by D. R. Grady
“Yes, they’re all here. If we all move over, there should be room for you,” Macy answered and she and the other three all rolled.
Savannah climbed in on the other end and with a few giggles and relieved chatter, the kids fell asleep one by one.
“Thank you, Macy,” Savannah whispered into the darkened room, as the storm rolled away to other parts with a few more bangs and periodic streaks of lightning. Rain slammed against the windows.
“You’re welcome. I’m happy you all felt comfortable enough to come to me,” she whispered back.
“Dad steals the covers and snores,” Savannah replied dryly, laughter in her voice.
“I see. Well then you made the best choice. I just steal the covers.”
Savannah laughed softly and Macy heard her breathing even out into the quiet of sleep. She stared at the ceiling, a smile on her lips. The sense of family stole over her, like a soft, sweet smelling blanket. This nanny business was really quite satisfying.
***
“Macy?” Nick’s voice sounded in her ear and she came awake with a yelp and a start.
Staring blearily up at him, she scowled. “What?” Her voice sounded irritable and croaky.
“My children appear to be missing from their beds,” he said, while staring her down like it was her fault.
“Oh, they should all be here,” she said, and peered beside her.
Starla’s head was nowhere to be found, but Macy thought maybe that was the little girl’s head weighing down her chest. She peeked under the covers. “Yep, here’s Starla,” she said and pointed to the sleeping little girl snuggled against her. Nick leaned over her to observe his daughter. He nodded. One down, three more to go.
Tugging the covers to the side revealed Brandt, back to back with Bryce. “Both boys are here, too,” she said and pointed them out. He brushed a hand over each boy’s head.
“Where’s Savannah?”
She frowned. “Savannah was here,” she said and kept up the search. No Savannah, but then they heard the toilet flush, and she pointed to the bathroom. “Savannah will be back momentarily.”
“Ah,” Nick said, and nodded, then he padded around to the other side of the bed and crawled in. When Savannah traipsed back into the room, she frowned at her father.
“No snoring, Dad,” she cautioned. Then crawled into the space he left for her, snuggled down against him, and fell back to sleep.
“My bed seems awfully crowded tonight,” Macy observed. Starla sighed deeply and cuddled closer. Nick stole the covers, Brandt kicked her, and Bryce started to snore.
A good night, all in all.
Chapter 12
Before she had time to finish her To Do list, the kids burst through the door and Macy realized she’d never finish now. Bryce waved the mail at her and Macy took the stack of envelopes.
“Thanks,” she said and leafed through them.
“Bills, bills, more bills, flyers,” she muttered and placed most of them in the cubby for Nick. Fortunately, he took care of most of this stuff.
An official looking letter bearing her name was at the bottom of the pile. She stared at it before flipping the letter over and ripping the envelope. Macy tugged at the letter inside and her heart dropped to her knees before speeding to the ceiling, raced around the room, and finally lodged back where it was supposed to reside.
She groped for a chair behind her and sank onto the bench in the front hall. After last night, she’d begun to think of her role as nanny in the longer term. She had enjoyed waking up with the entire family in her bed this morning. It had been... special, sweet, perfect. But now...
“Macy, what’s wrong?” Savannah’s voice came as through a tunnel.
She tucked the letter against her still raging heart, while disbelief and joy boxed for dominance of her emotions.
“I got it,” she said.
“What?” Savannah’s voice took on a teenage edge and Macy stared at her for a second. Nick’s silhouette appeared in the doorway.
“What’s up with you?” he asked, peering down at her.
“I got it,” she repeated.
His eyebrow shot up as he gazed at her with an expression that matched Savannah’s. “Got what?”
“I have an interview for vet school.”
She saw Savannah swallow as Nick looked dutifully impressed.
“Congratulations. When and where?”
Oh, good question. Macy glanced back at the letter.
“They want me to come next Tuesday, at ten am. And it’s at my first choice – the University of Pennsylvania.”
“Wow, isn’t that considered an ivy league school?”
“It’s one of the finest vet schools around,” Macy said, pride stiffening her spine and infusing her voice. After five years of struggling and filling out applications, she’d finally been granted an interview.
Savannah shoved out of the entry hall. Nick frowned as they watched her go. “What’s up with her?”
“I don’t know,” Macy said. Right now, she didn’t have enough reserves to figure out Savannah’s problems when she’d just been granted another step up the ladder of her dreams.
Five years.
She had waited five years to at least be interviewed, and Macy wasn’t worried about the interview. If they interviewed her, she thought she’d have a pretty good shot at earning one of their veterinary school slots. She was older, and focused. They’d see that in the interview.
“The University of Pennsylvania. You know, I can drive you there, I have to visit a client in that area, so I can arrange a ten a.m. meeting with her.”
“Oh, that’s perfect. Thanks,” Macy said and she stood up and glided out of the front hall.
She was going to vet school. In Philadelphia.
Macy paused as she glanced around the family room. Philadelphia was a good two hour commute from Hershey. She couldn’t drive from here to there every day. She’d have to quit this job in order to attend school there. Just as she’d intended.
That had been part of the plan. Stay at this job until she was accepted into vet school. Then she planned to leave all along and follow her dream of opening her own veterinary clinic. That had been her dream for close to five years now. This was exactly what she wanted.
Life was perfect.
***
After Savannah slammed out of the family room when Macy popped in to check on how her homework went, Macy realized they had a problem. This was the second or maybe the third time Savannah had left the room in a huff after she entered.
“Savannah,” she called after the retreating teenager. Macy used her, I’m-the-mom-so-you-better-listen voice. Savannah stopped, but she didn’t turn. Her spine was so rigid they could use her as a spear. “What’s the problem?”
Macy decided not to beat around the bush. This was ridiculous and she wanted answers. Not to be fobbed off by a hormonal teenager with a chip on her shoulder.
“You have this interview,” Savannah said, still facing away from Macy. Her back remained stiff.
“Yes. This is a dream come true for me. I’ve been trying to get into vet school for five years.” Macy tried not to make a big deal of the situation, but it was to her. She’d worked so hard for this opportunity.
“I know you’ve been trying, but Philadelphia isn’t a commutable distance from here.”
“I know that. By then your grandmother should be better. I doubt you’ll need a nanny much longer anyway.”
“Why not?” Savannah finally turned around and watched her. Carefully, more so than usual.
“I won’t leave here until the fall. You all will be back in school by then. And so will I. I’ve worked too hard to let this dream slip through my fingers,” Macy said, and she looked Savannah in the eyes when she spoke. The girl had to understand this wasn’t a light decision.
Their storm-tossed night together had maybe meant something to Savannah as well. Made them all feel like a family. Macy had enjoyed that experience, but vet school was her li
fe. Or would be soon.
Savannah raked her up and down like she ran with roaches. “Sometimes dreams hurt other people.”
“What does that mean?” Macy thought maybe she should sit down. This sounded like it could get deep.
She flopped onto one of the sofas she had recently steam-cleaned and watched as Savannah sank into the opposite one. “My mom left us to chase her dream of becoming an actress.”
“I heard that,” Macy said but she didn’t see the correlation.
“She told me that she couldn’t wait any longer. That if she waited she’d be too old to be a movie star. So she just up and left us.”
“I’m not running off to be an actress. I’m going to vet school,” Macy reminded her.
“So? It’s not any different. Except that my mom, instead of arriving in Hollywood like she expected, died.” Savannah threw out a hand in a jerky gesture that Macy thought was supposed to be blasé but appeared heartfelt instead.
“Savannah, I’m not going to die.”
“How do you know?” Belligerence was the prime emotion spouting from the girl’s mouth. Macy thought it hid another, deeper emotion. Fear.
“Because it’s time and chance when someone dies in a car accident. It was an accident. I’m sure your mother never expected to die in that car crash.”
“It doesn’t matter, Macy.”
“Why not?”
“Because the only similarity here is that she left us to pursue her dream,” Savannah nearly spit the last word.
“It was selfish of her to leave. I’ll grant you that. She made a commitment when she had you and that only increased with the next three kids.” Pressure compressed Macy’s lungs as she thought of the children she’d never have. Circumstances, an accident had made it such that she’d never bear children from her body. Macy couldn’t understand how a woman who had born four beautiful children could give them up to chase rainbows and empty pots of gold in California.
“She said she had to follow her dream, just like you’re doing.”
Macy frowned. She didn’t understand what Savannah was getting at. “Savannah, your mom’s and my situation are totally different.”
“How?” Savannah challenged.
“Your mom gave birth to you. She had responsibilities to you, your siblings, and your father. I’m just paid help. I never agreed to stay forever.”
“My mom said she had to leave. And when she took off to chase her dreams, she died.” Savannah crossed her arms over her chest and stared balefully at Macy.
“You think that if I leave here to go to vet school, I’ll die in a car accident?”
She shrugged. “That’s what happened to my mom. Whenever people go off to chase their dreams, they never come back.” Her authoritative tone and aggressive jaw indicated Savannah believed what she said.
But Macy hesitated. “I don’t agree with that.”
“Why not?”
“Look at your dad. He’s living his dream, and he’s here to stay.”
“Dad doesn’t have dreams like Mom did.”
“Sure he does. He loves his work, and he’s built a thriving business.” And he was mature enough to hang around when the going got difficult. He remained through the tough times. He’d still be there twenty years from now.
“Mom said she always wanted to go to Hollywood, but Dad talked her into marrying him and having kids. She said she never wanted kids.”
Oh boy, what a completely selfish, arrogant woman.
“I can’t believe your mom told you that. I’m glad she did have kids, for one.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re glad.”
Okay, then. This conversation was not going as planned. Macy arched an eyebrow at her. “Why not?”
“You’re not going to stay. I thought you’d stay, but you’re going to leave just like her. And we’re going to have to go to your funeral, too. All because you chased dreams that might not come true anyway.”
***
Nick looked up when a shadow triangled across his desk. “Hello?” he said and watched as Macy stepped into the room.
Her troubled expression spelled problems. With a sigh, he threw his pencil and eraser onto the desktop. “What’s the matter?”
“Did you know that chasing one’s dreams means death for that person?”
He sat forward so abruptly the chair nearly ejected him. That was nice; flatten the nanny because you were stupid. “What?” he finally asked when he resettled his weight in the chair.
“Savannah believes that I’m going to die now that I’ve been granted an interview for vet school.”
What? “You do realize how bizarre this conversation is, right?” Nick asked as a means of mulling over what she said. Where on earth had Savannah come up with that crazy thought?
“Yes. It was a bizarre conversation then too. But this is what she believes, because her mother ran off to Hollywood. Only she never got there, instead she died en route. Everyone Savannah has ever known who went after their dreams has never come back.”
“How many people does she know who’ve run off and never come back?”
“You know, I never thought to ask her that.” Macy pursed her lips and for once he barely thought about kissing them. This conversation concerned him, to say the least.
“Maybe we should figure that out, but it’s hardly the point, is it?”
She grimaced. “Right. I guess the main point is she doesn’t believe chasing ones dreams is a healthy thing.”
“If you die from it, I guess not.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“That’s not something you want to promote, by the way.”
“No.”
Macy leaned forward. “She doesn’t think you have dreams.”
Nick stared at her, only eventually aware his mouth had dropped open in a fly-catching way. “What?” he finally managed to utter.
“Yeah. That’s what she told me. You don’t have dreams to chase, that’s why you’re still around in their lives. I told her you couldn’t have built up a thriving architectural firm without pursuing your dreams.”
“Exactly.” He shook his head, trying to sort through his crazy thoughts, but failed.
“I’m not even sure how to combat this one.” Macy flopped into the client chair across from his desk.
He stared at her, wishing the answers would magically appear above her head. When nothing of the sort occurred, he realized they were on their own.
“This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”
She snorted. “Try near impossible.” And Macy crossed her arms over her chest and looked defeated for the first time since he’d met her.
Not thinking, not able to help himself, Nick did the only thing he could. He stood, tugged her from the chair and into his arms. Even if she didn’t need the comfort, he did.
“What are we going to do?” he whispered.
“I don’t know,” she whispered back, and her arms crept around him, like she didn’t want to let go.
That helped. Somehow, through the chaos of trying to right the wrong of his daughter’s conclusions, Macy’s support strengthened him. What would he do without her?
Maybe that was Savannah’s problem. The two of them got along well now. Was Savannah angry and upset that Macy planned to leave in the fall? He could sympathize with his daughter’s angst.
The thought of Macy leaving filled him with denial, despair, and something he couldn’t identify. A negative emotion, one he wasn’t acquainted with. He hadn’t even shaken hands with this particular emotion before.
And that scared him. Nearly as much as Savannah’s recent thoughts. How could he help Savannah work through Macy leaving when he couldn’t bear the thought, either?
Wasn’t this a case of the blind leading the blind? Or the stupid leading the sincere?
“Maybe I shouldn’t go to vet school,” she said in the smallest voice he’d ever heard.
He shook his head, even as his heart filled with joy and his head nearly doubled in s
ize from the euphoria that exploded there. “You have to go. You’ve worked too hard at this.”
“I know. All I can think about is my mom.”
She eased away from his arms and tilted her head to look at him.
“What about her?”
“She has lupus. Was diagnosed with it at age seventeen or eighteen. She went to college and got a science degree. Wanted to be a researcher, specializing in auto-immune diseases.”
“What happened?”
“She met my dad and they got married, and pretty soon she got pregnant with me.”
He sighed. Nick already knew how this story ended. “And she gave up her dream of being a research scientist.”
“Yeah,” Macy answered, her voice barely audible.
“And now you’re wondering....”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “What if she hadn’t given up on her dream? Would we have a cure for or at least a more powerful treatment for autoimmune illnesses? Would she have discovered the cure for cancer or Lou Gehrig’s disease? Or something?”
“But you’ll never know because she gave up her dream to have you and your siblings.”
“Right.” Macy’s sigh touched his soul. Reached out and squeezed him like a gentle hug.
“You can’t give up on your goals, not even for my children,” Nick said. He knew he was right. But he hated it.
“I know. I’ve wanted this for so long. It’s something I’ve worked too hard at to give up on now.”
“Is there a chance you won’t be accepted?”
“Yes.”
He gave a little sigh of his own. One of relief. “Maybe you won’t be accepted and we won’t have to worry about this right now.” A little reprieve.
“I might not be accepted now, but it’s still going to come back to haunt us. I want to go to school, Nick. I need to.”
“I understand that. But by then maybe we’ll know how to deal with the situation.”
A Macy-less future loomed large and daunting and his heart stalled.
Then again, maybe not.
Chapter 13
The phone rang just as Macy thrust her hands into two pounds of ground beef. “Of course,” she muttered and headed for the sink.