“Yeah.” I didn’t know what else to say. It was awkward to say the least. I looked at my feet for a moment, and then looked back up, wondering what to do.
“Well.” He looked uncomfortable for a few seconds. “Have fun tonight.” He smiled nervously, reached out and touched my hair. “And don’t forget.” He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I love you.”
I sighed. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Graham.”
He touched my lips with his finger to stop me from speaking. “I’ll call you.” He turned around and walked to his car. I reached for the door handle and saw someone just a few feet away. I looked again and recognized Kyle with a bag of groceries. He must’ve been heading from his car to his apartment, but something stopped him. I didn’t want to presume that something was me, but he was staring my way. He waved with one hand. I waved briefly and smiled. He went on his way, and I closed the door.
Leaning against the door, I tried to shake this stack of feelings I had about Graham. I tried to breathe but started to panic. What was I going to do? There was a time when I would have given anything to have him knock on my door. A time when I loved him without doubt or question. When I trusted him and wouldn’t have given a second thought about how he felt about me.
Then my breath steadied. There was also a time when I wouldn’t have questioned how I felt about him either. And considering I was expecting Colin in about ten minutes, that time was not now. I needed to do some serious thinking, but not this minute. I took a breath and steadied myself, pushed away from the door and went back to my bedroom. I rubbed my temples and smelled a hint of my perfume. The soft notes were just what I needed to calm down. No more Graham-thoughts tonight. I wanted to enjoy my evening with Colin. Tomorrow I would do my hard thinking.
Resolved to put off the inevitable, I heard a second knock at the door. The truth was that although my heart was heavy with Graham’s recent visit, I really did want to go out with Colin. I opened the door without hesitation. And there he stood. I felt warmth flood over me.
“Hi, you look lovely.” And straight out of an old movie he brought his hand from behind his back holding a bunch of wildflowers. I smiled bigger at the sight of them.
“Oh. Thank you.” I took them and brought them up to my nose. They smelled delightful. I realized I still had him waiting on my doorstep. “Come in.” Moving out of the way, I let him pass. I couldn’t help but take in an eyeful. Every time I saw him, he looked a little better. He wore dark pants that happened to really compliment certain parts of him. (I couldn’t help but notice.) His shirt was unbuttoned a couple of buttons, no tie, and his sleeves were rolled tight against his forearms. When he passed in front of me the light hit his hazel eyes, making them look a little greener than usual. I could smell a hint of soap and maybe a little hair gel mixed in. In the office his shirts were always crisp and tucked neatly. His hair was combed to the side and in place. But tonight with the buttons undone and just the slightest tousle to his hair; almost as if he’d just run his fingers through it, he looked…I don’t know. HOT.
“Nice place, Emily.” He looked around my living room, waiting for me to join him. In the kitchen, I pulled a vase from the cupboard.
“Thanks.” I filled it with water and the flowers, and centered it on my kitchen counter.
“When I was in college, I had this ridiculous old apartment with three roommates.” I joined him in the living room.
“No roommates for me.” I couldn’t imagine living with a bunch of people. “My brother and I are really fortunate. Our grandparents help us with tuition and living expenses. We both work for spending money, but everything else is covered.”
“Wow! That’s really cool. Your grandparents sound like fine people. So you’re close to them?”
“Yeah. Growing up, my brother and I spent summers with them. My grandmother is just the sweetest and my grandpa, he’s the jokester. They’re great.” I thought back to how wonderful they really were and how nice it was to have their help. Colin looked content to hear me go on about my family but I thought that was about enough for the first date.
“Thank you for the flowers. That was thoughtful.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, and then there was a pause in our conversation. We both smiled nervously: it was one of those awkward moments when you don’t really know what do to. Do we hug, kiss on the cheek or shake hands. We did none of the above, and I found myself nervously grasping for something to say. Then I remembered my manners.
“Would you like to sit down? Should we head out?” I didn’t know what our plans were, aside from having dinner.
“You know?” He shifted on his feet and appeared a little more nervous. “I know I’m not your teacher anymore…obviously.” He looked directly at me, acknowledging our date. “But can I see what you’re working on over there?” He gestured toward the kitchen table. I had a piece of vellum unrolled with pencils all over the top of it; a work in progress. I relaxed and moved over to the table, motioning him to come and take a look. He moved next to me.
He rested his hands on either side of the drawing leaning into the table. “This is really good Emily. I especially like your use of color.” He ran his fingers across the office building lobby perspective drawing that I’d almost finished. “Usually, I like the effect of markers, but the pencils have a softer feel.” He stood up. “Kind of like you.”
I didn’t expect him to say something like that. I could feel myself blush, and I felt a shy smile sneak across my lips. His smile was more confident than I was.
“Are you ready to go?” He asked. I nodded and reached for my purse on the counter. He gestured for me to go ahead of him. I didn’t remember what he drove so I paused before I entered the parking area.
“Over there.” He pointed. “The white coupe.” As we approached, I noticed the car seemed to fit him. It was a white, new, two-door Honda, but not fancy; sensible and clean. I always defaulted to my brother’s car habit when meeting new guys. Ethan only cleaned his car when he had a date. Otherwise there were books, miscellaneous clothes and other odd assortments of stuff everywhere. I wondered if Colin was like that.
He opened the door for me. I saw no wrappers littering the floor-boards or strange beads hanging from the rearview mirror. There was only one thing in the back seat; a rolled set of architectural drawings. No surprise there. I guess he was perfectly normal. I fastened my seatbelt and reached across in conscientious date fashion to unlock his door. As I looked through the window, someone was walking in our direction holding a laundry basket. Then he paused and met my eyes. Kyle. Unbelievable. His smirk faded quickly. Before I could see what expression would be next, Colin opened his door and blocked my view. I leaned back and Colin took his spot behind the wheel. When I looked out the window again, Kyle was gone. I felt strange and kind of judged. What must he think? First Graham then Colin, all in the space of about twenty minutes.
I had no idea where we were going for dinner. So when we parked by the pier, I was intrigued. Where was he taking me? I almost asked, but it really didn’t matter. I was enjoying his company.
“There’s this amazing little restaurant at the end of the pier. I thought you might like it.” We walked along, side by side with the rush of waves under us and the chatter of kids on skateboards around us. It felt strange, having been in a relationship recently to find this newness again so appealing, and so soon. When we reached the restaurant, I was even more intrigued. It was a small place. Some might refer to it as a shack. We were overlooking the water at a tiny table with a red vinyl tablecloth and a flickering candle in a hurricane lamp. The menu was on a huge chalkboard on the far wall. There were about eight different types of clam chowder, and a few other things. I took it all in.
“I’m thinking the chowder.” I joked.
He looked up from what must have been the wine list, and let out a relieved laugh. I think he must’ve been worried if I would like it. “Have you ever had the Manhattan?” he asked.
&nbs
p; I stared at him blankly. I hadn’t, but I wasn’t afraid of trying new things either. “No. Is it good here?”
“The best.” He tapped the drink menu. “What would you like to drink?”
I was sure he knew I wasn’t drinking age, but I didn’t bring it up. As he asked, the breeze kicked up the edges of my skirt. I reached down, pasting them to my legs with my hands. The breeze was quick and strong, but it wasn’t cold. Typical, I thought. “Iced tea, please.” I said it to Colin, but the waiter stepped up to our table at the same time.
“Hey Colin, what’s up?” The waiter addressed Colin, but smiled at me. “We haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been out of town.” He looked over at me. “This is Emily.” Colin reached toward me and I thought he might take my hand, but stopped about an inch short of my fingers and set his hand down on the table.
“Hey, what’s up, Emily?”
“Hi,” I said, realizing he probably didn’t want to know what was up with me.
“So what’ll it be, Bro?” The waiter glanced at the drink menu Colin was holding.
“I’ll have the same. Iced tea.” Then he looked back at me. “Oh and do you want to try the calamari?” He seemed excited to share this special little place with me.
“Sure.” I said and shrugged. The waiter promptly brought back our tea, quietly this time. “This place,” I rested my hands on the table next to my drink, “is really cute. Thanks for bringing me here.” His eyes widened, and I swear I think I saw them sparkle. He rested his fingers on mine. “Thanks for coming with me.” The combination of the touch of his fingers and the soft sentiment in his voice caused a new feeling to bubble. I recognized it, but it seemed too soon to be butterflies.
Our evening drew to a close far too fast. When he walked me to my door, I didn’t know what to expect. He had been less forward than Graham and even a little more shy than Christian; my only two relationships and points of reference so far. And although we once had a student-teacher relationship, it was already far different. I almost couldn’t remember what it was like before. We were colleagues and friends. And maybe more. All this ran through my head as I fumbled to unlock my door.
With a click and a turn I had it. Before I opened the door, I turned back to him and leaned toward the living room, extending a silent invitation. I took one step in…which turned out to be quite the assumption.
“You know.” He paused looking almost as if he was having a conflicted conversation with himself. “I had a really nice evening with you. It was…” He took a moment appearing to contemplate his next move. I waited to hear him finish his sentence, but instead he leaned in. With his hand on my cheek he kissed me. Soft and quick. Then he paused, our noses almost touching. I felt his thumb glide across my cheekbone. I rested my hand on his chest and kissed him back. Gently, and short again. He backed a few inches away and lifted my hand from his chest, kissing my fingertips. It was sensual, sweet, and unexpected. Like everything else about our evening.
“Can I see you again?” He asked shyly.
“Yes.” It was only one word, but all I needed to say. He kissed my fingertips again then guided my hand back to my side before letting it go.
“Great. I look forward to it. Have a nice night.”
“Good night.” I said quietly. Then he turned and slid his fingers into his front pockets.
“Hey!” I had one more thing to say. He turned back around and waited.
“The chowder was amazing.” I said with a ‘ooh yum” kind of look.
He looked even more proud of himself, laughed and walked to his car. I waited in my doorway and waved as he drove away. I felt good. Really good.
That night I slept well. Better than I had in a long time. No tears fell for Graham, no regrets, and no questions nagged me as I dozed off. I felt, I don’t know, healthy for the first time in a while.
Unfortunately, those feelings wouldn’t last.
SEVENTEEN
Such Men Dilemmas
It seemed like only minutes before I was sitting across from Nicole in our Women’s Studies group. Every time I saw her face I imagined Graham with her. Loving her the same way he had loved me—causing a sour stomach and a low grade headache. Even worse, it seemed she had a brain. We only had two group pow-wows so far, and her ideas were well thought-out and relevant. I found myself hating her more but with just the slightest bit of respect and admiration, too.
Neither of us acknowledged that we had any former association. And that was just fine with me. The less we talked about it, the better. I even packed my books up slowly so she could leave the classroom before me. It was a little ridiculous, but whatever.
Allison met me after my last class for coffee. It seemed like ages since I’d had a decent conversation with her. All of her time was taken up with Ethan. But as annoyed as I was by that, she and he were so happy. How could I argue? Trish saw us at The Bistro and slid her coffee along the table, plunking herself down. Her bangles clanked together as she situated.
“So a date with the teacher?” Trish caught on to what we were talking about. She was such a snot! “What was that like?” She took a sip of her coffee and listened intently.
“He’s not my teacher anymore.” It was the only retort I could think of. Weak, but safe.
“So how was he?” Trish continued. “He’s a hottie, Allison. Have you seen him?” My mouth gaped open at her insinuation.
“Unfortunately, no. Just heard about him.” Allison seemed slighted
“We had a nice time. How was he?” I mimicked her tone. “He didn’t even come in when we got back to my place.” I reflected on our evening for a moment. The girls just stared at me, waiting for the details. “He’s actually…a little shy. Which surprised me because he’s so much older than me.”
“How old is he?” Allison looked perplexed.
“You know, I don’t know.” I looked to Trish for a guess from her.
“He’s not that much older than you. I think I heard someone say he’s twenty-eight.” Trish sipped her coffee again. “Why? Is that a problem?”
“No. I guess not.” And really, why would it be? Ordinary concerns would be that he’s in a different place than me, or that he would expect me to be more experienced. But those things didn’t seem to be an issue. At least not so far.
“So what about Graham?” Trish continued to fire questions at me. Allison’s eyes opened wider.
“You’re seeing Graham again? Emily.” Allison asked, her voice running up an octave.
“I don’t know what’s going on with us. It was weird. He stopped by Friday night, right before Colin got there.” I looked to the side and remembered it. “Then, what makes it worse, it appears my apparent revolving-man-door is putting on a show for the neighbors.”
Trish almost spit her coffee in mid laugh. “Emily! Don’t tell me.” She put up her hand. “That Kyle guy saw the whole thing?” She elbowed Allison and said under her breath, “One of Emily’s contenders.” Allison didn’t smile, but she did look concerned.
“Emily.” Allison’s voice was calm. “You’re playing the field, that’s good. But with Graham too? Are you sure that’s wise?” She had a point.
“I don’t know if it’s wise.” I pressed my fingers against my temple. “Every time we talk it feels awkward and almost forced. Not the way we used to.” I let out a breath. “All I know is that I felt really good after my date with Colin. It was fun and light. Something I really needed.”
“You’re right about that.” Trish chimed in.
“But, Graham? Really?” Allison wasn’t going to let it go, was she?
“Look. I don’t know. I just don’t know if things are over with him. I still love him.” I said shakily.
“But.” Trish and Allison, in unison. Which shook me out of my confusion. Well, I guess they were on the same page.
“Emily.” Allison sighed. “We just want you to be happy. And Graham? I saw how much he hurt you. You don’t really want to go through that
again, do you?”
I shook my head. But even with that realization, I knew I wasn’t completely finished with him. Now, if I could just get past the whole having-to-face-Nicole thing. And then that reminded me.
“Oh, I didn’t tell you two.” I think I saw their ears perk up with the prospect of more information. “I have Women’s Studies with Nicole.” Allison’s eyes bugged, and Trish couldn’t hide her evil little smile even though she tried to tuck it behind her coffee cup. I nodded, agreeing with their silent reactions. As if to say, ‘yeah, that bad.’ “What’s worse is that we’re in the same discussion group. And for the whole semester.”
Trish couldn’t contain herself. She openly laughed. “I’m sorry. Emily. But that could only happen to you.”
Allison, by far the more serious of the two, simply rested her hand on mine. She felt for me, and that helped. But, enough was enough. Time to change the subject.
“So Trish? Did you get that apartment you were looking at?” I directed the conversation away from my life.
“Yeah, I did. It’s so cute. When are you going to come by and see it?”
“Whenever you want. When do you move in?” I asked, trying to think when I might be able to check it out.
“Oh at the beginning of the month. But I can get a key if you want to go before then.”
“Sure, just let me know what works for you.” I said. I could feel the air lift and soften around us. It had gotten warm and thick during the whole men conversation.
I felt a little edgy all afternoon but stayed on campus to get some studio time on my first big semester project. It was quiet and perfect thinking time. I was there for a while when I noticed the room begin to dim. How long had I been here? I looked out the window and saw the sun setting. Wow! Time flies when you’re totally engrossed in your project and your mind is full. I felt my stomach growl and my eyes begin to droop. That was it. I started to pack up.
I wasn’t usually on campus in the evening. It was interesting how everything looked different in the evening shadows. The design studio was tucked back behind several buildings. I circled around the English department avoiding groups of students exiting the classrooms. I usually saw a number of the same people. None I knew personally, but familiar faces I’d recognize on the way to classes. But tonight, no one was familiar. That is, until I reached the steps of the parking garage.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 10