by Annie Seaton
“So what do you suggest? You go back to cuddling the kids, and then you leave for a few weeks at a time? You think that won’t hurt them?”
“Ned, you’re not getting it. Whatever I do, they’ve gotten really used to having me around. It’s going to hurt them no matter what.”
Ned’s knuckles were white as they gripped the steering wheel of her Audi. “I know. Just let me think on it some more. I’ll give some more thought to it, and we’ll talk when we get home. Okay?”
His eyes were shadowed as he parked the car across from the school. “You stay here. I’ll go and collect them. Might as well start now.”
Jemima pulled out her phone and scrolled through the numbers until she found Angie’s work number. She hit the dial button and waited for Angie to pick up.
“Hi, Ange. It’s Jemmy. Can I ask a favour?”
Chapter Twenty
The RSL bistro was busy and humming with the noise of the end of week crowd. The Friday night raffles were on, and the kids were fascinated as the winning numbers flashed up on the screen. Several families from the primary school were there, and Kelsey, Gwennie, and Ryan had joined their friends sliding up and down the polished timber floor next to where the carpet bowls were played. When Jemima had asked Angie about the kids having a shower and a change of clothes at her little house in town, Angie had asked if she and Liam could join them for dinner, too.
Liam and Ned were deep in conversation about cattle as they waited for their meals to be called. Two men in Salvation Army uniforms were moving from table to table collecting money. After Angie and Jemima had slipped some coins into the wooden box, Angie leaned over.
“You okay, Jemmy? You’re very quiet tonight, and your eyes are shadowed.”
Jemima nodded and then let out a sigh. “Not really. I’ve got a bit on my mind. And I’ve been really tired.”
“Being a surrogate mum and a housekeeper taking its toll?” Angie said with a smile.
“Not really. The cooking’s the only thing that I can’t handle. But I’m getting better at it. I’ve been tired and off-colour ever since Lucy tried to poison us all with her pineapple pizza!”
“She still feels so bad about that.”
“You were lucky you were away that weekend. It wasn’t fun.”
“But Lucy said Ned looked after you okay?”
“He did.” Jemima couldn’t help the colour that ran into her cheeks.
“He’s a good man. And he’s good with those kids.” Angie dropped her voice. “Lucy and I were hoping—”
“Don’t go hoping anything. It ain’t gonna happen.” Jemima held up her hand. “Purely business and it’s coming to an end. Maybe sooner rather than later. We’re talking about an exit strategy at the moment. The farm’s going really well.”
“Oh no. An exit strategy? What are you going to do?” Angie asked with a frown.
“Find a school job somewhere.”
“I’ll miss you—we’ll all miss you if you move away, but hey, did Liam tell you the news yet?”
“No, what news?” Jemima scrunched her nose up.
“Your cousin Seb is coming home.”
“No, he didn’t tell me!” Jemima glanced over at her brother, but he and Ned were still deep in conversation, a serious one by their expressions. “When?”
“Next month. He’s got stuff to do in Sydney, and then he’ll ride his bike up.”
“I can’t wait to see him.” Jemima smiled. Something to keep her mind off the dilemma she had.
They were interrupted by the buzzer on the table calling them to collect their meals.
“I’ll go and round up the kids,” Jemima said.
“No. I’ll go.”
Liam looked at Ned curiously as he stood and left the table.
“Everything okay with you two?” he asked. “You’ve barely exchanged a word since we got here.”
“Yep. Just fine and dandy.” Jemima forced the smile to her face as she pushed her chair back. “Come and help me get a tray and load these meals up.”
It was strange being isolated from the kids by Ned’s actions tonight. If that was his new strategy for preparing them for her departure, she didn’t think much of it, and she would tell him that the first opportunity she got.
Or maybe she wouldn’t.
Things came to a head much more quickly than she’d anticipated. As the children were eating their ice cream, Ned leaned over to Liam.
“Can you keep an eye on the kids for a minute? I want to talk to Jemima about something.”
He stood and pulled her chair out for her and beckoned her to follow him to the doors that led to the balcony overlooking the car park.
Ned held the door open for her.
When they were outside, he stepped away and leaned against the railing.
“What’s wrong? What couldn’t wait till we got home?” she asked.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. And I’m sorry I argued. You’re absolutely right. The longer you stay, the worse it’s going to be for the kids.” He folded his arms. “Liam told me Seb’s coming home soon. It’s a perfect excuse.”
“Excuse?”
“You can drop us home and then go straight over to Prickle Creek Farm. I’ll tell the kids your cousin is coming to visit and you’re really excited about seeing him.”
“I am,” she said, and if there was a bit of snarkiness in her tone, she didn’t mind. “But he’s not arriving till next month.”
“Oh.” He frowned.
Tonight? Ned wants to give me the flick tonight? Snark was good; it helped deal with the hurt. She’d been right all along—well, ever since the night the pillow fence had gone down. Ned didn’t care about her. She was the only fool who had fallen in love.
Yes, she admitted it to herself. Not only had she fallen for this three beautiful children, she’d fallen for him, too.
Jemima drew a deep breath, and the sharp ache that pierced her chest was the way a heart must feel when it was breaking. “Excellent.” She folded her arms against her aching chest. “I’m pleased that you’ve seen what’s best for them. They don’t have to know that he’s not coming for a few days. I’ll just keep a low profile.” She couldn’t believe it. When she’d suggested going to Sydney now and then, Ned had said he couldn’t manage on the farm with only Billy.
“Yes. It will be for the best. It will be tough to start with, but they’ll be fine.”
“So is this it? Just for a while for them to get used to it or do you want me to leave for good now?”
“Maybe,” he said slowly. “Maybe it would better if we do it in one swoop. You can stay over at Prickle Creek because Seb’s visiting, and the kids will get used to it.”
“You think?”
“No, I don’t think that.” Ned’s expression was bleak, and his tone was harsh. “I owe you so much for helping out when I needed it, but it’s the best way.”
“So how are you going to cope on the farm? And look after the kids?” She knew her voice was tight, but she didn’t give a damn.
“Liam’s got onto a bloke who’s looking for some part time farm work. He’s coming out to see me tomorrow.”
“Fabulous. You don’t need me at all then.”
“Jemmy…don’t be—”
“My name is Jemima.” The only way to fight back the hurt that was flooding through her was with anger. “Right then. I’ll drop you home and then go to the farm. And after Sebastian arrives, I’ll go back to Sydney for a while. When will you tell the kids?”
“In a few days.”
“And when do you want me to move my stuff out?”
“I’ll call you when I’ve told them, and maybe you can come over and get it Tuesday when they’re all at school.”
The reality of her happy-families-playing-Mummy coming to an end hit Jemima like a physical blow. The kids wanted her…but Ned? Ned had only needed her for the bank loan and the nannying…and, of course, her body.
“If there’s any debt incurred at the
bank by me leaving early, let me know. I’ll settle it for you.”
“That’s not necessary.” Ned ran a hand over his face with a sigh. “Look, Jemmy—I mean Jemima—”
She blinked back tears as she looked over at Ned. “Can I ask you one thing? Please?”
He nodded.
“Can I hug them good-bye tonight?”
Ned nodded again without speaking. His mouth was set in a straight line.
He opened the door, and they went back into the dining room. The children had finished their ice cream.
Angie raised her eyebrows, and Jemima shook her head. The band started up, and it was too noisy to speak as the music filled the club. She swallowed, forcing back the ache in her throat. A happy family night at the club had turned into her worst nightmare. She wasn’t ready for this yet. But she had to be because Ned had decided.
A few elderly couples got up on the dance floor, and Jemima tried to smile as they launched into a gypsy tap. She’d never get to dance with Ned like she’d dreamed about. The ache in her throat was unbearable, and she didn’t know how she was going to make the trip home without breaking in front of the kids. He didn’t need her anymore.
Ned had sprung this on her too quickly. She wasn’t prepared, and she wasn’t ready to leave the children. Her heart ached the most for the kids. No matter what their father thought, she knew that Kelsey, Gwennie, and Ryan would miss her. The girls, especially, needed a mother figure in their life. Her breath hitched on a sob. Well, it wasn’t going to be her. She wasn’t good enough.
Liam pulled Angie up for a dance. Jemima watched as her brother held his fiancée close when the band changed to a waltz.
Gwennie tugged on her arm. “Jemmy will you dance with me? Some of the other kids are up there.”
She looked at Ned and managed to keep her voice level. “Do we have time before we go home? Ryan’s looking sleepy.”
To his credit, Ned smiled and spoke naturally, although he didn’t meet Jemima’s eyes as he bent down to Gwennie. “Time for one quick dance.” He looked around. “Where’s Kelsey?”
“Outside with her friends.”
“Okay. I’ll go and tell her we’re about to go while Jemima dances with you.” He hoisted Ryan onto his hip, and Jemima watched as he walked across to the door until Gwennie tugged her hand.
“Come on. We’ve learned some dances at school.”
How could such a beautiful afternoon turn sour so quickly?
Jemima smiled, danced, and twirled Gwennie around and even managed a couple of laughs.
“Come on, Daddy will be waiting.” She took Gwennie’s hand and passed by the table where Liam and Angie were sitting after their dance. “I’ll see you pair later. I’m going to come over to Prickle Creek after I drop Ned and the kids home.”
Liam raised his eyebrows in a frown, and Jemima looked away. She knew her eyes were bright with tears.
“Oh, can I come, too?” Gwennie’s smile almost broke her heart—again. Could a heart break twice in one night?
“Not tonight, sweetie,” she said quietly.
Kelsey was extra quiet on the way home, but luckily, Gwennie’s chatter about the super night she’d had, and the yummy chips and gravy, and the red fire engine drink filled the silence. Ned drove her car, and when he pulled up at the house, Jemima opened the passenger door and climbed out.
“Do you want me to help you get Ryan inside?”
“No. I’m fine, thank you.” Ned opened the back door and lifted Ryan out. Kelsey flung open the other door and ran inside before Jemima could say good-bye.
“Good night, Jemmy.” Gwennie took her hand as she helped the little girl out of the backseat. With a pleading glance at Ned, Jemima crouched down and put her arms around the little girl. “Bye-bye, darling. You be good for Daddy, won’t you?”
“I will. See you tomorrow. Remember you promised we could make fairy cakes like they learned you at your CWA school.”
“Taught, not learned.” Ned held Ryan on his shoulder and held out his other hand to Gwennie and lowered his voice. “Good night, Jemmy. I’ll call you.”
She bit her lip and nodded as Gwennie piped up. “Daddy. You forgot to kiss Mummy…I mean Jemmy…good night.”
“So I did.”
Jemima stood still as he leaned over and brushed her mouth with firm, cool lips. “Good-bye,” he said, and she would swear till her dying day that Ned’s voice broke.
She held it together until she drove out the gate and across the road to Prickle Creek Farm.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ned tucked the kids into bed and gave each of them an extra cuddle in an attempt to make himself feel like less of a louse. Rather than draw it out, he’d tell them tomorrow morning what was happening so they had time to get used to the idea before the girls went back to school on Monday. He would take Ryan out in the ute in the morning, and then Billy and the new guy could work with the cattle in the afternoon while Ryan had his sleep and he got dinner ready. Tuesday was preschool day, so he could get the house in order and—
Ned shook his head as he walked down the hallway feeling lost. What the bloody hell have I done?
Everywhere he looked he could see Jemima. Playing hide-and-seek with Ryan, sitting at the desk helping Gwennie with her reading. Looking at horse magazines with Kelsey. He paused at the door to their—his—bedroom. All he could see was Jemima lying there, smiling at him as he’d dismantled that bloody wall of pillows this afternoon.
He’d done the only thing he could, and he’d done it at the right time. It was time to let her go before he fell in love with her.
He’d seen the look in Jemmy’s eyes when she’d said good-bye to Gwennie, and her body had been stiff and straight when he’d brushed her lips. She was a good person, and he would be grateful to her for the rest of his life for teaching him how important the whole affection thing was. He hadn’t been fair to her. He’d used her to get the bank loan that let him have more time to spend with the kids, and he’d taken her to his bed. He’d never intended for her to become a part of the family. And after the first time he’d slept with her, he’d vowed to remain aloof and not be tempted again, but…
He wandered into the kitchen, feeling lost, knowing Jemima wasn’t going to be in there. A reluctant smile tugged at his lips; a smell of burned pots still lingered even though he had scrubbed them clean. Was it only this afternoon that they’d ended up in his bed?
Whoever would have thought that an international fashion model would have come into their lives and made such a difference? It was just like that movie with Goldie Hawn—what was it called? Overboard, that was it. Jemima was beautiful enough to have starred in it herself.
She’d been wonderful with the kids, and he knew that she would make a wonderful stepmother. A real one.
But that wasn’t going to happen because he wasn’t going to risk falling in love again. It had been so bloody horrendous when he’d lost Cath; he honestly couldn’t go through that again. And he wouldn’t put the kids at that risk again. Ned stared through the window, ignoring the little voice that was telling him it was already too late. He loved Jemima already. He straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath.
Yes, this is the best way. The only way.
He was so close to needing Jemmy in his life, it was time to end it.
Why was he such a coward? What the heck had he been thinking taking her to bed when he didn’t have the courage to make it permanent? On the flip side, how was he going to live without her?
He couldn’t afford to trust what his heart was telling him.
Go after her. Tell her you love her.
In came the logical mind.
No, we can live without her. What if she had an accident? Life is fragile.
And how did he even know that Jemmy loved him back?
Of course she does, his heart told him.
What if she thinks I only want her for her money? In came those thoughts again.
Ned looked around the kitchen.
His eyes went back to the window. It was pitch dark outside; and that was what his life—and the children’s lives—would be like if he let her go.
In that moment, his heart won. He looked up at the clock above the door. It was only nine o’clock. The kids could sleep in tomorrow.
They were all going to Prickle Creek Farm. He was going to ask Jemima Smythe to marry him.
For real this time.
…
There was a tap on Jemima’s bedroom door. She wiped her eyes and shoved the tissue beneath the pillow. “Yes?”
“Are you decent?” Liam called through the door.
“Yes, what’s up?”
The door opened, and Liam poked his head around it.
“You okay?” Liam flicked the light switch on, and Jemima put her hands over her eyes.
“Yes. Just a bit emotional.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
Jemima sat up and tucked her legs beneath her on the bed as Liam sat on the end. The house phone rang, and Angie yelled out, “I’ve got it.”
“Have you been crying?” Liam looked at her curiously.
“Yeah.” She sniffed. “I’ve been so bloody emotional lately, it’ll be good to get back to my apartment and put an end to the nonstop waterworks.”
“Whoa, right there. What do you mean back to your apartment?”
“Ned and I both agreed it’s best for the kids to put an end to this farce now. The farm’s doing really well, and he’s going to pay the loan back. And he’s hired that other farm hand, so there’s no need for me to hang around.”
Liam shook his head slowly. “And what about the fact that you’re in love with each other?”
“No, we’re not. Don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not blind, Jemmy. You should see the way he looks at you.”