by Holly Rayner
It felt like they were in a different world as they closed out their tab and headed back toward Paige’s place. It was a hazy, easy world where everything went smoothly, and everyone loved them, and nothing could go wrong.
But the further they got from George’s Bar, and the closer they got to Paige’s home, the more Paige felt they were leaving that world behind. They were returning home, to the real world, where tonight was a one-off performance, and Kehlan’s efforts to get into the town’s good graces was more a hobby than a mission.
It didn’t matter, because he was leaving. None of this mattered, because he was leaving. There was no winning this.
No longer insulated from the negativity of her thoughts by the bar’s atmosphere, they hit her harder. Last time she’d held back, as much as she could, given the circumstances. She’d tried to protect herself, emotionally, and she’d regretted it. And this time, she hadn’t. She’d done her best to put herself out there and leave the worrying to later, and before he even left, still, she was regretting it.
Tonight felt like the start of something, but it wasn’t. Seeing Kehlan and Dylan together felt like a family coming together, but it wasn’t. Kehlan’s hand in hers, even now as they approached the door, felt like an anchor point, holding her steady, but it wasn’t. It was a loose line that would leave her flailing any day now, when he left her again.
By the time they reached her door, Paige realized she hadn’t said a word for blocks, and her hands were shaking. Gently, Kehlan turned her so that she was facing him. With the hand that wasn’t still clasping hers, he tenderly raised her chin to look at him. He searched her face, his own a picture of loving concern.
“Where did you go?” he asked.
And the sweetness in his movement and his voice made Paige long for him all the more, and despair over him all the more.
“I’m not sure I want to invite you in,” she said, her voice sounding as thin and weak as she felt. When Kehlan’s face fell, so did her heart.
“Have I done something wrong?” he asked, and she shook her head.
“No. You’ve been amazing. You’ve been perfect. It’s just…”
She trailed off, her heart beating faster as she prepared to broach the unaskable question.
“It’s just what?”
“When are you leaving?”
She expected sadness. Maybe a little shame. She expected him to look down the way he had last time, and try to make excuses, and talk about how they should make the most of the time they had, which would make her hate him a little, even though it was what she had been telling herself all week. Seeing him that way would let her start to paint him in different colors. It would make it easier for her to start to let go.
But instead, Kehlan smiled a wide smile, and seemed barely able to stop himself from laughing with relief.
“Is that what you’ve been worried about?” he asked, to Paige’s confusion.
“It’s a real question,” she said indignantly. “Maybe you can act like this and then walk away, but I can’t just—”
Her angry words were interrupted by the soft, steady feel of his lips on hers, and she hated how instantly it soothed her. She wanted to object, but instead she found herself melting into the familiar feeling of his heart and hers joined together by their lips.
“Never,” he whispered, when they separated just enough to speak.
“What?” she asked, still hazy in the intensity of the kiss.
“The answer to your question. I’ll never leave again. Not if you don’t want me to.”
Now, she understood his relief and his joy, as she felt it flood through her body as well. There were details, of course, to work out. They would all come later. Right now, there was only the man in front of her, and the daydream that was about to become her reality.
“I don’t want you to,” she was barely able to mutter as the wild, passionate drive to kiss one another took them over again, and drew them both out of the chilly night and towards her bedroom.
Hazy in the afterglow, some time later, Paige couldn’t help but feel as though the evening had been taken over by some unstoppable force. She was worn out by the night they’d had, and the comfort of Kehlan’s strong arms drew her towards sleep.
But at the same time, she needed to hear his voice. She needed the sound of it in her ears as she drifted off.
“What will you do here?” she asked, even as she knew the answer was obvious.
“I’ll start up a practice. There seems to be a need for it, from what I’ve seen tonight.”
“Yeah, that will be good. Just like in Al-Derra.”
She felt the movement of his laughter in his chest reverberate throughout her own body.
“Not as many yacht christenings and red-ribbon openings, I’m afraid. But other than that, yes. It’ll be like it was in Al-Derra. People are the same everywhere. And they need the same things everywhere.”
Very little could upset Paige right now. So complete was her joy that nothing not joyful could really enter. The closest anything could come was like a shadow across the sun of her happiness—barely perceptible, but she found herself giving it a voice anyway as she drifted off.
“It’s not right, though. Running away from your responsibilities.”
If he replied, she didn’t hear it. She was already asleep.
Chapter 18
Kehlan
The blare of an alarm clock was not a sound Kehlan had ever associated with happiness. It was a sound he associated with early morning classes, and the constant state of never having enough sleep that he had been in throughout his residency. It was one of his least favorite things in the world.
But this morning, this alarm clock woke him up into the realization of Paige in his arms, and it was just about enough to redeem the sound in his mind. It drew him out of sleep faster than it did her, and he was able to reach out and silence the little device before she was completely awake.
“Where did the…sound…go?” she asked sleepily, her eyes still closed.
He smiled affectionately. She was too tired, apparently, to remember all of her words. He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, and ran his fingers up and down her bare arm.
“I shut it off. It’s trying to take you away from me, and I can’t have that.”
Her eyes shot open.
“Work! I’ve got to get to work. What time is it?”
“It’s still dark out,” Kehlan protested, half amused, half bewildered by the whirlwind that the woman he loved had turned into. “I thought that alarm was for getting Dylan to school.”
“It’s both,” she said. “I’m on the breakfast shift today. Breakfast starts early around here.”
He wanted to ask her to stay. He wanted to ask her to come back to bed, and to let him enjoy the feeling of her body against his, the way he had when she was sleeping. But he was too amazed by her to do so.
Was this what her life had been before she met him? Always on, always forward, waking up before dawn to work, even after the one night off she’d begrudgingly granted herself?
She was incredible. And Kehlan promised himself as he watched her quick, hurried morning motions, that he would use every resource he had to grant her a little rest. It would be the best use of his resources he’d ever found.
She was just about to leave when he called out to her.
“Paige!”
She turned, confused.
“Can you spare a second? Just one?”
He smiled, and she understood what he meant. Returning to the bed, she gave him a sweet, soft kiss on the lips, followed by a momentary, intimate shared smile.
And then, she was gone.
The bed felt cold without her there, and the sun still hadn’t risen. Kehlan could feel the lack of sleep settled on his bones, and even though he was used to the feeling, it was one that he’d done his best to avoid since his residency.
He should go back to sleep, he knew. And yet, it just didn’t feel right to try to
sleep without her there.
He smiled to himself. How was it that he already felt that he couldn’t sleep without her? And how long would it be until he would never need to again? There were logistics to be worked out. He wouldn’t push things, or rush things. How she wanted to move things forward with bringing him into her and Dylan’s family unit was up to her. If she wanted him to get his own place until she decided Dylan was ready to accept him into their household completely, then that was what he would do.
Still, he couldn’t help but see himself moving in here, and waking up every morning in this bed, with this woman, as he had today.
And if he had ever had any chance of getting back to sleep, those thoughts banished it completely. Instead, he stood, and ambled towards the kitchen. He’d spent enough time here over the past week that everything felt easy and familiar. The coffee and the coffee maker were both right where he thought they were, and he reveled in the rote way he made the coffee, and how much this house already felt like home.
While the coffee brewed, he went looking for his phone. They’d been in a bit of a flurry last night through the house, and his clothes were scattered around. It took him a few minutes before he found his phone under the coffee table.
Yawning, between glances at the brewing coffee, he unlocked his phone.
And stared.
Notifications from the night before scrolled down the screen, one after another. Different family members, calling and texting him, asking why he wasn’t picking up his phone.
A knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. He scrolled through the notifications, hoping against hope to find a message or missed call from his mother, proving that she was all right. Proving that all of this was not about her.
Nothing.
Still, Kehlan tried to calm his nerves. They’d left things on poor terms, and his mother was nothing if not a stubborn woman. Perhaps there was some other family drama, and she just wasn’t talking to him. He held onto this hope right up until he saw a message from his cousin Abdullah.
Why won’t you answer, K? She’s your mother.
Hands shaking, he pressed the button to call his cousin.
It was a short conversation for such an important one. His mother was sick. Cancer. She’d told no one, and only now had it become too serious to hide. She was still alive, but only barely. He needed to return home immediately if he had any chance of catching her before she passed.
Home. The word stung when Abdullah said it. How quickly he had been enjoying this little corner of the world feeling like home. And all that, just because he knew where the coffee was? But after 34 years, didn’t the place—and the woman—that had raised him deserve anything from him? Would he turn his back on it so quickly?
Paige’s words echoed through his thoughts. It’s not right, though. Running away from your responsibilities.
He told Abdullah he would be home soon, and to arrange him a flight out of Seattle. As he hung up with his cousin and began getting dressed, he was reminded of the similar motions Paige had made. Hers had been a very different whirlwind, though—she had been quick and alive and motivated, while he felt as though no part of him was touching the world around him, and nothing he did was actually happening.
She needed to know. He wanted to call her, but he couldn’t talk to her right now. It would make all of it too real. It would force him to confront it, and what a poor son he’d been to his mother when he’d known, deep down, that she was ill.
After all, didn’t he know? Hadn’t he seen? If he hadn’t, then shouldn’t he have known?
It’s not right, though…
He flipped off the coffee maker, feeling like it was a much bigger action than it was. Then, he found the back of a discarded envelope, and a half-dull colored pencil that was the closest writing utensil to hand.
“Had to return to Al-Derra. My mother is dying. I will come back.”
The words were terse and came nowhere close to what he meant, or how he felt, but they were the best he could do right now. He placed the note on the fridge, over a picture of Paige and Dylan at the zoo, the two of them posing in front of an elephant. The family he was born into was taking him from the family he wanted. He hated that he resented them for it.
He looked at the coffee maker and hesitated. Hot coffee, just waiting for him. The exhaustion in his bones, exacerbated by the mental anguish of finding out about his mother’s condition, begged him to drink it, but he didn’t have time. He knew, though, how much Paige liked a cup of iced coffee after work. That would be a nice surprise for her, at least, he thought. Maybe it would soften the blow of coming home and finding him replaced by a terse note and unanswered questions.
He put the coffee pot in the fridge and was gone, leaving the life he wanted for the life he still had.
Chapter 19
Paige
The Coffee Cup was busy, and Paige was run off her feet. With as little sleep as she’d gotten the night before, it should have been a difficult slog, but there was nothing negative about the morning—nothing that could remotely compete with the way that she felt.
He’s going to stay.
She wanted to add the words onto every sentence. Onto every repeated-back order.
Yes, that will be one order of the waffles, one order of the eggs Benedict, two coffees—oh, and Kehlan is staying.
In every moment when her mind wasn’t actively engaged in writing down an order or talking to a customer, it was back in bed with Kehlan. It was watching him, as she had the night before, break out in a smile and tell her he would never leave. It was remembering every detail of him, and how he moved, and how he made her feel. It was remembering the kindness with which he had treated all the ailing people at the pub. It was remembering his voice on stage, and his hand in hers, and the warmth of him and the sharpness of his features softened by the playfulness of his words.
He was never going to leave her, and nothing was ever going to have to go back to the way it had been before.
She loved her life. She had thought she’d loved her life. She loved Dylan, and she’d worn her stubborn determination to carve out a life for the two of them like a badge of honor. But having someone—and not just someone, but Kehlan—felt almost too good to be true. Except that she didn’t have it in her to doubt Kehlan. He’d keep his word. She was sure of it.
She stayed through the morning rush, fueled by her joy and surprised by how good her tips were. Happiness, it seemed, was contagious. And she was very much looking forward to seeing the cause of that happiness. Dylan would be at school—his grandparents would have dropped him off—so they would have the house to themselves for at least a few more hours. She wasn’t certain what they were going to do with it, but she had some ideas.
And, if the day weren’t good enough, the second she sat down in her car to head home, her phone lit up with a picture of her sister.
They used to have weekly calls, way back when. And she’d loved them, and Hayley had loved them, but life had a way of getting in the way. Now, the phone calls only happened when one sister or the other somehow found themselves with time on their hands, and the other sister somehow also, miraculously, was free at the same time.
Or, as now, they happened when one sister had something to discuss with the other. And Paige had a feeling she knew what Hayley wanted to discuss today.
Sure enough, they were barely a few seconds into the conversation on speakerphone, and Paige had barely pulled out of the Coffee Cup driveway when Hayley asked the obvious question.
“So…I’ve had a few people asking me about your new man.”
And just like that, the sisters were off. It wasn’t a long drive from the Coffee Cup back to her home, but Paige filled every moment, and was able to hit most of the highlights. And, as any good sister would, Hayley drank up every word.
But when Paige pulled into her driveway, alarm bells started going off in her head. Something was wrong. She couldn’t place it at first, but there was something not right he
re.
“Hayley, I’m going to have to call you back,” she said.
“What?” her sister asked. “Are you okay? You sound off.”
“No, I’m fine.” She tried to swallow her growing dread to fend off her sister’s suspicions. She had to sound like there was nothing wrong. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
She didn’t wait for a response. She needed to figure out what was setting her off. What was it? What was wrong?
She felt little tingles of panic all over her skin when she realized what it was. Kehlan’s car was missing. It wasn’t in the driveway where it belonged.
She tried to keep calm. There were any number of places around town that he might have gone. Any number of errands he might have run. Maybe he headed back to the bed and breakfast for a change of clothes. Maybe he was picking up some lunch from somewhere. Maybe, maybe, maybe…
She had just promised herself not to let her baggage from Kyle’s abandonment taint her new relationship. She had just told herself that she trusted Kehlan, and that she should focus on leaning into that trust and not let every possible sign of failure rattle it so hard.
But at the same time, a voice in her head was screaming at her that this wasn’t an overreaction. He was gone.
The door wasn’t locked. She didn’t know if this was a good sign or not. She never locked her door when she left, but sometimes Kehlan did out of habit. She walked inside.
“Kehlan?” she called out, just in case he was somehow still here, even though his car wasn’t. No answer.
No problem. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was happening. She repeated the words to herself. No need to jump to the worst conclusions. This man wasn’t Kyle. He wouldn’t just leave at the first sign of real commitment.