by Megan Duncan
I stepped out, the snow spiraling around the patio in white gusts as the wind whipped the snowflakes in every direction. The girl was sitting motionless, her legs pulled up against her chest and her head resting on her knees as she just stared off into the distant forest of trees. My eyes focused on hers as her lashes batted closed and open again, but never flicking over to my direction. Had she even noticed me come outside?
I was a mere ten feet from her when the most beautiful sound I ever heard stopped me dead in my tracks. “I was wondering when I’d see you again,” she said in a soft voice that was filled with sadness. “It was you, wasn’t it?” She turned her face toward me. Those eyes. I’d never seen eyes like hers before. They were impossibly green and large amongst her other petite features. Her cheeks and nose were as pink as a rose, and her thin lips were pursed together as she waited for my answer. But I couldn’t speak. My mouth had gone completely dry, and all I could do was stare at her.
Her fingers wrapped around her hair, pulling it over her shoulder and clinging to it like it comforted her. “You’re looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost.” For the first time she took her eyes off mine, and focused on twirling her curls in her fingers.
I stepped forward and swallowed hard. “Sorry,” I said, still staring at her, hoping she’d look at me again. I wanted to see her eyes. Those eyes that seemed so pure, like all the good in the world I had ever hoped to find lay within them. “I just thought you should come inside…” I took another step closer and offered my hand, “Before you catch a cold.”
A small laugh escaped her, and her gaze tilted back up to mine. There was such innocence in her expression, yet behind her emerald eyes I could see a sorrow that she was fighting to hide. “What’s your name?” she asked, showing no sign that she intended to go inside anytime soon.
“William,” I answered, fidgeting in place. Despite her beauty, or maybe be because of it, I was completely uncomfortable in her presence. As much as a demon would be in the presence of an angel.
“I’m Autumn,” she said, offering her hand in greeting but I didn’t take it. I wanted to, but I didn’t trust myself to touch her. I didn’t know what I’d do. She looked a little disappointed at my rebuff, but hid it hastily. “So…” she turned her eyes back toward the tree line, still twirling her hair in her fingers.
“So, why are you here?” I crossed my arms across my chest, and clenched my teeth. “Why are you in Hazel’s room?” My mouth pulled the words from my mind of their own accord.
“Oh.” The corner of her lip pulled up ever so slightly, but fell back down just as fleetingly. “Maryann told me you and Hazel were friends.”
My irritation rose at her tone, like she knew some secret I didn’t. Just because she was pretty didn’t mean I’d think it was okay what she was doing. She couldn’t charm me into being her friend. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Hazel is my grandmother,” she answered softly.
I took another step forward a growl rumbling in my chest. So she was a con-artist. A beautiful, little, con-artist. “Hazel didn’t have any family,” my tone was challenging.
“No…she didn’t, but she was the closest thing to a grandmother that I’ve ever had,” she admitted, wrapping herself tighter in the quilt.
“Is that so?” The muscles in my jaw began to flex as I clenched them together. “What did you hope to find by coming here? Hoping you could play the part of the grieving granddaughter so you could look for anything of value?” the venom in my voice made her lip quiver as my words hit her.
“Why would you say something like that?” Her eyes began to glisten as tears grew strength within her; ready to pour as freely as a waterfall. “You think I’m here to steal from her? Seriously?” she sounded offended, but I didn’t buy it.
Her little act didn’t work on me, and I stood firm.
“It’s true, isn’t it? You might have Maryann fooled but not me. I’ve met people like you before.” I snarled at her, disgusted that someone so beautiful on the outside was so ugly on the inside.
“No, it isn’t true.” She flung her feet to the ground, dropping the quilt to the floor as she marched forward to meet me face to face. “I cared about her, and she cared about me. She was the only one…” she sputtered as her emotions exploded within her. Tears streamed down her pink cheeks, but she didn’t wipe them away. “She was the only one who cared about me, and now she’s gone,” her words came out as a whisper. Her eyes burned brighter, boring into mine, yet looking somewhere far beyond.
“If she was so important to you then why didn’t you go to her service?” I knew I’d found the hole in her story. I’d seen everyone that day, and she wasn’t one of them.
“I was there,” she growled at me, frowning in a way that contradicted her angelic features. “And so were you!” Without another word she stormed past me, bumping harshly into my shoulder as she passed by. The door slammed in her wake and I was left standing out in the cold, completely stunned.
I didn’t see Autumn the rest of the day. She locked herself in her room, only letting Maryann enter. Had she really been telling the truth? Even if she was, that didn’t explain what she was doing here. Did she come to stay here because she missed her so much? And if she really was as close to Hazel as she said, then why had I never heard of her before?
My shift ended early when Maryann asked me to pick up the night shift for Lisa who had called in sick. I was more than happy for a reason to leave, and practically flew out the front doors. I needed to escape; to get away from her. My every thought was consumed by her, and that only maddened me. Why did I care so much? So she was staying in the same room, using my dear friend’s things…it’s not like Hazel needed them anymore.
I’d somehow managed to drive home without any recollection of the entire drive. I sat idly in my SUV staring at my hands as they gripped the steering wheel. Maybe something was wrong with me. Perhaps Ming had really given me live blood and it was messing with me, disrupting my balance, causing the monster inside to slowly claw its way back in. There was an enormous difference between sterile blood drained from a donor using needles and tubes; and blood cut straight from a live victim like they were a pig being slaughtered. I wouldn’t be able to taste the difference, but I was almost certain I was starting to feel it.
I strode inside and fell onto my couch, balancing my elbows on my knees as I rubbed my temples. Her eyes were burned into my memory. I would have remembered them if I had seen them before. If she had been at the funeral, I would definitely have remembered her. A face like hers couldn’t be forgotten.
I played the scenes of that day through my mind like a movie. I could remember every detail down to the smell of the freshly dug earth mixing with the sweet aroma of flowers. I was about to give up, when it suddenly hit me. The one face I ignored because it was covered in a lacy, dark veil. I’d ignored her before, but I replayed the brief moment in my memory of when I’d first observed the small crowd as I exited my car.
My feet were crunching against the snow, and I walked with my head low; my hands buried in my pockets until I reached the curb to take my first step off the pathway and truly enter the cemetery. None of the mourners turned in my direction except one. A woman sitting in the back row, slightly shadowed by a husky man standing beside her, stared at me. I tried to freeze that moment in time in my mind, zeroing in on her face. All I could make out was the tiniest glimmer of emerald before disappearing as she turned away.
I gasped, falling away from the memory and back into reality. Had that really been Autumn? Had she really been there? If she was telling the truth then…then I guessed I owed her an apology.
With the realization that Autumn might very well be telling the truth, another emotion hit me that I wasn’t expecting. The lingering anger that I had felt for days was replaced with fascination. I wanted to know everything there was to know about her. I wanted to know what it felt like to touch her hair, and to have her look at me the way she had when she thoug
ht of her feelings for Hazel. I wanted her to feel that way about me. To care for me. But…was that even possible, considering what I was?
~
6
Don’t Go
Ten o’clock couldn’t come quickly enough. For the first time in ages, I was eager to return to work. I was almost giddy, and I couldn’t recall the last time I’d felt like this. Had her beauty awoken something inside me that I thought had died long ago?
I parked in Dr. Conner’s spot knowing he wouldn’t be using it until late the next day. I just wanted to get inside that much quicker, and apologize and…just see her. I had been an asshole. I should have been more welcoming to someone who was so close to the one person I had admired so dearly. Hazel had been a friend; and a mentor, and I had nothing but anger to show toward the first person I’d ever met who considered her family.
The hallways were as quiet as they were on New Year’s Eve. I pushed my way through the door of the employee break room and nodded my greeting to the nurses who were on break. Their attention was fixated on some late night talk show, as I shrugged off my jacket. I hung it on the hook inside the locker and pushed off my snow boots before slipping on my Adidas. The show host, Jay Leno to be exact, was talking with some ditsy celebrity about their resolutions for the new year, which I guessed she would probably never accomplish.
“You really leaving us, Willy?” one of the younger nurses, Amy, who was at the end of her internship, asked me, pushing her bottom lip out in a pouty face as she walked toward me.
“Yeah.” I smirked at her attempt to attract me with her child-like antics.
“Don’t you like it here?” she asked, popping her hip to the side as she leaned against a nearby locker.
“Yeah, Will! Where you going anyway?” another asked from across the room, her head poking over the back of the sofa. “You’re like the only person around here who knows what they’re doing!”
“Hey!” Amy feigned injury as she turned toward her friend to flip them the bird, but plastered on a fake smile when she faced me again.
“Some place warmer,” I called back sarcastically, like I’d really tell them anyway. I had two days left here, and I didn’t want to leave any trace of where I was headed. The last thing I needed was someone snooping around after me to find out where I’d gone. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ming wanted to keep tabs on me.
“Ooh, like California?” the young nurse’s eyes grew wide with excitement.
“You guessed it,” I lied through my teeth as I pulled my time card off the wall and swiped it through the time clock. It beeped in response, the little bulb blinking green.
“That is like, so cool! You could go to the beach every day!” she squealed with excitement and envy. “I’m so jealous.”
“Me, too!” the other nurse from across the room added.
“I’ll send you a postcard then,” I said, trying to end the conversation as I moved toward the door.
“Really?” Amy asked, sounding hopeful with doe eyes.
“Um…sure,” I replied, trying to avoid eye contact with her. I really should have never gone out for drinks with these ladies. They’ve been nothing but clingy ever since.
I was ready to end the conversation, but she was blocking the exit. “Anybody do the walk-ins yet?” I questioned, trying to deflect the conversation back toward something I was comfortable with. I didn’t need any of these girls getting the wrong impression. It seemed every time I was friendly to them they acted like I’d asked them to marry me.
“I was going to start after my break. You can go with me if you want,” she said, toying with the lanyard around her neck.
“Nah, that’s cool. Let’s split it. You take the east wing and I’ll take the west. Sound good?”
“Sure,” she said, sounding disappointed as she trotted away to go sit back in front of the television.
I smiled as I made my way down the hallway, knowing that I’d given myself the wing that Autumn was residing in. Hopefully she wouldn’t slam the door in my face when she saw me. By the way our last meeting ended I wouldn’t be surprise if she did.
Before starting my rounds, I stopped at the nurse’s station and grabbed a clipboard so I could run through the check systems as I went through each room. I had to check the chart for each room and make sure it had been signed off for the day. If medical equipment was being used I would step in to check it was working properly. One of our patients slept with an oxygen tube on, and it had fallen off during the night. There was no immediate danger to the patient, but not having it on made for a very difficult next day. I also wanted to double check that the medication delivery had been signed off, it could be very dangerous if someone missed their dosage.
For the next couple of hours I went room to room, checking charts and machines, bringing extra blankets and even turning on the television for the residents who needed the white noise to keep them asleep. The more time that passed, the more nervous I was getting about seeing Autumn. I mean, what was I even doing? I was going to be leaving soon, what was my goal in getting to know her? There was no harm in making a new friend, but…really, what was the point if I was leaving?
I kept talking myself in and out of heading to her room, but somehow by fate or sheer will, I found myself standing outside her door. As I’d noticed before, there was no chart hanging on the wall, but of course there wouldn’t be. She was only here because she missed Hazel. I didn’t even know how long she was planning on staying. She could have already left for all I knew, not wanting to deal with my less than stellar demeanor. I couldn’t blame her; I wasn’t all that pleasant to be around.
Lifting my hand to grasp the handle, I stopped and decided to knock softly. Maybe she was already asleep? I listened intently, not hearing a single rustle from inside the room. As I was doing it, I kept telling myself it was wrong, but my body wouldn’t listen. I turned the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open as the old hinges creaked with every inch. I stopped again, staring into the dark room. Everything was as I’d last seen it. The throw blanket lie exactly the same way on the antique arm chair as it always had, and the television remote still sat stop the same Time magazine. The decorative couch pillows rested crease-free looking like no one had sat there in ages. Had Autumn really left? Certainly our little argument wouldn’t cause her to leave so suddenly, would it?
I strode into the living room, turning to face the bedroom area only to find the bed perfectly made. Even the quilt had found its place back on the bed as if it had never been moved.
A sigh of disappointment slipped through my lips, and I retreated out of the room closing the door silently behind me. It was better this way anyway. I would only have brought trouble to the poor girl. Things like me weren’t friends with people like her. It just wasn’t in the cards.
My rounds were over quicker than I would have liked, but with the desire to keep my mind off a beautiful girl I barely knew, I had plowed into my work. I hung my clipboard back at the nurse’s station and decided to go on a break early. There wasn’t much left to do for the night except take shifts with the other staff on checking on the residents.
I wasn’t in the mood to head into the employee break room. There was laughter coming from inside, but I just wasn’t up for conversation. If I could even call it that. The women I’d met lately held no appeal for me; we had nothing in common, no shared interests. Tonight I just couldn’t pretend to be interested. I never cared for conversing about celebrity gossip, or the latest blockbuster movie that just hit the theatres or even what reality show I liked the most. They were all nice ladies, but I was from a different era, a different time that they would never understand. I was an old soul…well, I was definitely old. Whether or not I actually had a soul; that I wasn’t quite sure of.
Wandering through the quiet hallways, I found myself looking out onto the patio, as if I would find her sitting there. Of course she wasn’t there; she’d be crazy if she were and probably frozen to death. The bench she had been sitting on e
arlier was covered in a soft layer of snow, looking lonely in the dim moonlight. My eyes caught sight of my own reflection looking longingly outward, silently hoping she would have been there. What was it about this girl? Had she bewitched me? Never, in all my years, had a woman generated such a reaction from me. In the past, a woman of her beauty only made me feel one thing. Hunger.
I shook my head trying desperately to shake out thoughts of her as they rattled around in my brain like loose screws. I needed to think of something else; focus on something else. There was only one place in this entire building that I could do that.
My feet carried me as fast as they could without giving away how quickly I really could move. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me. Amy could still be walking the halls for all I knew, and I didn’t want to chance her catching me. Especially since I had to walk straight through the wing she was working in to get to where I was headed. I hadn’t been there since Hazel died, but it was time. We had shared many chess games, and endless conversation there. It was probably the best contribution the board of directors had ever given this facility. They’d built it because it looked good in their brochures, but the residents absolutely loved it and that was good enough for me.
The atrium was attached at the farthest part of the east wing. It had been a new addition last year. The residents loved spending afternoons chatting or playing card games, especially during the winter when it was too cold to go outside.
I pushed my way through the glass doors and drew in a deep breath as I entered the atrium. It was a massive glass structure, much like a greenhouse with thick trees, leafy plants and aromatic flowers. A flagstone path weaved its way between the lush vegetation, opening up into a cozy courtyard. A small koi pond sat underneath a faux rock waterfall. The sound of the bubbling water hit me instantly, immediately soothing me to my core. I should have come here sooner, but I’d forgotten how peaceful this place was.