by Adam Frost
A fin appeared on each side and a rocket sprang out of the back.
“Haruki Horse runs a restaurant in Kobe,” said Albert. “That’s about an hour away by plane. But on this surfboard, you can be there even faster. Tap the red disc with your heel to start. Tap again to stop.”
“Cool!” Wily exclaimed. “Anything else I need to know about Haruki Horse before I go?”
“He’s barely seen in public. Apart from when he’s filming Megachef, he never leaves his restaurant. To get close to him, you’ll need to use your cunning, your intelligence and this spoon.”
Albert handed Wily a spoon with a row of flashing buttons along its edge.
“It’s a universal cooking tool,” Albert explained. “The first button turns it into an egg whisk, the second makes it a pizza slice, the third turns it into a tin opener. Pressing different combinations gives you other utensils, too. Or you can say what you’re cooking into the microphone in the handle and it will give you the right utensils in the right order.”
Wily pressed buttons and watched the spoon grind and click into dozens of different tools.
“I thought you could apply for a job in Haruki’s restaurant,” said Albert. “As a world-class chef.”
“Excellent idea,” said Wily, putting the spoon in his pocket and picking up the surfboard. “Are you coming, too?”
Albert sighed. “Only if you promise to surf responsibly.”
“I swear on my brother’s life,” said Wily.
Ten minutes later, Wily was riding a gigantic wave along the east coast of Japan, while Albert clung on to Wily’s back with his eyes tightly shut. When the wave broke, Wily activated the rocket booster and zipped through the sky, landing on another gigantic wave.
“You swore on your brother’s life you’d be sensible!” shouted Albert.
“I don’t have a brother!” Wily shouted back.
Shortly after, they landed on the sand at Suma Beach Park, not far from Haruki’s restaurant.
“So,” said Wily, “this judge said that Shoma Shrew’s meringue was delicious when it tasted revolting. Let’s find out why.”
“Please don’t talk about food,” said Albert, holding his stomach and collapsing on the beach in a heap.
Wily left Albert to recover and dragged his surfboard further up the beach. He leaned it against a rock and then walked along to the restaurant. Inside, it was very busy. Every table was packed with diners chatting, eating and ordering food.
You don’t get to be a Megachef judge unless you’re a good chef, thought Wily, so why would he be risking his reputation by rigging the competition?
His thoughts were interrupted by a large robot, which grabbed him by the collar and twisted him round to face the beach.
“EYEBALL SCANNED,” it said. “BOOKING NOT RECOGNIZED. YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO VACATE THE PREMISES.”
“Get your hands off me, you hunk of junk!” Wily exclaimed.
“HOSTILITY DETECTED,” said the robot. “INTRUDER WILL BE EJECTED.”
The robot whirred round to the side of the restaurant and kicked Wily into a giant dustbin.
“Well, this stinks,” said Wily, climbing out of the bin. Then, looking up, he noticed a door marked STAFF. Remembering Albert’s plan to pose as a chef, he brushed a mouldy grape off his shoulder and knocked on the door. Another robot appeared in the doorway. It looked very similar to the one that had just thrown him into the trash.
“Hello,” said Wily, “I’m Etienne Pamplemousse, the most exciting young chef in France. I’d like to work for Haruki Horse.”
“NOT POSSIBLE ,” said the robot.
“No vacancies?”
“EVEN IF YOU DID NOT SMELL OF MOULDY GRAPES,” said the robot, “MR HORSE NO LONGER HIRES ANIMALS. HE HAS REPLACED ALL HIS CHEFS AND WAITERS WITH THE LATEST T-PLUS-3 SERIES OF DOMESTIC ROBOTS.”
Wily glanced over the robot’s shoulder into the kitchen and saw dozens of robots chopping vegetables, preparing meals and carrying plates.
“Impressive,” Wily said. “You know, I should get myself a T-Plus-3. How much would a model like you cost?”
“MY RETAIL PRICE IS 10,000 US DOLLARS.”
“What a bargain!” Wily said. “And, tell me, when did Mr Horse activate you?”
“I BEGAN SERVING MR HORSE SIX DAYS AGO. YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO LEAVE THE PREMISES.”
“I’m going, I’m going,” said Wily. He wandered back round to the front of the restaurant, looking for Albert.
“Where have you been?” Wily asked when he found his assistant. “Sunbathing?”
“No, I’ve found a cave in the rocks,” said Albert. “I’m setting up a new HQ.”
“Listen,” said Wily. “I think I can prove that Haruki was bribed.”
“How?”
“Six days ago, he replaced all his staff with expensive robots,” Wily explained. “It would have cost him over a hundred thousand dollars. That’s serious money!”
“He could have earned it fair and square,” said Albert. “He is quite famous. And Charlie Cheetah must pay him a fair bit.”
“It’s possible,” said Wily, “but something smells wrong to me. I think someone gave him that cash.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to break into Haruki’s office,” said Wily, “and find out whether he’s involved.”
“But you just said his restaurant is staffed by robots,” said Albert. “How are you going to get past them?”
“That’s why I need your help,” said Wily. “Here’s the plan…”
Five minutes later they were standing outside Haruki’s restaurant. Albert was wearing overalls and holding a toolbox.
As they approached the doors of the restaurant, the first robot whirred out again.
“We heard you have a problem with a faulty robot,” said Wily.
“WHICH ROBOT?”
“Well … in fact … you,” said Wily.
Albert pulled out a small black stick and zapped the robot with a strong electric current.
The robot crackled and slumped forwards.
Wily peered into the restaurant and then said, “Great, nobody noticed. Now, get going – quick.”
Albert flipped open the control panel on the robot’s chest and started fiddling with wires.
As he did so, Wily noticed that all the robot waiters had stopped what they were doing and were staring at them through the restaurant windows.
“Uh-oh, they know something’s up,” said Wily. “They must all be connected.”
“I’ll need two more minutes,” said Albert, frantically snipping and twisting wires.
Two of the robot waiters were trundling towards the door. A red light was flashing on each of their chests.
“OK, I’ll distract them,” said Wily. He walked into the restaurant and rummaged around in his inside pocket where he always kept his disguises. He found a pair of large glasses and put them on. Then he said loudly, “I had a meal here last week and I left my hat behind.”
A couple of the diners looked up.
Both robots stopped. The red lights on their chests flashed amber.
“NO HAT IN LOST PROPERTY ,” said one of the robots.
“Maybe it’s over here,” said Wily, walking towards a pot plant and knocking it over. “Silly me,” he added.
“ACCIDENT IN LOCATION 7,” said the second robot and went to clean up the soil.
“Actually, I was sitting over here,” said Wily. He stumbled over a large vase, which smashed on the floor.
“BREAKAGE IN LOCATION 9 ,” said the first robot, whirring over to the vase.
“Or maybe it was over here by the window,” said Wily. He knocked a whole table to the floor, sending food and cutlery flying. “Sorry – I’m very short-sighted,” he said.
“You nincompoop!” exclaimed a moose as he wiped soup off his antlers.
The two robots started to pick up the plates. A third and fourth robot steamed out of the kitchen and headed straight for
Wily.
Wily quickly dropped down on to all fours.
“Is that my hat there?” he said, crawling through the robot’s legs and heading to the kitchen.
But at the kitchen door, a fifth robot grabbed Wily and turned him upside down. The robot wheeled back to the entrance and threw Wily as far as it could. He landed with a splash in the sea. As he clambered back on to the shore, he saw Albert walking towards him.
“Please tell me we’re in,” said Wily.
Albert grinned. “We’re in.”
Wily was sitting in the cave where Albert had set up their HQ. He was halfway through a video call with Charlie Cheetah.
“I knew that horse was involved,” said Charlie, taking a bite of pizza heaped with twenty different toppings. “He’s always been driven by money. Sadly his restaurant doesn’t make enough to fund his lifestyle. That’s why he became a Megachef judge – for the money. And he gets to do spin-offs. Recipe books, pasta sauce, cooking DVDs. Clearly these weren’t enough.” He gave an ear-splitting belch that made Albert’s laptop shake. “But I still don’t understand…” he said, starting on another pizza slice.
“What?” asked Wily.
“Why did Petra Platypus also say the meringue was delicious?” said Charlie. “Did someone get to her, too?”
“It’s possible,” said Wily. “Tonight I’m going to break into the restaurant and hopefully we’ll find out who’s been bribing BOTH Haruki and Petra.”
“Good, good,” said Charlie. He coughed and the screen was suddenly covered in tomato and melted cheese. He wiped a little hole in it and said, “Bye for now.”
“That cheetah is one hell of an eater,” said Albert in wonder.
It was midnight and Wily was standing outside Haruki’s restaurant again. All the lights were off and the only sound he could hear was the lapping of waves on the beach.
Wily knocked on the glass door of the restaurant and, a few seconds later, a robot appeared and unlocked the door. It scanned Wily’s right eye.
“YOU ARE RECOGNIZED AS A FRIEND,” said the robot. “YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ALL AREAS.”
“Much obliged,” said Wily and strode in. “Where are the other robots?”
“ALL OTHER ROBOTS PLACED IN SLEEP MODE,” said the robot.
“Well done, Albert,” Wily said to himself. Then out loud he said, “Let’s go to Haruki’s office.”
They came to a door at the back of the restaurant. The robot placed its hand over a sensor and the door hissed open. They went along a corridor and reached a second door. The robot punched a series of numbers and letters into a panel on the wall. The door opened and the robot wheeled into a small dark office.
“WAIT HERE ,” said the robot. “YOU DO NOT SHARE HARUKI’S DNA. SEVERAL ALARMS WILL BE ACTIVATED.”
Wily watched as the robot wheeled into the office. A strange yellow gas started fizzing out of the floorboards but the robot said the word “wasabi” and it stopped. An arrow whizzed out of a hole in the wall, but the robot caught it and snapped it in two. A heavy metal weight dropped down from the ceiling, but the robot caught it and placed it on the floor.
“ROOM NOW SAFE ,” said the robot.
Wily stepped inside and a trap door appeared by his feet. He managed to fling himself sideways just as it opened, grabbing on to the edge of the pit with his left hand and then swinging himself up and over – back on to the floor.
“I thought you said the room was safe,” said Wily.
“THAT IS THE WAY TO HARUKI’S OFFICE,” said the robot.
Wily looked into the hole. A ladder led down into a small bunker.
“Wow,” said Wily. “What is he trying to hide?”
He climbed down and spotted a computer. This time he didn’t need to think twice. He immediately started going through Haruki’s photos and emails. In a folder marked “don’t delete”, he found a video file marked “final agreement”. Wily clicked on it and Haruki Horse’s face appeared on screen. It was a recording of a video call made the week before.
“So what is your final offer?” said Haruki. His monocle glinted and he spoke with a deep voice.
“One hundred thousand dollars now and another hundred thousand when you finish the task,” said the other caller. But it was impossible to work out who it was. The animal wore a cloak that covered its face and its voice had been scrambled by special software.
Haruki flared his nostrils. “And the task is to send Shoma Shrew and Kia Coyote through to the final?”
“That’s correct,” said the other caller.
Haruki took off his monocle and wiped it slowly with a handkerchief. “I’ll think about it,” he said.
The other caller was silent for a couple of seconds and then said, “There’s nothing to think about. If you refuse, I’ll take your sharpest kitchen knife and plunge it straight into your heart.”
The call ended and the screen went black.
“Nasty,” Wily said to himself.
He copied the file on to his phone and searched the rest of Haruki’s desk. In the bottom drawer was a letter from the bank confirming what Charlie had suspected. Haruki was a big spender. Wily also found out that the bank was threatening to make him sell his restaurant.
“OK, I’m coming back up,” Wily shouted.
The robot didn’t reply.
Wily hurried up the ladder. “Hey, metal-head! Did you hear me?”
He climbed out of the trap door, but the robot was nowhere to be seen. He looked for tracks on the carpet – there was nothing. It was as if the robot had never been in the room.
Wily breathed in. He could smell horse, metal, sushi and then … rodent. Wily remembered the paw print of the animal that had followed him from the TV studio. That had been a rodent, too. Wily swivelled round.
“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he murmured.
Wily felt a breeze behind him and spun round. Nothing. He moved silently along the corridor and out into the restaurant. The rodent smell was overpowering now. Something lurched out of the darkness. Wily ducked and a pan flew over his head, clattering on to the floor. He turned round and looked at the kitchen doors.
In each of the doors, there was a round window. In one of the windows, there was a face. A face wearing a mask across its muzzle. Wily expected the face to disappear, but it didn’t – it stared at him with glittering rodent eyes. The window was at least a metre off the ground. The rodent was clearly very tall or … could it be … levitating? A single word immediately leaped into Wily’s head.
Ninja.
The face disappeared. Wily clenched his fists. This could be tough. One of his trickiest cases had been the Mystery of the Bald Husky, where he’d had to fight off nineteen ninja chihuahuas. But he’d solved that case and he’d solve this one.
Wily walked towards the kitchen. Suddenly the doors whooshed open and a black streak hurtled through the air, knocking him over. He felt something thumping him on the ear and then everything went black.
Wily woke up sweating. Did he have a fever? Then he realized the air around him was hot. He sat up quickly and hit his head on something hard. He threw out his arm and whacked something even harder. There was a small glass window in front of him. Wily peered through and could make out Haruki’s kitchen. He was locked inside an oven.
Wily whipped out his phone – no signal. He banged on the door – it didn’t budge. The oven was intensely, unbearably hot.
“OK, Wily,” he said to himself. “Keep cool.”
Wily rooted around in his pockets. His notepad. His false beard. A pair of glasses. And then he put his hand on the gadget that Albert had given him. The small spoon that could transform into any kitchen utensil in the world.
“Steak tenderizer,” he said into the microphone at the end.
The spoon whirred and turned into a big metal mallet. Wily whacked the door with it, but it didn’t budge – and now he was even hotter.
He tried a potato masher, a spatula and a rolling pin, but he couldn’t even dent
the door. His tail had started to shrivel and curl up from the heat and his tongue felt like bark.
“If you can’t stand the heat,” he said to himself, “get out of the kitchen.”
An idea dropped into his head. “Toothpick,” he said and the gadget whirred into its new shape.
Wily inserted the toothpick carefully into the edge of the oven door, twisting the lock. He heard one catch go click, then another. Finally the door popped open and Wily collapsed on to the kitchen floor, gasping. He took a few seconds to cool down, then sprang to his feet.
This was bigger than a cookery competition. Someone wanted him dead.
Wily searched the kitchen for any sign of the ninja. Nothing, except for that same rodent smell. Then he looked for other clues. He found a tiny scrap of paper by the kitchen door. Had it been dropped as the ninja flew at Wily’s head? It had a few numbers scrawled on it: 14-12-5-13-21-18. A phone number? A bank account?
Wily quickly left the restaurant and ran back to the cave HQ, where a fire was crackling outside. He told Albert everything that had happened.
“So you were right,” said Albert. “Haruki was bribed.
“He used the money to pay off his debts and hire a fleet of robots,” said Wily. “Robots don’t need wages or lunch breaks or holidays – his money worries are over.”
“OK, so do we arrest him?”
“Not yet. Let’s make him and the ninja think they’ve got rid of me,” said Wily. “But I want you to stay here and watch Haruki,” he continued. “I’m going to talk to Petra Platypus. Whoever bribed Haruki bribed her as well.”
Albert sighed. “Be careful, Wily. If that ninja finds you, it’ll probably try to kill you again.”