“Why are you ducking Michael? He has called here twice looking for you.”
“I just can’t talk to him right now, not after what happened today. I feel too guilty.”
“I know you don’t mean for that kissing episode this afternoon.
You must be kidding.”
“No, I’m for real. I feel so badly about getting weak for Humphrey, especially when I thought I had things so together with Michael.”
“Girl, let me tell you something. It was just a kiss. I don’t care if it made your toes curl and your eyes roll in the back of your head. Sometimes there are people out there who can get under your skin that way. They touch the right places and sometimes they can make you do foolish things, most of which you’ll regret. Take my advice and put Humphrey Pearson in the back of your mind, count that kiss as a good-bye, then go on and call that special man who’s waiting by the phone to hear from you. Do you hear what I’m saying to you?”
“I hear you. But what about the way Humphrey made me feel? Shouldn’t I be concerned that he could still have that effect on me? What would Michael think if he knew I was still so weak?” “I keep forgetting that you are so young at love, Baby. You see
the way Humphrey made you feel today? With a little practice and patience, you can teach Michael to make you feel that way or even better because you have love for each other that goes beyond that physical stuff. And as for what Michael would think, he wouldn’t think anything because he wouldn’t know anything… and that can’t hurt him, can it? And another thing—you’re not weak, you’re just inexperienced, but time is the best teacher. Go on and spend your time with Michael. That’s my advice. It’s your choice to take it or not.”
“Thanks, Ma. I feel a little better, I think.”
I didn’t deliberately ignore Michael or intend to torture him by not calling. I just needed some time to myself to contemplate the conversation I’d had with my mother and to be sure that I could take her advice.
Humphrey had established a pattern of using sexual language to evade deeper issues. In the early stages of our relationship, I’d allowed it because I wasn’t thinking any further than the instant gratification. Michael and I talked more about everything. He was my best friend. I had to remind myself of that. I should be able to talk to him about anything and I knew that the only way to ease my guilty conscience would be to come clean about what was bothering me. I had to make up my mind and decide on what form I wanted to take my therapy in—sexual or verbal communication or if I was smart enough to find a compromise between the two.
It was well into the night, probably about one in the morning, when my doorbell rang. I wasn’t asleep, so it didn’t wake me. But I was surprised. Michael was my only regular visitor so I knew it was him before I spoke into the intercom and buzzed him into the building. When he entered the apartment, he burst into conversation, talking quickly as if he didn’t want to lose the nerve to have his say.
“We moved things too fast, didn’t we? Is that why you don’t want to see me? You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you?”
“Slow down and let me answer each question before you go on to the next one, okay?” I said, “First of all, we didn’t move too fast. If you’ll recall, it was I who asked you to come home with me. I knew what we were coming here for and I don’t regret it at all. Second of all, our making love had nothing to do with me not seeing you today. Something else happened that confused the hell out of me and I wanted to have my head on straight before I talked to you.”
“You saw Humphrey. You don’t have to confirm or deny it. I know you did because I saw him today for myself.”
“Where did you see him?”
“So I was right? You saw him today and now you’re having second thoughts about us.”
“No, that’s not what happened. Yes, I did see him today because he called my mother and asked to come to the house to talk to her and she asked me to be present.”
“He’s one smug muthafucka, that’s for sure. He walked into the Ferguson gallery and when he recognized me, he came over and asked me if I’d seen you today.”
“What else did he say to you?”
“He said, ‘Remember what I told you in New York about sniffing her real good? That bodes especially well today because if you sniff her today, she’s probably got my scent all over her.’ My father asked me who the fuck he was and went off to talk to my homeboy about him.”
“My God. Humphrey is crazy.”
“What happened today? Tell me everything.”
And I did as he asked. I told him everything. I even told him about how hard I tried to fight the flames of desire that Humphrey stoked in me. Michael wanted there to be no secrets between us and neither did I. My conflicted feelings about Humphrey would be dealt with between us like all other conflicts that Michael helped me through. He assured me of that. He promised me that the incident wouldn’t change our relationship unless I wanted it to.
“Do you want to be with him? Did that kiss make you curious enough to want to find out if there was anything left between you?”
“Only for a split second, but I know what and who I want.” “Is it me? Because I want you to be absolutely sure. I don’t want to have a part of you and the rest is with somebody up in
New York.”
“It is you and I don’t want to be with anybody else.”
“I’m not talking about what you want. I’m talking about what is. I’m serious about you. This might seem like something new to you, but this is a life’s dream coming true for me. It’s not new and that’s why I’m so sure. All the kinks of new love were worked out a long time ago. We’ve been through the courtship years already. I don’t want a girlfriend to take to the prom or to hangout with at the movies. I want you to be my woman. Tell me if you can’t be that and I’ll try my best to go back to being just your friend.” “Stop talking like that. I don’t want to be just friends anymore.
Anyway, it’s too late for that. We both knew that we were treading on dangerous ground by changing our relationship status. I’m not turning back now. You asked me what happened and I told you everything. But I didn’t tell you how much you mean to me. I love you more than anything. I think I have ever since you took me under your wing and made me feel special and beautiful. I just never entertained the thought of us as a couple because I wasn’t from your world. I didn’t feel like I was in your league.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say. You have always been the most beautiful girl I know. You never needed money, status or popular parents to help you stand out; that’s what grabbed my attention from day one. I’m proud to be with you. I’d rip my own heart out before I’d hurt you.”
Michael stayed over, but we didn’t have sex. We spooned in my bed and it was the most natural thing. We clicked together just like bobble-head dolls with magnetic lips and before long, I was soothed by his steady soft snore in my ear. I lay awake for hours thinking of ways that he and I could declare our love to the world. We weren’t ready for marriage, but we needed to make it clear to everyone we knew that we were finally an item. It made more sense than any decision I’d made in years.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It was a good thing I had a wedding to plan in the coming weeks. It was a rush job…some colleague of BeBe’s who wanted an intimate evening soiree—quickly. I would need something to occupy my time while Michael worked on his father’s campaign and she was paying me extra for the last minute rush. Working with the happy bride gave me lots of inspiration for planning a celebration of love for Michael and me. I was keeping it a secret from everybody—even my mother, while I booked a room in a downtown social club, hired a caterer, designed the invitations and searched for the perfect gift to express my love.
Everything for BeBe’s wedding was set, too. In the short time I’d been given to plan and schedule everything, I think I did a pretty good job. And she still had two months left to spare. She helped to make it easy because she kn
ew everything she wanted. All I did was help to bring her vision to life. I hoped that I could live up to her expectations. A childhood dream was hard to measure up to.
My little celebration was going to be intimate and small. I’d sent invitations to only our families and closest friends. Total guests equaled twenty-five. I wanted everything to have a personal significance to Michael and me: our framed pictures from childhood, high school, college; our favorite dishes: Chicken Chesapeake, followed by double chocolate ice cream cake. Romantic music by all our favorite artists, especially Jonathan Butler—we both loved him and the fi sweet note of the evening—a proclamation of love drafted from me to Michael and read before everyone.
He’d always managed to know everything I wanted before I could ask so I was hoping to have the same advantage over him on that special night. My little indiscretion with Humphrey had left him doubting our new relationship and I couldn’t have that. I had to use the occasion to reassure him that we were secure.
Mr. Wes had to help get Michael there without any suspicion. He decided to tell him it was a fundraiser for his campaign given by a small group of colleagues. He made it clear that he would do anything to ensure Michael and I were on solid footing.
“If I have my way, Michael will have a bright future. I want you to be at his side. I’ve always been forthcoming about that. I know the final decision is yours and his, but I can actually see it happening for you two. Everybody knows I have political hopes for my son and this campaign is the only way I can groom him without his knowing it. I’m not going to let anything interfere with that…and I do mean anything.”
I didn’t know if Mr. Wes was finding a way to ask me my intentions or warning me to be sure of what I wanted before I played with his son’s feelings. But I felt forewarned, even if a warning hadn’t officially been issued.
“I don’t know what this young man, Humphrey Pearson, means to you, but I see him as a threat.”
The shock of hearing him call Humphrey by name was like a sting. I didn’t have a chance to mask my surprise.
“He’s not afraid to challenge me,” Mr. Wes said, “but he should be. He has approached me on more than one occasion in an attempt to find information on Michael. And he insists on referring to you as his fiancée. He’s very foolish and he has been warned to stay away from my family and me. Please tell me if he comes near you, as well. He needs to stop this bullshit terror campaign and go about his business. Because I’m telling you right now that he will regret crossing me or mine.”
He was riled up after he filled me in on Humphrey’s sordid tactics to hurt my relationship with Michael.
“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why he insists on sticking around Baltimore. There’s nothing else between us.”
“I hope you’re honest about that, Miss Zoë. I won’t have my son getting hurt by this man because he loves you so very much. And from what I can see, Humphrey Pearson loves you, too. You have to make a decision about who the best man is for you.”
He walked away before I could respond.
I felt guilty for Humphrey being in our lives. He’d followed me to Baltimore and had taken a notion that he could get me back anytime he wanted. My loss of control at his first touch didn’t do much to convince him otherwise. His cockiness was arousing feelings of resentment and I never wanted that to happen. I couldn’t bring myself to dislike him. Even when he insisted on doing stupid things to manipulate my life and the people who stood in his way, I couldn’t dismiss the good things about him. It’s true that our relationship had a very physical foundation and that could never be enough but I accepted that I had feelings for him which would never go away. Because of him, I was able to be a better partner to Michael and a better lover. I recognized his actions as being what they were—desperate—but it frightened me because while I recognized the actions, I didn’t recognize the person who doled them out. Somehow, I had to find a way to get through to Humphrey…to make him see that the road he was venturing down would be dangerous and tricky. Mr. Wes was a powerful man and I didn’t want him hurting Humphrey just like he didn’t want him to hurt Michael or me. Humphrey had to go away.
He had contacted my mother again and told her he was staying at the Tremont Plaza Hotel. I was sure that information was meant to be relayed to me and it was. I contacted him at the hotel the day after talking with Wes Franklin. Our conversation had been on my mind all night. The hotel was located across the street from the private club where the party was booked and after finalizing all of the arrangements, I walked over to the hotel and dialed his cell phone number from the lobby.
He didn’t sound surprised by my call. “What took you so long?” he asked. “I’ve been sitting around this dreary hotel for days waiting for your call.”
“I need to see you.”
“Ah…just what I want to hear.”
“This is serious. I’ll be at the bar downstairs for the next thirty minutes and you need to come down here ASAP.”
“So cryptic. What I love about you is your openness, your honesty, your simplicity.
“You mean my gullibility, don’t you?”
“Call it what you will. But your wide-eyed sincerity would make you the object of any red-blooded man’s affections.”
“That naïveté you speak of so fondly is gone forever. So now you can stop gloating about the stupid young bumpkin you took advantage of in Baltimore.”
“I’ve never thought of you as a stupid anything. Why don’t you come up to my suite? I’m in 713. I promise I’ll behave…not one kiss. I promise…not unless you want it.”
“Look, come downstairs. I have words for you that need to be said face to face. I can’t spare much more time. I’ll be in the bar.”
My hands were shaking when I ended the call. At the point of his invitation, a memory of the kiss flickered in my mind. I could see myself with my eyes closed, my hands pinned back to the wall, in complete surrender. Then I heard a moan escape my lips as he took turns sucking first one then the other, nibbling them, eliciting a silent scream deep in the core of my being. And my face grew hot and flushed. I took a quick glance around the hotel lobby to see if my thoughts were obvious to anyone else.
He took his sweet time coming to meet me and when he did, he drew inquisitive stares with more than fleeting curiosity by folks assembled in the lobby and some just passing through. I knew because I recognized those stares. On more than one occasion, I’d been known to take a good long look at him to admire his masculine beauty, recognizing him as no ordinary man. Humphrey was not cute. His magnificence was akin to that of a fine sculpture wrought from granite. He was mannish and rugged with features that were too irregular for conventional good looks: the teakwood complexion, the dark, nearly-Asian eyes and high cheekbones like his mother’s, the wide-set jaw that was a little too square, the full sensuous mouth and slightly cleft chin. The sum of all his parts, however, were enough to make most girls’ mouths water.
He sauntered toward me wearing a white soccer jersey with red stripes down its sleeves, faded blue jeans resting low across his hips, shoes that were styled like cleats and his most potent accessory: his killer smile. His new beard was neatly trimmed and glossy black, a perfect accompaniment to his longer ruffled hair.
If it had been like that months ago, I could imagine…
“Hi, Beautiful,” he interjected, while climbing onto the bar stool next to me. He caught the bartender’s attention, ordered a bottle of Guinness Stout, and then turned his full attention on me.
“Now tell me what was so urgent that you ordered me down here. You made it sound like life or death.”
I looked at him sincerely and said, “It could be.” I looked at my cell phone and placed it face down on the marble bar top. “We have a little over twenty minutes.”
He took a sip of his strong dark ale, then laughed impatiently like he was waiting for the punch line to a poorly told joke.
“I’ve talked to Wes Franklin, and he’s not happy about the
way you’ve been demanding information about his son and me. You’ve been damn near harassing the man and you don’t know that he’s just a step above a gangster.”
It didn’t make me feel good to spell out the association between the Franklins and any criminal element but they had a reputation linking them to both sides of the law. It wasn’t something Michael and I discussed but most people’s relatives didn’t stand trial for crimes like money laundering and bribery. A few of his father’s siblings had. Mr. Wes always seemed to be on the legal side and managed to be portrayed as the good guy with shady family ties. It wasn’t until he made a barely veiled threat against Humphrey that I was really convinced of how tied he was to the darker side of being a Franklin.
Humphrey didn’t act surprised by my mention of Michael’s father. His face showed no emotion until his nostrils flared, hinting at a weakening restraint of anger. Then he took a long swig from his bottle and smacked it down on the bar.
“Wes Franklin just thinks he can intimidate me into leaving Baltimore because he knows I want you back, that’s all. He’s been threatening me, throwing his political weight around, but I’m not afraid of him…and I’ll leave when I’m damned good and ready.” “Perhaps you should be afraid of him. He’s got shady connections down here and I’m not exaggerating.”
“I know. I don’t care about any of that shit right now. I’ve done my homework on the Franklins. They are a long line of crooked lawyers and politicians who have been suspected of doing some foul things. He can have me killed. I know. So what?”
“Stop the crazy talk.”
“Harming me will change nothing about our feelings.”
He was talking like he’d lost his mind. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to meet with him. What I thought would serve as fair warning had resulted in a territorial declaration.
“Nobody’s going to kill you. You know I’m with Michael now and I’m not going to hurt him. His father wants to make sure of that. I want you to go on with your life. Don’t keep hanging around down here because nothing is going to change. I’ve made my decision.”
Sometimes Love Page 20