by R. Kelly
Marvin Gaye is also present on two different songs. When you talk silky, you’re talking Marvin. But we’re also talking about haunting, perfect harmonies. Marvin put harmonies on top of harmonies. Even when his life was filled with disharmony, when he got to the studio, everything became harmonious. In the studio, what was crazy turned sane; what was ugly turned beautiful; what was hurtful turned healing. In the studio, God took over.
I had to have that feel-good Motown vibe, so I wrote “Love Is” and sang it like Marvin singing to Tammi Terrell. My “Tammi” is K. Michelle, singer, songwriter, and my mentee. K. Michelle and I play catch with the melody and neither of us ever drops the ball.
The deeper Marvin moment comes with “Music Must Be a Lady.” For years I’ve said that I’m married to music or that I’m pregnant with it. Music has been the one girl I would never leave, and the woman who would never leave me. Music lays out melodies for me like my mother used to lay out my clothes. Yes sir, music must be a lady.
I know that in writing Love Letter, God once again took over. He gave me this gift, and He demands that I not take it for granted. Love Letter received three Grammy nominations, including Best R&B Album and Best Traditional R&B Performance for both “When a Woman Loves” and “Radio Message.” My life story, with all the challenges and rewards, has been one long love letter. God knew it was time for Robert to use His love and be real with His gift.
DOMINOES UP
Sometimes I feel like an alien, born on a planet called Music, where there’s nothing but sound. Sometimes, even in the midst of thousands, I still feel alone, because no one—including me—understands my mind, my creativity, how I’m hardwired.
I’ve been very honest about my inability to read words like normal people. I simply don’t see words, I see music. I’m okay with that. It’s part of the gift. I am so grateful that my incredible children have not been afflicted with my problem. They can all read and write better than their father, I am so very proud of them.
When asked if I consider myself a genius, I say: “No, I can’t call myself a genius, but I’m on my way.” I feel like I haven’t been fully introduced to my gift. I always feel like there’s something bigger and better out there for me. It’s like I’m stuck on the runway, waiting for the best flight ever.
In countless interviews, people ask me: “If you could go back and change anything in your life, what would it be?”
My answer? “Not a damn thing!” I wouldn’t change the poverty, I wouldn’t change the abuse or the pain. Even though I’ve had some struggles and downfalls in my life, I’m still standing—strong, confident, and feeling good about life and love. I have no regrets whatsoever simply because whatever I’ve gone through has made me the man and artist I am today.
Chapters in my life continue to unfold, revealing mysteries I never knew about myself. Just as I was finishing this book, the strangest thing happened one late Juicy Tuesday night in Chicago. I had just finished hooping and was feeling pretty good—my team had won about 20 games in a row. I noticed two middle-aged, neatly dressed women I’d never seen before approaching the court. I was recovering from emergency surgery to remove an abscess the size of a golf ball on my throat—a situation that, had it gone untreated for another 24 hours, could have destroyed my voice forever or even killed me. The women had read about my hospitalization in the papers and drove four hours just to check up on me.
The plot thickens: The women—whom I had never seen before in my life—claimed to be my aunts: sisters of the father I had never known and was told had abandoned me and my mother when I was born.
The women had a different version of the story. My father, they said, was present at my birth. He dearly loved my mother and me, and they said he died when I was two years old—shot to death in a bar.
Is any of this true? I have no idea, but I have to find out. It’s another piece of the puzzle that is me, another Trapped in the Closet cliff-hanger, another twist and turn on the Soulacoaster that is my life.
As I write this, I’ve begun yet another chapter in my life. I’ve come out of my suburban cocoon, moving out of my Olympia Fields home and up into “a de-luxe apartment in the sky.” Every night I gaze down on Chicago—the beautiful city that raised and fed me, and the skyscrapers that have helped me hit some of my highest notes. The Chocolate Factory is no longer in my basement—it’s bigger and better than ever and still my sanctuary.
The Chocolate Factory keeps operating at full capacity. The “R. Kelly 4.5” part of me feels like I’m just starting out, like I’m still on the runway of my career, getting ready for takeoff. As always I’m working on more than one project. I was thrilled to be asked to write new songs for the remake of the movie Sparkle, and have my songs stand next to Curtis Mayfield’s classics. Write Me Back, the follow-up to Love Letter, will be out by the time you read this. It’s me stepping back into my musical time machine and having a ball. I got to imagining that I was Barry White or Teddy Pendergrass or Ray Charles. There’s some Smokey and Stevie in there, too.
As the radio in my head keeps playing and sending me songs in all different genres—not just R&B, but also pop, rock, and even country. Don’t be surprised if I get inspired to put out a country music album someday.
The alien that is Trapped in the Closet is getting ready to visit Earth again; I know everyone wants to know what “the Package” is. Get ready: you’re about to find out. There are artists of all kinds knocking at my door, looking for new songs, asking me to drop a verse on their songs, or looking for remixes. I’m grateful that they’ve come to me and are giving me the opportunity to share their gifts.
Ideas are lined up on the runway in my head like airplanes at O’Hare. The minute one takes off, another is ready to go. There is still so much I want to achieve: Movies that I write and direct and, of course, do all the music. A one-man Broadway show. And more music. Africa is calling. So is Europe. I love London and Paris. They’re telling me Tokyo took the Love Letter to heart and wants me to sing it to them personally. I can’t wait to get over there. I feel the same about China and Russia and every other part of the world.
The world needs healing, and music is the medicine that heals. Besides the Africa album, there are Caribbean and Latin and Brazilian-inspired tracks still sitting on the shelves at the Chocolate Factory. When I created them as part of my Music Virus project, I had this idea to give the music to people in those areas for free, as a way to spread healing and inspiration. My record company wasn’t exactly thrilled about that approach, but I am determined to get that music out one way or another.
I’m still amazed that healing music came my way in such quantities. I don’t know why I received this gift. I can’t say I deserved it. I know that I’m not immortal, but my gift is my legacy. It takes a whole lot of mess to be this blessed. I’m not here to win, but to touch.
Sometimes my gift is my enemy. My head is like an over-inflated balloon, filled with sounds that swell my brain to the extent that I fear it might explode. When it does explode, I find myself in a new and beautiful musical place.
It’s taken me a lifetime to know myself, but I think I’m almost there. I’m at my best when I’m most wanted—and I know that music lovers still want great music. I know that as long as people are living on this planet, as long as they can relate to a real song about real life, I’ll always be in the game.
So it is as a happy man that I come to the beginning of this book. Note I did not say “the end.” As far as I’m concerned, the Soulacoaster is just getting warmed up. It’s been a crazy ride up, but I know the best years are still ahead.
I give thanks to the Creator for my life every day. It could have gone either way. That bullet I took while riding a bicycle as a kid could have been the end. Shame and disconnection because I couldn’t read could have become my dead-end. I have achieved what I have in this life because I was blessed with a gift and the love of two exceptional women who saw something in me I did not, could not, see within myself.
I have been knocked to my knees. I have been betrayed and maligned. I have lost love and thrown it away. My heart has been broken and I have cried an ocean of tears.
In the end, though:
I am saved by music.
I am saved by God.
I am saved by God’s gift of love. And if, through my words and music, I can pass on that gift to you, I am the happiest man on earth.
A boy born in Chicago’s ’hood to a loving mother has been blessed mightily. The boy became a man. The man faced a mountain of struggles, but the struggles steeled his determination. For all the storms behind him, the sun seems to always break through.
There are sunrises ahead and still thousands of songs to write and sing.
Songs that help us have fun and party all night.
Songs that let us feel the undying joy of love.
Songs that lift our earthly burdens and give us a little taste of heaven.
Songs that call for harmony, peace, and humanity.
The Soulacoaster soars to the top, the Soulacoaster roars to the bottom.
But the boy holds on.
The man holds on.
He can’t and won’t let go.
“ believe in your struggle.”
Even though I’ve had some struggles and downfalls in my music and in my life, I’ still standing—strong, confident and feeling good about life and love. I have no regrets whatsoever simply because whatever I’ve gone through has made me the man and artist I am today.
“belive in your struggle.”
Even though I’ve had some struggles and downfalls in my life, I’m still standing—strong, confident, and feeling good about life and love. I have no regrets whatsoever simply because whatever I’ve gone through has made me the man and artist I am today.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There is no measure except infinity for the thank yous that I owe to the following people who have helped me turn back to the beginning—to the first page of my life.
First, I thank God for the gift of music.
Deep gratitude to:
Joann Kelly Barry Weiss
Lena McLin Wayne Williams
Derrel McDavid Allan Mayer
Ann Carli Gerry Margolis
Eric Custer Cathy Carroll
Clive Calder Jen Tharler
Tavis Smiley who believed in this project from the very beginning. Cheryl Woodruff who kept it going even when it seemed impossible.
Juan Roberts / Creative Lunacy
Colby Hamilton Paulette Robinson
Sylvester Brown, Jr Nicolette Salamanca
Kirsten Melvey Lisa Reece
Thomas Louie Steven Goff
Very special thanks to my children, Joann, Jay a and Robert Jr., whom I love so dearly. I thank God that you have been blessed with good health and you share the gift of music that I got from your grandmother, Joann Kelly, and your great-grandfather.
To all of my fans around the world—I am forever indebted. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me during the highs and lows of this ride throughout my career. Thank you for having my back. I will continue to share my musical gift with you as long as I’m breathing.
David Ritz expresses deep gratitude to Rob, whose artistry continues to dazzle and inspire me, as well as Tavis Smiley, Cheryl Woodruff, David Vigliano, Ann Carli, Derrel McDavid, Eric Custer, and Roberta, the love of my life for 47 years. Thank you, Jesus.
Discography
STUDIO ALBUMS
12-Play (1993)
R. Kelly (1995)
R. (1998)
TP-2.com (2000)
Chocolate Factory (2003)
Happy People/U Saved Me (2004)
TP.3 Reloaded (2005)
Double Up (2007)
Untitled (2009)
Love Letter (2010)
Write Me Back (2012)
COLLABORATION ALBUMS
Born into the 90’s (1992) (with Public Announcement)
The Best of Both Worlds (2002) (with Jay-Z)
Unfinished Business (2004) (with Jay-Z)
COMPILATION ALBUMS
Feelin’ On Yo Booty-The Remixes (2000)
The R. In R&B Collection, Vol. 1 (2003)
Remix City, Volume 1 (2005)
My Diary (2005)
Playlist: The Very Best of R. Kelly (2010)
Epic (2010)
FILMOGRAPHY
Trapped in the Closet (13-22) (2007)
Trapped in the Closet (1-22) The Big Package (2007)
R. Kelly Live the Light It Up Tour (2007)
Music Credits
“12-PLAY”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 1993 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“YOU ARE NOT ALONE”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 1995 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“I’M STILL HERE”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2009 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS and R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC.
“THE SERMON”: Words and Music by R. Kelly and Erick S. Sermon © 1995 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS and ERICK SERMON ENTERPRISES, INC. c/o UNIVERSAL MUSIC-Z TUNES, LLC.
“YOU REMIND ME OF SOMETHING”: Words and Music by R Kelly © 1995 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“AS I LOOK INTO MY LIFE”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 1995 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“DOWN LOW (Nobody Has To Know)”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 1995 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“THE WORLD’S GREATEST”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2002 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“HEAVEN I NEED A HUG”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2002 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“IGNITION (Remix)”: Words and Music by R Kelly © 2002 • R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC. and UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“WEATHERMAN”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2004 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“SEX IN THE KITCHEN”: Words and Music by R Kelly © 2005 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET (Chapter 1 of 5)”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2005 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“THE ZOO”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2007 • R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC. and UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“SIGN OF A VICTORY”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2010 • R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC. and UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“HANDS ACROSS THE WORLD”: Words and Music by R Kelly © 2010 • R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC. and UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“RADIO MESSAGE”: Words and Music by R. Kelly © 2010 • R KELLY PUBLISHING, INC. and UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
“THE DIARY OF ME”: Words and Music by R KELLY © 2011 • UNIVERSAL MUSIC Z SONGS
Photo Credits
Image courtesy of Larry Busacca, Getty Images appears on the back cover.
Images courtesy of Ann Carli appear on page 70 and 368.
Image courtesy of Fortress Entertainment appears in the Foreword.
Image courtesy of Brian Franklin appears on page 352.
Image courtesy of Joe Grant appears on page 160.
Images courtesy of the Robert Sylvester Kelly Collection appear on pages 4, 29, 40, 48, 50,84, 105, 190-191, and 314.
Images courtesy of Michael Lavine appear on pages 180, 192, 234, and 248.
Images courtesy of Parrish Lewis appear on the cover and pages 354 and 359.
Image courtesy of Anthony Mandler/ARTMIX Creative appears on page 318.
Image courtesy of Gary Mankus appears on page 64
Image courtesy of Frank Micelotta, Getty Images appears on page 292.
Image courtesy of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration/Department of Commerce, NOAA Photo Library, NOAA Central Library; OAR/ERL/National Severe Storms Laboratory (NSSL) appears on page 278-279.
Images courtesy of Randee St. Nicholas appear on pages 356 and 360.
Image courtesy of Gilles Petard, Getty Images appears on page 52.
Images courtesy of Jordan Porter appear in Act 1 and pages 21, 24, 26, 110-111, 112-113,120-121, 125 and 276.
Images and Original Illustrations courtesy of Juan Roberts appear on pages 10, 14, 44, 60
, 68,74, 80-81, 90-91, 98, 116-117, 144-145, 154, 170-171, 186-187, 252-253, and 354-355.
Image courtesy of the Library of Congress and Ira Rosenberg appears on page 266-267.
Image courtesy of Robert Abbott Sengstacke, Getty Images appears on page 34-35.
Image courtesy of Charles A Sengstock Jr., Used with Permission, appears on page 7.
Images courtesy of Juan Soliz, PacificCoastNews.com appears on page 342.
Images courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment appear on pages 163, 217, 272, 284, 291, 298, 310, and 314-315. Album and Video Stills courtesy of RCA Records, a division of Sony Music Entertainment.
Images courtesy of Jim Swaffield appear on the endpapers and on pages 136-137, 200-201, 220-221, 327, 338, 342-343, 344, 348, 350, 353, and 367.
Images courtesy of Reisig and Taylor Photography appear in Act 1 and pages 56, 126-127,129, 166, 176, 210-211, 278 and 330.
Thanks to Becca from fuckyeahrkelly.tumblr.com for special photo research.
About the Authors
R. Kelly, the king of R&B, makes music of epic proportions. After 18 years of stardom, the visionary songwriter, producer, and vocalist continues to forge an artistic path that caters to fantasy and captures the hearts of adoring fans. This is in essence how an artist sells over 35 million records, and wears the crown of a king. As a prolific artist, it is this uncanny ability to compose classics and deliver electrifying live performances that defines everything that is essential R. Kelly.
Kelly has been named the #1 R&B/Hip-Hop artist of the past 25 years by Billboard magazine and is the recipient of multiple Grammy, Billboard, BMI, and American Music Awards. R Kelly lives and produces music out of his Chocolate Factory in the heart of Chicago.
David Ritz is the only four-time winner of the Gleason Music Book Award. He has collaborated with Janet Jackson, Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye, B.B. King, Aretha Franklin, Etta James, Smokey Robinson, and Don Rickles. He also cowrote, with Gaye, the song “Sexual Healing.”