by Dawn Brower
“Retribution and a reckoning all at once.”
“It was satisfying,” she agreed. “And for a while, it was enough.”
“But now you want more?”
He wanted so much from her, but he feared he’d never get it. What could he give her that she didn’t already have? He could love her... She seemed desperate for approval from someone. But he wanted more than that for and from her. Would it be so much to ask that she cared about him more than her revenge against the world? He did love her. Dash hadn’t realized it until that very moment.
Something inside of him always had. Even years ago, when he’d been the worst sort of gentleman, he’d been drawn to her. Darcy’s suggestion he dance with her had appalled him, but not for the reasons society would have understood at the time. Dash hadn’t been a good man, and he was far from being worthy of Helena. He didn’t refuse to attend balls and mingle with good society because he’d found it boring. No, he’d avoided it because he was a scoundrel, and no proper young lady should have gone near him. Darcy had been the one to drag him to that ball with the lure of a lucrative card game.
When he first met Helena, something had snapped inside of him and he’d tried to avoid her at every turn. Darcy had made it impossible that night, and he’d taken it out on her. At the time, he didn’t understand what his feelings were. In retrospect, and in light of his recent obsession with her, he finally understood everything.
When he had decided he needed to marry, she should have been the first lady he considered. But it had taken a lot for him to realize something he should have always known. Yes, he wanted her, and marrying her was his goal, but she’d always been there in his heart without ever realizing it. His love for her had become ingrained, and he silently made a promise to himself he’d never take it or her for granted. Without Lady X and her constantly challenging him in her scandal sheet, he might never have pursued Helena. Ironic, really, when he thought about it...
Helena’s next words broke though his revelation. “Oliver...” She paused and met his gaze. “I can still call you that, can’t I?”
He nodded. “As I recall, you refused before.”
“An intimacy I wasn’t prepared for yet.” She tilted her head. “I think I am now.”
His lips tilted upward. “Do go on.” He strolled over to the settee and joined her. “Tell me what you want.”
“I thought I wanted financial freedom—security.” She looked away from him. “That was why I started writing—well, you know.” He found it amusing she still wouldn’t admit to being Lady X. Perhaps that was for the best. Some things couldn’t be unsaid once they were put out into the open. “I’ve lived a cold and lonely life for so long I didn’t understand what I’d been missing. How could I? Affection is something other people have. No one has shown me I’m worthy of it.”
His heart ached to hear her speak of herself in that way. He wanted to pull her into his arms and make her feel loved. She deserved to be treated far better than she had been her entire life. He was as guilty as everyone else. It must have been so sad and lonely to be her. How many young ladies felt the same as she had? What must it be like to be on the outskirts looking in—a part of the highest class of society, but never truly belonging in it...
“Monetary gain is no longer enough?”
She shook her head. “It helps...” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I purchased a cottage, and it’s being renovated. Once that was complete I planned on retiring to it and having Lady X disappear forever...”
His stomach churned—to never see her again. He couldn’t let her do that. “But you’re not now?” Please say no, he begged silently.
“I find I like writing,” she said. “I’d like to continue, but I can’t write a scandal sheet if I’m never in town.”
He could help her with that—if she married him. Dash didn’t care if she continued to be Lady X. It would have to remain a secret—more for her safety than anything else. “The cottage can be a retreat when you need to get away.”
She nodded. “It would be nice. I can’t live with my parents anymore though. It’s suffocating. I didn’t fight mother on this trip as much as I normally would have. Mainly because I realized I did need to get away to think. I never expected to find you along the way.”
He wanted to kiss her—badly. “Admittedly, that was a welcome surprise for me too.”
“What are we going to do?”
Dash had a lot of ideas. So many he couldn’t wait to start on them all and show her how much he loved her. After a little holiday in Scotland—a courtship on the side, maybe, he could convince her to marry him. She didn’t want to live with her parents. Lucky for him he could help her with that too. It wouldn’t take much—a few vows to love, honor, and cherish her forever. He not only could do that, he was more than willing to.
“It’ll work out,” he promised. “If you, want we can go back to London tomorrow.”
“That might be a good idea,” she agreed. “But you don’t have to come with me if you don’t wish to.”
“Trust me,” he reassured her. “I want nothing more than to be wherever you are.” Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Instant tingling sensations overtook him. He’d wanted to kiss her again. Now, that he had her in his arms, he never wanted to let go ever again.
She moaned against his mouth, and he pulled her tighter against him. He trailed his fingers down her back and then rested his hands around her waist. Dash lifted her into his lap and held on tight. She gasped, giving him the opportunity to push his tongue inside her mouth. Their tongues intertwined as they tasted each other. He made love to her mouth and ached to push his cock into her warm heat.
He was so lost in her touch he forgot where he was, and why they had been hiding in the library. The day had been one for revelations, and he had high hopes for their future. What he hadn’t counted on was Lady Scarsbury, and her penchant for sneaking up on people.
“Ah,” Lady Scarsbury said and then cleared her throat. “There you two are. So sorry to interrupt, but I think we need to have a little chat.”
Dash groaned and pulled his lips away from Helena’s. They were good and truly caught—and his aunt wasn’t going to let it go... Frankly, he didn’t really care either.
LADY SCARSBURY HAD insisted they remain in Scotland. Their plans to leave the next day had been nixed immediately. Surprisingly, the countess hadn’t mentioned catching them in an intimate embrace. Helena had to wonder what her motives were and why she’d not upbraid them for their reckless behavior. Perhaps arriving together had been shocking enough and finding them kissing had been the icing on the cake of some sort. Helena couldn’t help thinking the countess was up to something and had a plan of her own. Whatever it was it couldn’t be good.
Dashville and Helena had taken refuge in one of the many sitting rooms in the castle. A part of her hoped the countess wouldn’t be able to find them. What were the chances of that though? One of the servants would be able to direct her to their location. They had ordered tea a little while ago. It would probably be delivered to them soon.
“Helena, dear,” Dashville whispered in her ear. “Quit thinking so hard.”
“Easy enough for you to say,” she replied. “I can’t stop. The other night, Lady Scarsbury said there were things we had to discuss then promptly disappeared.”
“She’ll tell us when she’s ready,” he responded with a shrug. “That’s just how she is.”
“Well,” she said mulishly. “I don’t like it.”
Helena wasn’t used to being on the other end of a scandal. Sure, she added herself into her column regularly, but that wasn’t the same thing. If she excluded herself, it would be the fastest way to have everyone point their fingers in her direction as the author of the scandal sheet. She made sure to add little tidbits every now and then so no one suspected she’d been writing them.
This, though, was a true scandal. If Lady Scarsbury chose to, she could ruin them both. Helena doubted the coun
tess would do anything to harm her, or Dashville, but she couldn’t be certain. She would have to track the lady down and make sure she kept everything to herself. There had to be something she could do to make her see the wisdom of remaining silent.
A maid opened the door and pushed a tea cart into the room. “Pardon me, my lord, my lady. I’ve brought the tea and cakes you requested.”
“Push it over here,” Dashville said then turned toward Helena. “Do you wish to pour, or would you like me to?”
She waved her hand at him. “You can. I’m too distracted.”
Her current predicament and the possibility of her last column not arriving to her publisher kept crossing her mind. Nothing had gone right since she left London. What if her article failed to arrive? What if someone came across it and figured out she’d written it? She’d taken a huge risk mailing it in. Helena stood and paced the room—a habit she’d developed upon arriving at the castle.
Dashville stepped in front of her path. “Darling...”
“Stop,” she interrupted him.
“Stop what?” He lifted a brow and then leaned down to kiss her.
She lifted her hand and placed it on his chest, intending to push him away, but instead kissed him back. The man was rather addicting, and she couldn’t stop herself from becoming lost in his embrace. She’d never believed she’d have something as simple as passion with a man, let alone the one man she’d always loved. The entire thing was rather surreal.
He lifted his mouth from hers and kissed her cheek, then her neck. If he kept this up, she’d be a bumbling mess before they returned to London. “Oliver,” she said breathlessly. “Truly, you must stop.”
“Must I?” His hot breath caressed her ear. “Why, when we both enjoy each other? Give into your hoydenish desires. We both know you’re far wilder than you show the world. A secret gossip queen couldn’t be anything less.”
Did he have to be so reasonable? Yes, she did rather like his kisses, and she was rather wanton—at least where he was concerned. In fact, like was too tame a word for what he made her feel. Her whole body lit up hotter than she could have imagined. His touch stoked the heat in her much like a poker pushing the wood to new heights in a fireplace. Oliver drove her mad with desire and if he kept inciting her passion, she’d give in to the need he invoked within her. She’d be ruined beyond redemption and left with very little choices for her future.
“Lord Dashville,” she breathed out his name as she fought for control. “This isn’t at all proper.”
“Proper isn’t fun,” he replied wickedly, but stepped back, giving in to her wishes. “And what happened to you calling me Oliver?”
“When you’re not listening to me, I must use whatever is at my disposal. You can’t be Oliver when you’re being unreasonable.”
“Very well, my dear.” His eyes crinkled up as he smiled at her. His mouth resembled the epitome of sin, and she wanted to give in to what he offered. “If you insist on propriety, I’ll try to behave.”
A part of her was rather disappointed he’d given in so easily. She wanted to take back her demand he stop and instead kiss him again until she lost all ability to reason. Deep down, she knew it was a bad idea, but the curious side of her warred with the rational one. What would one more kiss hurt? Surely, if he stopped now, he’d stop if she asked later. Lady Scarsbury breezed into the sitting room squashing the idea right out of Helena’s mind.
“There you two are and I see you’ve already ordered tea. How lovely,” the countess said as she poured herself a cup. Helena couldn’t bring herself to pick hers up, and Dashville seemed to be of a similar thought, leaving his abandoned on the cart. It was probably rather cold anyway—the countess was welcome to it. “It’s time we did have that little chat. I’m sorry we didn’t sooner, but after I saw you in the library, I had to gather my thoughts on the matter.”
“Oh?” Helena replied. What else could she possibly say to that pronouncement?
“When you two arrived, I had hoped there was something between you.” She smiled at them both. Helena sat down on the settee absentmindedly and Dashville followed her lead. “I realize that it was pure happenstance you ended up traveling together. The coachman explained it to me as you wandered off. Still, I hoped...”
“Is there a point to all of this?” Dashville tapped his fingers on his knee. “Am I to understand what you originally wished to speak to us about isn’t quite the same as before?”
How had Dashville been able to follow his aunt’s rambling? Not much of it made sense to her, other than the obvious. Lady Scarsbury wanted Dashville to—surely, she didn’t expect him to marry Helena...
“Not entirely,” Lady Scarsbury agreed. “Much is the same. I do think you both would make a lovely match. It was nice to realize that you agree as well.”
“Agree to what?” Lady Helena was getting quite dizzy. Was the room spinning? No, it couldn’t be—it had to be her imagination. This was all starting to become a rather bad dream.
“A betrothal of course,” Lady Scarsbury explained. “We can return to London and make the announcement then.” She turned to Dashville. “You’ll have to ask the duke’s permission, but I don’t see why he wouldn’t approve the match.”
“He doesn’t have to ask my father anything.”
“No?” Lady Scarsbury tilted her head as she stared at Helena. “Why ever not?”
Oh, her father would agree to the match. He’d been waiting for her to find a husband. The Marquess of Dashville asking for her hand would probably make his eyes widen with delight. It would be far more than the duke could have hoped for. She couldn’t allow things to go that far though. She had to find a way to stop all of this nonsense before there was no turning back.
“I refuse to marry anyone—especially, Lord Dashville.”
Dashville stiffened beside her. Her words must have offended him. She couldn’t worry about his bruised feelings. This was her life she fought for, and she would not let anyone decide it for her.
“I’m afraid that there is little choice now,” Lady Scarsbury said. “You’ll be ruined if you don’t wed the marquess. You traveled alone together and were caught in a rather compromising position by me. I must insist on a wedding to happen to appease my conscience.” Lady Scarsbury folded her hands in her lap and appeared a strange combination of serene and smug all at once. “Besides, nothing you say will convince me that you don’t want my nephew. Your enjoyment was rather—loud a moment ago; as well as, a few nights ago. You, my dear, should grow accustomed to your new station in life.”
Damn if she would. She just needed time to think and come up with an alternative. This was not what she wanted—a marriage of convenience. What kind of life would she have married to a man who’d tire of her in a matter of weeks? Sure, he desired her now, but what assurance did she have that he’d remain faithful? She loved him and didn’t deny it even to herself. That didn’t make her a fool though.
Instead of bothering to explain any of that to Lady Scarsbury or Dashville, she stood and silently exited the room. The countess’s words echoed back and haunted her from that moment on, “Don’t worry, my lord. She’ll come up to scratch when its time. She can’t refuse forever—her parents wouldn’t allow it.”
Sadly, the countess was right. As soon as they heard of her disgrace, she’d be forced to the altar and find herself the new Marchioness of Dashville. There was no place she’d be able to hide from them. Sooner or later, she’d have to accept her fate, but until then she’d pretend she had a choice.
Romance is in the air. The previous season has resulted in many love matches. It’s been my pleasure, and there’s no need for thanks; nevertheless, you’re all welcome...
—Whispers from Lady X
CHAPTER EIGHT
HELENA AND DASHVILLE were on their way back to London—with Lady Scarsbury as their chaperone. They’d left their last coaching inn earlier that morning and should be back in town in short order. The entire ordeal was a blur and she
couldn’t figure out how it all had happened. Dashville kept kissing her and leaving her witless after the encounter. She didn’t quite understand what he hoped to gain by doing so, and she hated to admit he was wearing her down.
What scared her even more though, was that she wanted him to kiss her again. He elicited feelings inside of her she didn’t think possible. She still had her doubts, and couldn’t shake them from clouding her mind. Everything she knew about Dashville suggested he didn’t have it in him to remain faithful to her. If she gave him her heart, she didn’t trust he’d keep it safe. What kind of life would that be? His kisses were decadent and enticing, but a marriage needed more than desire to keep it burning past the first light of the flame.
“You both know what you need to do,” Lady Scarsbury said breaking the silence. “If it’ll help, I can talk with the duke.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Dashville said. “I don’t need you fighting my battles for me.”
As if her father wouldn’t approve of the match. Helena mentally rolled her eyes. This was exactly what her father had been hoping for. If she didn’t know better, she’d wonder if Dashville had conspired with her mother to make it happen. No, that wasn’t possible. Even her mother wouldn’t go that far, and she trusted the marquess. He may have been a bit of a rogue once, but he hadn’t been that dastardly in a while. She could trust him, and more importantly, she could trust herself.
“There is nothing for us to do,” Helena announced. “I don’t need my father’s permission to do anything. I’m legally capable of making my own decisions.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, girl,” Lady Scarsbury said. “You don’t want to cut your father out of this decision. He can broker a better marriage contract for you.”