
The wine cellar proved to be the best spot for the healing ritual. I knew I had to prepare myself. So, I let Raif watch over her while I cleaned myself up and meditated on the task ahead. Thomas prepared all that was needed to complete the ritual. I sat down in the center of the cellar on the cool floor and focused on Abigail as she was before her death. I smirked that I actually wanted the old Abigail back. This new version had vulnerabilities and weaknesses I’d never seen in her, or at least she’d never allowed me to see. My mind cleared only to be broken by the scuttle of feet behind me.
“What is it, Raif? Is she awake?” I didn’t turn to look at him.
“Um. No, not exactly. I’m not sure,” he said.
“What do you mean you aren’t sure?”
“Well, I, um, left her for a moment to get another blanket because the fire went out. I’m afraid to make fires. And she looked cold. And when I came back, she was gone. I cannot find her anywhere,” he said in choppy, annoying sentences. Before he got the last words out I bounded up the cellar steps to the main floor. Then took the lobby steps by twos to her room.
Empty.
“Abigail!” I screamed.
I ran back down the steps and yelled again. Samara came out of the small breakfast room with a steaming cup of liquid. “What is going on?”
“She’s gone. He was supposed to be watching her,” and I pointed at Raif, who gulped.