Caleb calls it the cock-block pact. He’s tried to put the moves on me a couple of times, but I always push him off. Kissing him like I did on the 4th of July was too intense. He made me feel too much. Contemplate things I have no business considering.
“It’s not so bad. I really like it there.” I do. It’s fun. An easygoing job on the water, spending time in the sun every day, dealing with happy tourists who, for the most part, are thrilled to be on vacation and away from their everyday lives. Plenty of locals come in too.
Soon enough I’ll be leaving and starting my student teaching job, which is daunting. I don’t doubt my abilities. I have confidence in myself that I’ll be a great teacher, only because I love teaching so much. I enjoy teaching little kids, spending time with them, shaping their young minds.
After my year of student teaching, I’m on my own. I’ll need to find a job and I’m willing to go…anywhere. I don’t necessarily want to stay in the Fresno area, but I will if I find the right fit at the right school. A change would be nice, though.
But a change means leaving everyone. Hayden is going to stick around until Tony graduates with his degree. She already admitted this to me a while ago, and that’s fine. Props to her for knowing what she wants.
I guess that’s my biggest problem. I just flat-out don’t know what I want. I thought the past four years of college taught me a few things, but right now, I feel more confused than ever. Spending all this time with an assembly line of guys hasn’t helped matters either.
“Hey,” Hayden says, her soft voice pulling me out of my thoughts. I blink her back into focus to find she’s watching me with a concerned expression on her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, pasting on a cheery smile. “Just thinking. Kind of tired. You know how it is.”
She tilts her head to the side, studying me with that examining way she has. Like she can see inside my head and know exactly what I’m thinking. “You know, I keep hearing—rumors about you.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“You and Caleb.” She sends me a pointed look. “If you’ve been keeping something from me, you need to spill. I’m your best friend. I deserve to know.”
A sigh leaves me and I glance over my shoulder onto our tiny back patio, where all the guys are currently standing. Including Caleb, who’s already watching me. A slow smile spreads across his face when we make eye contact and he lifts his beer bottle as if he’s toasting me.
I look away quickly, returning my attention to Hayden. “There’s not much to tell, that’s why I haven’t mentioned it.”
Her expression turns shrewd. “I absolutely do not believe you. Your cheeks are turning pink at this very moment and nothing makes you blush, Gracie! Are you and Caleb actually together?”
She squeaks out those last words and I shush her, grabbing her hand and pulling her in closer so no one else can hear me. “No, we’re not.” I pause. “We’re just friends. Really.”
The shocked look on Hayden’s face is vaguely amusing. “Oh my God, you’re lying, I know you are! Tony is going to shit when I tell him.”
“Stop! Calm down,” I tell her through clenched teeth, not wanting others to hear us. “There’s nothing happening between us beyond one night of kissing. That’s it.”
Well, and some other moments when we kissed, but I won’t mention them.
Hayden frowns. “What do you mean, one night of kissing?”
“I mean exactly what I just said. We kissed on the 4th of July. That’s it.” I shrug. Like it’s no big deal.
“Wait a minute. You two just—kissed? Once? You and Caleb?” She sounds dumbfounded.
“Yes. That’s it. We’re not taking it beyond that. I don’t want to,” I say, lying through my teeth.
I’m dying to take it further. If he has sex the way he kisses, then I’m guaranteed a good time. Like seriously, the man can do no wrong when it comes to his mouth. It was a true joy, being wrapped up in his strong arms and kissing him.
“This is so unlike you,” she murmurs, appearing concerned. She’s frowning and everything. “And Caleb. Is this ‘friendship’ —serious between you two?”
“Of course not!” I laugh, but it sounds overly fake so I stop. “It’s definitely not serious. Caleb doesn’t have a serious bone in his body. Neither do I.”
“You do too, you just haven’t found the right guy to be serious about yet.” Hayden winces. “Please don’t tell me you think Caleb could be the one.”
“I definitely don’t think that.” I push away from the counter and head for the sliding glass door, opening it and stepping outside so I can talk to the guys. I’d rather hear them chat about football and bro stuff than continue the conversation Hayden and I were having. I’m sure she’s not mad at me for leaving her like that anyway. I’ve done that sort of thing to her before. She’ll just follow me outside and throw herself at Tony, who’s currently taking over manning the barbecue, since Eli burns everything every time he tries.
He gets too distracted, telling stores and laughing it up with his friends. Or he gets too wrapped up with Ava. One time we even had to call for pizza because everything he tried to cook was charred to a blackened crisp.
“Haven’t seen you around much lately,” Tony says when he spots me approaching him. He’s probably the safest guy to talk to out of all of them currently standing around.
“Work is keeping me really busy,” I tell him, watching as he scrapes at the grill with some sort of cleaning tool before setting fresh burger patties onto the cleaned surface with a spatula.
“I hear the lake is packed this summer.” When I frown, he explains, “Caleb mentioned it to me earlier.”
I am dying to ask if Caleb mentioned anything else, but that would be too obvious that I’m digging for information.
“Yeah, it’s been a constant stream of people every day. It’s great though. Making money and working on my tan. Best of both worlds,” I tease.
“You are looking pretty tan,” Tony observes.
“She is, huh? Looking sexy, G,” Caleb says, choosing that exact moment to sidle up next to me and sling his arm around my shoulders, tugging me in close to his side.
What the what? I glare up at him, shrugging his arm off of me. “Stop, Caleb.”
“See you two are getting along as usual,” Tony says, returning his attention to the grill. This is why he doesn’t burn anything. He’s patient and he doesn’t get distracted.
“We’ve been getting along better than ever,” Caleb tells his friend, his smoldering gaze meeting mine in challenge. “Huh, Gracie?”
“Yeah. For sure,” I say through gritted teeth, annoyed as hell that he’s trying to…what? Rile me up?
I leave Tony and Caleb when they’re in the middle of a conversation, going in search of someone else. Anyone else. Eli is chatting with Diego so I join them for a second, but all they’re talking about is football and stats and other teams in their division, so I bail. I find most of the women inside, sitting in the living room and teaching Diego’s two-year-old daughter Gigi how to say Louis Vuitton correctly. This is all Ava’s fault, who is currently letting Gigi carry her Louis Vuitton purse.
“Isn’t she adorable?” Hayden picks Gigi up and gives her a smacking kiss on the cheek.
“Put me down!” Gigi shouts, and Hayden does exactly that. Gigi sashays around my living room like a model striding down a catwalk, the purse chain slung over her shoulder and the bag dragging on the carpet.
“You really shouldn’t let her play with your expensive bag,” says Gigi’s mom, Jocelyn, to Ava.
“It’s no big deal. Besides, look how cute she is,” Ava says, her gaze on Gigi and no one else. “I can’t wait to have a family someday.”
“With Eli?” Jocelyn asks.
Ava nods and smiles, her gaze hazy. A little dreamy. “He’ll be the crazy dad in the neighborhood. All the kids will love him, especially ours.”
“I can’t believe you’re already thi
nking about having children with Eli,” Hayden tells her. “I have three years on you and I still kind of freak out at the idea of having a baby.”
“Me too,” Jocelyn deadpans, making all of us laugh. “Seriously, it’s still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I’m a mom sometimes. That I’m responsible for that little being.”
“You and Diego are doing a pretty good job of it,” Ava says.
“I know everyone thought we couldn’t do it, but look at us.” Jocelyn smiles, seemingly proud. “We’re still together. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier either.”
“You two want more kids?” Ava asks.
“Oh yeah, but not for a while,” Jocelyn says with all the confidence of a woman who knows exactly what she wants and when. “I want us both graduated from college first. Gigi will just be the big sister of the family.”
“I want four kids,” Ava declares, making Hayden gasp out loud. “What? I’m serious. Eli wants six!”
“I can barely stand the idea of one,” Hayden says, trepidation in her eyes.
“I can’t imagine being a mom either,” I confess. “Right now, I’m scared about starting my career and how much responsibility that comes with it. I can’t wrap my head around being a parent.”
“You just kind of—do it,” Jocelyn says with a shrug. “I was only seventeen when I got pregnant, but I knew in my heart I would do what I had to and make sure I raised my baby with as much love as I could give her.”
“You’re strong, though,” I tell her, my voice low. Everyone’s head swivels in my direction, and I kind of feel put on the spot. “Sometimes, I don’t think I’m that strong at all.”
“That’s not true,” Hayden says. “You’re one of the strongest girls I know.”
“Women,” Ava corrects with a nod, making Hayden smile and nod her acknowledgment. “Seriously, Gracie. You’re brave as hell. What are you talking about?”
“I’m nervous about student teaching,” I admit. “Of being done with college. It feels like I’ve been leading up to this moment for so long, and now it’s here and I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“See, that’s the thing. When do we ever know if we’re ready?” Jocelyn asks. “Never, that’s when. It’s hard to determine that. We’re just…living life, you know? And we deal with things as they come at us. That’s the best we can do. You can prepare and plan for the future as much as you want, but life always manages to throw a few surprises at us. You just—do it.”
“That’s how life happens in general,” Hayden adds. “Nothing happens like we plan, you know?”
I think of my situation with Caleb, and how I’m trying to prepare myself for taking the next step with him—and how much I doubt it’ll work.
Is that my problem? Maybe Caleb and I should cut to the chase. Forget the kissing sessions. Just do it like Jocelyn says and get right to the fucking.
Okay, I’ve been spending way too much time with him. Now I’m starting to sound like him in my thoughts.
“We never really know if we’re ready for whatever comes our way. We just have to handle it as it comes,” Ava says with all that confidence she has. It comes from growing up in a household where they were always encouraged to dream. They were never told they couldn’t do something. My parents did the best they could, but they always set limits on me, and that sucked. Whatever frivolous dream I had when I was younger, my mother always told me was impossible. At one point in my early teens, I mentioned to her that I wanted to be an artist.
You can’t make money drawing all day.
Another time, I said I wanted to be a photographer.
Good luck with that—there are so many out there, how can you compete?
My mom isn’t a bad person. She’s just practical to the point of being a downer sometimes. Any hopes and dreams I might’ve had, she squashed completely. Dad always agreed with whatever she said, not wanting to cause a fight when it came to me. After a while, I quit talking to her about my future. When I informed my parents that I wanted to be a teacher, Mom praised me for making a solid career choice.
And then insulted me by saying the job would be low paying but with my pretty face, I’d be sure to find a husband to take care of me.
Ouch.
Sometimes I feel like I set limits on myself—still to this day. I blame my parents—specifically Mom—for that.
“Says the girl who’s been handed everything she could ever want her entire life,” Jocelyn teases, nudging Ava in the ribs.
Ava laughs. “Whatever. I miss Ellie. She’d support my statement.”
We all grow sober, every one of us missing Ellie. She’s currently on tour with Jackson—still. His career has exploded, and they’ll be going on tour in Europe in the fall. Living her absolute best life, gaining more and more followers on her social media accounts as she chronicles her experiences as the girlfriend of one of the more successful singers currently taking the world by storm.
Who knew that things would blow up so epically for Jackson and Ellie? He treated her like an afterthought for so long, it took her trying to find someone new to wake him up and realize he had the perfect girl for him by his side all along.
“How’s Jake?” Jocelyn asks Ava about her big brother.
Ava smiles. “Doing great. He’s coming to visit next weekend and Hannah is coming with him.”
“And when do you leave to go back to school?” Jocelyn asks her.
The smile disappears from Ava’s face. “Mid-August. Eli isn’t happy about it. Neither am I.”
I want to ask her why she goes to school at SDSU, but I keep my mouth shut. I know she loves it down there. Her parents encouraged her to go somewhere different. Not to get her away from Eli, but to get her to have different experiences. They did the same for their oldest, Autumn, and for Jake too. I’m sure Beck, the youngest Callahan, will end up going to college somewhere out of the area as well. It’s what the Callahan kids do.
Eli chooses that exact moment to walk into the living room, the smile on his face fading when he sees Ava’s somber expression. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head and rises to her feet, pasting on a phony smile. Eli goes to her without hesitation, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her in front of all of us. And it’s not a simple kiss either. He takes it a little further, until she’s shoving him away and her cheeks are the faintest pink. “Don’t maul me in front of our friends, Eli.”
“You like it.” He squeezes her butt before letting her go, turning to scan the room, his gaze landing on Hayden. “Your man asked me to come get you. He needs your help.”
Hayden frowns. “Why didn’t he come get me himself?”
“He can’t leave the barbecue,” Eli says.
“Oh, right.” She leaps to her feet then she’s gone. Eli settles onto the couch next to me instead of going to sit with Ava, who’s suddenly involved in a quiet conversation with Jocelyn.
“Caleb was asking me where you were,” he says to me nonchalantly.
“Hmm.”
“That’s all I get? Hmm?”
I glance over at him to find he’s watching me intently. “Yes, Eli. That’s all you get.”
He shakes his head, making a dismissive noise. “You two think you’re sneaky, but you’re not. I may be gone a lot with Ava or whatever, but I know what’s going on.”
Wariness prickles my nape. “And what exactly do you think is going on?”
“You two are fucking on the low,” he says without hesitation.
I burst out laughing. “No, we are not.”
“Then you’re hooking up. Messing around. Whatever. Something is happening, G. Don’t deny it.” He points at me, his expression firm. I always thought Eli had such a baby face, but lately I’ve noticed he’s starting to look older. Even handsomer, if that’s possible. He’s filled out more too, becoming broader in the chest and shoulders. Maybe even a little taller? I don’t know.
They’re all looking more and more li
ke grown ass men and not a one of them could be considered hideous. They’re all sickeningly attractive.
“My boy isn’t interested in going out anymore. If he’s not working or at practice, he’s at home. In bed at a decent hour and everything. I can’t remember the last time he was with some random chick,” Eli says.
Caleb better not be with some random chick or I’ll hang him up by his balls. “You should be glad. Sounds like he’s growing up.”
“Oh, I’m definitely glad. We were worried about him for a while there when he was partying too much, but I’m thinking you have something to do with this new version of Caleb.” Eli points at me again. He likes to point. It’s rather rude, but I don’t call him out for it.
“I don’t think I have that much sway on Caleb’s behavior,” I say with a nervous laugh.
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.” Eli leans in close, his gaze serious as he studies me. “I think you have more influence on our boy than you realize.”
Eleven
Caleb
I just get home from practice, exhausted from being out in the hot ass sun for hours on end, when Gracie is on me the moment I enter the apartment.
“I heard a rumor you’re going shopping with me?” she asks hopefully.
I frown. The idea of going shopping with anyone, even Gracie, sounds like total ass right about now. “Uh…”
“Hayden is out of town. Jocelyn has Gigi and said taking her anywhere at her age is a total nightmare. Ava is with Eli. I have no one, and I need someone,” she says, her expression pleading. “Please? I have to pick out new clothes for work.”
My frown deepens. “What are you talking about? Just wear a Mitchell’s T-shirt and some shorts like you always do.”
“Not for my current job.” She wrings her hands, looking stressed. “I need respectable teacher-type outfits.”
The Junior (College Years Book 3) Page 10