“You inviting me to live with you for the past couple of weeks has been just what I needed,” she confessed. “A chance to start healing in a safe place with someone who cares about me and wants me to find my way—”
“I do, you know,” he interjected. “I do care for you. My feelings have been growing and, Morgan, I feel for you things that I have never felt before. Things I never thought I’d feel.” Her lips curved and it warmed his heart to see the smile.
“I feel the same for you,” she said. “But I still need some time for me. Time to learn how to do some things on my own. Time to find out what I want out of life. Time to discover a new goal.”
“Does this mean you don’t want to see me anymore?”
Her long hair swung from side to side as she shook her head. “No, not at all. I just don’t feel equal to you right now. I want to come to you as a whole person and not some broken mermaid.”
His breath left him in a long sigh, the image of her as the little mermaid who pulled him out of the water when he was little, fully in his mind. “You’re not broken. Not to me.”
She smiled, her blue eyes pinned on him, and said, “And I’m so glad you feel that way. But, I’d like the chance to be with you in a more normal way. First, we were a one-nighter and, then, you were my rescuer. I need to find out who I am now, but you can be on this journey with me.”
“I can do that,” he agreed, but looked around her small apartment. “But does it mean we have to be apart?”
She licked her lips and nodded. “Yes. I need to learn to live on my own. Not with my dad trying to coach my every move and not with a boyfriend trying to make everything all better. I need to find out more about me.”
They stood together and he was glad she allowed him to wrap his arms around her, pulling her in tightly. Kissing the top of her head, he said, “I want to hold you tight and take care of you in all ways, but I’ll give you the space you need. I’ll give you anything you need.”
She nodded against his chest and mumbled, “Thank you,” into the soft fabric of his shirt.
As he walked out of her apartment a few minutes later, he prayed it was the right decision.
27
Morgan had only been on her own for three days and she was ready to give up. The trip to the grocery store had been difficult, using her right hand for everything, including carrying the groceries the four blocks back to her apartment.
She had banged her arm three times on the shower door and at least six times against her kitchen counters. She tried binge-watching a few old television shows, since she rarely had the time for such indulgence when in training, but found they did not hold her attention. She added books to her eReader but her mind would wander frequently, so she had to re-read passages numerous times.
Finally, she decided to take a cab over to the nursing home to visit her grandmother.
The receptionist at the front desk dropped her gaze to her arm before sending her a look of pity. Not wanting to discuss her injury with the young woman, she offered a small smile and hurried down the hall. She was surprised to see Miss Ethel walking toward her.
“Oh, Morgan, how nice to see you. I was just visiting your grandmother. She’ll be so pleased to have you visit. She’s so concerned for you.”
Stopping, she accepted a hug, finding Miss Ethel’s arms to be strong and sure, and every bit as comforting as Nonnie’s.
Miss Ethel smiled at her and added, “I believe you now know the full details of the day of your accident?”
“Yes,” she sighed, finding comfort in the older woman’s kind, grey eyes. “My father discovered that Jaxon had not told me that his ambulance was right there the whole time and the reason I had pulled out of my lane was to give them room. I know that it was not his fault, but…”
“But, you would have liked the whole truth, nonetheless,” Miss Ethel finished for her.
“Jaxon and I talked about it and I do understand he wanted to protect me. I’m not angry anymore about that,” she hurried to explain, “but I still needed some space to think things through, figure out what I want to do in light of all that has happened, you know?”
Miss Ethel nodded, her smile sincere. “I understand you are back at your apartment. How are you doing?”
Unable to stop the grimace, she confessed, “Not too bad, but I’m finding it difficult to do the most mundane tasks around the house. It was certainly easier when I was living with Jaxon.” Blushing, she wondered if she should have admitted her difficulties. “But, it’s all good. I needed to do some things myself and uh…”
“Please, my dear, don’t feel embarrassed. You are very smart to take time to figure things out. All my boys have a protective streak, which I think is wonderful, but can also be a bit overwhelming.”
She held on to Miss Ethel’s arm and said, “Jaxon’s been nothing but wonderful to me. I think I ran to him at first because of my father. He’s been my coach for as long as I can remember…sometimes more of a coach than a father. And now, well, I need to stand on my own.”
“Parents can be clueless sometimes,” Miss Ethel said, gaining her rapt attention. “All my boys came to me with different situations, but all needed me to be a guiding force in their lives.”
“And you did such a good job,” she said earnestly, holding her gaze. “Jaxon once told me that his life started rough, but he landed in a soft place. Miss Ethel, I think that is the sweetest thing he could have said about you.”
Miss Ethel blinked, her eyes suddenly watery. “I agree. What a beautiful thing for him to say. I simply loved my boys and tried to guide them to find out what they wanted to do with their lives.” Touching her cheek, she said, “And I think that is where you are now. Take time to find out what is next in your life.” Suddenly, she looked at her watch and exclaimed, “My goodness, I have held you up for too long, you must be ready to go find your grandmother.”
Just as she was waving goodbye, Miss Ethel called back to her. “By the way, Eleanor will call you soon. I think she’d like a visit.” With that, Miss Ethel walked out the front door, leaving her staring after her.
Blinking, she hurried down the hall. Once at Nonnie’s room, she was disappointed to find it empty, but one of the aides told her that her grandmother was in the sunroom painting.
She entered the large room, painted a soft, buttery yellow, that had a wall of windows to allow the sunlight to stream in, warming the occupants. Nonnie sat in the corner at a table with watercolors before her. A vase with a sunflower was in front of her and she appeared to be concentrating as she dipped her brush into the paint.
Nonnie looked over as she approached and her smile brightened. “Oh, my dear child, come give me a hug.”
After offering and accepting a deep hug from her, she sat at the table and said, “I love your painting!”
“Well, I like to dabble, you know.” She laid the paintbrush down and focused her attention on her arm. “It looks like it’s healing well. How are you feeling?”
“Much better,” she admitted. “My occupational therapy is over. I can now pick little things up with the fingers on my left hand, can pull up my pants, and can fasten my bra.”
Clapping her hand, Nonnie laughed. “Well, then, as long as your panties and bra are in place, what else do you need?”
She settled back in her seat, laughing along, telling her grandmother all about her physical therapy and having moved back into her apartment.
“And the young man? Jaxon, I believe his name was?”
“You don’t fool me, Nonnie. I know you and Miss Ethel have talked and I also know you know his name.” She sighed and said, “We’re kind of on a break. Not a big break, just a little one.”
“I don’t know the lingo you young people use,” Nonnie complained. “In my day, we didn’t take breaks. We courted and then we got married.” Cocking her head, she reached over and placed her hand on her arm. “What exactly are you doing?”
She picked up one of the little paintbrushes and fid
dled with it as she pulled her thoughts together. Finally, shrugging, she admitted, “I felt like I was too dependent on him. I went from being under Dad’s thumb to not being able to take care of myself and it was nice to turn it over to Jaxon and let him handle things for a bit.”
“And you think that was wrong?”
Shaking her head, she said, “No, not wrong. I definitely needed help and I realized my world was very small. No roommate anymore since she’s with her fiancé. Tiny apartment that I couldn’t move around in very well. All my friends are in the swimming world and I found that, after the first days in the hospital when they all wished me well, they went on with their lives and I didn’t really have good, true, lasting friends.”
“And your father…” Nonnie let the statement linger, giving her a chance to respond.
“Yeah. Dad was mostly my coach and his world’s been altered as well. He wanted me to be so positive that I’d get back to competitive swimming, and the realization that I won’t has been a strain on us. I mean, my arm could make a full recovery, but the lost time, starting from scratch building up the strength again? I don’t think I can come back from that.”
“How are you coping?”
“Some days, I’m furious that my life was completely changed just because someone ran a red light. Like being lost in a little rowboat in the middle of the ocean. I can’t see land and I’m just tossed with the waves.” She fiddled with the paintbrush a little more, gathering her thoughts. “I didn’t make the Olympics, but I did compete on a national and world level, so it’s not like I never met any goals. Then, sometimes, I think that I have actually been given a gift.”
“A gift?” Nonnie asked, her eyes wide in surprise.
“A chance to do something for me, besides just swim. There are so many things in life I’ve wanted, Nonnie. Things that I kept telling myself I’d get to after I made it to the Olympics. Friends…love…find out if I am something besides just what my father always saw.”
Leaning closer, Nonnie clasped her hands. “Oh, my dear girl. You can be anything you want to be.”
She leaned back in her seat, staring at the half-finished sunflower watercolor and wondered if Nonnie was right…and how will I ever know what I want to be?
“I am so glad you let us take you to lunch,” Rosalie said, spearing a fat shrimp in her seafood salad.
“It was nice of you to ask me and then come to pick me up,” she replied, her smile warm as she stared at the other three women. Eleanor and Regina rounded out the table and, while she had been nervous to begin with, she found the conversation fun.
“So, I just have to ask,” Regina began. “Is talking about Jaxon a taboo subject? I mean, I don’t want to make things uncomfortable.”
Shaking her head, she smiled. “No, he’s not a topic to be avoided. I moved out of his place, but that was because I needed to put some independence back into my life.” She hesitated for a few seconds and then added, “Okay, to be honest, I was pissed at first. I found out that he had been at the accident and withheld that information from me.”
The other women’s eyes widened and she hastened to add, “It wasn’t his fault, or anything like that, but I felt like it was an omission of information that I should have known.”
Eleanor nodded. “I understand. Rafe withheld information from me and it was devastating when I found out the truth.”
She stared at the dark-haired beauty and wondered the circumstances but did not ask. Instead, she said, “Well, I can’t say I was devastated. More like really ticked off that he was so clueless that it would matter to me.”
“Yeah, but that pretty much describes men, doesn’t it?” Rosalie quipped, gaining chuckles from the others.
“I hear you two met at Grimm’s. On the dance floor?” Regina asked, her smile bright. “That’s how I met Cael. We agreed on one night only, no names and no regrets.” Shaking her head, she laughed, “And see how that worked out!”
“That sounds like Jaxon and me, only we did share names. But, it was going to just be some fun, I thought. A chance to blow off some steam before the big competitions started. Turns out, we both wanted more almost immediately, but the timing wasn’t right.”
“Funny how life works sometimes, isn’t it?” Eleanor asked, her voice circumspect. “I was a nurse and planned on staying in the Army Reserves. But, a mission gone wrong and being burned changed my life. It took me a long time to understand what to do with my life after that experience, and that was after the long time it took to heal.”
She thought of the year long, horribly painful process of healing from the burns that Eleanor had to endure and her heart ached for her new friend. The knowledge that she had it easy compared to Eleanor struck her.
“Perhaps you’d like to see my clinic sometime,” Eleanor asked, her gaze warm on her. “We have an indoor swimming pool that has just been built. I’d love to show you around.”
A spark of interest filled her, and she grinned. “I would absolutely love to! Jaxon took me to the YMCA last week and it was fun to get back into the water. Well, at least my legs.”
“When can you swim again?” Rosalie asked.
“I can’t use my left arm for any resistance exercise now, but can easily move about the water.”
“That must feel strange,” Regina said, her eyes sad as she looked to her.
“I’ve been in swimming pools my whole life,” she shrugged. “It was all I knew. I used to get up at five a.m. to swim before school and then returned to the pool as soon as school was over. My dad was my coach until I went to college and had a college coach as well. I never fully realized how it dominated my life until it was taken away from me. Like, I knew I wanted a relationship and good, sincere friends, but it was easy to give those up not knowing what it meant to have them in the first place. I had friends, of course, but they were all swimmers and they floated away quickly when it became apparent that I was no longer part of their world.”
“Floated away,” Rosalie giggled, then immediately blushed. “Oh, I’m so sorry. It just struck me as funny that your swimming friends floated away.”
The irony of her own words struck her and she giggled as well, Regina and Eleanor joining in until their laughter rang out over the restaurant. Feeling lighter than she had in a long time, she looked toward Eleanor and asked, “Would we be able to visit your clinic today?”
Eleanor beamed as she nodded. “Absolutely! It’s such a life-changing place for the veterans who come there.”
She smiled in return, wondering if perhaps she could find something life-changing as well.
28
“The Bellamy Center was created to give veterans with burns a chance to continue their therapy and learn new skills after their time at veterans’ hospitals and facilities. My maiden name was Bellamy and I wanted it to honor my parents and grandparents.”
Morgan was so impressed as she walked along with Eleanor, who was offering a running commentary on the beautiful center. The outside was landscaped to perfection with walks lined with flowering shrubs mixed with evergreens. Flower beds dotted the area and, at a distance, she recognized Rafe with a small group standing around him.
With pride in her voice, Eleanor said, “Rafe is a landscaper and he teaches some of the interested veterans the tools of the trade, so they are employable when they leave.”
“Wow,” she breathed, her eyes swinging around to take it all in. They stepped inside and her attention was immediately snagged on the large, beautifully decorated building. Comfortable chairs and sofas sat in the sun-filled lobby. The walls were painted soft colors with artwork hanging along the halls.
Eleanor explained, “Burn units have to be so sterile and veterans’ hospitals often lack décor. I wanted our veterans to feel like they were in a nice facility and not a hospital.”
They walked past the offices and peeked into the fitness room, where she watched a few men and women inside working with physical therapists. They continued down the hall, past the kitchen,
and she recognized the work of an occupational therapist, who sat with several men and women learning to hold utensils.
“We have a daycare here as well, for some of our clients and employees. But, what I really wanted to show you, is our new indoor swimming pool.”
She felt excitement bubble inside as they moved down another hall, the scent of chlorine striking her. “Oh, my,” she breathed, excitement filling her blood as she stepped into the room. The L-shaped pool was not large, but it had four lanes for swimming and the smaller portion of the L was shallow, easy to use for standing exercises. “This is fabulous,” she enthused, the familiarity of the environment filling her.
“We have a few veterans who have used it, but with many fearful of what they can and can’t do, it mostly sits unused.”
She walked around the perimeter of the pool and carefully noted the construction of the facility. The walls were insulated and she felt cool, not cold, air blowing in. Large windows allowed the sunlight to shine in, but with pull-down shades, they could also block out the heat of the sun during the middle of the day in the summer, while allowing it to warm the interior in the winter. Of course. Burned skin would be more susceptible to the sun.
Eleanor walked along beside her, a slight limp leading her to believe she had burns on other parts of her body besides just her face.
“Do you use the pool?” she asked, hoping the question was not perceived as impertinent.
Eleanor smiled and nodded. “Yes. I find that it helps with circulation and gently stretching of the scarred skin. I have burns down my entire left side, so keeping the scar tissue as pliable as possible is needed.”
“Why do you think the pool is not used more?”
Eleanor stopped walking and turned to face her. “To be candid, it’s because we don’t have an instructor. Oh, there are plenty of people who are qualified to teach swimming. But we need more than that. Someone who truly understands the human body…injuries…the healing process. And, quite frankly, someone who can empathize with the fear of pain and the fear of the unknown.”
Jaxon: Heroes at Heart Page 20