by Brynne Asher
“No big deal, it happens,” he keeps going, as if I’m worried about stepping on anyone’s toes, which I’m fucking not. “But it’s never happened with the CIA. First time for everything.”
I feel a tug on my calf and look back over my own ass at the doctor who’s wincing as he mutters, “Sorry.”
I roll my eyes and turn back to the tactical army in black standing over me. “My informant has been tracking them for weeks. They’re tied to a big…” I glance back at our company who I can’t say much in front of. “Let’s just say something big. I need to question them.”
“They’re not going anywhere anytime fast.” Cruz has no issue speaking in front of anyone about the details of our targets. “My case is airtight. The asshole taken down by the Mounties is a mule tied to the cartels. Your targets are paying them to be smuggled into our country. I thought we were following a load, but it turned out to be people.”
Another tug on my leg and I whip my head around and bite, “Are you cross stitching me a damn love note down there? It was only a graze.”
The doctor’s eyes flit between my new DEA friends—as taciturn as they may be—and me. “Sorry. About done. We don’t get many gunshot wounds in here. In fact, this is my first.”
“Don’t add me to your collection of war stories to impress your dinner party companions—this is no GSW,” I assure him, thinking of the scar Bella will always carry. That is a fucking gunshot wound. “It’s a graze.”
The nameless DEA agent on the right laughs. “Dude, that’s no gunshot wound.”
“That’s what I said.” I’m fucking tired of this and look back to Cruz. “I’d give you my card, but it’s in my wallet which is in the rig.”
Jesse waltzes in. “Got it.”
“Great … someone else. I feel like an animal on display at the zoo.” I take my phone, keys, and open my wallet to pull out a business card. “Here. Shit has been busy lately but call me when you get back in the office. I can arrange someone to follow up if I can’t get there myself.”
Who am I kidding? There’s no way I’m going to be able to get there myself. I’m not even officially here.
“Also,” I add, pointing to Jesse, “put his name on the report, not mine.”
Cruz narrows his eyes. “I’ll call—we’ll figure it out. Anyone who can trace these jackasses around the world has my respect.”
Well, at least there’s that.
“You’re done.”
The doctor stands, looking proud of his work on his first GSW victim.
I climb to my feet, not giving a shit I’m the only one in the room in my underwear. The nurse hands me the scrubs and I toss my things on the gurney so I can pull them on. “Look, it’s a long story but give me a call so we can compare notes. I’ve got the information you’ll need to tie the cases together.”
“Got it.” He snaps my card between his fingers before stuffing it into one of his many pockets that are surely full of ammo. “Good luck recovering from that gunshot wound.”
I roll my eyes and unlock my phone.
“Later,” Cruz calls, but I don’t pay any attention. I have way too many messages from Bella.
And Crew.
And Asa.
And Jarvis.
“Shoes.” Jesse shoves my boots my way. I ignore him too.
Fuck.
No.
“Carson?” Jesse calls.
“Sir, are you okay?” the doctor asks.
I lean, ass to the gurney, finding it painful to search for my next breath.
I haven’t felt like this since…
Since I got the call about Bella.
“Carson,” Jesse bites.
I look up.
“I’ve got to get home.”
Chapter 35
Catch My Breath
Cole
I was an asshole when I was seventeen.
And sixteen.
And eighteen.
A regular jackass douchecanoe who thought his shit smelled like daisies on a warm spring day. At least that’s what I was told by a few.
Don’t get me wrong, I was the shit. Star baseball player, homecoming king, and I barely had to lift a finger to melt the panties off the entire cheerleading squad. I was a jock who could also use my brain to its fullest potential—check out the records for every debate in the thirty-mile radius of my high school. I could argue the ears off Dumbo and make him cry.
See? Asshole.
The God’s honest truth is I probably still am two days a week, on average. But becoming a dad has a way of humbling a man. I certainly don’t want Abbott to end up with anyone like the seventeen-year-old me, but I do want her to exercise every corner of the brain I gave her.
Since an athlete with brains isn’t the most common of cocktails, the scholarship offers started to roll in, making my head swell even bigger. If I could’ve taken them all, I would have. I wanted to go—get away from life on a tiny, shit farm that was too small to be classified as a farm. I wanted to travel the world, live in the biggest cities, dress like I was someone, and eat food that wasn’t fried in the same skillet, day in and day out.
I wanted the opposite life of my dad.
When my mom asked why I wanted to go all the way to the west coast, I did not bite my tongue or mince words—because that’s what douchecanoes do.
Despite my wanting a different life, I knew my parents were the best. They had to be to see past my assholeness and love me for the jackwagon I am.
I remember my mom looking up to me, since I was a foot taller than she was, laying a gentle hand on my stubbled cheek. “Go live your life, Cole. I hope you find what you’re looking for. But mark my words, someday this will come full circle. Until then, learn, enjoy your experiences, and see the world. You’ll be back and you’ll realize happiness is right here in the simple things. You’re so much like your father, it’s frightening. You see this life as settling, whereas we see it as what dreams are made of. Your dad’s been trying to tell you this for years. I love you, but I hope those dreams smack you in the face someday, because you deserve it.”
She was right.
Red was right.
If my dreams haven’t smacked me in the face lately, then I don’t want to know what I’m going through. I was too late to get more time with my mom. She was dead before I came home to be a dad to Abbott. But I did do everything I could to rectify my relationship with Red.
I can’t say it’s been an easy few years, but I wouldn’t trade them for the biggest and most covert cases around the world.
But I never knew that until this moment.
Jesse whipped up a small Homeland Security surveillance plane and I was back in BFE Virginia, a place I detested so much as a seventeen-year-old asshole.
I ignore the ache in my calf since my adrenaline burned through the local anesthetic in record time. I think the doctor prescribed me something for the pain but I have no idea where the script is, not that I would’ve taken the time to get it filled. Not after learning Red collapsed and was being rushed into surgery by the time I got the damn messages.
I’m barely off the plane and through the small building when I see Asa at the curb waiting on me.
I climb in and don’t bother greeting him. “What’s his status?”
Asa hits the gas the second my door slams. He shakes his head and I brace. “I don’t know. We’re not family. They wouldn’t give us an update after taking him to the OR.”
Five blockages—three of them at one hundred percent. Red likes his food fried and his beer cold. Doesn’t matter how hard I’ve tried to get him to eat some damn chicken without the skin on it, he won’t listen.
“Where are Bella and Abbott?”
He throws me a glance before merging onto the highway, heading west. “At the hospital.”
I drag my hand down my face. “Shit.”
“I know. I left Grady and Jarvis with them. Crew is on his way. None of us wanted her there but Abbott did not want to be separated from Red an
d Bella was determined to do whatever Abbott wanted. We couldn’t talk her into staying at Whitetail.”
“She’s hardheaded.”
“I got there before the paramedics. She was giving him CPR. Abbott saw the whole thing.” I have no clue how fast he’s going but we’re speeding past cars left and right. “Bella was doing everything she could.”
The image burns on my brain, the three people who matter most to me in the world. I would’ve been there had I only given Jesse the lead and let him run with it. I’ve gotten a taste of my old life as an operative in the last few weeks. That hit was like a jolt to my junkie soul. I didn’t think one stop in Vermont would be a big deal.
“How’s your leg?”
“It was only a graze. And how did you know?”
“I know everything.”
“I’m not in the mood, Hollingsworth.”
Asa shrugs. “I traced your phone though Bella’s and found you at the hospital. I called them to find you when you finally answered Bella’s messages. They told me you were the GSW victim.”
“Fuck HIPAA laws, I guess.”
Asa exits the highway. “We’re here.”
“Damn, couldn’t they get him to a real hospital?”
His truck stops at the entrance. “Carson, I was there. There was no time to get him anywhere else. Go. I’ll park.”
Time isn’t something I have to waste. I’m out and through the doors before I hear him pull away from the curb. I get directions for the OR waiting room but the place isn’t exactly Mount Sinai. It takes me less than a minute to find them.
Shit.
Jarvis and Grady are sitting guard on either side of Bella who has my daughter curled in her lap.
Bella’s usually light blues are red, bloodshot, pained. She’s been mine since she was a twenty-three-year-old rookie operative. I thought I’d seen every side of her—happy, livid, and turned on. But during our time together, I’ve never seen her like this.
Anguished … for me.
“Love.” She presses her lips to the top of Abbott’s head and strokes her hair where my daughter is clutching Bella’s shirt. “Your daddy is here.”
Abbott jerks and her eyes dart around the room. And my feet come unstuck.
I’ve got her in my arms by the time I’ve closed half the distance between us. Abbott wraps herself around me like she’ll never let go.
“Baby.”
I feel her tears against my skin. “Is he gonna die like Gramma did?”
Bella has her arms wrapped around her middle and shakes her head.
I rub Abbott’s back and move to Bella. “I don’t know, Abbs.”
When I get my arm around Bella and tuck her to my side, the world seems a little less out of whack.
But only slightly.
I press my lips to Bella’s forehead. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She wraps her arm around me and holds on tight. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
I look down at her. “Thank you.”
She shakes her head and turns her eyes to Abbott. “Are you hungry?”
She shrugs and lays her head on my shoulder.
Jarvis and Grady join our huddle and Grady smiles at Abbott. “Hey, peanut. I’m starving. Why don’t we go find a vending machine? You can get whatever you want and I’ll bring you right back.”
Abbott doesn’t look like she wants to go anywhere but I need an update on Red and I’d rather she not be here. “It’s okay. You go with Grady—I work with him. I’m going to see what I can find out about Grandpa while you’re gone. At least get a snack.”
Abbott twists her fingers. “I don’t know…”
Grady smirks. “I’m a sucker for a vending machine. I hope we find a good one but if you don’t come with me, I won’t know what you want. I’ll have to get you some broccoli or something.”
Abbott’s face screws up and it seems the thought of broccoli from a vending machine pushes her over the top. “Okay.”
Grady takes her hand. “You could not pick a better guy to take you for junk food. We might empty the thing.”
Great.
The minute they turn down the hall, Bella plants her face in my chest and a shiver runs through her body. “I’m sorry, Cole. So sorry.”
I lift Bella’s face and tip my forehead to hers. “Thank you. And thank you for being here for Abbott.”
She drags a hand through her messy hair. “She’s scared, Cole. I don’t know what to say to her. She understands what could—”
“I know she does. There’s nothing we can do until we know more. Let me see if I can track down someone to check on him.”
I kiss her one more time before letting her go, but the moment I do, a man in blue scrubs appears. He and I are wearing matching pants.
He surveys the room as he swipes off his scrubs hat that, for some reason, has fishing lures printed all over it. The oranges and yellows and blues pop off the black background and I can’t take my eyes off them. I’m not sure if it’s my lack of sleep or lack of food or lack of sanity, because the colors mesmerize me.
“Isaac Carson?”
“Red,” I correct as Bella’s hand finds mine but I don’t look away from the damn lures on his hat. “Everyone calls him Red.”
The man stuffs the hat into his scrubs pocket and I’m forced to look at his face, something I didn’t want to do, because I knew if I did, I’d know.
I can read anyone’s expression and his might be the easiest one I’ve ever interpreted.
“You’re family?” he asks.
I pull Bella into me tighter. “I’m his son.”
The man nods and starts telling me shit I already know. “Your father had three complete blockages and two partials. The echo upon arrival showed his heart suffered damage from—”
I hold my free hand out to shut him up. “Stop.”
I need a second.
Just one fucking moment to catch my damn breath.
“Sir,” the doctor starts. So much fucking talking. Is one second too much to ask for? “We’d just finished one bypass when he arrested on the table—”
“Fuck,” I grit and look at the ceiling.
“Cole,” Bella whispers. The tone of her voice might as well seep through my skin and wind its way through my veins. I’m grateful for it. It’s how cemented she is within me. Right now she’s giving me life.
Life.
I level my eyes on the doctor. “He’s dead.”
His expression continues to tell the same story it has since he walked in the room. The details of it don’t matter.
“I’m very sorry. We did all we could.”
Chapter 36
A Second
Cole
I had to claw my way back when I almost lost Bella.
The days when she was touch-and-go, I was so fucking afraid. I was afraid to hope and afraid to plan and afraid to think about a future without her in it, and that’s saying something, because I’m not afraid of any damn thing. Even when she sent me away, I knew she was still on this earth, living and breathing. And as long as that was the case, there was hope.
I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. Abbott needed me. I had to deal with the hospital, a mortuary, phone calls—so many fucking phone calls—and then there’s work.
The Central-fucking-Intelligence Agency can kiss my ass right now. Nick Peterson has left me more messages than a scorned teenager after a public break-up at prom. I’m also currently popular with Security Special Investigations for going MIA.
Fuck them. I don’t have time for the police who police the police. I wouldn’t have been out of the country had my superiors not put a hit on an innocent man.
After I dealt with the hospital, I couldn’t get Bella and Abbott out of there fast enough. Bella can’t be in public right now and the last thing I wanted was for Abbott to be lingering around the building where her grandfather died.
We’re back on the secure grounds of Whitetail and I’ve never been more grateful. Abbott
seemed to relax once we got back to her cat, Vivi, and the cows. She starts first grade soon. I have no roof. Bella is still hiding from every-fucking-one.
And I’m exhausted.
While Abbott was glued to me, Bella went to Crew’s camp and brought what few things we own in the world that aren’t burned to a crisp back to Crew and Addy’s. We’re taking over Red’s room to be close to Abbott. I’m not sure what happened to the day, it seemed to crawl; yet, in a blink, it was over.
Our first day without Red.
Done.
It was a fight, but I got Abbott to bed. Once I did, it didn’t take her long to pass out—she was emotionally tapped, trying to get used to the idea her best friend won’t be home to feed her dessert for breakfast.
The moment her door clicks shut on the second floor of the enormous farmhouse, Bella is waiting. She takes my hand and pulls me into our new bedroom and then to the bathroom that connects to Abbott’s.
The door shuts behind us and I hear the turn of the antique lock. She flips on the shower and through the mirror, I lose her face when she pulls her shirt over her head.
“What are you doing, sweetness?”
She doesn’t take her eyes off mine as she pushes her jeans to the floor and pops her bra. Before I know it, with her back to me, she’s standing the way I love her most.
Naked and present.
I turn her because looking at her secondhand through the mirror is too much separation. She doesn’t say a word as her fingers work the buttons of my shirt before pushing it over my shoulders and down my arms.
She runs her hands up my abs and pecs but I grab her chin and tilt her face to mine. “Bella.”
She pauses, which is a strange act for her. Bella and hesitation don’t play—or live—in the same realm.
Instead of answering, she pulls her chin from my fingers and presses her lips over my heart. I feel the drawstring on my scrubs go slack, and for the second time today, I’m standing in my boxers.
My greedy hands find her hips and travel up her body. That’s when she looks up. “I want to take away your pain—I want to take away your day. Even if it’s only for a short time. I’m giving you what you need, Cole. I’m giving you a second.”