by J. L. Jarvis
She pushed her hair back from her face with fingers that trembled. “I woke up and you were on top of me. I didnae know it was you.”
Callum’s eyes darkened. “And who would it be?”
Mari stared at the window in silence. When Callum inhaled to speak, she said, “Kilgour.”
“Who in hell is this Kilgour that you’d think of him before your own husband?” Anger quickly overtook his concern.
“Kilgour was the highland dragoon who shot Jamie. He raped and killed Ellen, and he tried to do likewise with me.”
Callum’s anger turned to concern. “Lass, do you still dream of that after so many months?”
“No. It was not that I dreamt of it. He was here.”
Callum gripped her shoulders. “By my sword, I will kill him.”
“He’s dead.” She told Callum the story of how he’d climbed in through the window. Before he could rape her, she’d stabbed him with Callum’s sgian dubh. Callum listened. He was quiet, but his jaw clenched. When she was finished, he sat on the edge of the bed.
She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Please dinnae turn from me.”
Painful silence hung in the air as Callum tamped down the rage and the guilt that kept him from being able to think or speak. “I wasnae here to protect you.”
“I protected myself.”
“That’s not what I wanted for you.”
“No. But you’re all that I’ve wanted, and you’re home. So come back to bed and show me what you want for me now.” She put her arms about his neck, and he spun about to hold her and lower her onto the bed.
Duncan sat by the fire in the sitting room while the steady creak of the bed in the next room punctuated the gentle rain outside. He finished his drink and went out to the dark rain-soaked street.
The next morning he was on a ship bound for Barbados.
*
“Here’s some broth, lad. Try and take some.” Hugh looked at Mari, then closed his eyes. As the hours went on his face drained of color. Helplessly, they all watched over him.
Charlie brought in a doctor.
“It’s a hell of a time for Duncan to go sailing,” said Charlie.
Alex was quick to defend him. “How was he to know Hugh would take a turn for the worse? He’d already signed on.”
“And why is that?” asked Charlie.
“Charlie,” cautioned Callum, “it’s not Alex’s fault.”
Alex glared at Charlie. “I’m sorry. In spite of your high estimation of me, I cannot walk on water; nor can I guide Duncan’s decisions quite yet. He did what he felt was best. That’s all I need to know, and it is enough.”
The doctor came out of the bedroom looking somber.
“How is he?” asked Mari, rushing to him.
“He’s weak. The stab wound went deep. I’ve re-bandaged the wound. He needs rest. Keep him comfortable.”
“But he’ll get better,” said Mari, looking for confirmation.
Alex eyed the doctor, but asked nothing. He had seen too many men after battle, as had the others.
Callum walked him to the door. Before leaving, the doctor turned back and spoke softly. “You’re Highlanders, aye?”
Callum nodded.
“Catholic?”
Callum nodded, this time more slowly.
The doctor looked at Callum and said with alarming frankness, “You’d best send for a priest.”
Callum’s brow furrowed as he nodded. He closed the door and stood facing it, trying to regain control of the rising emotion and the deepening grief. He knew Mari’s touch on his arm, and he turned around, a false smile on his lips.
“What did he say?” she asked, worried.
“He’ll be back tomorrow to check on him.”
Mari nodded, but caught a glimpse of the truth in Callum’s eyes. “Will he?”
“Aye.” He put his arm about her and drew her back toward the others.
In the morning, Hugh opened his eyes and looked up at the sun shining in through the window. He lifted his head, as though he might sit up, but gave up the effort. Mari sat beside him and reached around from behind to prop him up against her.
“I’m cold, Mari.”
As she wrapped her arms around him, he asked for Charlie.
Charlie gripped his hand. “I’m here, Hugh,” he said as he clenched his jaw and fought back tears that shone in his eyes.
“Will you stay with me today?” Hugh asked him.
Alex looked on with a clenched jaw and stoic expression.
Charlie forced an engaging smile. “Aye, of course I will, Hugh.” He sat on the edge of the bed and took hold of his hand.
A faint smile formed, but faded as he gasped for air and stopped breathing.
Mari froze.
He gasped again, and once more. After that, he was silent.
“Hughie, no,” moaned Mari.
Charlie pulled his brother’s limp body into his arms and held him. A mournful sound came from deep in his chest as gently he rocked the limp body.
*
The men sat in the sitting room while Mari made tea in the kitchen.
Callum said, “Someone’s got to tell Nellie. I’ll not have her find out from a letter.”
Charlie was so lost in grief that he seemed not to have heard, but he looked up at Callum. “I cannot face her until I’ve made his murderer pay.”
Alex signaled for Charlie to lower his voice so Mari would not overhear him.
“I will go,” said Callum. “It makes sense for me to go. I’m a wanted man, so I cannot go to the funeral, and I cannot stay here for very long. And unless I leave Mari behind—which I will not do—I cannot go off to avenge Hughie’s murder. So it only makes sense that I go.”
“Aye,” said Charlie, as the others gave a nod.
“I’ll tell Nellie, and I’ll take the lass home. Mari’s been through enough.”
Hearing her name, Mari paused outside of the doorway to hear what plans they were making for her.
Alex said, “Charlie and I can take care of things here. We will find that wee son of a bitch, and we’ll give him a taste of highland justice.”
Charlie added, “And if he survives that, we’ll let the authorities put his head on a pike.”
Charlie looked up too late. Mari stood in the doorway. She had heard, and the damage was done. He met her hurt gaze with bitterness. “Hugh was my brother.”
“And Jamie is mine.”
Charlie held his tongue and looked down, not from regret for his words but out of respect for her. Hugh had done nothing to deserve the fate Jamie forced on him. But Jamie had earned every bit of what Charlie had planned for him.
Callum excused himself and caught up with Mari, who had quietly escaped to the bedroom. He drew close as she stood at the window, her gaze fixed outside. The percussive rain pelted the glass pane and darkened the sandstone walls of the buildings.
Mari said, “Will it ever stop raining? I’m so tired of rain.”
Callum circled his arms about her waist. She leaned back against his chest, and they watched rain drip down the windowpane. There was no further talk of her brother. What more could they say that would not tear them apart?
*
Mari did not protest the idea of leaving. She had known too much sadness here. As much as she loved Hugh, her presence would not be needed. Only men would attend the funeral service, and afterward she would not be a comfort. For Callum’s sake, they would treat her with respect, but every time they looked at her they would be reminded of her brother and what he had done. It was better to keep to herself until they could see her and not think of Hugh’s murder. As for Mari, as much as she understood how they must feel, her husband included, Jamie was her brother. And with that came her own feelings, which she could not express to them. Her pain might not be as bitter as theirs, but she too had loved Hugh. Although Jamie had broken her heart, she still loved him. The MacDonells knew that their every bitter word pained her. Her absence would allow them to express
their grief freely without having to worry about her feelings.
For Callum, home would be a longed-for relief. She was glad for him, but it meant more change for her. She had lived her whole life on a farm. Life had moved in predictable cycles along with the seasons. But now life was beyond her control. It was changing too fast.
The one constant was rain. It had rained through the day, and was raining after dark when they left.
Alex gripped Callum’s hand. “I’m sorry you have to leave like a thief in the night, but it’s safer this way.”
“Aye,” replied Callum, not even trying to hide his grim mood.
Alex’s eyes settled on Mari. “Come here, hen,” he said with a grin as he held out his arms.
With moist eyes, she hugged him, and then stepped back and rested her hands on his shoulders. “Look after Charlie.”
“I will.” He looked into her eyes and, as was his gift, filled her with confidence in him.
They left unspoken the truth about how things had changed between them. Alex was able to see past the rift now between them, but Charlie could not. But the same thing that tied families together had somehow been forged between them over these months. Something in Alex’s smile and warm touch gave her hope that they might all find their way back together.
Charlie joined them and first said his goodbyes to Callum. He now stood before Mari with a remote look that masked his deep sorrow. “Mari.”
She missed the carefree grin he’d always had when he’d call her “dearie”. She wondered she’d lost that forever.
“Dear Charlie.” She looked into his eyes, but they were distant.
She reached out and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” she said, looking at him through her tears.
Charlie turned his head slightly, hiding moist eyes. “Whisht, dearie. Just gie us a hug.”
And she gave him just that, along with some tears on his shoulder.
Callum helped Mari onto the horse he had bought her, and then he mounted Storm. Through the dark rain they rode, under the looming shadow of Edinburgh Castle.
Late in the night they took shelter in a shed. They made love in the hay with the passion of two grieving souls who have come close to death, and now cling to life and each other. Afterward, their bodies entwined, they talked softly of where they had been and the people they’d left for a while, and the one they had just lost forever.
“If you hadnae found me that day, so much would be different.”
“I cannae think of my life without you,” he said, just before he kissed her.
Mari rested her head on his shoulder. “Hugh would be alive.”
With a sudden fierceness, Callum sat up and pulled her up by the shoulders. “I forbid you to talk—or even think that again. Do you ken?”
“Aye,” she said in a whisper. She had never seen him like this.
“You are not to blame. I forbid you to take on that burden.” His stern gaze burned into her.
“But I miss him so,” she said, as tears spilled from her sorrowful eyes.
“Och, I miss him too.” He gently pulled her to his chest and rested his palm on the back of her head. “I’ve kent Hughie since he was a bairn and I was a wee lad. His great strengths were his flaws. He was trusting and kind.”
“And too good to deserve such a young death.”
“Aye, but you cannae live your life looking back. How could you have known it would happen? We could think all the day long how he might have been spared, but at days’ end, he cannot come back to us. To wonder otherwise is a cruel game that no one can win.”
Mari looked into eyes that bore such a somber expression. “How did you become so wise?”
“I learned in one quick lesson.” Deep pain haunted his expression.
Mari listened.
“My brother died.” He glanced at her, and then looked off toward distant memories. “Losing Hugh brings my brother to mind, I suppose. Robbie was different. He thought and felt deeply. When lads said things, it hurt him. I dinnae ken why, but the others wouldnae leave him alone.”
“Even Duncan? And Charlie and Alex?”
“No, but they didnae stop anyone, either.” Callum swallowed. “Nor did I.
“I told him to fight back. He was bigger and stronger than all of them, but he wouldnae.
“One day, he flew out of the byre on his horse. I jumped out of the way, and I cursed him.”
Callum did not speak for a while. His jaw clenched. Mari put her hand on his shoulder.
He glanced at her and went on. “He didnae come home. We found him the next day hanging from a tree.”
Mari choked tears back.
Callum said, “For years I would ask myself, what if I’d stopped them, or said something to Robbie? Why did I not go after him? The last thing he heard anyone say was my cursing. But no matter what I might have done, Robbie was dead. I could not bring him back.”
“So when you saw me that day at the cliff, you saved me.”
His dark gaze met hers. “Aye, I found you in time.”
“And you made my life better than it could have been.”
“I wasnae looking for a wife at the time,” he said, with an unexpected grin which soon faded. “But I saw you at the edge of that cliff, and I was determined to stop you. That’s all I wanted. Until I spoke with you.”
“I dinnae recall saying anything special.”
“No. I suppose I was won over by your kicking and clawing.” Callum grinned.
With a self-conscious smile, Mari said, “Aye. How could you not have been charmed?”
With a glint in his eye, he said, “Well, I saw enough emotion in the first two minutes I’d kent you to make me wonder what ten minutes more might bring.”
“Oh that’s what you thought, did you?”
“It’s more what I felt. For by then, I was in love.”
Mari put her arms about his neck and pressed her body to his. She whispered her love in his ear, and he took her mouth in a devouring kiss. So much had been lost to them both, but they’d found one another, and they would not let go.
*
Callum woke Mari with a light kiss before dawn. “Lass,” he whispered into her ear. She stirred a bit, but drifted back to sleep. He moved to her mouth, kissing and whispering, “Mari, my love.”
Mari smiled and kissed him. “Not yet,” she said, pulling him toward her.
He grinned, tempted, yet knowing that farmers rose early. But when Mari swung her leg over and climbed atop him, he chose not to deny her. When, some minutes later, they both were blissfully awake, they both heard footsteps outside.
With a curse, Callum said, “Time to go, lass!” They scrambled to saddle and mount their horses. As the byre door opened, the farmer jumped aside as two riders on horseback galloped out of the byre toward the hills beyond.
When they were far enough from the farm to be safe, Mari surprised Callum by racing past him with a joyous laugh. He caught up and rode beside her across an open stretch, until he had to spoil her fun by leading her back onto their route.
“We’ll follow the drovers’ roads into the highlands. There’s a more direct military road, but we dinnae want to risk a chance meeting with the king’s men.”
So they veered away from the path they were on and crossed over the gentle slopes of fields. Mari shocked Callum by jumping a hedgerow.
He raced to catch up. “God’s teeth, lass! I didnae know you could ride like that.”
“And how would you?” she said with a bright smile. “But I can!” She urged her horse to go faster as she laughed over her shoulder.
When they slowed down at last, Callum took the lead, and they soon found themselves on a drovers’ road.
As the sun rose well into the sky, Mari said, “Och! Callum! Are you not hungry?”
“Aye. It’s a shame we’ve so little to eat.”
“What? Did we not bring food with us? I thought I saw—”
“Eggs?” Callum pulled a fresh egg from his
pocket.
“Where did you get that? Well I ken where. But when?”
“I went for a walk in the morning and found them.”
“Found them?”
“Aye. Under a hen.”
“You’re a terrible, thieving man, Callum MacDonell.”
“Aye. So I dinnae suppose you would stoop to eat one of these. What a shame, for I have six.”
“Six eggs!”
Aye,” he said, feigning remorse with a frown.
“Your penance is to cook them,” she said, leaving the path and heading toward the sound of a burn.
Sometime after they had cooked and eaten the eggs, they were packed up and ready to go when Callum grabbed Mari’s wrist and yanked her close beside him, with his finger to his lips. They stood still and waited as the rattling sound of a wagon approached, and then passed them and rode down the road.
Through some overgrown brambles, Mari caught a glimpse of grain sacks on the back of a wagon.
Callum whispered, “It’s only a badger, but we dinnae want to be seen, lest he tell the wrong folk that he’s seen us.”
They walked parallel to the road for a mile or so to be sure they would not be seen over the hedge wall that lined this stretch of the road. Then they mounted their horses and rode on.
The sun burned high in the sky when he asked, “Are you hungry, lass?” His broad smile proved he knew the answer.
Her answering look left no doubt.
“When we get to Crieff, there’s a drover’s inn there. We can give the horses a rest while we have a hot meal. If you like, we could sleep there.”
“If I like?” Mari rubbed her back and shifted her weight in the saddle. “I’ve never ridden so much. I may not be able to walk if ever we do stop.”
“Dinnae worry, Mistress MacDonell. I can carry you up to our bed.”
She flashed a wide-eyed look just in time to see him wink and smile. Her admonishing look soon spread into a smile as she warmed under his gaze. She found herself suddenly keen to reach Crieff.
*
A mist rolled in and rain soon fell in sheets as they rode into Crieff. The drover’s inn was a stone building darkened outside by the rain and made darker inside by the soot-stained oak ceiling. The low rumble of talk came to a halt as they walked in and looked for a table. Callum held Mari’s hand with a sure grip and walked to the bar, where he got two tankards of ale. He then led the way to a table not far from the fire, where they warmed away the chill of the rain. A grand fire crackled inside the stone fireplace that ran the length of the wall, floor to ceiling. Mari took off the drenched plaid wrapped about her shoulders and dress, and draped it over her chair. In her weary state, the flames soon held her rapt in their flickering warmth.