Catalyst

by Shelly Crane

  “You tell me. Is it working?” she replied in a sultry voice against the skin of neck. I heard my breath fight its way into my lungs before she bounced around me and swung the door open.

  “Where are you going?”

  “The meeting,” she replied chipperly. “Come on.”

  “I think you're playing with fire, Sherry,” I said as I tossed on a shirt and followed her out the door.

  “Ooooh,” she feigned fright as she walked backwards down the hall. “It’s not so fun when someone else is in control of your body is it.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked in confusion.

  “You.” She stopped and stood looking up at me. “You’re always so focused on my safety and healing and whatever else but you control everything for me. I can’t even have a say in if I want to kiss my own husband.”

  “I’m not trying to control you,” I said looking down at the sweet woman I loved more than my existence. “I just think sometimes you only do things because you think other people want you to.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. Especially with what we’re talking about,” she sulked.

  “You don’t want to kiss me and do other things just because you think I want you to?” I challenged.

  “What? Do you think I don’t enjoy it?” she said and laughed softly.

  “I think when you’re needing your rest, you just want to keep me happy and think you have to do these things to keep me satisfied.” I pushed her gently to the wall and took her face in between my hands. “But you don’t get it. I’m satisfied by just being with you. If we never did that again, I would still love you more than any other creature on the planet and I wouldn’t feel unfulfilled.”

  “But what about me? The fact that you think I only want you to please you shows you don’t know as much about me as you think you do.”

  “What?” I asked, baffled. "You're driving me crazy, baby."

  “You drive me crazy, Merrick, in a good way. It’s not just you. I want you too, for my own reasons that frankly, at the risk of sounded selfish and shallow, don’t have anything to do with you.” I gave her a look that I hoped conveyed my utter confusion. “So this whole time you thought I only wanted to be with you to keep you happy? Really?”

  “I don’t know what I thought,” I answered honestly.

  “I wanted to make love to my husband this morning because I wanted you.”

  “It wasn’t because you thought you were depriving me because you've been gone and recovering? Not even a little?”

  She laughed softly again and I felt my brow bunch in slight annoyance before she looked up at me, and then it all went away at the look on her face.

  “You're so clueless," she whispered to herself. "You have no idea what you do to me. And the fact that you can still look at me as some kind of saint after all this time and everything that has happened to us makes me love you even more.”

  “You are a saint,” I whispered back but it was lost on her. Her face was bright and happy. She looked phenomenal, bruise and all. She was gorgeous and glowing and obviously fine. I worried too much, she was right. I needed to let the Keeper slide a little bit and let the husband take over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an ogre. It’s just so hard to turn the protective mode off.”

  “I understand that. I’ll never be mad at you for protecting me, but there are different things I need from you other than just protection sometimes,” she breathed and bit her lip.

  I nodded as I slowly descended on her, her mouth my destination. She smiled right before I touched her and it was the sweet, loving smile I’ve always known. She wasn’t boasting that she won, she was just genuinely happy that I wanted to kiss her.

  Her lips were just as inviting and eager as always. She wanted me…she just wanted me. It was an insane notion and I felt seriously slow on the jump to have misunderstood so much. I released her lips, but not her. She was so trusting and ready as she leaned against the wall where I pressed her, anxiously awaiting what I might have to say.

  “I’m sorry that I’m just now understanding. I always just thought your love for me was a product of our circumstances or my protectiveness for you. I never really understand that it was just me.”

  Her face took on the look that I knew all too well as she recoiled and looked up at me devastated.

  “You’re just now figuring that out?” she said, her voice squeaked. "That part wasn't just implied, Merrick. I've told you a thousand times-"

  “No, wait,” I replied and once more took her face in between my hands. “I know you love me, ok, I just didn’t understand the why. You love me for me. Just me, not for anything I do for you or have done.”

  “Of course.” She let loose an exasperated sigh. “I can’t believe you still think that-“

  I cut her off with what she wanted. I lifted her and took advantage of the wall to hold her up to me as I used her want for my kisses to tell her everything my non-human mouth couldn’t come up with. I heard her soft noise of surprise and contentment. She was light in my hands but heavy in my heart. I finally got it. I pulled back just a little to speak.

  “I get it now,” I told her, my voice ragged with my revelation. “You love me just because I’m me. Not this body, not the fact that I'm a Keeper or the fact that I'm not.”

  “Duh,” she said softly and smiled at me, refuting any sting that word may have induced.

  “And I’m handsome and extremely charming and debonair.”

  She laughed out loud and shook her head at me. She continued to look at me and it made me hurt to feel the full force of the love that I’d never completely understood until then. I was someone’s everything. And that scared me as much as it thrilled my human heart.

  “You are all those things,” she agreed, “but that is still not why I love you.”

  “I know,” I answered truthfully and kissed her again because her lips seemed to be magnetic. I’d barely put a dent in the need I had for her when I heard a noise behind us.

  We both turned to see Calvin, watching us with equal parts fascination and annoyance. I looked back to us and saw me, my hands on Sherry’s legs and thighs as I pressed against the hall wall, her arms around my neck and both our faces flushed. I immediately put her feet to the floor and cleared my throat.

  “What’s up, Calvin? This isn’t your hall,” I said hoping we hadn’t scarred his impressionable mind.

  “I was going to get Lily for Marissa.” He laughed and walked past us, calling over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Merrick. Mom told me all about the birds and bees. You haven’t scarred my mind.”

  I gawked after him wondering how he’d read my mind so easily.

  “Merrick,” Sherry laughed and slid her palm down my cheek, “it’s all over your face, babe.”

  “What is?”

  “Embarrassment.” She laughed again. “Come on.” She pulled me to the commons room and we were greeted by a barrage of murmurings and conversations. “What’s going on? What is this meeting about?”

  “We need to go search for others.” I saw her face change. “We talked about this, remember? Malachi isn’t going to stop hunting them and they need to be aware if nothing else.”

  She smiled bravely before saying, “I know, I remember. It’s ok.”

  “Ah, Merrick,” Miguel said loudly and waved us forward to sit. “Now that everyone is here, let’s get started.”

  We moved to sit against the back wall. Sherry ran to get us both a cup of coffee and sat beside me, her hand squeezed mine a little too tightly to be normal. I knew she was worried, but right then, there wasn’t much I could do. And it was about to get worse.

  “Now,” Miguel began again, “most of you saw the news that day. Malachi is using every ploy to his advantage. He’s using the people’s need for food and shelter and money against them. There is a massive reward offered to those who turn in someone who is considered a rebel, though we don’t know if he’s actually giving them the money or not. Now we’re lucky here.�
� He held up his hand to Polly who was about to protest. “Compared to other people, we are bloody lucky. Others don’t have this safe environment. Some are out there every day fighting wankers for food and abandoned places to stay. They don’t have access to a telly and don’t even know about the reward. They don’t know they are being hunted now. We do, and it’s our duty to go and try to help them, if nothing else to give them as heads up about the reward so that they have a fighting chance.”

  "I agree," Cain said loudly and stood up. "We saw what they did to those people at the facility." He glanced at the new girl sitting next to Ryan and then to Sherry. "We can’t just sit back with the knowledge that we have of what’s going on."

  “But we’ll be targets out there like that,” Celeste chimed and hooked her arm through Danny’s in a display of protection and possessive. Kay nodded her head in obvious agreement. It seemed the Keepers were split down the middle on this one.

  “Can’t be helped,” Miguel shot back and turned the TV on, fidgeting with the rabbit ears. “The thing is, we have a hand up over the enemy. They don’t know what we know. We’ll be able to evade them quicker and get more people here if need be. Things are getting worse out there,” he looked at Sherry sympathetically, “and sadly enough, our little rescue didn’t help things atall.”

  "Sorry," she muttered, but he smiled and brushed off her apology with a wink. The news was on already and Miguel waved his hand to it as if proving a point. We listened.

  “The rebels came in a deceptive and underhanded move. After posing as recruits for the enforcers and then destroying all the property and surrounding areas with homemade bombs they stole equipment, money and vehicles from the facility. The enforcement officers present were all killed before even having a chance to fight back. The traitors who Malachi has worked so hard to rid us of were also released. Reports are not certain if this was a ploy to trick the enforcers; turning in a fake rebel, taking the reward money and then ambushing them. The brave soldiers who risk their lives to save us and construct peace in an otherwise un-peaceful world lost their lives. Estimated casualties are in the hundred. Efforts are being put into place to more aggressively search out these ruthless rebels. In an effort to thwart the new threat, Malachi has double the reward…”

  Miguel slapped the button to turn the offending TV off and turned to look at us all. “See what I mean? Hundreds? Complete fabrication of what really happened to make us seem worse. The humans fear us too, now. They are not going to stop and things are not going to get better.”

  “What are we waiting for?” Cain spouted in his usual fashion.

  “Told you he’d be all for it,” Ryan said to Simon who scowled from the back wall.

  "I'm in too," Billings announced loudly. "I wouldn't miss payback for all the corn in China."

  “Good. We have to get a plan together,” Jeff chimed in, ignoring Billings half joke, and stood. “No half cocked attempts, remember? This has to be all or nothing.”

  I squeezed Sherry’s fingers in a soothing manner before standing. Danny stood too in response as I spoke.

  “We’ll need to get supplies gathered up. Look over the map of the area and see where and how far out we want to go. This will have to be covert. No traveling at night because it’ll be too unsafe with Markers and car headlights. We'll move during the day and inconspicuously. And it’d be best….if we split up.”

  I felt the collective realization. No one wanted to do that, but they all knew I was right.

  “Inconspicuous groups of five,” Jeff agreed with a sigh. “It’s the only way. We can leave on three or four day bouts and all be scheduled back at different times so as not to attract attention to the store.”

  “It’ll work,” Miguel replied and then moved towards the hall behind the stairs. “There was a whole but of atlases and maps in Trudy’s old office. I’ll get them laid out and we can have a war room.”

  “Great. Everyone that wants to come with us, come into the back office room and we’ll work on a plan. I think the sooner the better. We can leave first thing in the morning.”

  My gut clenched at thinking of leaving Sherry so soon after we just got her back.

  “That whole 'You’re safer with me' bit isn’t going to work this time is it?” Sherry asked me sadly as she stood, looking defeated.

  “No, honey.” I hugged her to me. “I hate to think about leaving you so soon.”

  “I’ll be plenty occupied with Lily,” she replied bravely. “And Calvin. There will be plenty to do here.”

  “Ok. I’m going to go with them to plan it all out.”

  She nodded and said, “Yes, go.”

  “I’m so proud of you,” I whispered to her as I kissed her forehead.

  “It would be selfish of me to try to keep you here.”

  It was my turn to nod.

  “Sherry,” Miguel called from the hall, “can you check and see if there’s any supplies we can get or need? We can kill two birds with one stone.”

  “Ok,” she agreed and then pulled me down to kiss me. “Go…plot.”

  “I love you, honey.”

  “I love you, honey,” she repeated but it meant something a little different now because I knew exactly what she was implying. She loved me for me and no other reason.

  A Well Stocked Pantry

  Chapter 9 - Sherry

  I watched him go and knew that what I said had been correct. There was no way to stop him without being selfish. I hated it, but there it was and I was determined to deal with it with grace and maturity, when really I just wanted to ball up and pout.

  I passed Polly and Piper. They were whispering and watching me. I rolled my eyes at them and kept going down the hall to the empty rooms where we had been stocking food.

  Polly caught up to me in the hall and said, "Is there something I can be doing?"

  I looked at her in astonishment and replied, "Like what?"

  "Anything. Everybody's just running around," she answered and swiped at her hair in a bored way. It was almost like she'd been made to ask me and hadn't really wanted to.

  "Have you done the cleaning yet this week?"

  "Nope."

  "Well, that's a good place to start."

  "You're not my warden," she barked.

  "And you're not my prisoner, but you are assigned chores like everyone else."

  "Whatever," she said and flipped her hair as she strutted away. Her ridiculous boots clacked all the way down the hall.

  I huffed and wonder what the heck that had been about. I opened all nine pantry doors and peeked inside. They were all full. It struck me as awesome because it seemed that every week when they came back from food runs, the rooms got so much fuller. It seemed that they brought back more food than it looked like when they were unloading it.

  And I was all neatly stacked and organized. I didn't let anyone else back here for fear of me never finding what I was looking for. I organized it all and I prepared most of the meals.

  So I pushed the doors closed, happy with my assessment. As I’d said for weeks now that the pantries were full and smaller and less frequent food runs were needed.

  When I turned I ran smack into Calvin’s chest, with Franklin close behind him. He reached out to steady me and laughed.

  “Easy there, Sherry. You’ll break something running into people bigger than you.”

  “Ha, funny. Where you headed?”

  “I was looking for you, actually.”

  “Ok,” I said and waited.

  “We, uh…” he glanced back at Frank and then back to me, “we wanted to see if we could go on the run with them this time.”

  “Why are you asking me?” I said and hated the thought of them going but knew that Merrick would never let them.

  “Well, Merrick does everything you say, so we thought you could talk him into letting us go.”

  I burst out laughing. In fact, I laughed so hard that my side hurt. They looked at me like I was an insane person. I put my hand on Calvin's shoulde
r to steady myself before saying, "Come on, guys. You can ask for yourself, but even with my persuasion I guarantee that you won't be going. Sorry."

  "Dang, Sherry. Please help us!" Calvin said vehemently as they trailed me down the hall. "It's just like the Service Draft back in the sixty's. It's not fair for us to be left out of the action when we can do some good." I stopped and looked at him, raising my eyebrow ever so slightly to indicate a question. He shrugged and said, "What? Marissa teaches us history."

  I laughed again at his indignant tone, threw my arms around both of their shoulders and started down the hall once more.

  "Sorry, boys. It's not my call, no matter what you believe."

  "You're just saying that 'cause you don't want me to go."

  "I don't want you to go," I agreed, "but I can't make someone let you either. Come on, stay with me and Lily. With all of them gone we'll need someone to be here with us to keep us safe...and entertained," I said trying to stifle a giggle.

  "It's not fair though," he whined.

  "I'm sorry that you feel that way. There are lots of things we're going through that isn't fair right now. It sucks, Calvin. I think you two know that more than anyone. You can't just be a kid in a world like this, but that is exactly what you are, and that's why you can't go."

  "But the Lighters don't care if I'm a kid or not. They would kill me just the same."

  I stopped in my tracks. It was heartbreaking. Not just his words and the truth that rang out behind them, but it was now our reality. Our kids knew death, hate, and devastation like we never even dreamed about as kids. Soon they may know even more: torture, pain, genocide...starvation. I shook my head to stop the thoughts and squeezed them both closer to me.

  "Listen, we won't let that happen. That's why we're doing all this. We need to go out there and find others like us. They don't know the Lighters are hunting them like they are and there may be kids out there. We don't know who or what is out there. I've had enough of all of it and frankly," I was on a roll and it was getting louder, "I'm going to be worried enough about them all out there than having to worry about you two out there as well."