by Nina Lane
I knew if I got any closer to him, I’d be lost and never found again. As it was, tears flooded my eyes and ran down my already-wet cheeks.
I yanked my arm from Archer’s grip and slapped his face again. A red imprint spread over his jaw. Grim satisfaction filled me.
“You want more?” Archer released me and yanked open his leather jacket to expose the damp white T-shirt underneath. “Go ahead. I’ll take it.”
“You sonuvabitch.” I flew at him, hissing and scratching. My fists connected with his chest, his face, his abdomen. “How dare you? How fucking dare you come here and turn my world upside down and then leave? How dare you think I would fall in love with a man I thought was less? You’ve never been less, Archer! You’ve always been more… so much more… too goddamned much…”
The impact of my fists barely moved him, but I felt his unleashed pain. I could hardly see his expression past the blur of tears. I slapped him again. His hand closed around my wrist to stop another blow.
“Goddammit, Kelsey,” he whispered. “I surrender.”
Oh, no. No. He couldn’t. I’d never wanted to conquer him.
Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. I grabbed the front of his shirt. Our breath rasped in the space between us. He closed the distance, crushing his mouth against mine. A moan escaped my throat, my hand fisting in his T-shirt. He put his hands on either side of my head, angling my mouth to his, deepening the kiss.
Desperation flooded us both. The air thickened, rain still streaming down the windows. I knew I could never stop it, this heat that even now burned so hot between us. Tension coiled through Archer’s muscles as he moved closer, his knee pushing between mine. I shoved my hands under his shirt and dug my fingers into the ridges of his abdomen. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, licking, biting, sucking.
I gave up, gave in, gave over. With a sob, I let him push me back against the seat, his body edged with heat and urgency. He cupped my face in his rough palms, the gentle touch a striking contrast to the ferocity of his kiss. Lust sparked through my veins at the sensation of his chest pressing against my breasts, his erection throbbing against my thigh.
He ripped open my shirt and bra to expose my breasts. I gasped, curling my fingers into him as he drew the hard nipples into his mouth. Arousal flared through my lower body, driving my need higher.
I writhed beneath him, fumbling for the buttons of his jeans, my hands trembling. My need for him was drenching, all-consuming, like the fall of night studded by bright stars. He reached down to rip at the fastenings of my pants, lowering his head to slide his tongue over my neck. He closed his teeth around my collarbone.
“So fucking hot,” he whispered, pushing his hand beneath my panties. “You belong to me.”
Of course I did. I always had. Even before I knew who he was.
My face was damp. I struggled to pull air into my tight lungs as he pushed down my pants and underwear. His fingers moved with adept precision over my folds, sliding into me, his breath hot against my neck. I gripped his back as the pressure began to spiral through me.
“Archer.” My voice was strained. I was burning.
He moved back only long enough to shove down his jeans, releasing his thick erection. Need enveloped us. Sweat trickled down his temple. I parted my legs, letting him in, my heart beating wildly as the hard knob pressed against my folds. I drove my hands into his hair, guiding his face back to mine.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
He pressed his mouth to mine the instant he pushed his cock into my body, filling me, claiming me hard and deep.
“Oh!” I arched upward, digging my fingers into his hips. I took the force of his thrusts, his tongue in my mouth, the scorching heat of him.
I needed him to drive away the darkness, to fill me with light and sparks and stars, even as I knew the clouds would fall again. I wrapped one leg around his thighs and braced the other on the floor. My head filled with the sound of moans and gasps, his flesh hitting mine, filling me.
I moved to grip his corded arms. Above me, his eyes burned through the shallow light. He lowered his head again, his lips on mine the instant the exquisite wave rolled through my body. I cried out against his mouth, shuddered around his cock, engulfed by his body. He didn’t lift the pressure of his kiss as he plunged into me again and again, his muscles flexing as his release ripped through him. I drank the low groan that rumbled from his chest, both of us sliding back down together.
I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes. His breath rasped against my shoulder. When our breathing calmed and he pushed away from me, I felt like part of me had been severed.
I opened my eyes to look at him. Wariness fell between us.
“Jesus, Kelsey,” he muttered, dragging his hands over his face. “When your car went off the road…” He shook his head. “Never been so fucking scared.”
I fumbled to close my shirt and pull up my pants. My chest ached.
“You were going to do it,” I whispered. “You were going to leave without telling me.”
Self-disgust crossed his expression. “Because I’m a goddamn coward.”
“No, you are not. Why… why can’t you see that?”
He yanked up his jeans with an irritated movement. “I’m sorry. I never should have… I was… ah, fuck, Kelsey. I never thought it would come to this.”
Of course he hadn’t. He’d just wanted to have a good time. So had I. That had been the deal.
I sat up slowly, still feeling his scent on me, the trickle of his semen between my legs, the abrasions on my skin from his stubble, his teeth, and his desperate grip.
Too much. It was all too much. I had gone willingly into a storm that I’d known would leave me breathless and aching. I’d also been delusional enough to think I could protect myself, but even if my sharp, scientific brain hadn’t see the truth, my heart now did.
I would never be able to protect myself from the storm. Because the storm was everything—love, desire, happiness, sorrow, pain. Life.
“You need to go,” I whispered.
Archer turned to look at me, his eyes dark and shuttered. He knew as well as I did that a safe, happily-ever-after life could never work for us. Not for two people who had such a reckless, urgent pull toward danger and risk. We’d end up hurting each other and hating ourselves for it.
This time with Archer had shown me that with striking clarity. I could manage to contain the storm inside me, but not the one in him too.
“I don’t want to go without you,” he said.
An ache split through my heart. “Please don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Aside from the fact that there is no way I can go with you, it was never part of the deal, Archer.”
Because I knew him so well, I saw the flash of regret in his dark eyes. I latched on to the fact that I’d found a sore spot.
“No holds barred, no strings attached, right?” I said. “Do you not remember saying that? Do you not remember me agreeing?”
Anger flared in his eyes. I recoiled. He gripped my shoulders and lowered his face closer to mine.
“I remember,” he snapped. “But we both know everything has changed. I love you, dammit.”
Painful sparks went off in my veins, creating a hollow longing for everything I wanted and yet couldn’t have.
“You can’t love me,” I whispered. “You said from the beginning that we’d just have a good time while you were here.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” he said, his voice tight. “And I was a fucking idiot not to realize from the start that it would be so damned easy to fall in love with you. You’re mine, dammit. You’re brilliant and good and beautiful. You’re sexy as hell, you make me laugh and feel alive again… how could I not fall in love with you? How could I not have known that I would?”
My throat ached, even as his I love you and you’re mine swirled through me with all the youthful hope I never knew I had. I’d spent so many years trying to b
e tough, putting up walls, that I’d ignored the romantic dreams flourishing like flowers in my heart. A sweet, secret garden.
I pressed my hands to my face. Rain pounded on the roof of the car. I suddenly realized my wet clothes were cold and clammy, sticking to my skin.
I couldn’t ask him to stay again. Couldn’t stand the idea of trapping a storm even if the storm asked to be trapped.
I wanted to, of course. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg him to stay with me, to live my life and never leave, but I knew well the price of selfishness. I would never pay it again.
“I’ll call Dean to come and get me,” I said.
Archer tensed at the sound of his brother’s name, but he didn’t move to open the car door.
“Ask me to stay,” he said.
My heart broke right down the middle. “You can’t stay. You left home at seventeen, Archer. You’ve been on the road almost your whole life. You need freedom.”
“The hell I need freedom.” He grabbed my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. His features were rigid, his eyes burning.
“I need you,” he snapped. “You are my freedom.”
I couldn’t speak. Love and despair battled inside me, hot and painful. I had never been needed by a man. Never needed one. Never loved one.
Archer released one of my wrists and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a quarter.
“Heads, I leave,” he said, his voice rough. “Tails, I stay.”
My heart crashed against my ribs. The edges of my vision darkened as he flipped the coin into the air. I grabbed it before it fell back into his palm.
Silence thickened the space between us. I heard the sound of his breath, sensed the desperation coiling through him.
Before I lost all courage, before the world could shatter me, I used the only weapon I had left. The one Archer had handed to me the day we met at the university.
“You need to go,” I repeated. I forced my voice to harden. I couldn’t look at him. “It was fun, but it’s over. You’d never fit into my life, Archer. We’re way too different. That’s exactly why it was just a good time. And why it’s time for you to leave.”
My words rang hollow, much as I tried to sound convincing. I clenched my fists, ready to fight again if I had to, but then the car door clicked open. It sounded like a bullet firing. Archer slid his hand beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him.
I searched his unwavering gaze, the pinpoints of light that I swore no one except me had ever noticed.
“I don’t for a second think you believe any of that,” he said, his eyes glittering. “We’re not so good together because we’re different, storm girl. We’re not night and day or sun and rain. We’re so damn good together because we’re the same. And you’ll never belong to anyone else. Ever. Neither will I.”
He released me and got out of the car. The door slammed shut.
I watched through the rain-splashed window as he walked back to his motorcycle. Then, like a cloud spinning into darkness, he was gone.
I looked at my fist and slowly uncurled my fingers. The quarter lay in my palm, flashing in the overhead light.
Tails.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ARCHER
“PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES WITH STRAWBERRY JAM.” Liv extended two paper bags, shifting Nicholas to her other arm. “And some treats from the Wonderland Café.”
“Thanks.” I took the bags and put them in the saddlebag of my bike. “I have plenty of chocolate milk in a thermos, too.”
Liv smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes like it always did. I couldn’t tell if she was mad or sad or what, but then she reached out to hug me with her free arm.
“Have a safe trip,” she said. “I’m really glad you came, Archer. I hope you’ll visit us again soon.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say to her.
I took Nicholas’s hand and gave it a little shake. He grabbed my forefinger. Tight, like he didn’t want to let go. I pulled my hand away and rubbed his hair.
“Later, alligator,” I said.
He blinked. Liv turned to where Dean stood slightly behind her. She touched his arm and started toward the Butterfly House with Nicholas. An awkward silence fell between Dean and me.
“Good luck, Archer,” he finally said. “I’m sorry about everything.”
“Yeah, me too.” I searched in my saddlebag and brought out the medieval King Arthur coin I’d been carrying around for weeks. “I found this in the box of stuff Mom sent me. I don’t know how it ended up there.”
Dean took the coin. “You gave this to me as a birthday present one year.”
“Yeah.”
“I’d always wondered what happened to it. It was a great present.”
I almost smiled. “For you, maybe. I’d have wanted Legos.”
“I know.” He looked at me. “Can I keep this?”
“I brought it for you.”
“Thanks.” Dean closed his fingers around the coin. “I’m sorry, Archer. I know I fucked things up by telling you. I wish to hell I’d never done that. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”
I shook my head, embarrassed by how things had gone down. “Forget it.”
“No, I made a mistake. I didn’t know how to fix it, either.”
“It wasn’t always your mistake to fix,” I admitted.
“I could have tried harder.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but by assuming you’d be happy to take the money after working here… I was thinking like Dad.”
I didn’t get it. “Like Dad?”
“Yeah.” Dean shoved his hands into his pockets. “Whenever I earned something… a trophy or scholarship… he made such a big deal out of it. Bragged to all his friends. And when I wasn’t at the top, like if I got a B instead of an A on a test, he thought I’d failed. It was shitty, being a disappointment to Justice West because he expected so damned much from me. I learned that anything less was the same as failure. It was a tough standard to uphold.”
I guessed it was. I’d known early on that I’d never live up to the standard Dean had set. But I’d never thought he was struggling, too. That it wasn’t easy for him.
“I do know that people can work and do good things because they want to,” he continued. “Not because they expect a reward. And I’d never wanted to think like Dad or be like him.”
“You’re…” I swallowed. “You’re nothing like him, Dean. Even I can see that.”
“I’ve tried not to be.”
“You succeeded. You’ve always succeeded.” For the first time ever, the admission wasn’t followed by the pain of jealousy because I knew my brother’s success hadn’t come without a price.
And he’d been right. I’d had chances to turn my life around. I just hadn’t always taken them. I’d fixated on what I’d lost rather than what I’d been given.
Maybe, at the very least, it wasn’t too late to change that.
“Thanks for everything,” Dean said. “You did some impressive work, and you helped us out a lot. I really appreciate it.”
I looked past him to the house. Even now, I was still glad I’d stayed for a while.
Dean hesitated. “And look, think about the money, okay?” he asked. “Even if you don’t want it, our grandfather set it aside for you. And the reason he did was because you’re family.”
I nodded. I still had the lawyer’s papers. I didn’t want to be an ass about accepting a huge amount of money, but the truth was I’d lived my life the same way for twenty years. I didn’t want or need a house or anything big like that. I no longer had Kelsey to spend the money on. At most, I’d buy a new motorcycle and stick the rest of the money in a bank account.
I scratched my head. “Look, if I take the money, could you tell me what to do with it? You know, invest it or give some of it to charity or whatever. Put it in a college fund for Nicholas. I don’t know.”
Dean’s expression eased. “I’d be glad to help you. Thanks for as
king.”
I turned toward my bike, not wanting to ask my next question. I hadn’t seen Kelsey in the two days since everything had gone to hell. “Do you know if Kelsey is still around?”
“She went to her mother’s place to finish taking care of stuff. Left yesterday.”
I reached back into my saddlebag for a thick, beige envelope. “Could you give this to her for me?”
Dean didn’t ask what it was. He just took the envelope and nodded. “Sure.”
“Okay. Well, see you.” I straddled the bike.
“Hey,” Dean said.
I looked back at him.
“You said you were bad off for a while,” he said. “That you didn’t know how to get help. So what made you go straight?”
“A girl.” I pulled on my helmet and fastened the strap. “Sarah.”
I expected him to ask more questions, but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded, like he knew all about how a girl could change your life for the better and lead you places you never knew existed.
“Maybe you’ll tell me about her one day,” he said.
“Maybe.”
I knew Liv and Dean had had their own struggles. Maybe one day he’d tell me about them, too.
But I didn’t want to hear about them now. Dean had known from day one there would be a happy ending with Liv. Even I could see that.
Just as I had known from day one that a happy ending wasn’t in the cards for Kelsey and me. For her, sure, with someone else. Someone nice and successful. For us, it was temporary. A hell of a good time while I was here.
My mistake for forgetting that.
“I have your number on my phone,” Dean said. “If it changes, let me know, okay? I’d like to know where you are.”
“Sure. Thanks. Take care of Nicholas. Don’t forget about his tree house.”
“I won’t.” He stepped forward. “Come back sometime, man. I know it’s been tough, but maybe… well, it’d be good to see you again.”
I didn’t have a response to that. The idea of coming back and knowing that Kelsey—