by Tonya Kappes
Charlotte knew without saying, she had to go tell Vernon about the breach of security. There was no doubt Granny had put us in a bad spot. Thankfully, it was her job to make sure she got the locks changed and I could go get ready for my date.
Dom, dom, dom. Chopin’s “Funeral March” chimed on my cell. I smiled when I saw it was Jack Henry. No matter how bad my day had gone, seeing his name made everything all better.
“I can taste Bella Vino’s red wine right now,” I answered the phone with excitement.
“About that.” Jack Henry didn’t sound as upbeat as me. In fact, I could tell what was coming next. “I’m going to have to cancel.”
“Why?” My heart sank. I sat back in the chair further.
“It seems like the media found out we are investigating a murder involving Chicken and they are now camped out at the trailer park. Marla Maria called me for some help.”
“Oh, that’s all right.” I was lying through my teeth. It was far from all right.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He didn’t even pause for me to answer. “She said she was swarmed.”
I had totally forgotten about the media. I got up and pulled the curtains back. A little bit of dust puffed off the drapes. I made a mental note to dust them before the funeral tomorrow. Jack Henry was right. There wasn’t a camera around.
“Well I’ll be,” I said. “I got back here a little bit ago and didn’t even notice they were gone.”
In reality, I bet Marla Maria was loving the attention. What beauty queen didn’t?
“Do you know how the media found out?” Jack Henry asked. I couldn’t tell if he was baiting me or really asking me.
“Granny?” I closed my eyes, my jaw tensed.
“You got it.” There was a pause in his voice. “Did you happen to tell Zula about the investigation?”
“No. No I didn’t.” I didn’t really lie to Jack Henry because I didn’t tell Granny. “Seriously? Do you think people don’t know what is going on when you dig up a four-year-old corpse?”
“I guess you’re right. But I didn’t want to deal with this and the festival all at once.” Jack Henry sounded exhausted. “Listen, maybe we can meet up at the hoedown tonight.”
The hoedown. I had completely forgotten about it. So I did have something to do tonight.
“Sounds good.” I let him off the hook. He was under enough stress as it was and I didn’t need to add to it. “I do have some interesting news to tell you.”
“Is it about the investigation?” Jack Henry didn’t want to be bothered with my everyday trauma of Granny.
“Granny’s lost her keys or they got stolen.” I was about to tell him about the feather in the kitchen and the agreement, but he interrupted me.
“Call the station and have Zula file a report.” In the background, I could hear his siren go off. “I’m here and need to go.”
The line went dead and so did the beat of my heart.
Chapter 9
There wasn’t much more spying I was going to be able to do on Marla Maria since the media was there and she had my Jack over there to protect her, which made me somewhat jealous. Figuring out how to get the agreement was on my mind, but since my stomach was growling so loud it could wake the dead, I decided to venture over to the square. The Cattlemen’s Association burgers didn’t sound so bad after all.
I made sure the doors to Eternal Slumber were locked up tight before I walked across the street. The quartet was in harmony heaven with the sweet sounds echoing all through the hollow, and most of the town was gathered around the gazebo, eating and drinking.
“Zula for mayor!” The group of Auxiliary women marched in a circle raising signs in the air with Granny leading the pack. “Zula for mayor!”
I dodged them and headed straight for the burger stand. The last thing I wanted to do was hold a sign up all night and that was what would happen if Granny saw me. She would expect me to do the right thing and get the word out.
I could hear her now—Emma Lee, we are family. Family sticks by one another—while she stuck a sign in my face.
“There’s no stopping her.” Hettie Bell walked up and nudged me when I was in line. She had on her capri pants and light blue button-down, topped off with her white high-top Converse tennis shoes.
“You aren’t helping matters.” I shook my head and looked down at my boring jeans, black T-shirt and Sperry Top-Siders.
“Me?” Hettie pulled back. “What did I do?”
“All that positive energy you claim she’s getting and all the peaceful-breathing crap don’t help.” I pretended to do some sort of yoga pose, which I was not good at. “I like Granny’s Southern ways without the calming crap added in. She looks crazy running around town doing the downward dog in every line she’s in.”
“She was doing some crazy stretch when she was in line at Artie’s Deli and Meats earlier when I was there picking up supplies for our camping trip,” the person in front of us turned around and said. “Nice town by the way. Looking forward to exploring the caves.”
“See?” I pointed to the stranger. “They don’t even live here and noticed her.”
“She’s fine.” Hettie tried to assure me. She knew just as much as I did, that when Granny did something she went full force. Yoga included. “Maybe I can tone it down a bit.”
“A bit?” I questioned. “A lot, please.” I rolled my eyes.
I didn’t mind Granny getting into shape with yoga, but all the mumbo jumbo namaste junk was going a little overboard.
“Truce?” Hettie put her hand out.
“Truce.” I took it and shook. “But I want you to come to the Watering Hole with me tonight.”
“Eww.” Her button nose curled. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She fidgeted. “That place is nasty. Why on earth would you want to go there?”
“I need to go see what it’s all about.” I took a step forward. I was next in line. “Let’s just say it’s for research.”
“Research?” Hettie’s eyes narrowed. A smile crossed her face. “Does this have anything to do with why they dug up that man?”
“I said research.” There was no way I was going to tell Hettie what was going on. Like I said, I barely knew her since she was new in town, but there were possibilities of a friendship. Well, depending on if she went to the Watering Hole with me, which would be a total “friend” thing. “Are you going to go with me?”
“You buying?” she asked.
“Sure.” I agreed, but didn’t even think about how much that was going to cost me. If I had anything to do with it, I was hoping Sugar was going to be there. At least that was where Chicken had said Sugar liked to hang out, and with a little liquor in him, I was sure it would give him some loose lips. It would be very interesting to hear his version of the marriage of Chicken, Marla Maria and Lady Cluckington.
After I ordered my burger, I told Hettie Bell I would grab a picnic table near the little Higher Grounds Café booth. It was still in eyeshot of Granny, but far enough away so Granny wouldn’t be able to distinguish me from all the other people.
“She sure is serious about becoming mayor.” Cheryl Lynn had a blinking button on her shirt. The on and off lights spelled ZULA in red dots. She put a cup of coffee in front of me. “You are going to need a lot of this to keep up.”
“Yes you are.” Mary Anna Hardy came up from behind us. She had on her best Marilyn Monroe look—the flirty little white dress, high heels, boobs propped up to her chin and bright red lips all completed by her bleached-blond hair teased to heaven. Higher the hair, higher to God, was Mary Anna’s motto. She set her plate of barbecue on the table and quickly raked her hands through her blond hair, making it even bigger. “Zula is not going to let O’Dell Burns take the position.”
“You could probably take him out for her using your shoes,” I teased and t
ook a big ol’ bite out of my burger, which was not to be compared to Bella Vino’s. If I squeezed my eyes really tight, I felt like I was there.
“She sure could use them. She’d get the job done.” Mary Anna winked. “You know my Marilyn always says”—she did the sign of the cross before she paid tribute to her icon—“Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she will conquer the world. No doubt in my mind that Zula could rule the world and more if she put on these shoes.”
“Don’t give her the chance,” I warned Mary Anna. “Say, I need to come in and get a trim.”
“You sure do.” Her eyes moved around my head. She plunged her fingers deep in my brown hair. “You are getting a tad bit mousey.”
I jerked away. Jack Henry’s fingers were the only fingers I wanted in my hair.
“Thanks,” I grumbled underneath my breath and took another bite of my burger. I really didn’t want to get my hair done, but I needed to get in the chair to hear all the ramblings of Chicken and Marla Maria.
“I’ve got an opening tomorrow.” She couldn’t resist sticking her fingers back in my hair. “You need a brow wax too.”
“You ready?” I eyed Hettie Bell when she walked up.
“After I finish my burger.” Her eyes narrowed.
Before she could sit down between Mary Anna and Cheryl Lynne, I jumped up and grabbed her by the elbow.
“Take it with you.” I smiled at the girls. “See y’all tomorrow.”
“What was that about?” Hettie jerked away once we were out of sight and across the street on the sidewalk in front of Eternal Slumber.
“Mary Anna was all in my hair and made me an appointment with her tomorrow.” I walked up the steps with Hettie following. I unlocked the door and pushed it open.
“You could use a little touch-up.” Hettie Bell’s eyes focused on my outgrown highlights.
“Shut up.” I stepped inside the vestibule. I had to get my keys to the hearse. “Come on.” I held the door open for her and flicked on the lights.
“Nope.” She shook her head.
“Nope what?”
“I’m not going in there.” She pointed to the inside of the funeral home. “Dead people are in there.”
“What do you think they are going to do? Talk to you?” I kind of laughed but secretly wished she was a Betweener and knew my pain.
“I’ll stand right here and eat my burger.” She held it up in front of her.
“Fine. I’ll grab my keys and be right back.” I shut the door behind me. I had no idea why people were always so scared of a funeral home. Granted, I had been around it all my life, and before I was a Betweener, I still didn’t understand it.
The dead were the last thing anyone had to be afraid of. Now that I was a Betweener, I saw firsthand that ghosts didn’t haunt you. They wanted to get on with their afterlife just as much as the living wanted to get on with their lives.
“Charlotte?” I called out when I heard the back door close. The back door was the employee entrance, which was next to my little apartment. Granted, it was more of an efficiency, complete with a bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom and small television room. It was plenty enough for me. Just the perfect size for cuddling with Jack Henry.
I walked to the back to see why Charlotte was here. After I told her about Granny losing her keys, Charlotte decided to go home early to beat the crowd that was expected for the opening ceremony in the square, but I knew her all too well. I was sure the news of the lost keys sent Charlotte Rae straight to bed.
“Charlotte?” The back door was standing wide open. I grabbed my cell from my pocket and called Jack Henry. “I think someone has broken into the funeral home.”
“What?” Jack sounded confused. I could hear Marla Maria cackling in the background. “Who?”
“Is that your little funeral girl?” I heard Marla giggle a little too close to the phone.
“Jack Henry, why are you in Marla’s double-wide?” There was a sense of urgency in my voice as a jealous tick crept in my soul. “Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining, Jack Henry Ross. You tell me why you aren’t outside taking care of the press.”
Tears started to sting my eyes. Marla Maria might be older than us, but she sure was pretty. Not to mention a beauty queen. And a cougar.
“Is that little boy trying to hit on my Marla Maria?” Chicken Teater stood next to me in the back hallway winding up his arm again.
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think what?” Jack Henry asked in the phone.
“Nothing!” I pushed the END button. I didn’t care if he came to my rescue. I was mad. Marla Maria was trying to dig her talons into my man. I turned to Chicken. “And you!” I pointed. “Where have you been? Were you here? Did you see who was in here? Did they touch your body?”
“Stop throwing your hissy fit. This isn’t going to find out who killed me.” Chicken tried to calm me but my heart was racing a mile a minute.
“If it weren’t for you, Jack Henry wouldn’t be over there protecting your harlot!” I shouted and darted back down the hall to see if anything had been taken. “I have got to figure out what happened to you so Marla Maria can go rot in jail!”
There was no time to spare. Getting to the Watering Hole and gathering evidence was the next step and Hettie was still waiting out front.
Whoever was here couldn’t get to the basement where Chicken’s body was, because there were only three people who had an elevator key; Charlotte, Vernon, and me. We took that one away from Granny when we caught her doing makeup on a client, Bessie Sue Knoll, when she knew good and well Mary Anna was the cosmetologist of the funeral home. Granny didn’t care.
Poor old Bessie Sue Knoll had laid there looking like she had fallen face forward in a clown’s makeup bag.
“Keys.” I gasped and rushed into Charlotte’s office. Her desk drawers had been pulled out and dumped all over the floor. “Granny’s extra keys,” I groaned.
There was nothing I could do about it until tomorrow, because anyone who could change out the locks would be over at the square tonight. Plus the stores were closed and I wouldn’t be able to get new locks anyway.
My office was still locked. I unlocked it and grabbed the hearse keys.
“Hettie.” I rushed to the porch. “Did you see anyone run away from the back?”
“No,” Hettie said. She was standing on the sidewalk talking to Mable Claire. There were so many people walking around, whoever broke in could blend in easily.
“Marla Maria didn’t kill me.” Chicken stood next to me looking intently.
“Hold on.” I held up a finger and walked back inside. Chicken followed. “What do you mean she didn’t kill you? She’s my number-one suspect.”
“Wasn’t she just all over your little no good sheriff?” He put an image in my head that made my blood boil. “How could she be in two places at once?”
“You’re right.” My eyes popped open. I bit the corner of my lip. Marla Maria couldn’t have been the one to break into Eternal Slumber since Jack Henry was protecting her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t kill Chicken. Marla Maria had her hand in Chicken’s death. I paced back and forth trying to recall all the clues. “Agreement, divorce, money—half a million in real estate is the prize.” I shook my head. “None of this adds up.” I snapped my fingers. “John Deere guy!”
“Who?” Chicken followed close on my heels as I walked up and down the hall.
I stopped. Chicken nearly walked right through me.
“The guy with the John Deere hat.” I went back to my office, unlocked the door and flipped on the light. I went straight over to my little notebook and opened it. “Here. There was a guy hiding behind a tree while they were digging you up. Remember you told me to look away? Marla Maria baby.”
Chicken nodded, doing the one-tw
o punch in the air. “That little twit. I showed him.”
“Is he in cahoots with Marla Maria?” I started to jot down what I was thinking. “The whole media put a damper on her plan and she told that guy to come here and check out what we had figured out using the new forensic equipment.”
“I told you that boy was more slippery than snot on a doorknob.” Chicken smacked his hands together. “I bet he was the one who turned my Marla Maria against me and put all them ideas in her head.”
“Don’t you worry, Chicken.” I looked up at him after I scratched a few more notes on my notepad. “I’m going to bring whoever murdered you to justice.”
“There ain’t nothin’ that can’t be fixed with a glass of sweet tea.” Chicken licked his lips. “I sure wish I had me a big ol’ glass.”
There was a burning fire in my gut. Not only was I going to put Marla Maria in jail for murder, I was also going to get her claws out of my man.
Chapter 10
Hettie Bell talked and talked and talked about the yoga studio all the way to the edge of town where the Watering Hole met the county line. Sleepy Hollow was a dry county, which meant there was no alcohol sold or served at any of the establishments in town. But the next county wasn’t and that was where the Watering Hole was strategically placed.
Jack Henry told me that when he joined the sheriff’s department, they assigned him to what they called Watering Hole duty. He would sit in his cruiser every single Friday and Saturday night to catch many of the locals who would immediately head to the Watering Hole for a little weekend fun only to drink a little too much fun stuff. When they left, Jack Henry was there to pull them over, give them the Breathalyzer, and haul their drunk butts off to jail.
He said that most of the time, he would put the drunks in the cell for them to sober up and release them the next day.
“Do you think that is a good idea?” Hettie cocked her head to the side and stared at me intently. “Emma Lee, I don’t think you were listening to a word I said.”