Before her father could answer, his face was suddenly twisted into a painful grimace; grabbing his left hand with his right, he began squeezing the spasming fingers hard, stretching them out as they fought against him, involuntarily curling, as if they were trying to make a fist. “Damn these things,” he growled. “If I didn’t think it’d hurt like the dickens, I’d ask you to cut them off with a hatchet!”
Maddy hurried over and sat beside her father on the edge of the bed. She took his stricken hand and began working just as he had, kneading his fingers and pulling them straight. Silas occasionally grunted and groaned, but she continued until the arthritis relaxed its grip, the spasms subsiding, and eventually his hand returned to what now passed for normal.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said.
“No thanks needed,” she answered.
For a long moment, they sat in silence. Finally, Silas spoke, his voice soft yet firm. “I’m sorry to give you so much grief about Jack coming back,” he said. “It’s just that you’re my daughter and I love you. The last thing I want is for him to hurt you again.”
Maddy smiled tenderly, fighting to keep tears from her eyes. “Then we both want the same thing,” she said.
“Just be careful.”
“I will,” she said, leaning close to embrace him, laying her head on his shoulder as she began to wonder, given all of the problems she now had in her life, from money to Jeffers to Jack, what she was going to do next.
Chapter Seventeen
JACK WALKED COLTON’S STREETS as if his feet had a mind of their own. Leaving the Belvedere, they marched to the intersection where his old school still stood, all of the windows thrown open to give the place a good airing out, trod right on past the barbershop where a patron, all lathered up in the chair, pointed excitedly at him as he crossed the large window, and strolled past Morgan’s Blacksmithing, looking in through the open doors at the shower of sparks flying off the piece of metal being pounded. Unlike the first night after he’d returned to Colton, hurrying through darkened alleyways behind Clayton on the way to the speakeasy, with no idea where he was, he now had no trouble finding his way. His feet knew the route well; with where he was going, they’d never forget.
He was headed to Aldridge Mercantile.
Jack thought about all of the times he’d waited for Maddy outside her father’s store, standing under the awning and watching the spring rain, staring at the autumn leaves as they lazily fell from the trees, kicking about in the freshly fallen snow, or sweating under the blazing summer sun, much like today. Because of the way Silas felt about him, it was better for all of them that he wait outside. No matter where he was in Colton, he’d would’ve been able to find his way to her. Even after seven years away, he imagined he could do it with his eyes shut.
But this is the first time I’ve ever been so nervous.
When Jack said good night to Maddy at the speakeasy the night before, they’d agreed to meet the next morning at the mercantile. Jack had no doubt as to what she wanted to do; even as he’d kissed her at the bridge, he’d known he was only postponing the inevitable, delaying her desire to ask countless questions that he had no idea how to answer.
I don’t want to lie, but how can I tell her the truth?
Things had become even more complicated after his conversation with Ross. If he expected Jack to bring him results, to tell him every little detail of his investigation into the illegal liquor ring in Colton, if he wanted a spectacular arrest as a means of advancing both their careers in the Bureau, then Jack was faced with a tough decision; either he had to throw Maddy behind bars with Jeffers Grimm, Sumner Colt, and anyone else involved with the speakeasy or he had to find some way to protect her. There was no middle ground. The problem was that, looking at things from the outside, Maddy appeared just as guilty as the others; after all, it all took place in the basement of her family’s store, with her behind the bar. Jack had no doubt how Ross would look upon her involvement. After a sleepless night spent tossing and turning, Jack was no closer to finding a way out of the mess he had lied himself into.
Rounding the corner at the bakery, his mouth watering at all the delicious smells, Jack came to a stop and looked across the street at Aldridge Mercantile. Like much of the rest of Colton, it appeared unchanged to his eyes; there was the same crisp lettering painted on the front windows, which displayed new goods, the familiar knobby, worn front door, now opened in the summer heat. Jack couldn’t help but smile; it was as if he were sixteen again, waiting for Maddy to burst outside so that they could be together.
But today was different. Now, he’d have to be careful, have to hope that she didn’t become too angry, that he didn’t paint himself into a corner from which he couldn’t escape. He hated that he’d have to be on guard but knew there was no other choice. Suddenly, another hope fluttered in his chest: that he might kiss her again, knowing that he shouldn’t but then feeling certain that, if he got the chance, he’d take it.
Swallowing hard, Jack tried to calm his nerves, told himself that he’d been in far more difficult situations dozens of times where things came out fine. Finally, he crossed the street.
With that darned luck of mine, what’s the worst that could happen?
Jack stepped inside the mercantile. Everything appeared just as he remembered, all the way up to the ceiling fans turning lazily in the summer heat. What felt the most familiar was the smell: a strange, almost intoxicating mixture of candies, leather, wood, and mothballs. He was the only person there; no customers and no Maddy.
“Hello?” he called.
In answer, there was a rustling in the storeroom at the far end of the counter. Jack expected to see Maddy come through the door and greet him, so he was surprised when a woman he didn’t know stepped through. She was younger than Maddy, with short, dark hair and sharp features, wearing a dress far more cosmopolitan than he would have ever expected to see in Colton, even if it was a bit out of style. He had the impression that she was trying to look older than she actually was, more sophisticated. When she saw him, she gave him a thin smirk.
“I’m sorry, I w-w-as…,” he stammered. “Is…is Maddy here?”
“She’s down in the cellar fetching a few things,” the young woman answered. “She should be up in a minute.”
“Oh…thank you…,” Jack replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets, unsure as to why she was staring at him so intently. He imagined that she was like most everyone else in town, gawking at him, unable to believe he’d returned.
“You don’t recognize me, do you?” she asked with a chuckle.
Jack looked at her closely and, for a long while, still had no idea who she was, though she clearly had no such problem with him. Then slowly, steadily, the realization dawned on him; it was something in her eyes and the curve of her chin. The truth had been right in front of him all along; frankly, he felt stupid for not having figured it out sooner.
“Helen,” he said, unable to keep from smiling.
When Jack left Colton, Helen had still been a child, just eleven years old. She’d always been underfoot, a sharp-witted, rambunctious girl who often fought tooth and nail with her older sister. Even back then, Helen and Maddy had been different, yet still close in the way that only siblings could be, despite it all. Helen had found him funny and had always wanted to tag along, occasionally to Maddy’s displeasure. She’d been gangly, even awkward, nothing like the young woman who stood before him now.
“If you hadn’t said something, I don’t know if I would’ve recognized you.” He grinned. “I can’t believe how much you’ve changed.”
“Not you,” she answered. “You’re exactly the same. No wonder you’re the only thing anyone in town is talking about.”
“I didn’t mean to cause such a fuss.”
“Well, you did,” Helen said with a laugh. “Virginia Benoit’s become the most popular woman in town because you’re staying at her hotel. Half of Colton’s rung her telephone to find out where you’ve been all
these years and why you’ve suddenly come back.”
“Why don’t they just ask me instead?”
Helen shrugged. “Maybe all the wondering is more fun than the truth.”
“Seems kind of silly to me.”
“Me too,” she agreed. “So where have you been for seven years?”
Jack was momentarily taken aback by her bluntness; not even Maddy had been so abrupt. Still, the answer he’d give Helen could lack many of the details her older sister would insist on. “Just about everywhere,” he answered. “Boston, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles—”
“You’ve been to Los Angeles?!” Helen shouted, her face suddenly brightening like a movie marquee when the switch was thrown. She raced over to where he stood and grabbed hold of his hand, clenching it tightly. “What was it like? I bet it’s just like it looks in the magazines! Did you go to Hollywood? Have you ever met any movie stars? Tell me everything!”
“I…I was only there for business,” Jack tried to explain, purposefully leaving out the names of the movie stars he’d seen coming and going from the speakeasy he frequented, “but it seemed nice.”
“I can’t wait to go there!” Helen enthused. “As soon as I can, I’m going to do just what you did and leave this worthless town! I want to go where there’s excitement and glamour, somewhere fun!”
Although Jack’s reasons for leaving Colton had been different from Helen’s, there was a part of him that could relate to her desires; small-town life could be as different from the big city as night was from day. Still, coming home had given him a new perspective, had softened the resolve he’d held firm to during his years working for the Bureau.
“Take it from somebody who’s spent plenty of time in cities,” he said. “There’s plenty to like about a place like Colton, too.”
“Aw, nuts.” Helen frowned. “It’s too boring for me.”
“Once you spend a couple of months listening to honking car horns when you’re trying to get some sleep, never getting a minute’s peace and quiet, living in a place no bigger than a closet, fighting your way through a crowd just to make it to the grocer, only to find out they’ve sold out of what you wanted, you might think about it differently.”
“I doubt it,” she huffed, looking at him like he must be crazy for bad-mouthing life in the big city.
Jack couldn’t help but laugh. “All right, all right,” he gave in. “Go and find out for yourself, then. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to show you around someday.”
“You’ve already got enough problems with one Aldridge girl,” a voice spoke from behind him. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to get involved with another?”
Jack turned to see Maddy standing at the top of the cellar steps, a crate in her hands. From the look on her face Jack couldn’t tell if she was really annoyed or if she was pulling his leg.
“Maddy, I didn’t mean it like that,” he began defensively.
“Don’t worry about it,” Helen cut in. “He’s not old enough for me anyway. I want someone who’s been around long enough to make tons of money, like a movie producer or an oil baron. Jack couldn’t afford me.”
At that, both Jack and Maddy dissolved into laughter, while Helen seemed unable to understand what could possibly be so funny.
Maddy led the way out the mercantile’s back door and into the alleyway with Jack right behind her. The noon sun stood high in the sky, leaving few shadows to darken the ground around them. Maddy noticed Jack glance toward the steps leading down to the speakeasy before quickly turning back, giving her a faint smile. They were completely alone.
Though Maddy was thankful that Helen had agreed to watch the store while the two of them talked, she was still filled with feelings of unease. After her emotional run-ins with Jeffers and her father, she’d been up for most of the night wondering what she was going to say to Jack; though each of them did so in different ways, both men had put the idea in her head that he was keeping something from her. No matter what, she knew the time had come for answers.
“I can’t believe how much your sister’s changed,” he said, chuckling. “What happened to that little girl I used to know?”
“She grew up,” Maddy answered. “You’ve been gone for a long time.”
“It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.”
“That depends on who you ask.”
“She sure seemed excited about going to Los Angeles.”
“It’s because of those ridiculous magazines she likes to read.”
“If she ever gets there, it won’t take long for her to see that Hollywood’s not a whole lot like they make it out to be.”
“The problem is that she’ll have to leave here to find out,” Maddy said, growing a bit angry at the thought of another person she loved going away. “I hope she’ll have enough concern to write once in a while.”
“Maddy, I didn’t—”
“I wasn’t looking for another apology,” she cut him off.
Maddy immediately regretted her choice of words. She hadn’t intended on being so brusque with him. Still, she wasn’t going to apologize, either. Instead, neither of them spoke, standing under the blazing sun.
Eventually, she felt his eyes fall on her.
“Why didn’t you find someone else?” he asked.
“Why would you say such a thing?”
“It’s just like you said,” Jack explained. “No one knows better how long I’ve been gone than you. So why didn’t you meet another man, get married, have children? There had to have been suitors.”
Maddy thought about all the men who’d tried to gain her affections, most of them much earlier than she would’ve expected chivalrous, only to discover her scowling, unpleasant face far less attractive than they’d imagined. Eventually, everyone got the hint she wanted to be left alone.
“I never gave anyone a chance,” she answered truthfully.
“Why not?”
“Because I never stopped loving you,” Maddy explained, finally turning to look at him; Jack’s gaze never wavered from her, though his jaw tightened. “Because I never allowed myself to stop hoping that you might change your mind, and that you might come back to me.”
“You would’ve have had every right to forget all about me,” he said.
“I couldn’t.”
“The whole way back to Colton, I imagined you had a new life, a husband, everything we’d always talked about.”
Maddy shook her head, unable to listen to more. “What about you?” she asked, turning the conversation back on him just as she’d done with her father the night before, finally giving voice to the question that had been nagging at her relentlessly, the one she’d been both unable and unwilling to ask, even as Jack had kissed her on the bridge. Bracing herself for an answer she didn’t want to hear, she tentatively added, “Did you find someone else?”
Jack paused, looking straight into her eyes, making her heart rise into her throat, before shaking his head. “No,” he said. “I didn’t.”
“Why not?” she pressed breathlessly.
“Looking back on the years since I left, all I remember is being in a hurry to get somewhere else,” he explained, looking up into the sun. “I was always busy moving from one place to the next, from one job to another. I never had a chance to settle down, to make friends.”
Maddy struggled to hide her disappointment. Jack’s reasons for remaining alone, for not finding someone else to love, were different from hers. While she’d resisted any and all advances, he’d simply been too busy to receive any. If he’d lived a different life, if he’d been able to see a head turned his way, had noticed one particular girl’s smile, he wouldn’t be here with her.
“But that’s not the real reason,” he said suddenly, turning back to look at her, the sun dancing on his skin.
This time, Maddy struggled to contain her hope.
“I suppose I was just like you,” said Jack, smiling. “No matter where I went, no matter what I was doing, heck, even in
my dreams, you were still in my thoughts. The truth is I never stopped loving you, either.”
Maddy gasped, her hand rising to her mouth as tears began to fill her eyes. She’d spent the last seven years wondering whether Jack ever thought about her or he’d simply walked away from her without a look back. Now, the hopes she clung to, the ones that occasionally made her feel foolish, had proven to be anything but.
“I told you why I made the choices I did,” he continued, “but now, being here again, spending time with you, I feel like I made a mistake. But my life is so complicated now that I don’t know how to fix things, I don’t know…,” he finished, his voice trailing off.
“What is so complicated?” Maddy asked.
Jack sighed deeply. “It’s because of my job.”
“What job? What do you do?”
As he looked at her his eyes softened and a wisp of a smile creased his face; Maddy thought that he looked tortured, as if the truth was agony.
“I can’t tell you,” he said.
“Why not?”
Jack took a couple of paces in the alley before kicking a rock and sending it skittering into an old barrel. Absently, he ran a hand through his dark hair before turning back to face her.
“The man who I work for is very demanding,” he began. “He asks me to do dangerous things all over the country. Once I finish a job, it’s only a matter of days before I’m sent to do another. I’m often put in a position where I have to betray people’s trust, lie to their faces, do whatever it takes to get the results that are expected. There’ve been a couple of times where I was lucky to have come out alive.”
“Who is it? Who do you work for?” Maddy pressed.
“I said I can’t tell you.”
“Jack…”
“Trust me when I say that this is better…for both of us…”
It was clear that Jack didn’t want to tell her any more, regardless of how desperate she was to hear it. Learning the truth was going to be difficult. Still, she had to try.
Though it disgusted Maddy to think about what had happened between her and Jeffers in the speakeasy the night before, especially the feeling of his hand on her breast, painfully squeezing it, she remembered what he’d told her about Jack, things that were meant to put doubts in her head.
By Starlight Page 17