by Megan Duncan
“But if you cause any trouble; or you hurt that girl, you’ll be tasting my boot leather for a month,” he had scolded me, his face growing red.
“I wouldn’t think of it.”
I would never hurt her, and I’d never take anything too far; especially at work. Since that first night I’d held her in my arms I hadn’t touched her, not even a fleeting caress or embrace. I wanted to, oh god, did I want to, but I would never do so without her permission. There had been times when, for a moment, I had thought she wanted me to. I had thought she was sending me a signal with her eyes. She looked at me as though she were studying my face, afraid that she might forget it someday. I’d even caught her staring at me; her eyes traveling from my lips to my eyes and back again, then she’d blush and turn away without a word. I would have thought that in all my years I’d have learned the many secrets of women, but with Autumn, I was quickly learning I knew nothing at all. All my tricks of wooing the opposite sex, every maneuver I had successfully executed meant nothing where she was concerned. Autumn was nothing like the conquests of my past. Perhaps that’s what was drawing me toward her.
The morning crept by at a snail’s pace as I waited for the clock to hit one thirty. Autumn and I were spending lunch in the atrium, as usual. I stopped by the store on my way to work and picked up her favorite salad with a bottle of pink lemonade. I grabbed one for myself for appearances sake. I always ate very little knowing my stomach would be churning later. I could eat normal food without a problem, but my gut had to work double time to digest it. Imagine having heart burn, bubble guts and indigestion all at once. Then times it by ten. Besides, I’d have to take it easy at lunch today if I wanted to make it through dinner. That was if she said yes, of course.
She was sitting at the same table we always sat at. Her canvas was towering before her; a paintbrush stuck in the bun in her hair. A smile perked up my lips just from the sight of her. She finished her piece of the courtyard more than a week ago, and it was now hanging in my living room. Today she was working on a still-life, a close up of a lavender rose. A lavender rose I had given her. It was just beginning to wither, and when I told her I’d replace it she refused; telling me she liked it just the way it was. I had thought that an odd response until I saw her painting. Veering away from her watercolors, she drifted toward traditional style with muted tones and delicate strokes.
I walked silently behind her hoping I could watch her work for a moment without her noticing, but the bag of food crinkled in my grasp. It wasn’t a loud noise, but in the absolute silence of the atrium it was deafening.
“What’s for lunch?” she asked. I could hear the amusement in her tone without even looking at her.
“Salad,” I answered, grinning from ear to ear as I took my usual seat across from her.
“Ooh!” She perked up her eyebrows as she peeked over her canvas, watching me unpack the food. “Yummy.”
“It’s coming along nicely,” I commented on her canvas as she set it on the floor beside her so she’d have room to eat.
“Yeah, it’s not that bad. There are some areas I want to touch up though,” she replied, pulling off the apron she wore over her clothes. It caught on the brush poking out of her bun, pulling it out and sending it falling into her salad. She giggled at her clumsiness as her hair tumbled out around her.
I reached out to snag the paintbrush from her lunch just as she did, and our fingertips touched. I froze for only a moment, watching her fingers against mine before tugging my eyes upward. She was staring at me, her small heart-shaped lips drawing into a smile.
Fearful of how much that slight physical contact was making my heart race, I quickly plucked the brush from her food. “Sorry about that,” I said awkwardly, handing her the brush. My eyes dodged back and forth between her and my own untouched bowl of salad. Her smile promptly vanished, as she went about stabbing her fork into the crisp lettuce leaves.
Just as I popped open the lid to my lunch, a thought struck me like a bolt of lightning. She didn’t think I said sorry because we touched, did she? I hadn’t meant it like that. I meant…well, I hadn’t meant anything by it. I suddenly felt overcome with the urge to correct myself.
“I didn’t mean I was sorry for…I just…I stuck my fingers in your food without even thinking…” I reached out to touch her without even realizing it, and quickly pulled back, again. What was I doing? I must have looked like a total idiot! I wanted to be near her, but I wanted to keep my distance too.
“It’s okay,” she shrugged me off, taking a sip of her lemonade. “What’s with you today?” she asked, eyeing me suspiciously with her knowing, emerald eyes.
“What do you mean?” I did the best to collect myself, leaning back in my seat and getting my nerves in check. Keep it cool. I needed to keep it cool.
“You seem different.”
I looked down at myself them back at her. “How so?” I didn’t see what she was seeing. I looked exactly as I always did, and always would. Then again, I’d definitely changed on the inside since meeting her. But she couldn’t see that, could she?
“You tell me,” she said, curiosity in her tone, as she picked at a small cube of chicken with her fork.
And then my body betrayed me. I snorted. A deep, chuckle bounced out of me like a stampeding animal. I just couldn’t stop my mind from playing out the scene if I had answered her question. How was I different? I could almost see the salad flying in the air, the screams streaming out like raging waves, and the fear bleeding like an open vein. The answer to that question was as dangerous as it was deadly.
“Did you just snort?” she asked, sniggering slightly.
“No.” I cleared my throat, shoving a mouthful of salad into my maw to stop myself from saying anything stupid. Seriously, what was happening to me? This nervous, love-struck man wasn’t who I was. Yet, here I was, sitting across from an angelic beauty, praying I didn’t say the wrong thing. Dear god…was this what it felt like to be human?
“Yes, you did!” Autumn smiled wildly at me, pushing her salad aside so she could lean forward and get a better look at me. She analyzed my every feature, searching my eyes so deeply I thought for sure she would find every secret I ever had. Was she starting to suspect how different I was from everyone else? How I hardly ate, how I never got sick, or how quickly I could move? What would happen if she discovered the truth? I would have to leave, there was no other choice.
“You’re nervous,” she said with solidity, sitting back into her chair; a triumphant smirk on her face.
“What?”
“I can see it in your eyes,” she said, before sipping at her lemonade, her pinky wiggling in the air as she did so. “Does it bother you that much to be around me?”
“It doesn’t bother me to be around you,” I replied quickly.
“William, you won’t even touch my hand without recoiling like I’m some kind of snake.” Her words stung like a venomous bite, yet her tone was as sweet as it ever was.
“I don’t recoil. I just…” Did I recoil? I suppose I did, or it looked like I did. I was just so afraid of crossing a line, not knowing where I stood with her. I wanted us to be more than whatever we were, but I knew we never could. It was a torturous battle that my heart and mind played endlessly. She was a human; I was a vampire. She was like an angel; I was a monster. She wouldn’t harm a fly; and I’ve killed hundreds. My mind knew it would never work between us, but my heart would never accept it.
“You just did,” she pointed out with sorrowful honesty.
“It’s not that,” I finally answered. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The truth forced itself out of me.
“Well, that’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she quipped. My head popped up with surprise, a questioning gaze creasing my features. “I know you’d never hurt me.” Her voice grew soft, breezing out of her pink lips like a heavenly harp.
She was so very wrong; and so very right at the same time. I didn’t want to hurt her, and in my heart I kne
w I wouldn’t but I also knew how exceedingly capable I was of doing it. I could easily tear her limb from limb, and drain every last drop of blood from her pretty little body. In the past, I probably would have. I would have relished in devouring her purity, but not anymore. Now, I wanted only to preserve it. That very thought went against everything I was. I was a beast, a vampire and I had been fighting those urges for some time now. What would happen if I couldn’t fight anymore? What would happen if the beast finally won? It had been easier to fight it before I met her, but now that I finally found something I wanted so desperately, it was hard to fight back those urges. Those violently powerful urges to take what I wanted, when I wanted it.
“How do you know that?” a hint of challenge pierced through my tone. Something inside me wanted to push her away, if only to keep her safe. Safe from me. As much as I wanted her to be mine, she’d be better off without me in her life.
“I just do,” she answered, giving me little attention as she went back to her salad. “Don’t try to change the subject either,” she added, pointing at me with her fork.
“And how would I do that?” my temper began to flare, the shadow of my former self threatening to reveal who I truly was. Damn my temper! Would I never get a handle on it?
“By avoiding the truth!” Autumn retorted, a power in her voice I hadn’t heard since we argued on the patio the first night I ever spoke to her.
“What truth?” I growled, running my fingers through my hair to keep from pounding my fist on the table. Must she challenge me so? Doesn’t she know how dangerous I am? No! She thinks I’m as saintly as she is…well, she’s wrong.
“Stop fighting it, William,” Autumn begged me, pushing herself out of her chair before taking two quick steps to my side. I shook my head at her, fighting to control my anger. I couldn’t let it win; I had to be strong. Just because she was naive enough to think I was better than what I was, didn’t mean she deserved to take the brunt of my fury.
“Stop.” Her voice was soft, carried on a warm breath across the flesh of my ear as she leaned into me. She tugged on my hands, pulling them from my face and squeezing them in hers. My body instantly cooled to her touch, my every nerve focusing on the electricity that fired between us. Was she sent here to torture me; a gift from the heavens that I could never have? There was no way something as lovely as she would ever deserve to be cursed by the likes of me.
“What are you thinking?” she asked, examining my vacant expression
“I was thinking that you don’t deserve me,” I said without emotion. I risked a glance at her face, only to find she was shaken by my words. “I meant that you don’t deserve something like me. You should be with a movie star, or…or a prince!” I truly believed she should. She might have been stunning on the outside, but it was the beauty I found inside her that genuinely won me over.
A tiny snort interrupted the silence, and she slapped her hand to her lips as a fit of titters fluttered out her. I sat up, looking at her with surprise, seeing the amusement and embarrassment reddening her face.
“Did you just snort?” I repeated her earlier question, feeling the warmth of coming laughter building inside me.
“No.” She smiled through her obvious humiliation. Despite my earlier protests, I lifted her hand and clasped it in mine. I’d forgotten what I’d come to ask her today. I had let myself get distracted thinking I should stay away, that I didn’t deserve her. And I was certain I still didn’t deserve her, but she was with me now, and I wanted to enjoy that while it lasted. In a hundred years from now, when I was alone and wondering what my purpose was, I could look back on these moments with her and know that I had found happiness once.
“So, tell me, William,” she said, sinking back into her seat with a mischievous look on her face, “what’s got you so nervous?”
Suddenly, I realized I was nervous. Not about asking her to dinner, but about what that meant. The more time I spent with her, the more chance there was that she would discover the truth. Did I really want to bring that nightmare into her world? Was I really so selfish that I was willing to risk her safety so I could have just another moment with her? I was a vampire, so of course I was that selfish. Maybe it was just dinner…maybe nothing would come of it.
“You do realize I’m not going to let you get away with not telling me, right?” she announced, with authority.
“I wanted to ask you to dinner tonight,” I answered in one quick breath.
“Really?” she eyed me with amusement, crossing her legs as she swallowed the rest of her lemonade. I waited anxiously for some other reply. I’d never been refused by any woman, in fact, I had to refuse them. But, with Autumn, I was uncertain.
“I’d love to,” she said sweetly, a tiny twinkle in her eye revealing that she had enjoyed making me wait for the answer. Perhaps it was a test to see how badly I wanted her to go. If that were true she’d never know how much.
“Wonderful!” A sigh of relief blew out of me, and a weight lifted off my shoulders. I could feel my nerves unwinding, my monstrous nature subsiding; crawling back under the rock where I buried it.
“Where are we going?” she questioned, picking up her canvas and setting it back on the table.
“Um…well, I know you like seafood so I was thinking we could go to The Anchor,” I replied, hoping I’d picked a good spot.
“Sounds good.” She twirled her hair back up into a bun, poking two brushes through it before carefully pulling her apron back on. “So, is this like a date?”
“Uh…” Was it date? It was Valentine’s Day, so… “Yeah, I was hoping so. Is that okay with you?” I asked tentatively, like I was venturing through new territory. I guess I kinda was. I’d never wooed a woman before; at least not in my entire vampire existence. It was new, scary, and exciting.
“Yeah, that’s okay,” she answered, trying to play it off that she didn’t care either way, but it was impossible not to see the blossoming grin on her sweet face.
“Alright. I’ll pick you up at eight?” I asked, standing up, knowing I was well past my lunch break.
“It’s a date,” she replied, winking at me.
~
8
Lovely
It took me nearly every second I had available to get ready and figure out what I should wear. It was difficult to decide between a full-blown suit, and a pair of dress slacks with a button-down shirt. Plus, I never paid much attention to what I wore before, I didn’t have to, women flocked to me either way.
As I was walking out the door, I flew back into my room and changed into the latter while grumbling at my ridiculous antics. The more time I spent with her the more human I felt; not counting my outburst of anger earlier of course.
On the drive to pick up Autumn I did everything I could to gain control of myself. I refused to allow my temper to get the better of me, and to achieve that I came to only one conclusion; I needed to restrain my feelings for her. By nature I was selfish and territorial, but I had to transform that. The truth of the matter was that I had to be honest with myself. I wanted her, I needed her, and I cared for her more deeply every day than I sought to admit sometimes. But, I cared more for her safety and her happiness. Both of which could not exist if I was near. At the first sign of trouble, I would have to leave and allow fate to bring the good fortune that was destined to be hers. Until then, I would watch over her and be her companion.
Fighting the urge to run my fingers through my hair, I gripped the steering wheel tightly. Sure, I had my resolve to be Autumn’s…well, I would be whatever she wanted me to be, but I was still feeling the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. What was I thinking? Butterflies didn’t belong anywhere near me, perhaps a more accurate word would be bats. Yes! I had wild, crazy bats flapping around in my gut. I’d never felt anything like it. Those ridiculous bats carried with them one thought, one idea that held with it the answer I had been most searching for. The answer to my existence; the cure to my curse of eternity.
Autumn.
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Had I not been driving I would have fallen to my knees at the sight of her. She was waiting for me at the front steps of Shady Willows, looking like a snow angel. I pulled to a sudden stop in front of her, the tires still slightly sliding as I jumped out of the SUV to open the door for her.
“You look lovely!” I spoke to her through the swirling wind and flaking snowfall. She was bundled up in a snowy, white jacket, a crimson red scarf wrapped around her neck in the most attractive and dangerously seductive way. Had she known what I was, she probably would have chosen a different color. Of course, I wouldn’t complain, it was my favorite color after all.
“Thanks. So do you...look handsome I mean. Not lovely,” she said, taking my hand. Her cheeks and nose were the most delicate shade of pink, and her hair bounced in curly spirals around her heart-shaped face.
“What? I don’t look lovely, too?” I looked down at myself, then back at her with a façade of injury in my expression.
She simply laughed in response as I helped her into the passenger seat of the SUV, closing the door before trudging my way over to the driver’s seat. I jumped in easily, slamming the door shut and clicking on my seat belt. The bats had started flapping again, sending waves of nervousness charging through my body. It didn’t just feel like a first date with Autumn, but my first real date ever. For all I knew, it was. I’d been turned when I was in my very early twenties, and although I couldn’t recall anything of my previous life, something told me I was right.
“Warm enough?” I asked her, flinging my hand to the knob on the dash, ready to turn up the heat. She nodded her head as she latched on her seat belt, and looked at me expectantly.