This is my life. I want to go as far as it will take me.
Thirteen
INTENSE STIMULATION
The woman’s fingers felt his penis first of all, and then he guided her fingers and felt the ring there at the base of it. At the touch of her hand, however, the penis hardened and he cried out, because the ring pressed into it and gave him excruciating pain.
The woman almost fainted with horror.… And at the same time the thought of this penis bound and encircled by her ring roused her sexually, so that her body became warm and sensitive to all kinds of erotic fantasies. She continued to kiss him, and he begged her not to, because it brought him greater and greater pain.
—ANAÏS NIN1
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
The countless forms of extreme sensory experimentation are impossible to catalogue comprehensively. Kinsey allegedly chronicled thousands, yet his work remained incomplete. Suffice to say, D&Sers regularly experiment with several general types of intense stimulation.
Unlike the other chapters in this section, this chapter does not extensively discuss the psychological experience of the stimuli described. The reason is simple: The forms of erotic play described here are merely further variations on the pleasures of discomfort. All the same enjoyments described in Chapter 9 pertain. We include excerpts from some of our interviewees profiled elsewhere so that their personal experiences help to explain the excitement of these unusual stimuli. At chapter’s end, we focus on three individuals who experiment with intense play:
• Johanna, who is 22 years old and a graduate student in linguistics.
• John M. is 48 years old. He is a devoted music lover and a devoted father. He is married to Sara K.
• Sara K. is 48 years old and works in a university.
HOT WAX
The use of warm wax—dripped from a burning candle onto bare skin—is a slightly esoteric practice but has many fans. Hot-wax scenes usually are done within the context of a primarily sensual power exchange. Submissives who enjoy hot wax say that it causes an extremely erotic sensation, both because of the intermingling of heat with other kinds of stimulus and because of the unpredictability of exactly where the drops will fall.
Spreading oil over the skin before dripping the wax helps to prevent burns. White, undyed candles are preferred since dyes raise the melting temperature and the heat of the wax.
Once the wax hardens, some dominants use the blunt edge of a knife to scrape it off their lover’s body slowly and meticulously. Although the use of the blunt edge ensures that the skin is not irritated, knowing that a knife is being used intensifies the sense of anticipation and danger.
Hot wax may also be a deep head trip. The submissive must place complete faith in the dominant’s ability to ensure that the experience is sensual rather than damaging. Hot-wax enthusiasts we spoke with said that, properly used, the wax should neither scald the skin nor leave any marks. Dominants often experiment on themselves first to determine the distance the candle must be held from the body in order for the wax to cool adequately before making contact.
The first time that we used candle wax, it took a lot of trust. I was terrified that I was going to be hurt. I had to psyche myself into letting this man spill wax on me, which I thought was crazy. He slowly built up to the moment and finally took one of the candles and started pouring warm wax on my breasts. One holds the candle up a certain distance from the nipple. I could feel a little bit of heat but no more than that. [Then] he kissed me. I was a bit thirsty, so he gave me some water, from his mouth into mine. It felt really wonderful, and I think it brought us closer.
—VICTORIA
HOT ASH
The practice of dropping warm or hot ash onto a submissive seems to be performed most frequently among gay men. Leathermen “flag” this orientation with a tan hankie. Typically, hot-ash fetishists are aroused not only by the act but also by the body type and attitude of the dominant. Hot-ash fans described the ideal dominant body type as a “teddy bear”: a burly man with abundant body hair. (Teddy bears have a sizable cult following throughout the gay community.) He will smoke a cigar and, generally speaking, emanates a traditionally macho aura.
As is the case with candles in hot-wax scenes, cigars are usually held at a distance from the skin to prevent burning. Some hot-ash enthusiasts, however, do seek a burning sensation. Hot-ash activities may occasionally overlap with depersonalization fantasies in which the bottom is treated like a human ashtray and accepts the ash over different parts of his body. For hot ash to be one element of more complex play is not uncommon. For purists, however, it is the main event.
CLOTHESPINS, CLIPS, AND CLAMPS
A popular element of heavy D&S play is the temporary compression or pinching of sensitive skin. This is typically achieved by the use of clamps or clips. Equipment may be left in place for brief periods of time to maximize the stimulation. The D&Sers with whom we spoke stated that clips should be checked every few minutes to ensure that the skin under stress does not grow numb; extended, unabated clamping of a sensitive area, such as the nipple, can cause minor nerve damage. Clips should not cut into skin or cause significant irritation.
Compression is usually one element in a scene, and is sometimes an adjunct to bondage. Stimulation ranges from very mild to very extreme, depending on the period of time the clips are left in place, the clips’ tension, manipulation of the clips, and whether any attachments (such as chains, which are tugged, or weights) are added.
Cottage industries produce dozens of gadgets. The most common among these is the nipple clip, which in its crudest form is an alligator clip whose teeth have been filed down and insulated with rubber; it may contain tiny screws to adjust tension. There are innumerable refinements to this basic design. Most commercially produced clamps are made of metal and are sold in pairs, connected by lightweight chain; the tips are well insulated; the styles vary in tension capacities, size, and weight. Some are customized for men and others for women (men’s nipples tend to be smaller and can support smaller clips).
Despite the proliferation of relatively sophisticated options, many D&Sers prefer a homey alternative: the humble spring clothespin. Clothespins may be used sparingly or may be lavishly clamped over large areas of the body, usually the fleshy parts of the chest, the buttocks, and the thighs. Dominants arrange clothespins in rows or in other patterns.
I love having clothespins put on me, and clips and clamps. We’ve gone up to 50 clothespins so far. I’m waiting to do 100. I like them on my arms, on my nipples, on my thighs, anywhere where my lover wants to put them. At a D&S club we’ve done some scenes with clothespins. [Once] I was talking to some people while he prepared everything. I was dressed sexily; plus I had cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He put some tables together [and] lit some candles. Then he made me kneel on two chairs that were pulled together [and] lie on my back across the tables. He attached ropes to the legs of the table so that he could bind my wrists and my ankles spread-eagle. He pulled down my bustier and blindfolded me. He started talking to me very softly to reassure me [and] caressing me with some feathers and getting me to relax. Then he took out the clothespins and the clamps and started working on my breasts. He took some alligator clips with the teeth shaved down and black plastic [insulation] on them so that they don’t hurt my breasts. He put one on each nipple and then worked his way around the aureole of each breast. I had about five clips on each. There was a chain attached to the nipple clips, so that he could pull on it when he wanted to. He worked on my upper arms and then on my inner thighs. Occasionally he would stop and caress me and relax me and let me know that he was still there. He’s very loving and gentle and has a very delicate touch. It feels really wonderful. One feels very trusting; at least one should. To me, it’s actually lovemaking. While I couldn’t see what was going on, I could feel it. Finally he was done. I was in a rather agitated state, because when you have clips and clamps all over, you start moving out of body. He took out a vibrator and pressed it up agai
nst my clit. I got very excited. He gave me permission to come, and as I did, he took off the clips on my nipples, so that the orgasm was even larger. It is like being in bed with someone and they play with your nipples while you’re coming. It’s the same sort of sensation.
—VICTORIA
While many D&Sers enjoy clamps or clothespins on the labia, this can get tricky, as female lubrication may cause even tight clamps to slide off, especially when tugged or weighted.
CBT AND TT
Hot wax, hot ash, and compression play may also be incorporated into cock-and-ball torture and tit torture, known colloquially in the D&S community as CBT and TT. The basic principle of CBT and TT is to impose deep sensation directly to erogenous zones.
The intensity of CBT and TT activities range from fairly mild to very heavy. Great care is taken to ensure that only desired pain is inflicted. Genitalia and nipples are susceptible to irreversible damage under even moderate punishment, and D&Sers are cautious about these types of play. Some dominants may prefer to have the submissive’s pubic region shaved in order to avoid mishaps with trapped hair.
CBT and TT are usually an aspect of a broader scene, however, many men (and some women) are specifically aroused by genital punishments (also known as genital torture, or genitorture), and some dominants focus on this aspect of play for an extended period. The majority of adult toys for CBT and TT are manifestly fabricated with male genitalia in mind; male genitalia are simply better suited for accessibility and accessories.
For those who enjoy genital compression, modifications are made to clamps to combine pinching with pulling. For example, a leash may be attached to the chain connecting strategically situated clamps and tugged. D&Sers sometimes attach weights to these chains, causing varying degrees of distention and discomfort. Those who are interested specifically in distention may use a parachute harness. This broad, circular swath of thick leather is snapped into place around the top of the scrotum, and weights are suspended from it to force the testicles downward and away from the penis.
Perhaps the most popular male adult toy is the cock ring, the descendent of the ancient Chinese silver penis clasp whose “purpose was to prolong erection by preventing the blood from leaving the engorged organ.”2 The contemporary version is a ring—usually made of steel, rubber, or leather, flexible or rigid—which is secured around the base of a flaccid penis. (Some interviewees reported that they have also experimented with rubber bands.) As the penis becomes engorged, the ring grows tight and prevents blood from draining back into the body. Cock rings have a dual effect: Erection is prolonged and sensitivity is enhanced. Both dominants and submissives may wear cock rings because of this serviceable duality.
Baroque refinements of the cock ring include a series of graduated rings known as a cock cage. Some cock cages are equipped with miniature hardware to lock the equipment in place; the dominant keeps the key. Variants of the cock cage are made of flexible leather or rubber straps.
A spectrum of leather gloves designed alternately to stretch and to confine genitalia are also popular. These gloves are usually leather sacks contoured so as to contain the testicles, the penis, or both. Some feature lacing meant to squeeze the penis and lift it away from the scrotum; some “ball sacks” are equipped with weights, and other models are studded with tiny metal spikes in the lining. The results can vary from a sensuously snug sensation to a mildly vertiginous squeeze.
In addition to the wearing of any of the plethora of custom equipment, CBT or TT includes all rough play directed to the erogenous zones. As noted in Chapter 12, small whips are used to concentrate pain in small areas. Some TT enthusiasts use the suction cups from snakebite kits to sensitize and engorge male nipples. Pinching, prodding, pricking, biting, tugging, slapping or spanking, abrading, and applying unguents such as mentholated balm that cause a burning sensation are all aspects of this play.
I’ve asked myself [why I like CBT]. I think the idea of torturing someone’s genitals is so outrageous; it’s such a personal, private, intimate part of the body. In psychological terms, it’s the fear and humiliation and the helplessness. I don’t think that attention to any other part of the body carries as great an emotional impact. Also, the balls are sensitive to crushing or to blows in ways [that] nothing else [could be]! I don’t think that a woman could ever imagine what that feels like. Even when it’s not painful, it has a whole-body effect on me. Interestingly, one of the first things that we did [was my wife] slapping my balls with her hand. The reason that it went as well as it did was, I think, because she had no conception of how intense that feeling was. She was unwilling to hit me with a whip or paddle because it would be too painful; yet she could slap my balls! … Restraints [put on when I’m flaccid] can cause very intense sensations when I get an erection. What may start off as nothing much can build—with no change in the force of the blows—into a most intense sensation.… Genital whipping has formed the heart of a plurality of my fantasies for close to 40 years. The single most fundamentally arousing] image is being bound and helpless with legs widely separated and being whipped aggressively directly into the crotch. Nothing else has quite this place in my pantheon of masochistic urges. When I have experienced genital whipping with a partner, it has been among the most intense of activities.
—JOHN M.
FISTING
Fisting is primarily but not exclusively popular in the gay and lesbian communities. The dominant slowly works first fingers and then hand into either the anus or vagina of his or her partner. Some feel that it is a safe-sex alternative when the fister wears a latex glove. Fisting is by no means limited to D&S partners and is seen by some as just a more intense type of penetration.
A growing number of bisexual and heterosexual D&Sers, and particularly those who have learned from gay and lesbian D&Sers, are experimenting with this activity. With adequate lubrication, fisting does not necessarily entail pain, but this depends on the recipient’s ability to relax the appropriate muscles. Indeed, the goal is not so much to inflict pain as to induce ecstasy through this radical form of penetration.
Introducing anything into the anus however is a high-risk activity that may result in serious injury and hemorrhage. Torn tissue—not uncommon when the anus is invaded—is highly susceptible to infection and the transmission of disease.
Participants say that fisting is spiritual, sensuously profound, and even mystical because, as one D&Ser put it, “It’s like reaching inside and grabbing someone’s soul.” Fisting has numerous psychological components: It may convey a sense of violation, erotic humiliation or helplessness. The fist is, symbolically and literally, a power symbol whose introduction into a body cavity has an enormous emotional impact and corollary sexual charge. And, unlike inorganic toys (such as dildos or anal beads), the hand’s dexterity provides a unique thrill.
A very experienced partner can control his muscles to the point that there is an interesting sensation to my hand—which leads to a pleasurable sensation to my brain. I have a little playmate who likes to put his hands in my ass. He likes to be dominant over his partner, and he wants the partner to feel some pleasure. It is, when done properly, safe, as compared to anal intercourse, which could be a transmitter of the HIV virus. That’s why he got into fisting. It is best to do it with latex gloves, not only because it can get a little messy, but because of the possibility of HIV infection. Cuticles have small cuts, and a person may bleed during the scene; how heavily depends on the person, the experience, how big the hand is. The more relaxed one is, the less problems you have.
—JEFF BRITTON
I haven’t fisted a man yet, but I have fisted women, vaginally and anally. The power and the eroticism behind that act is personally overwhelming to me.
—LAURA ANTONIO
ANYTHING ELSE?
Numerous other forms of intense stimulation have gained currency among D&Sers. Among them are the use of nettles (to sensitize skin) and stinging unguents (applied to erogenous zones). Two specific forms of intens
e stimulation deserve special mention. Although they arouse heated debate in the D&S communities because of their potential health risks, both are widely practiced esoterica. These controversial activities are play piercing and electrical stimulation (also known as electro-torture).
PLAY PIERCING
Unlike piercing to modify the body, play piercing is temporary and is always performed in an erotic context. In a play piercing, sterile needles—often hypodermic needles—are usually inserted into the top layers of skin. These wounds heal without leaving permanent marks. The exception may be a play nipple piercing, where a slender sterile needle penetrates the nipple and is later removed without emplacement of jewelry. In S&M erotica—particularly in Japanese and German videos, which generally depict much more extreme and dehumanizing play than their American counterparts—the temporarily pierced submissive is usually identified as a “needle slave,” and the piercings may be a form of punishment or may be symbolic of servitude. The term “play” is used only to distinguish it from more permanent piercings. “Play” does not, however, imply that such piercings are done casually. All penetration of skin entails the potential risk of infection or trauma and requires extreme caution.
In addition to play piercings to the erogenous zones, aficionados may want to feel the pricking sensation over wider expanses of skin, and some even prefer that the erogenous zones be avoided. Multiple piercings are common, sometimes arranged in patterns. The needles are left in place for short periods of time. Some dominants manipulate the needles with their fingers or attach strings to the needles and control the submissive’s movements as a puppeteer would manipulate a marionette.
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